Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 63, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 March 1914 — Page 3

HAPPENINGS in the BIG CITIES

Whole Deal Struck this Clerk jas Real Funny

CHICAGO. —Warrant Clerk John J, Gardner of the court of domestic relatione has ministered to the troubles of thousands of married couples since he became an aid of Judge TJhlir, but none of the misunderstandings were as

"He struck me," replied the woman, angrily. : “Who struck you?” demanded Gar oner, who is used to hearing such complaints. "John Struck,” snapped the woman. Gardner appeared peeved. "Sure, John struck you,” he said, "but there* are a lot of Johns in this city. Who is he?” , N ■ “He’s Struck,” the woman attempted to explain. "He’s Struck,” said Gardner. “Wdll, who strtick him? What is this, a free-for-all fight?” “Nobody struck him. He struck me, Mary Struck,” explained the woman. Patiently Gardner repeated the statement aloud. He turned it inside out, walked all around it and tried to get a little light on the tangle. "See here,” he finally exploded, “is this some joke? Tou say that nobody struck him. John struck you, and Mary struck. Who did Mary strike?" v It was plain that the woman pitied Gardner because he-couldn't under- , stand such a simple proposition. "Pay Attention,” she demanded. “My husband, John Struck —that’s his name—struck me, Mary Struck —that's my name. Can’t you understand English U; A light burst upon Gardner, and he made out a warrant for Mary Struck, against her husband, John Struck, 1645 North Wood street, charging that he struck her. . It was very simple after an explanation.

Part the Bronx Plays in Greater New York City

NEW YORK. —Greater New York consists of five boroughs. And if yon should manage to squeeze into a Bronx express in the subway you probably would conclude that all of New York’s millions live in the Borough of

Bronx and only go to the other bor* oughs on business or for social purposes. “ There are several ways of reaching the Bronx, but the most unpopular route is via the subway. Both local and express trains run to the Bronx. The local trains stop at every station on the way and take about an hour in'transit. - The express trains stop between stations and take about an hour and a half. But, as was stated,

New Yorkers are natural born gamblers, and most everyone traveling to or From the Bronx tries to get into an express on the chance that it will make better time than a local. Sometimes the expresses do beat the locals by, about two minutes. People who reside in the Bronx sometimes move to Harlem. Ip the social climb, the route begins, for example, in a clothing store in the East side, where push-cart markets decorate the streets. Prom the lower East side the 'prosperous retail merchant moves to the Bronx. He has thus elevated his social status. When he becomes sufficiently wealthy for his daughters to resign their positions in the department stores w'here they sell ribbons, and for his sons to attend the City College of New York instead of continuing their study of the tailoring trade, he moves to Harlem, and the family craft is launched upon the social sea.

Cupid’s Tolls Remain Unpaid; Talker in a Cell

NEWARK, N. J.—Absence made fonder the heart of Douglas Whittaker shortly after midnight the other morning as he wrestled with sleeplessness in his room in the Holland bouse. Douglas, who is eighteen and lives, when

“Tell him I’ll be finished in a minute,” said Douglas. In time he hung up the receiver and walked down to the hotel office. “How much?” he asked the clerk. “Oh, I guess a dollar’ll cover it,’’ was the answer, “but I might as well ask central.” “That’s a good idea,” said Mr. Whittaker. It wasn’t such a good idea—for Mr. Whittaker —as the operator announced that hfe had been talking for one hour and three minutes, the charge for which was $24.40.” / “Gee,” Douglas whistled. “I haven’t got over 51 cents. You’ll have to take that.” “Who put that foolish idea into your head?” the clerk asked. He sent for a policeman, and Douglass was arrested.

Glove Counter Fussed Up When Actor Comes In

PITTSBURGH, PA. —He was an actor; if proof of identity were needed, the astrachan-collared topcoat and silver-headed walking stick (summer weight) were sufficient. As he breezed up to the ladies’ glove counter in a

downtown department store a blonde fairy sporting an aquiline nasal appendage recognized him. Thud! Instantly business at the gljve counter was at a standstill. Hey, girls,” piped up the blonde with the noticeable nose; “pipe that guy that Mazie’s waitin’ on. He’s a actor and plays in the stock company. Me’n Myrtle Harlin seen him play a swell part las’ week. I guess he ain’t workin’ this week. Gee, ain’t he a

■well looker, though?” Like an ignited powu<_.- train this startling lutormation spread throughout the department. Selecting a pair of ladi's white kid gloves, the actor ordered them wrapped f«Jr mailing and then tendered a bill in payment. But this wasn't all. There was change forthcoming; and when the hero had departed, one of the stricken ones had courage to ask Mazie what priced gloves had beefi purchased. '‘Oh, be ain't nothin’ but a cheap skate. He got a pair of them 79-canl (kings and told me to take all the cost marks off.**

momentous as one which confronted the clerk the other day. Gardner was dreaming about the opening baseball game whep he was disturbed by the appearance of a woman who wanted a warrant for her husband’s arrest. “What’s your name?” queried the clerk, mechanically. “Mary Struck, and I live at 216 East Ontario street,” answered the woman. "What’s the charge?” asked Gard-

at home, iff Winthrop, Masts;, was thinking of a fair person in his home town and decided that the only way he could overcome his restlessness would be to call her on the telephone. He made the call from his room. The clerk, whose eye was on the white tab in the switchboard, at length grew weary and sent a bellboy up to ask Douglas if he expected to terminate the conversation before Washington’s birthday.

