Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 276, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 November 1913 — Page 2

HER FAD-AND HIS

By CLYDE PARSONS.

If every man, old or young, has a fad — and we know he has; If every_ woman, old or young, has a fad — and we know she has —why blame Miss Nora Lee for having one, too? It wasn’t a great big fad, and one to keep the police busy and the babies on the block awake o’ nights, but a reasonable fad, and was not seriously objected to even by people with a grouch. , Miss Nora waß not a moving picture fiend; she did not go to ball games more than twice in a season; she did not attend *tbe races at all’. Her fad was—cats —dogs, rabbits? Not at all! She lavished her affections on a goat, and he wasn't anything of a beauty at that. In fact, he was a scrub goat. He was built on the lines of a saw-buck. He was homely from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. He remained gaunt despite the food set before him. He evinced no gratitude for her love and care, and he wasn’t a bit proud when he was led along the street with yards of blue ribbon streaming in the breeze, and a silver bell around his neck. Mistress and goat were bound to attract attention when they walked out. Adults stared, small boys indulged Tri levity, and dogs seemed to have a longing to try conclusions with ‘■Billy.” However, a fad wouldn’t be much of a fad unless it attracted attention, and while Miss Nora tried to look calm and unconscious, there is no doubt that she felt glows of pride as she caught such remarks as: “Did you ever!” “Can you beat it!" “Why don’t she love a hippo!” “Hasn’t she a father or a mother?” * r A hobble skirt and a pet goat — thunder!” Miss Nora’s father was dead, and her mother’s objections to her fad carried no weight. “Does Billie bite any one?” the daughter would ask. “Of course not" “Does he bark and disturb us?” *“No.” “Does he cost any more to keep than a dog?” “I guess not.” “He isn’t handsome, but isn’t he better looking than a bull dog?” “Y-e-s.” “Then what’s the matter with my keeping a goat?” “It’s so unusual.” “Wasn’t the split skirt unusual two years ago?” Living half p mile away was Mr. Burt Wiltshire. He had a fad. t~Jnstead of leading a goat about the streets, he, led a pig. It was a black pig with a red ribbon for a collar. It had been trained so it could be led like a dog. That pig was also an innovation as well as a fad. The police had tried to suppress it, but the courts had held that it had the same rights as a dog and was not half as dangerous. . . : Like the goat, the pig attracted much attention when out for an airing, and like Miss Nora the young man at the other end of the lead received such expressions from the public as: “Is he an escaped idiot?” “Does he belong to a side-show?” “Can the pig tell fortunes with cards?” It might have ben figured out by a mathematician that there was just one chance in ten thousand that the girl and her goat and the young man and. his pig would ever meet on the--street in a head-on collision. That one icbance came to them. It was so willed by the Destiny that shapes our ends. At nine o’clock one morning Miss Nora and her goat were taking a promenade for their health and other reasons. There was an abandon about them that was charming. That is, they occupied most of the sidewalk, and their motto was, the public be hanged. At the same hour Mr. Burt Wiltshire and his educated black pig set out for their stroll. They had heretofore taken one particular direction. This morning they took a new route. Destiny would have it so. “Get on to the goat!” “Where'd he get the pig!” “That’s the latest thing at Newport!” “Oh, Lord, what things we do Bee .In a town!" As the public exclaimed the human and animal objects gradually approached each other. They finally met There was no record in sacred or profane history to go by —no society rule laid down in the blue or red book. Therefore the jim dandy goat and the educated pig bumped against each other. "Sir!” demanded the girl. “Miss!” replied the man. ’ “You have got a nasty pig there!” "And you have a villain of a goat!” “Don’t you dare let your pig—!" “And your goat—!” It was too late. No work on natural history—no writer on heart throbs in the yellow journals, has told us that when a pig and a goat meet there must be a deadly conflict, but a record has been made with this story. The goat was the attacker but the pig ' stood to bis guns. The goat used his horns and hoofs; the pig used his snout and teeth. “Call your pig off!” "Call your goat off!” “Your pig began the fuss!” “Your goat began it!” “You are no gentleman!” “You are a pice young lady!” k crowd gathered. That crowd

