Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 January 1914 — Page 3

The Basement Philosopher

By KENNETT HARRIS

(Copjnitht 19H. by W. G. Chipmtn) The Janitor, uncomfortably attired in his Sunday diagonals and stiffly starched collar, and chewing a badly unraveled cigar which he had been unable to light, appeared suddenly to his Scandinavian assistant, who was industriously tinkering the valve of a water faucet at the work bench.

“So I’ve caught you, have I?" said the Janitor, sternly. “Monkeying around as usual, 1 see, the minute I turn my back. I can’t go off and enjoy a friend’s funeral —something that I don’t indulge in once a year—-with-out you taking advantage of'it to neglect your work. Well, it ain’t no more than what I expected. ‘Got all the work done,’ have you? Yes, you have! TThS Sidewalk looks like it. I bet you ain’t washed it off since morning. Washed it off at noon? Well, what if you did? Don’t you suppose it’s been walked on since then? Think everybody’s going to turn off and take the middle of the street just because you slushed a little water on it one time? You’ll be tilling me the grass was cut laßt summer as an excuse for not running the mower this year. What did you suppose me and the estate is paying you wages for? * “ ‘Thought I’d be pleased for once,’ did you?’’ the Janitor repeated, with a glare of Increased severity. “See here, Nels, my friend, when you talk that Way, it sounds like lip, and I don’t like no lip from you. Get me? What did you think I was going to do? Take you out and buy you a drink? Give you a geld wateh with your initials in diamonds on the back and an engraved testimonial inside the case? Call a mass meeting of the tenants and tender you a vote of thanks? Pleased! “Oh, sure I’m pleased,” continued the Janitor, sarcastically. “I'm tic Med most to pieces to come back and find the building still standing right where I left it. I didn’t make no mistake leaving it in your charge. You looked

“NOW I GO TO DE AGENT FOR MY WAGES. GUD BYE!"

after It all right, all right. You ain’t let nobody cany it away. Not a brick missing as far as I can see. Say, don’t you think I’m ungrateful, Nels, because I ain’t Fm struggling to hold back tears of joy and keep from tagging you. Of course you might have shoveled that ton or two of coal into the ojther bln like I told you yesterday, K you wanted to. kill a little time. Instead of fooling with things that you ain’t got the brains to understand. But I ain’t offering that as no criticism. Probably somebody told you you was a plumber and you didn’t have sense enough to know that they was joshing you. You ain’t to blame, most likely. “What’s that? ‘Got it all fixed,’ have you? Well, ain’t that nice? I don’t guess you’ve put in more than half a day on it either. A dollar’s worth of work on a ten-cent job, that’s your idea of economy. Fine! Some of these days I wouldn’t be surprised if you get that coal fixed—and the sidewalk. And you ‘thought Fd be pleased for/ once.' Say, ‘pleased’ ain’t no word fcnp It. I feel like %oing out and celebrating. ‘Ain’t put in more’n ten minutes on it, yourself T Your’e a wonder! I guess it ain’t never occurred to you that you could get quite a start on that coal in ten minutes. “Ten minutes don’t seem much to a bone-headed mutt whose time ain’t worth nothing,’’.the Janitor resumed, after a slight pause. “He don’t stop to figure that there ain’t only sixty minutes in an hour and ten hours in a day’s work. Let me tell you something, Nels, my friend: It didn't take George Washington ten minutes to sign the Declaration of Independence, and I’ve seen a fire put out in lees tlmf. That As tor kid can earn more money in Interest oh his capital in ten minutes than you could in a week fixing water faucets. I don’t say he could if you was a regular plumber, of course. That’# different, but the point is that time's money to a man if he knows how to use it “Oh, you ‘ain’t even took time to eat your lunch!’ Fierce! That accounts for the way you’ve lost flesh since I seen you last No wonder your clothes is hanging loose on you and your cheeks is all fell in. Three •o’clock now, dose on, and nothing passed your lips sinoe breakfast and .then I’ll bet you didn’t eat more than Jive or six pounds Of solid food then. Of oourse you oouldn't be expected to isbovel ooal, and you was probably too tweak to lift the hose out to the sidewalk. I ain’t et nothing sinoe breaklast myself, ooma to think of it but thin I never did eat oftener than a

