Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 246, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 October 1913 — MANY USES OF THE OCEANS [ARTICLE]

MANY USES OF THE OCEANS

They Are Here Enumerated, and Yotl May Accept or Reject the Facta as You Prefer. Oceans are found In various parts of the world, where they spend their time In lapping shores, infringing upon tha rights of continents, and swallowing up islands, (hips and people. Oceans are salty to the taste and are used by yachtsmen to get away from their wives, also to cover up cabled newspaper stories about klqgs and queens, and to float navies and other debts. An ocean spends its time in having storms and making surf. It delights In making innocent people sick and in playing with children’s legs. Without oceans there would be no steamships and gambling would decline. Every ocean has a set of fish which do not even pay ground rent, but spend their time like people who live on land, namely, in devouring each other. Besides ordinary fish, oceans have whales, lobsters and mermaids. The mermaids live on rockß just as girls on dry land do. The lobsters also live shellfish lives in lobster palaces. The whales lie around and wait for the happy time when they can perform useful work supplying bones for con sets or to oil the wheels of child labof factories. Some oceans employ professions] sea serpents, which Jthey use durizu the summer for advotlsing purposes. Oceans also have zones, seaweed and sponges. When an ocean has been out all night it likes to take a sponge bath, hence it Always keeps on hand a constant supply of these useful toilet articles.—Life.