made remarks. It made reiharks to the girl and to the young man. It gave advice to the goat and to the pig. It advised the goat to pin the pig to the fence with his horns and hold him there until life was extinct. It advised the pig to remember Bunker Hill and go in and make a whirlwind finish of iL Not until the police came did each owner gather up the remains of hfs animal and quit the scene of the combat. Their glances expressed nothing but supreme indignation as turned away. It was so plain that they wished each other destruction in some awful form that a chauffeur who had •stoped to witness the affair while the meter went right on recording, felt called upon to express himself: “Gee! but 'sposen he should fall in love with that girl some day! How she would turn him down!” -— r: . And it happened. It was bound to happen., Destiny wouldn’t have missed such a golden opportunity for all the old second hand hats in Boston. A fad is acquired as easily as a cold In the head. Some run about the same length of time —some a little longer. but they are bound to be abandoned for something else. Miss Nora Lee got home from the scene of that traged disgusted with her goat and herself. It wasn’t the same goat with which she so blithely set out an hour before, and she wasn’t the same girl. She found herBelf hoping that the goat would jump the fence and take' himself off to be seen by her no more. Then she would buy a parrot or a tame crow, or a squirrel with a wheel in his cage. She might even turn to a French bulldog or an alligator from Florida. And Mr. Burt Wiltshire reached home to telephone to the nearest butcher: “Say, now, do you want to buy a pig?” “Yep. Got one for sale?” “I have.” “How much?” “If you take him away at once you can have him for two dollars.” “All right—he’s mine.” Mr. • Wiltshire also determined to drop his pig-fad for another.lt might be for a donkey or a camel —he would think it over. And one day two weeks later the girl without the goat and the young man without a pig met face to face on the street. Each wavered. ■ Each halted. Each blushed and was confused. “ —I want to beg your pardon!” he finally managed to Say. “And I want to beg yours,” was the reply. “It was all my pig’s fault.” "I believe my goat began the row.” “It was so sudden that—that —” “The same with me.” “I have sold the pig.” “And my goat has got away, and I don’t want him back.” And then and there came a new fad for each one. It was interest in a human being of the opposite sex. (Copyright, 1913, •by the McClure Newspaper Syndicate.)

Songs of Today.

Where is the present-day “popular song” that may be compared with “Annie Laurie,” or “My Old Kentucky Home,” or “Sally-ini Our Alley?” Nay, where is the present-day popular song that has more than an off chance of being remembered or sung a single year hence, let alone remaining a favorite for a generation? Nowhere. In songs, as in so many other matters, the one desire just at present is to get the applause—and dollars —of the moment. If a “bearcat” dance or a kJoppily sentimental ballad attracts attention to Itself and Income to Its inventor, nothing more is asked or expected. So of “cubist art,” which is -flferelv lunacy on canvas; so of tenderloin plays. The one thing required Is not that they shall be true, or beautiful, or thoughtful, or enduring; but that they shall make money. It is strange that an age like the present, which has so many superb achievements to its credit, and which is more deeply imbued with the sense of human brotherhood than any preceding time in history, should have come to this sorry pass in matters ’of art and recreation. -

Learn Wisdom From the Savages.

A lay sermon by ■William Allen White: “A young cub, who has fifty thousand a year. Is In trouble in New York —young lady trouble. Which is natural enough. Any youth who has fifty thousand a year to spend is going to get Into trouble spending It. Work is the thing that keeps youth straight; work is the one medicine that cures youth of its vast and stupendous folly. If a young man has fifty thousand a year to spend, he has no more chance of being decent than a monkey. In South Africa, In the interior, the native custom provides that all the young negroes shall go to bed at dusk in tree houses reached by ladders, and the smart old men come and take the ladders down. But give a young man $50,000 to spend, let him sit up nights, and give him access to the ladder at all hours of the night, and he will go to the Bad Place sure. Can It be that the African savages know more of life than we do?*’ \

The Oldest Separator.

“T see you keep a cow?” "Yep.” “Got a separator T “Yep.” “What paake?” “I’m It. I separate the Cow from her milk twice a day."

Mind the Viddera, Sammy.

Old Sage—Look out for the widows, my boy. Young Snip—l shall certainly try to avoid having one of my own, sir.

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN. RENSSELAER, IND.

INDIAN WHO SIGNS THE PAPER MONEY

Gabe E. Parker, the Choctaw Indian from Oklahoma who has been sworn in as register of the United States treasuryTH shown in the phetograph at his desk in the treasury. Underneath is a reproduction Of his signature, which will hereafter appear on all paper money. Mr. Parker is oneeighth Choctaw Indian, and resigned as superintendent of the Armstrong Indian school in Oklahoma to accept this office.