horse turned out to pasture. B*y, you i begin easy with a teaspoonful of sons at a (Erne when you do eat. Go at it gradual. Perhaps yon ain't took time to sleep either. Just as like as not yon got bo feverish and worked np over them few chores I left you to do that yod couldn't no more than close your eyes and breathe hard. Now see here, Nels, this ain’t right. You’ve got to think of your health, ITrst thing you know you’ll have nervous prostration and have to go to a rest core. I’d be In a nice fix then, wouldn’t I? Fd have to work ten minutes longer of an evening If I didn’t hire the mate to you. ‘1 don’t like to have to tell a man that he’s a chuckle-headed loafer,** pursued the Janitor. **l ain’t no kicker. Td sooner pat yon on the back and say a kind word to you than not. I’d take pleasure In going to the agent and recommending you for a raise of wages if it didn’t go again my conscience. If you showed any disposition to do anything except loaf and chew the rag with the lady helps, if you had any git-up to yon at all, if yon was a man or half of a man, If—Here, keep your coat on, Nels! What are you going to do, you chuinp? Don’t you know when a fellow’s josh—” The Janitor dodged as the enraged assistant came at him with blazing eyes and flying fists. After that he did the best he could for his weight and size, but he presently found himself on his back on the coal that the assistant had neglected to shovel, blinking out of two badly swollen eyes. The assistant had already left the basement, but came back at that Instant to thrust his shock head Into the doorway. “It hass nod dake me ten minutes,” he said. “Now Igoto de agent tor my wages. Gud bye!”

REASONS FOR NOT WORRYING

Bring Summer Philosophy to AM When the Hot Weather Disturbs ___l One's Equipoise. We are getting only what comes to us at this season, and the less we think about the heat the cooler it yill seem. Summer philosophy Includes these suggestions among others: Provide your physical system with plenty of

moisture of the lemonade and local option variety. Provide your mind with wholesome, kind and charitable thoughts and keep it cool by remembering how much warmer it is in some other places— Hades, for instance. Eat little and “cubs’* less. The less meat and other heavy stuff you eat the better you will feel, and the more money you eta save for your vacation trip. And the less you “cuss” the lower the thermometer will register. Look upon the boiling process in the light of a Turkish bath, or a medical prescription. A lot of bad things are being stewed out of you, and you are getting the treatment free—just think of that! Finally, try to do a kind turn to somebody else who is not so well off as you are. That will help mightily to make you happy, and if you are happy you will not care a snap about the thermometer. —Exchange.

Tempering the Water to a Lamb.

There la a certain lawyer In this city whose income from hia practice is nearer SIOO,OOO than $60,000, says the New York Evening Post He is known as the keenest and readiest of cross-examiners, and a man of profound learning eg well as common sense. Yet he oonfesaes that it took one year for the fact to flash upon him that he had been the victim of a most egregious piece of simple trickery. This, his colloquy with the clerk in a haberdashery store, will explain it: Eminent and Brilliant Lawyer—l want to buy a bathing suit Small Clerk —Yea, air. (Sorts out several. All are of ordinary woolen except one. This, by far the most expensive, is of a heavy knitted kind. Lawyer remarks that he is to spend summer in Maine.) ,Eminent and Brilliant lawyer— Why is this one so heavy? Small Clerk—That la for bathing in climates where the water Is very oold, sir. We sell many to persona who go to Maine. Eminent and Brilliant Lawyer—Ah, it’s lucky I learned this. I’ll take the heavy one. (Buys salt and walks out One year later the truth flashes on him.) \

Ignorance Doesn't Matter.

