Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 January 1914 — Page 2

WIT and HUMOR

FIND PLEASURE WITH MONEY

Being Too Busy in Hoarding Up Wealth, Americans Spend a Large Portion of It on Politicians. The objects of pleasure are two In number. First, to kill time, and, second, to keep us from doing something else which would make us more miserable. The pleasures of the American people, roughly speaking, are likewise twofold; namely, making money and spending it Some people derive all their pleasure from making money, and others all their pleasure from spending it Others combine the two. Being an inventive people, the Americans have created many ways of spending money. Being too busy making it, to spend any time on the drudgery of running their' country they spend a large portion of it in supporting the politicians. This, indeed, ‘is one of their chief pleas,ures. And their superb sense of humor enables them to enjoy intensely the accounts of what all the politicians are doing, which enterprising papers publish from day to day. The Americans have other pleasures, but compared with this one they' are mostly trivial. —Life.

A Mild Diversion.

“My wife is treasurer at our house and it’s difficult for me to hold out any money. However, she sometimes trusts me with a dollar bill and I contrive to hold out the change.” "Doesn’t she remember to ask you tor it?” % "Not always. I relate some little diversion to occupy her mind and distract her attention.” .*' ■ “How do yon manage it?” "Last time I told her that her father had set fire to the house.”

A Heedless Husband.

"Their eay that marriage iB a community of interests, but my husband has no consideration for me. Yesterday he lugged a total stranger home for dinner. Not a word of warning. Is that any way to treat a wife?” "Oh, that wasn't so reprehensible. You could easily rustle up something for dinner.” “But there wasn’t a thing in the house. I had lost the matket money at bridge."

A Careful Couple.

"Well, here you are in your cozy bride’s nest The flat looks fine.” “Yes; we buy a little something every week." “And have you ordered a piano yet?” l “No; we haven’t ordered a piano. We thought we wouldn’t buy anything as expensive ae that until we found out if the marriage is going to be permanent.”

SAVING UP.

Stenographed—The bookkeeper, I think, is going to get married!: ! Invoice Clerk—How do you know? Stenographer—He walks to wofk, ■mokes a pipe and eats ten-cent lunches. J l

Good Enough for Dad.

“Madam, we had to amputate. Your husband will now require an artificial limb. A good one will cost several hundred dollars.” / / - “It’s simply a case of a wooden leg. Isn’t it, doc?” "WeMU madam, you might so specify It” “Dad ain’t used to much. I’ll just saw a leg from an old tablfe we have la the garret.”

Played Out.

V She--My dear, I haven’t got a decent rag to put on. Me—You needn't try that old ragjtlme tune with me. x

Her Little Joke.

He (on piasza)—The bum of these .darned mosquitoes is getting monotonous. She—lt Is; they bore me dreadfully.

QUEER CAUSE FOR DIVORCE

New York Man Suing for Dissolution of Marriage Tie Because His Wife Put Soap in Soup. Why is divorce? There’s a question capable of puzzling most Of us, don’t you think? Of course some of us can answer it in a single sentence or two. More of us require several large volumes to contain a full reply. And when we get them written some one is sure to supply a fresh cause for divorce. Take the case of that New York man who is demanding the dissolution of the marriage tie because his wife put soap to his soup. He has added somewhat to the literature of divorce. And he has revealed a new form of cruelty. Soap as an article of diet is not to be highly-re-garded. By most persons it is considered not only offensive, but dangerous. And what Is more, the average man probably feels that he nats enough soap in the barber shop to satisfy his needs. Any added by his wife is likely to be regarded as superfluous and to arouse a peevishness that may not easily be stilled. —Detroit Free Press.

Sovereign Remedy.

Mrs. Keepup majle it her private and particular business to have whatever her neighbor had, whether it was a question of chickens or diseases, so when Mrs. Gotthere complained t£ her one day of insomnia, Mrs. Keepup was ready for her. “I have it, too, very badly at times.” „ "What do you do for it, Mrs. Keepup?" “Why, I have never found anything that did me any real good except go to bed and sleep it off.”

MAYBE ARREST AFTER ALL.

Bank President —No; the cashier’s gone out of town. • ——— Qaller —Gone for a rest, I suppose? Bank President (absently)—Don’t know whether he’s gone for a rest or to escape iL

At the Smoker.

“Who is the fellow talking with such a grandiose air?” “That’s Jimpson. He’s just been out west for the first time and he’s full of his subject.” “Who is the unassuming person who listens to him so patiently?” “That’s Whipple, the explorer and big game hunter. He’s been around the world a dozen times or more.”

