Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 305, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1913 — The Knocker. [ARTICLE]

The Knocker.

After God had finished the rattlesnake, the toad and the vampire, hb had some awful substance left, with which he made a knocker. A knocker is a two-legged animal with a corkscrew soul, a water-logged brain and a combination backbone made of jelly and glue. Where other people have their hearts he carries a tumor of rotten principles. when the knocker comes down the street honest men turn their backs, the angels in heaven take precipitate refuge behind their harps and the devil bar-locks the gates of hell. —Missouri Brunswicker.

Hard to Understand Woman. ■ "O, you can’t please a woman,” he said, disgustedly; “it’s no use trying.” “What’s happened now?" “I met that pretty Miss Sweet in a dark hallway and kissed her. I didn’t think she’d mind, you know.” “And she did mind?" “Well, she pretended to be very angry, so I thought I’d smooth things down by telling her that It was all a mistake; that I thought she was somebody else.” / "And then?” “Why, then she really was very angry.”