“Why don't you talk tha tariff?** “I don't know anything about tha tariff." "Umphl If tha ,aT*ra«a man in this oowxtry wars Ilka yon thara would ba a sharp daarsaaa tax tha p l "***"* ad talking dona.”

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

PRIMA DONNA IN LION’S CAGE FOR “MOVIES”

Mme. Emmy I)estinn, the worid-famoua prinia donna, recently played the most sensational part of her life. She is shown here with “Hercules,” one of the six Hagenback lions, in whose cage she appeared during the performance of “Lowenbraut” (the Lion’s Bride). “Lowenbraut” is a photo drama for the moving pictures and was played in Berlin, Germany. Mme. Destinn says the lion acted just like an angora kitten.

PUNTS OF SIBERIA

Explorer Hunts New Seeds in Siberian Weeds. Finds Forages That May Be Grown in Northwest—Discovery of Hardy Red Clover and New —— Mongolian Wheat.

Brookings, S. D. —Another advance toward the conquest of its prairie uplands has been made by South Dakota, Prof. N. E. Hansen of the State C6l- - of Agriculture and Mechanics Arts has just returned from a fourth trip to the wilds of Siberia, bringing with him one mid five-eighths tons of hardy alfalfa seed, an amount in excess of his own and his friends’ fondest hopes when he set out on his expedition last May. The seed is of the hardy, upright, yellow flowered Siberian alfalfa, Medicago falcata, which has already proved its worth in the western parts of South Dakota, and even far up into Canada, and it was to get additional supplies of such seed that his state sent him abroad, t —~

On previous trips to Siberia for the department of agriculture at Washington, D. C., Professor. Hansen discovered the yellow flowered alfalfas, and brought home quantities of the seed to be tested in this country. The seed was distributed and tried under varying conditions. In the high and dry regions of South Dakota, after long and painstaking trials to develop seeds and plants, it was seen that these alfalfas were a discovery of first importance and that, used largely, they would add immensely to the value of South Dakota lands.

The problem was to obtain more seed- -The people of the state were eager to solve this. Consequently the last legislature passed two measures, one providing $15,000 for further experimenting with seeds and plants under a nursery system adapted by professor Hansen to the varying conditions of South Dakota, and the other providing SIO,OOO to send' Professor Hansen to Siberia to gather such a crop of seed as he could on the open steppes in regions he had previously explored with success. In both of these bills Professor Hansen was named as the man to conduct the work.

Having put his nurseries in the best of order by a vigorous spring campaign, Professor Hansen Bet out May 29 for Siberia. He hoped to obtain possibly a ton of the kind of seed he was after. He arrived at Brookings Saturday to announce that he had obtained more than a ton and a half, besides many other things that he'believed would be of great value to the people of his state. On his way east Professor Hansen went first to St. Petersburg, where he obtained his passports. Then he hastened to Moscow,' where he secured interpreters and organized his expedition. By the Trans-Siberian railroad he took his party to Omsk and thence southward to lower Siberia, into a country of great extremes of heat and cold, where the rainfall averages from eight to nine Inches. . Moving out by wagon train among the nomads he organised native alfalfa gathering parties and set to work.

The uqprk was by no means easy. The horses of the expedition were wild and unruly, wild animals at times gave a good deal of trouble and the problems of the commissary were not without dlfllcaitiea. The diet of the

party for the most part was limited to mares’ milk, fat tailed mutton, broom corn and coarse wheat bread. Alfalfa seed was by no means all that Professor Hansen obtained, however. A find of exceptional value, in his estimation, is that of a hardy red clover, from a region where the rainfall is about eight lncfcd# and where there is little snow for protection, and the mercury frequently freezes:- Of this seed Professor Han Pen brought back 142 pounds. With this experiments will be made with a view to adding a new clover to the crops of South Dakota.