THE EVEXING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

This is Marie Cole of Urichsville, 0., aged fourteen, who raised 112 bushels of corn on one acre of ground, more than double the amount raised by the farmers in that neighborhood. She was the only girl in Ohio to win in the corn-raising contest and beat all the boys.

SPENDERS GOING OUT

Sons of Rich No Longer Buy Motor Cars for Girl. i Restaurant Is a Failure—Gotham Palace Planned for Private Dining Room Trade Got Off on Wrong Foof. New York. —Every time the Case de Paris blows up—it detonates like a bomb twice a year—sonie one blames it on the shirt front. “When it began as the Case de I’Opera it got off on the wrong foot,” say these pessimists. "The imported manager allowed that only evening dress would be permitted after milking time. New Yorkers are intensely patriotic. They resented the idea that it was necessary to go to London to find a master of feeding.

THE ‘FUTURIST’ GARB OF MAN

French Society Woman Arrays Herself in Startling Costume at Ball in Paris. Paris, France. —Here we are at last. A charming young woman who arrays herself in the “futurist” costume of

The “Futuriet” Garb of Man. man. It was but one of the many costumes seen here at Magic City, Luna park, when over a thousand members of Parisian society garbed as subjects of the shah of Persia disported themselves at the Persian ball. The lady in the “futurists” garb of a man la Madam de Baasanvllle.

CHAMPION CORN RAISER OF OHIO

Also, they may like to dress up like plush fire horses, but they do not like to be ordered to do so. So the place failed.” All of which is piffle. Other importations—Paul Poiret and that count person who introduced the form fitting pants to us, for example—have New York swooning in utter admiration. And New Yorkers most happily get into the 1776 rig at other places where it is required. And western patrons usually begin dressing in the cab on the way up from the depot. The truth Is - that The first smash Was caused by poor service. Those which succeeded it are to be blamed on the fact that New York is sobering up. ... “The architects of the case,” said a Broadway philosopher, “planned it for the private dining room trade. Brokers and sons of brokers and rich men from small western towns —plus their chorus girl affiliations of the moment —weie to bfe catered to. What New York’s night livers know as ‘parties’ were held ,in these embossed and silken retreats. The feminine guest who didn’t find a SIOO bill in a walnut felt she had been defrauded. Guesjtfi Of only moderate digestive capacity usually were taken out on the freight elevator.” Iff those very halcyon days one popular musical comedy star kept books on the offerings of her friends. Year in and year out she found herself between $30,000 and $40,000 to the windward, between the gems and automobiles and other junk given her. A big Wall street operator gave ten shares of * certain stock, worth par at the time, to his feminine guests one night. Another presented ten chorus girls with dingle dangles for their necks one evening. The man who then got their money at the pump have found for the most part that the well has run dry. The fathers’ sons of today may not be tightwads, but they’re anything but looee. The heir of the greatest fortune in town has a Sunday school class, the next in line keeps getting into sociological discussions, the third is working in a railroad office and the fourth is busy all day in his own brokerage establishment. Chorus giris who kept high priced cars five years ago now find it strains the bank roll to sustain a bicycle. So—with the private dining rooms catering to the Sweeney trade—the Case de Paris found “Its architectural limitations 'a heavy handicap. Too much highly valuable space had been wasted. Not that there isn’t plenty of spending, but, compared to the old daye, fit is of the "Zip, there goes a nickel!" sort. For which the dance craze is largely respohßible. Every restaurant on Broadway is doing a capacity business until one o’clock every night aDd, with highballs at 40 cents and a spoonful of Welsh rabbit spoiling eix bits, the net results ought to be satisfactory. Nor is one o’clock in the morning a fixed limit. One restaurant dances 24-hour Bhlfts, with just a pause for the barber during the afternoon. Half a dozen shove the terpsichorean curfew into the discard on occasion. 4nd the dance mania is increasing. This week one vaudeville theater announces that dancing will be permitted In the lobby during intermissions. Modern dances will likely be, taught at the recreation centers hereafter. The charity ball—which was at one time puritanic to the verge of woodenness —is to permit the tango and the hesitation this year. It is true that the charity bail isn’t exclusive any more, unless exclusiveness is to be defined as the ability to ride In a wagon built like a pilot house. No. The whole trouble is that New York’s spenders have eewed fishhooks In their pockets. Which fact has been noted by visitors from foreign shores.

Miss Emmy Wehlen, the Viennese star of musical comedy, said the other day that all the European Capitals are cluttered up with young men who seem to have nothing to do but see that their friends enjoy themselves. While in New York the young men have either worked so hard that when night comes they are barely able to keep from going to sleep with their fatigued faces in the dinner plates, or else they display an almost bigoted preference for beer as a beverage. But Miss Wehlen sees a bright spot. “The old men of New York,” says Miss Wehlen, “seem to have plenty of money and time —and everything else except a disposition to go home.”