PURITAN ANCESTOR

Had a Powerful Influence on the American People. In Hla Original Home He —Favored “Direct Action” and In the Western World Built on Empire— What He AccomplishedNew York. —In a great many affairs that go wrong today the social mlrded detectives do not say, Cherchez le femme; they say, Cherchez the puritan ancestor. That dour figure in sugar loaf hat and buff jerkin and breeches striding on his way to church with his flintlock and his Bible, Is responsible for an extraordinary number of tjiings that now afflict us. He stands in the way of a minimum wage, of Sunday baseball, of the uplifting of the Btage, of the speedy solution of the white slave problem, the divorce problem, the saloon problem, the eugenics problem, the 1 a. m. lobster palace problem, and a good many other problems which, the theatrical managers on Broadway are aching to solve, but are not allowed to. The cavaliers despised the puritan ancestor because he spoke through his nose. But that was a minor fault. The real sin is that he refused to speak at all. He Is the original patentee of the conspiracy of silence to which all our ills are due, as contrasted with the happy nations of the continent where there is no conspiracy of silence on all these fascinating topics, and consequently these problems do not exist. The puritan exalted salvation at the expense of conversation. thus failing to perceive that the latter Is the indispensable condition of the former. If he had not been so afraid of calling a spade a spade, we should now hare a flourishing literature and drama and art, and we should have done away with the social evil, even as conversational people like the French and the Germans have done away with it. Considering that the truth alone can be the basis of true progress and civilization It is astonishing how many things that whining, hypocritical puritan ancestor accomplished In his day. In his original home in England he had not been going many years before he cut off the head of a king, sent another king packing about his business, and in other ways pursued a policy of “direct action” that should appeal enormously to W. D. Haywood. Crossing the Atlantic, he helped to lay the foundations of an empire. For a man who hated to call a spade a spade, it Is remarkable how well h? could use that familiar agricultural Implement. He used it to dig up the ungrateful soil of a rock bound, frost-bitten commonwealth. Later he shouldered his spade and. still speaking through his nose, but for the most, part faithful to his conspiracy of silence, he dug up the more grateful soil of the Mississippi valley and the western prairies and the Pacific river valleys, with occasional deviations to the pickax when he struck the orebearing lands of Colorado and tbe Sierras. He did not lose the early habit of carrying his flintlock Into tbe field. He ÜBed it in Kansas, and five years later he was carrying It over a thousand miles of battlefield. In his own hypocritical way h» called it a fight for free institutions against slavery. When the war was over he went back to farming and railroad bullying, persistent in his churchgoing habits and the tl aditional conspiracy of silence. W® are forced to the conclusion thfit the puritan ancestor fared better than he deserved and builded bet-

ter than he know. Else how can we explain the surprising fact that, In spite of his aversion to discussing sex phenomena arid Sex rights, he created a form of society in which woman attained a prestige, a freedom of action and a scope of opportunity such as she had not known in previous ages. Let others explain how the puritanic ancestor, laboring under the handicap of atrophied conversational powers, ignorant of the works of Ellen Key and Oliver Schreiner, succeeded in working out a theory that it is man s function to labor and provide, and woman’s function to expand and enjoy. The task is too difficult for the present writer. Nor can he explain this other startling fact that, without any knowledge that this is the century of the child, without explicit recognition of the sacred duty he owed to the future of the race as embodied in the child, the puritan ancestor, wherever he went, built his schoolbouse and his church simultaneously, and after the schoolhouse he erected high schools, and after the high schools he created universities, and stinted himself In order that his children might go to these universities and might have more money to spend than was good for them.