A new species of sweet clover was another discovery of importance. This is large seeded 1 and red stemmed, grows tall and erect add is more palatable than other sweet clovers. With the increasing interest there is just now in sweet clovers as a forage the development of this Importation will be watched with great interest

A new wheat has also added to the list as a result of this trip of Professor Hansen’s. It is a Mongolian wheat and has a very large kernel. And along with this comes a large, white seeded millet, which gives generoup yields with only an eightinch rainfall. This is the “corner stone” of dry land agriculture in Siberia and is used as a food for both men and beasts. Among Professor Hansen’s horticultural discoveries on this - trip is one of special note. It is a new hardy cherry.’ With this to work upom by crossing and selection a hardy cherry for cold western states may within a reasonable time be developed.

MITCHEL GOT NATIVE VOTE

New York Clergyman Tabulates the Fusion and Tammany District Returns of Election. New York. —Rev. Walter Loidlaw of the population research bureau of the New York Federation of Churches has

John Purroy Mitchel.

prepared a table showing the results of an analysis of the mayoralty campaign by assembly districts in terms of nationality.

‘HOW I TANGOED WITH TEDDY’

Chicago Girl Tells of Good Time on Steamer That Roosevelt to \?M South America. 1 Chicago.—Here are a few facta about Colonel Roosevelt which the jpdblic might never have known had hot a .pretty Chicago girl divulged them:. • The colonel, is an expert dancer, and a ready pupil in the mystic mazes oi the tango. He is really a handsome man, if you view Ijlm from the proper angle. He Ib supreme in the gentle art of small talk.

He is "just simply the greatest man that ever . lived.” . Miss Sfabel Shaw is authority for these statements concerning the colonel’s attributes. Miss Shaw arrived at Rio Janeiro “after a trip on the steamer Van Dyke, which carried Roosevelt and his party on their South American voyage. Im letter to her mother, Mrs. Helen Shaw of 1133 Granville avenue. North Edgewater, Miss Shaw waxed enthusiastic over the virtues and graces of the former president. . “I’m just wild to meet him, mother,” she wrote before the Van Dyke sailed. “We’re so lucky to be on the same boat with him. Do you think he will notice me?” ■ ... ... And then later: “Well, mother, dear, it’s happened, and he’s just wonderful. The other night we were all dancing in the salon and Colonel Roosevelt, just like a high school boy, came up and bowed to me, and asked if be mightn’t have the next dance. Of /course, I was flushed to death, but 1 tried my best not to let him see it. "Mr: Roosevelt is a dandy dancer. He told me lots of things about his while we were gliding over "the floor, and really, mother, it was too marvelous for words. Then he asked me tb tell him about myself, and I told him of my ambitions to be-

come an opera singer, and he was so kind. Sajd he was sure there was no one who deserved success more than I did, and encouraged me so much. He’s a perfect dear. "Later in the evening I sang before the whole ship’s company at Colonel Roosevelt’s request, and the men got together and gave me a lovely bouquet of flowers."

Ship Tree by Parcel Post.

Franklin, Pa.—A tree eight feet long, with a radius of four inches, was shipped via parcel post by Albert Bunnell, a fanner, to a friend in Ohio. The branches were bound closely to the trunk.

The parentage of the leading elenjents in the 16 assembly districts carried by Mr. McCall is shown to be Irish in eight districts, Russian in three districts and Italian in five districts. In the 48 assembly districts carried 'by John Purroy Mitchel it is shown that In 30 the majority of voters are native whites of native parentage, In three districts the leading element are of Austrian parentage, In five districts of German parentage. In eight districts of Russian parentage and in two districts of Italian parentage.

MINISTER IS FOUND DAZED

A,lf Nak.d, h. Said Ha Waa WalkIng to Atlantic City to Bwlm. New Brunswick, N. J.—Rev. A. Arthur Andetson, a Methodist Episcopal clergyman of Warner, N. was found in a dazed condition here wandering along a road on the outskirts of the town. «

He was almost naked, and explained his lack of clothes by saying be was walking to Atlantic City to take a swim before calling on President Wilson in Washington. He said he intended to walk all the way to Washington, because of ill treatment received from a conductor of a Pennsylvania railroad train earlier In the day, • He had left the train near this place, attracting attention as he did so by staging and shouting hymn*

Snubbed, Father Commits Suicide.

