Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 246, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 October 1913 — THE NICE OLD GENTLEMAN [ARTICLE]

THE NICE OLD GENTLEMAN

p THE NICE OLD gentleman looked unusually severe ae he called the little boy to him and insured his attention by a gentle hut firm grip ©JJ the lobe of the youngster's ear, T notice that you and some of you* small associates are becoming awakened to the imminence of the Yellow Peril, Willie,” he observed. "Lemme go—please,” begged the little boy, wriggling and backing. “In a moment or two,” .said the nice old gentleman. “I want to get your attitude on the Eastern question first. I think .1 can assume with confidence that you are an advocate of the open door, otherwise you wouldn’t be pelting it with rooks, eh?” “1 was Just doing it for fun,” explained the little boy, “I'm sorry to hear that,” said the nice old gentleman. "I thought you might have been actuated by graver considerations—those of public policy, for instance; and yet, far be it from me to nip your budding sense lof humor and appreciation of the ludicrous. The spectacle of an excited Chinaman making futile rushes in pursuit of a gang of young imps who have been rocking his premises ia certainly calculated to afford amusement to persons who imagine that sort of thing to be funny. But I dare to think that higher considerations than Idle sport Impelled you to your course of action, what?” “I dunno,” replied the little boy. “I feel sure that jou axe doing yourself an Injustice,”' persisted the nice old gentleman. “I believe and hope that you were moved to righteous indignation at the sight of a shirt-tail , floating free to the wooing breeze instead of being decorously tucked inside of the pants. You resented the Insult of cork-soled shoes and obliquely sot eyes In a Christian community and that Chink’s braided coiffure was an equal offense to your notions of propriety. You are naturally tolerant, but you feel that there is a limit that should not be overstepped. Isn’t that it?” “I dunno,” replied the little boy. “That saffron-Skinned heathen has the effrontery to use a language totally incomprehensibie to Americans, and what’s more he sings it. He won’t adapt his voice to our pitch any more than he will use a knife and fork at his meals. If that doesn’t Indicate a contempt for us I would like to know what it does indicate.” The nice old gentleman scowled ferociously. ‘Then there’s the matter of his eats,” he continued. “Principally rice, they tell me, and. of course, they’ve told you, too. Ttien there’s the Item of birdnest soup. Would any well-conducted American be guilty of that? I trow not We aren’t illiberal or narrowminded, you and I, but we aren’t going to have all our institutions undermined and scorned and set at naught and derided by a paasle of almondeyed aliens who haven’t even got the decency to make out' their laundry tickets bo a man can read ’em, are we, Willie?” “No sir,” replied the little boy. “Another thing, there’s their debasing habit of stupefying themselves with opium instead of getting properly and riotously drunk with alcohol, and their sneaking and un-American customs of paying all their bills promptly when they are due. What would happen if we let down the bars to the influx of the Mongolian and Manchurian hordes? Suppose we all got into the habit of paying our debts and treating our parents with lavish deference, to say nothlqg of wearing our shirts outside of our pants! We’d be In a nice pickle, wouldn’t we?" “Yes, sir ” said the little boy. “Under the circumstances It would appear that there is only one way to deal with what is fast becoming one of our gravest social problems,” said the nice old gentleman. “That way la the one that has already suggested itself to your intelligence: make It hot for ’em. They’re here and we can’t get rid of ’em, but we can make ’em sorry they came and discourage the others. We can break their windows and pelt the yellow devils with rocks and clods, can’t we?” “Yes, sir,” replied the little boy. “You let me catch you at it,” snapped the nice old gentleman with a tweak at the ear between his thumb and forefinger. “You plague that Chinaman one more time and I’ll lay you across my knee and fan-tan you within an Inch of your life, yon little hoodlum. The first thing you know you'll get arrested and somebody will have to pay a fine for you. Haven’t you any consideration for my pocketbook at all? And another thing, you might get hit with a flat-iron.”

Andrew Marshall, an attorney, and former member of the Indiana legislature,, was seriously hurt in an automobile accident near Veedersburg Saturday, when his machine went over a seven-foot embankment. Mr. Marshall was hurt about the head. "