Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 71, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 March 1914 — ENGLISH NEEDS A STRAINER [ARTICLE]

ENGLISH NEEDS A STRAINER

George Fitch Wonders Which Dialect of the Country Is Nearest Correct.

The announcement that a society has been organized, in England for the purpose of disinterring the English language from the English pronunciation will be hailed with deep delight by Americans. This society means much to us. For generations Americans have been accused of shocking crimes against the English language. According to Englishmen, who get more indignant over this crime than almost any other except that of beating England in athletics, we have racked, maimed, twisted, butchered and unjointed their peerless tongue beyond recognition. We have admitted this with sorrow, but when it came to reform we have been helpless. Which one of the 79 dialects and Engllsh spoken in England have we defaced? Has it been Cornish, Yorkshire, Cockney or society English? Has it been Oxford English, Liverpool English, or stage English? Has it been the English which makes “d’s”.out of all the “n’s” or the English which transplants “h’s?” Has it been the English which uses “brekker” for breakfast, or thpt peculiar brand which substitutes “nycher” for nature, "audjlns” for audience, and which says “tup-pence-haypenny” as confidently as if ft were spelled that way? All of this uncertainty has baffled conscientious Americans. In fact, it has puzzled us to the point of paralysis. But now that Robert Bridges, the new poet laureate, who seems disposed to do something more humane than anniversary verse, has headed an expedition for the selection of a real English tongue, we may take hope. There could be no real objection to talking pure English in this country if the English would only agree among themselves upon the test George Fitch In Collier’s Weekly.