Pleasantly Put.

“There 1 is something In your latest novel, Scribbles, that :reminds me of Thackeray.” “Oh, thank you, Blffels. You flatter __ _ »t me. "Yes, in one chapter you have something to say about bouillabaisse and I never see the wortl In print that I don’t think of Thackeray’s famous poem about bouillabaisse.”

Misinformed.

“The world is full of people who think themselves competent to give advice on how to conduct a newspaper.” “Quite so.’’ . “And yet I ran across one of those individuals the othhr day who thought a space writer was a person whose chirography was exceptionally bold and free.”

To Indorse It Later.

“A great change has taken place in women.” “Yes?” “The old-fashioned woman nearly fainted if anybody said ‘leg’ Instead of ‘limh’ In her presence, but the modern woman can sit through a performance of a ‘sewer’ play without once having recourse to her smelling salts.”

Not to Be Downed.

__“A man told Dobbs on the street the other day that Dobbs didn’t know the difference between an ornithologist and an entomologist.” “What did Dobbs do?” “He assumed a wise look and said the difference was chiefly In the spelling.”

A Rare Performance.

“Jlbway 1b an unusually modest man." “Indeed he is. Why, Jlbway can climb down from a Pullman car while his train hesitates at a little country station and Walk up and down the station platform without looking as if he owned the railroad."

Away Up.

. * 9 > v “He used to be at the top of his profession. but one day he fell and he will never again occupy his former exalted position.” “You surprise me. What was his position ?” “He was the apex of a human pyramid’ with a team of acrobats."

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

This bronze tiger, two feet long, made by A. P. Proctor, is to be presented to President Wilson by the Princeton class of 1879. It Is a copy of the two big tigers that guard Nassau hall at Princeton.

OHIO GOVERNOR WINS FIGHT

Buckeye State Executive Succeeds in Establishing prison Farm in Commonwealth. Columbus, O. —Due to the efforts of Governor Cox, Ohio is to have a prison farm similar to the one proposed for Milwaukee county. The governor does not believe in the present prison system in that he thinks it does not give an incarcerated person a chance to become a better man. He says there is no criminal class. The so-called criminal, he says, is only a poor unfortunate who has fallen into the wrong course of life. “We find that the farm is absolutely necessary in saving the man who has

Governor Cox.

done wrong and who goes to prison,” said the governor. “Man needs sunshine and fresh air, just as a plant does. “Ohio’s new penitentiary is going to be operated along the lines of scientific penology. We intend tq operate It on a business basis, but, above all, we are going to make men, And not only shall we have those who are sent to It, but we are going to make an intelligent effort to find out why men commit ci imea.‘ “We irtend to try to learn the causes that lead men into the wrong course at *1 if we can learn these causes, seciety can begin the work of removing the causes.”

LIVE WIRE SINGED HIS HAIR

Pennsylv tnia Trainman In Great Good Luck He Was Not Half Inch Taller. Glensl )e, Pa. —All the hair on top of the head of William Tennent, a trainma.i on the Trenton Cutoff railroad, vas singed off when his head was grazed by an electric wire charged with 2,300 volts. The accident happened while Tennent was stand mg on top of a boxcar of his traJn as it passed beneath a bridge at Corson’s station. As the wire grazed his head Tennent was hurled flat on the top of the :ar, partly conscious. He fell parallel with the car, but not to the gTound, and when the train reached Whitemarsh station other trainmen ' were sent back to investigate. They found that heavily charged wires of an electric company passing under the bridge bed had sagged at least three feet, and that the gases and soot from engines had eaten away the insulation. * Tennent’s bead as he stood ,on the boxcar, was “flush” with the sagging wires, and if he had been a half inch taller or If the wires had sagged half an Inch more he would have received the full force of 2,300 volts and been .nstantly electrocuted.

Weds at Noon, Dies at Midnight.