Chicago.—The eon of Thomas Nuba, a plumber, failed to Invite the father to his wedding. Naim, Br., believing that be bad been snubbed, committed suicide by ga* *

The Great Christmas Gift

By REV. JAMES M. CRAY. D. D.

Dm Maodr BMa laatiM* a iurn

TEXT*—For God so loved the world* that he gave his only begotten eon, that whoeoever bejieveth on him, should not gerleh, but have eternal life.—John S:tS

part of the Bible they translate into heathen tongues or teach to heathen people, and we may believe that it has won more souls to Jesus Christ than any other collocation of lnspfred words that can be named. Its theme is human salvation, and it tells us of God’s great Christmas gift to the world.

1. As a revelation of salvation, it speaks first of the source tofi it—" God so loved the world.” There would have been ho salvation without that love. What God saw in us to love, while we were yet sinners and rebels in his sight, passes human understanding; but doubtless, it was what we might become In Christ through his grace, and not what we actually were that moved that love. At all events, we must not give currency to the thought of some that it was the sacrifice of Christ that made God love us. This Is to caricature his grace, because the very opposite is true, as we see in the next place. 2. The text shows the ground of our v salvation,, which is the work of Christ —“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son.” Gave him, that is, as a sacrifice and a substitute for us., In vain did God love us except as his wisdom and grace should provide some way for the putting away of our guilt consistent with his own character of holiness, justice, and truth. This way be found in tba offering of his son, who "was wounded for our transgressions,” and “bruised for our iniquities,” and with. whose “stripes we are healed" (Isaiah! >6315). God thus can be just at tha same time that he is “this justifler of him who believeth on Jesus" (Romans 3:2«).

3. We have,, further, the means of our salvation—“that whosoever believeth on him should not perish.” To believe is to exercise faith, but faith Is more than mere knowledge or assent, It is absolute trust or reliance. Ton are on an ocean steamer, let ns say, and as yon go to bed you read a notice that a life-preserver Is under your berth, or over your head. That is knowledge, but not faith. You are informed that If belted around your body It will keep you afloat te water, which you admit. But that is assent and not faith. In the middle of the night when the collision occurs, and the vessel is sinking, and you belt the life-preserver around you, and plunge into the sea, that is faith. You then trust yourself to the lifepreserver, putting your reliance upon It absolutely and only. Hare you yet done this with reference to Jesus Christ and your salvation? X 4. We see the need of salvation—"that whosoever believeth on him should not perish.” To "perish" does not mean to become “annihilated" simply, or go out of existence. It that were all, then we had as much punishment for sin before we were bora, or before we ever sinned at all, because we were not then In existence indeed, but In separation from God and all that that Implies of conscious loss, and disappointment, and misery, and suffering. Christ gives us a picture of the perishing In the story of the rich man and Laxarsus, Lake 16:19-31, which you are urged to read again in order that you may be moved to lay hold of him ere It la too late. 6. We see the blessing of sal ratios In the words, “hut have eternal life.” This agrees with the teaching la another place. "The wages of tin Is death; bnt the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23). Here “life” means not merely a continuation of existence, but that existence carried on in the favor of God. in the joy of hie presence, la the freedom of his service, and as a sharer In an Inheritance which includes all things. Ttfu good things of this Mfe are only a shadow of the reality beyond.

Preachers for Prisoners.

The day ought net to be long distant when the churches of all denominations will regard the prisoners as 4 mission field worthy their own attention and support; whan they will refuse longer to plane the state te the for*thede j

l Martin Lnther used to call this verse "The Little Gospel,” because it gathered up within itself so, concisely and yet comprehensive 1 y, the good news of Christ's salvation. 1 What . verse It better known, or more often quoted than this, and 1 what text has been used to preach more sermons! Missionaries tell us that It is’ the. first