MOST ALL GIRLS ARE BRUTES

Ferris of Michigan Makes the Shocking Statement Before Teachera’ Convention. Owosso, Mich. —"None can praise Helen Keller or Laura Bridgman any higher than I have over the achievements to their credit Miss Keller can stand up on a platform and talk. But there is a French girl more wonderful than either —Miss Huertin. We must remember that Helen Keller was in possession of her faculties until

Gov. Woodbridge N. Ferris.

she was nineteen' months old and Miss Bridgman until she was twenty* six months old. This French girl was deaf, dumb and blind from birth. “The great credit for the achievements of Helen Keller should go to Anna Sullivan, her teacher who took the child, Helen Keller, a Ifttle wild savage, a brute, tor that is what sbe was, and made her what she is.” There were gasps at Governor Ferris’ unconventional way of putting the case, but the teaehers of Shiowassee county in convention here applauded vigorously. “Does calling girls brutes shock yon?” queried Mr. Ferris, smiling. “Well, that's what most girls are. and I am glad of it. They are alive and I want live things about roe; something that will fight when it is the proper time to fight. Oh. roses without thorns and lilies without mots are confoundedly poor things.”

Man Can Control Weather.

London. —Control of the weather by man is possible, according to scientists who suggest electrical control of the atmosphere by which rain or sunshine can be brought.

Ministers Work as Carpenters.

Scranton, Pa.—Forty ministers, attired in overalls, worked as carpenters to help build the Billy Sunday tabernacle.

[WHABIT j J . . —— T\ ~/n Let’s pretend we’r*i /it/ satisfied \f With the world am Jf • 1 Grod has made ■/ Jj ML »t us cease to bo{ r sad-eyed, /tTtC «;gv hs cease to; 4 : //\ - - lliilit *• afraid -It r (rs) A,ay b * dismal by? 1 .in ■! j|,y V. Or that storms: may come tumor-1 y ' :J- row; 'lu'*There Is gladness] crfe rTSy J that we might, S \2- V If we tried to do* vl Sf’’bort<rw"tld, K !-«et as for a littloj JjV " I while Give up frettingi and ‘n«r*„et us try to Farnf. >M\/ to smile H IJk Sometimes eve*; when It’s raln-i . v I/4 Let us cease to' - V* fsl magnify -* M, Care till we have t\l* made It double; 1 *\l * l We may borrow. If: ■ X we try, - ' ' • 1 X Hopefulness In - # ; f stead of trouble. f ~- I Let's pretend that PC: ■ ■ Va, nothing's wrong, |- 1 fT When we bave no | i| »l cause for fret|j U| Jr\ ting; ft l '** * < 1V ns cease to drag I j» along . X ■ Troubles we should be forgetting; Let us bravely thrust aside Fears such as possVas the rabbit; Alaybe, after we have tried For awhile, we’ll get the habit.

Misjudged.

“Myrtle,” said her father, “I want you to send that young Smitherton about his business. I won’t have him coming around here any more. I don’t like him.” “Why, father, I can’t see what you can have against him. He is awfully* nice, comes from a very flfie family, doesn’t use tobacco and he never touches a drop of any kind of liquor.” “That’s all right. I don’t like him. He hksn’t any sense of humor, and I don’t believe a man who lacks the sense of humor can ever amount to much." “But he has a sense of humor. After you had gone upstairs last night he said you were the funniest thing bo had ever seen.”

MERE OPINION.

We onoe knew a mag who could smoke a cigar for three hours, keeping it lighted all the time. We don’t remember what else he was noted for. It is no unusual thing for a man to . think more of his stomach than of heaven. Some men think they have only to learn to write their names illegibly in order to achieve greatness. The man who quits when he has enough does so because the undertaker interferes. 9 Money talks the dead languages, as well as all the rest.

A Trying Time.

"There have been few times in the history of our country when we hare been confronted by so many perplexing problems as at this time. There is the army on the Mexican frontier, for one living. The danger of war with Japan is another matter that we not lose sight of.” "Yes, and, more important still, the matter of getting a third baseman for our team has got to be settled without any delay.”

Never Dull.

“It must be awfully dull living in a town of this size. What do you ever do for excitement?” “Dull? Say, you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I don’t believe there’s been a minute durin’ the past year when we haven’t had some kind of a church scandal goin’ on.”

ALL SHE ASKED.

Glorious Spring.

We gladly sing Of Joyful spring When every morning’s When life’s a song And days grow long To help us save on light.

Deserves No Sympathy.

“The price of champagne is going __ ~ *- ■ up. ‘Let her go. This Is a case where I positively refuse to sympathize with the ultimate consumer.”

True Politeness.

“What is your idea of true politeness?” / “Exhibiting an interest in the talk , of one who has nothing to say.” $

It Worked.

“How did you get your wife to cow- . sent to name your baby after you?” "By protesting that I wouldn’t let them name even a dog alter me.”

“Tell me that I may hope,” be pleaded. "All right" she replied, “hope on, but don’t ask me to feed your hope with a spoon.”