New Hochelle. N. Y.—Miss Florence doschet and John W. Morrison of Westchester, Mass., were married at noon-. At midnight Mrs. Morrison was s widow. Morrison died from apoolexy

HANDSOME GIFT FOR PRESIDENT WILSON

SOLVES LIVING COST

United States Fosters Co-Opera-tive Stores in Alaska. Bureau of Education at Washington Helps Natives of North Country Protect Themselves From Exorbitant Traders, Washington.—Co-operative stores, owned and managed by natives, are fostered wherever possible in Alaska by the United Statee bureau of education, which has charge of education for the natives of Alaska. In this way the bureau helps the natives protect themselves from those traders who charge exorbitant prices for food and clothing and pay as little as possible for native products. In the small villages even legtlmate marketing expenses are a heavy burden unless there is some form of co-operation. These co-operative attempts have been a decided success. AtUydaburg, in southeastern Alaska, where the United States school teacher has general oversight of the co-operative stores, the natives were able, after 12 monthS'of business, to declare a cash dividend of 50 per cent, and still have funds available for the erection of a larger building. •‘The Klawock Commercial company, also under native management, was able after nine months of existence to erect a new store building from its surplus. At Klukwan also the natives have organized a co-operative store. : 7—7 Native stores have for several years been In successful operation at Cape Prince of Wales and on SL Lawrence island, where the natives buy food at reasonable prices and are assured on an equitable exchange for their furs and other products. A more recent example of co-opera-tion is at Atka, a remote island in the Aleutian chain. Formerly rough lumber cost SSO per thousand and shingles $8 a. thousand on this island, and clothing and food supplies were correspondingly high. On the other hand, the natives were poorly paid for their labor. For each of the few blue fox skins the natives could catch they received from the trader goods averaging $8 in value. at public auction in Seattle, these skins brought from $17.10 to $66.50 each, according to quality. In April of this year, with the help of Seattle merchants and officers of the revenue cutter service, a co-op-erative company waß organized under the direction of the United States public school teacher, and now the natives are doing their own buying and selling with considerable advantage... jto themselves. Eskimos on the shore of Bering sea and the Arctic ocean have until recently had tq market through local traders. Now many of them are sending by mail packages of fox, lynx, mink and hair seal to the Alaska division of the bureau of education at Seattle, and The government officials ■sett-the furß for the natives at public auction to the highest bidders. Natives in Tatitlek co-operated In salting and exporting Salmon during the past season, under the instruction of the local government teacher, with the result that they havq not only netted SI,OOO in cash, but have also put away 76,000 pounds of emoked salmon for winter use. Co-operation in Alaska has been aided by the policy of reserving tracts of land for the exclusive use of the natives. On this land the natives build up their own Industries, safe from the evil influence of unprincipled white men. Hydaburg is a reservation settlement;' Klukwan has recently obtained a similar reservation upon which to cpnduct its co-operative enterprises

DR. WALKER LASHES WOMEN

Declares Suffragettes That Visited President Simply Wanted to Show Fine Clothes. Albany. N. Y. —The women who appealed to President Wilson in Washington recently to help the suffrage cause were given a tongue lashing herd by Dr. Mary Walker, who called at the state caplto! with a bill enfranchising women which she wants introduced. Doctor Walker said: -“The women who went to Washington to see t!\e president, went to show off their flne x clothes. There was no reason for their bothering the president.' These women take the money of other women to go dowu there to make a showing."

MRS. VANDERBILT FLEES LAW

Noted N. Y. Society Woman Avoids Arrest as Violator of the 6ame Statute. Spartanburg, 6. C.—Members of a shooting party, among whom -were Mrs. Alfred G, Vanderbilt and other women guests of Isaac E. Emerson, intent upon, enjoying the sport on his game preserve, Arcadia, neqr Georgetown, S. C., left hurriedly on board a special train when they were informed that A. Richardson, chief game

Mrs. Alfred G. Vanderbilt.

warden, was preparing to arrest them for violating the game laws of the state. The law provides that nonresidents of the state must obtain special permission to hunt wild turkeys and quail. The game warden succeeded in obtaining,the name of George W. Ewing of Baltimore, but the others, among whom were Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell Henry of London,' Mrs. Vanderbilt, Capt. Emerson’s daughter hy his first wife, and Mrs. Francis Huger MeAdoo, Mrs. Emerson’s daughter by her first husband, escaped.

100,000 VOLUMES OF RECORDS

House of Commons in London Hat - Unique Collection of - Blue Books. London.—To many people the House of Commons library would present the spectacle of shelves laden with good looking books but never a book to read. The collection of official reeprds is' the most complete of Its kind, with the exception of that in the British museum. The dusting jtione of the 100,000 volumes occupies nearly six weeks. All the latest blue books and the legislative enactments of every selfgoverning colony are being added to the miles of shelves and catalogued in readiness for the first unexpected query. The Federated Malay states, for Instance, may cable at any moment for the words used by statesmen a century ago on colonial expansion. In many respects the House of Commons -library is unique. It contains all the parliamentary journals from 1547, the earliest records being in manuscript. There Is the original death warrant of Charles I. and the journal from which Cromwell tore a page of proceedings. Not a single novel finds a place In the collection —not a paragraph of fiction in the million pages of official doings!