LITERATURE IS FOOD FOR CAT

Chicago Feline Destroys Magazines and Papers, and Defies Guns, Dogs and Poison. Chicago.—A cat —a ghostly, incomprehensible animal that thrives on poison, dogs, bullets and walks In and out of traps unscathed —has furnished Chicago with mystery, which borders on the uncanny. Each night during the last five months a malicious and predatory feline appears at a stationery store, sometimes alone, sometimes in company with fellow cats. Then follows the digesting of anfagazines and stationery. Hundreds of dollars worth of stationery and magazines have been ruined by the weird animal. Hundreds of attempts to trap, poison or shoot it have been futile. Traps have been set—-large traps, traps which might snare a bear and traps delicate enough to capture a rat. They have been found In the morning overturned and sprung but without a cat

YOUTH IS STRANGELY CAUGHT

Alleged Highwayman Has Foot Ensnarled In Smoke Regulator of Chimney. New York.-—After escaping three bullets sent after him by a policeman In pursuit, a youth charged with highway robbery found himself strangely trapped, hanging from a foot ensnared in the tin smoke regulator of a chimney with his head dizzily swaying 30 feet or more over a stone paved alley. He was caught In the chimney of a two-story building in Brooklyn by a policeman who had pursued him. The youth is George Cusach, seventeen years old. He and two other youths sre accused of holding up and assaulting Dominick Berqulst, a carpenter.

Aged Man Does Foolish Thing.

Patchogue, N. Y.—While waiting to catch boys whom he supposed to be responsible for putting cartridges on the trolley tracks here, John L. Burman. a motorman, saw a seventy-year-old man place a line of cartridges along the rails and wait for'the car to pass over them. The aged man was warned to “cut out” his boyish pranks.

MOUNTAINS VANISH OFF MAP

Brown and Hooker Peaks, on Old Ca> \ nadlan Profiles, Cannot Be Found. Winnipeg.—That Mount Brown and Mount Hooker, traditional monarchs of the Canadian rockles, which were supposed to guard Yellow Head Pass, and which were, first mentioned 66 years ago by Dohglass, a botanist, do not exist has Just been proved by Alfred Mumm and Geoffrey Howard, English Alpinists, who have been investigating mountain regions in the neighborhood of Mount Robson and the pass. In exploration work spread over several weeks these mountain climbers have discovered no trace of the mythical mountains. The mountains were reputed to b# between 10,000 and 17,000 feet in height. While these mountains do not appear to exist, Messrs. Mumm and Howard, accompanied by Morits Inderbinen, the fdrmer Swiss guide, explored peaks each in the neighborhood of 11,000 feet high in the vicinity of Robson, and which together form one of the most magnificent groups of mountain peaks which these experienced mountain climbers have ever seen. Photographs have been taken by Mr. Mumm of an old blaze on the bark of a pine tree in the heart of the Rockies -which he thinks may possibly be a relic of an early pioneer tragedy. During the dispute between trappers cf the Northern Fur company and the Hudson Bay company trappera pushed their way through the mountains from British Columbia, following the route of Wood river, and eventually arriving in an amphitheater of mountains known as the “Committee’s Punchbowl.” The men had suffered frightful hardships and a consultation was held as to whether they would return or go forward. Seeing they had arrived at the watershed, it was thoughtytoßir journey was only half over, and some decided to go back. The most of these perished, while those who went forward soon struck the easy path through Yellow Tead and were out of the mountains in a week. The blaze discovered by Messrs. Mumm and Howard is thought to have been carved by four of the ill-fated party. Above the date, Octobers 20, 1853, are carved the following initals: J. M., W. C.. H. A. T. and H. S.

SHE BARS THE TURKEY TROT

Miss Genevieve Clark, Daughter of Speaker, Declares Against Ultra-Modern Dances. Washington.—Mis? Genevieve Clark, daughter of Speaker and Mrs. Clark, has declared against the turkey trot.

Mias Genevieve Clark.

the tango and other ultra-modern dances. Miss Clark will not dance them and says so virith characteristic simplicity. “The waltz, two-step and the pretty round dances of our grandmothers are quite enough for me,” she said.

BOARDED THE WRONG SHIP

As a Result Young Lady of California la Bound for Antipodes Against Her Will.. Victoria, B. C. —Steaming across the far reaches of the broad Pacific on , board the steamship Marama Is a lone passenger who up to thri time of the big llner'A departure had not the slightest Intention of making the long passage to the Antipodes. Just prior to the sailing of the Marama a fashionably attired young lady hoarded the vessel, which she Imagined was the Pacific coast steamer Umatilla, bound for San Francisco. The unwilling passenger was Miss Nellie Stone of Oakland. Cal., who had been visiting at the home of John Evans at Somenos, near Duncana, B. C. The first news o t Miss Stone's predicament was conveyed to Victoria In a wireless message from Captain I Rolls to tbe C. P. R. officials here.

More Important Than Success.