FRESHMEN STEAL HOP SUPPER

Rutgers Sophomores Forced to Replace Refreshments Did 8o With Much Bpeed. „ New Brunswick, N. J.- -The freshman close of Rutgers tried Its best to spoil the sophomore bop and stole the supper, but the sophomore committee furnished another supper in such quick time that few of the dancers knew what had happened. No one knows how the freshmen accomplished the theft, but after the dancing had gone oii for an hour or so it was discovered that the refreshments had disappeared. . Except for this slight bitch the hop 'was unusually successful. , _,\ The faculty .has not placed a ban on the tango, and thet dance shared the boners or the evening with /the hesitation waits ana tb» “kitchen sink.” .

God Covering Adam

B, rev. JAMES M. GRAY. D. D. Dean of Moody Bible laMaU. Chico

TEXT—And unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them. —Gen. 3:2L

“the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked” (Gen. 3:7). At once they took steps to conceal their shame by (making for themselves aprons of fig leaves. How Inadequate was the provision,! And so we read that, later on, after their trial had been held, the penalty pronounced, and, blessed be God, the hope of a Savior held out to them, their need in the particular was also met. The text suggests the plan. A lamb was slain-, Its blood was shed, and its covering appropriated for the guilty pair. The whole circumstance is not only a beautiful, but a most important symbol of God’s dealings with the sinner In the spiritual realm. L Sin is an eye-opener. And this may be said even though it is equally true that the sinner is blind. How often he starts on a new career of ininquity, expecting satisfaction and pleasure, ouly to discover himself woefully disappointed and deceived. Happy is he, if at such a time, the power of the Holy Spirit works within him that deeper conviction of what sin really is and does, that may lead him to sedk eternal salvation, from it. * 2. The awakened sinner, not infrequently attempts by his own revising to rid himself of the consequences of sin. The fig leaves he employes are good resolutions, the temporary relinquishment, of some bad habit, the giving up of some form of v£e, staying at home nights, doing some deed of charity, attending church, perhaps "professing religion,” as it is sometimes called. 3. God only can cover the sinner’s sin. “Not by works of righteousness which we have- done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, *nd renewing of the Holy Ghost, which he shed on us Abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior.” This Is Paul’s testimony to T'ltus, and It is the experience of e/ery soul that Is really saved (Titus 3: 5,6). 4. God covers our sin by a method oi his own. As the prophet Isaiah sings; “I Will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of rightbousr ess” (Isaiah 51:10). 5. God obtains this covering es . lghteousness for us by the offering up of the life of the innocent for the guilty. “He spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all” (Romans 8:32). made him to be sin for us who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him” (2 Corinthians 6:21). Do we not see how purposely God’s covering of Adam symbolizes jvhat he is ready to do In the case of any fallen sinner who realizes his need? Do you realize yours? Are you toying vainly to help yoqjself, to cover your own spiritual nakedness? Why not accept God’s covering? Why not take Jesus Christ as your Savior by faith? It is so easy to do thlß. As an unknown author has said so beautifully: You ask me how I ever came to Christ? I do not know; There came a longing for Him In my soul So long ago. I found earth’s fairest flowers would tads and die. I yearned for something that would satisfy; And then at last somehow $ seemed to dare ' , To lift my broken heart to Him in prayer. I do not know, I can not tell you how; I only know He Is my Savior now. L i ■ You ask me why I ever came to Christ? ’ I can reply: It is a wondrous story; listen while I tell you why My heart was drawn at length to seek His face. ~ I was alone, I had no resting place; I heard of how He loved me, with a love Of depth-so great—of height so far above All human ken, I longed such love to share. And sought it then ■ Upon my knees In prsyer. You ask me why I thought this loving Christ Would heed my prayer? 1 knew He died upon the cross for me, I nailed Him there. , „ I heard Rls dying cry. "Father, forglver l saw Him drink death’s cup that I might live; My head was bowed ,upon my breast In shame. He called me, and li« penitence I came. He heard rtty prayer—--1 cannot tell you | how. . Or When, or where; Only I love Him now.

It is written in. Scripture that God “cbvereth himself with light as with a garment” (Psalm 104:2), and there are some who think we have a suggestion here of way in which our first parents were covered before the fall. But if so, they lost their outer glory with the inner, fc# no sooner did they commit sin, than