The mpst important thing in a man’s life is that which he has been striving at All that he actually accomplished was dependent to a considerable extent on purely accidental circumstances, and, in the best of cases, proved only a far inadequate realization of his intentions. —John Ruskin.

Important to Mother* Examine carefully every bottle of GASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for Infants and children, and see that It In Use For Over 30 Yean. Children Cry for Fletcher’s Caatoria Only William. At a singing contest at Frankfort re cently Kaiser Wilhelm, who attended, was served by several higb-school boys as pages. According to Jugend, he was attracted by the bright face ol one of them and asked his name. “Korner, your majesty,” said tbs boy. “And your first name is Theodore?” said the emperor, thinking of the pa triot-poet Theodore Korner, whose centennial year this is. “I’m sorry,” replied the uncoyrtierlike youngster, “but it’s only Wilhelm." _ When Kaiser Wilhelm broke into a hearty laugh at the answer the page realized his missed opportunity.—New York Evening Post. JUDGE CURED. HEART TROUBLE. I took about 6 boxes of Dodds Kidney Pills for Heart Trouble from which I had suffered for 5 years. I had dizzy spells, my eyes puffed, my breath waa short and. I had JEu . chills ana backfill ache. I took the pills about a year raljCSy . ago and have had no return of the palpitations. Am now 63 ye ars old * able to do lots of Judge Miller. manual labor, am well and hearty and weigh about 200 pounds. I feel very grateful that I found Dodds Kidney Pills and you may publish this letter if you wish. I am serving my third term as Probate Judge of Gray Co. Yours truly, PHILIP MILLER, Cimarron, Kan. Correspond with Judge Miller about this wonderful remedy. Dodds Kidney Pills, 60c. per box at your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household Hints, also music of National Anthem (English and German words) and recipes for dainty dishes. All 8 sent free. Adv.

Penalty of Having Too Much Rope.

“I note that Mexico is again peeved at the United States,” commented Batsin Garrett. "This reminds me of the familiar yarn of the negro who waß about to be hanged for the murder of another negro, and after a lengthy and rambling farewell to the world addressed the widow who, fat, black and pessimistic, Bat in front of the scaffold: ‘De Lawd in his infinite wisdom has done fuhgiven muh sins and innlckerties, and now I axes yo’, Sistah Wadklnß, to fuhglve me. and —’ ‘Aw, git hung, nigger!’ impatiently interrupted the bereaved lady. ‘Git hung!’ Mexico having been given an abundance of rope, I am grimly awaiting the inevitable outcome. I am of the same attitude of mind, too, toward the person or persons, as the case may be, who has or have, been so long messing with and muddling up the gas situation." —Kansas City Star.

Peculiar Belief.

Two centuries have passed since the Scottish Judge Lord Monboddo was born. In his “Origin and Progress of Language” he argued that human beings should be studied like other animals; but this doctrine Beemed to the contemporaries of Dr. Johnson so ridiculous that the wags based many a jest upon it. His belief that men got rid of their tails by sitting upon them would now scarcely raise a smile among anthropologists. Among his more startling proposition was the earnestly maintained one that the ou-rang-outang "was a class of the human specieß, and that its want of speech wbb merely accidental.”

SPEAKS FOR ITSELF Experience of a Southern Man.

“Please allow me to thank the originator of Postum, which In my case, speaks for itself.” writes a Fla. man. “I formerly drank so much coffee that my nervous system was almost a wreck." (Tea Is just as injurious because it .contains caffeine, the drug found in coffee.) “My physician told |ie to quit drinking it but I had to have something, so - 1 tried Postum. “To my great surprise I saw quite a change in ipy nerves in about 10 days. That was a year ago and now my nerves are steady and I don’t have those bilious sick headaches which I regularly had while drinking cofTee. ' "Postum seems to have body-build-lng properties and leaves the head clear. And I do not have the bad taste In my mouth when I get up mornings. When Postum is boiled good and strong, it Is far better in taste than coffee. My advice to coffee drinkers is to try Postum, and be convinced.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Write for copy of the little book, "The Road to Wellville.” Postum comes in two forms: Regular Postum —must be well boiled. Instant Postum is a soluble powder. A teaspoonful dissolves quickly in a cup of hot water and, with cream and sugar, makes a delicious beverage Instantly. Grocers sell both kinds. "There’s a reason" for Postum.