Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 240, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 October 1913 — SHORT FURROWS. [ARTICLE]

SHORT FURROWS.

(By Abe Martin). We kin fortify ourselves agin a burglar er recover from a cheap plumber; we kin flee t’ th’ mountain an’ avoid th’ flood that sweeps th’ lowlands er we kin muff a Wagner recital, but ther is positively no escape from a gossip. Hattie Moon t’ th’ pustoffice again jist as-fast as her skirt’ll let her. It’s th’ fifth time since ten o’clock. Is it any wonder decent people talk about her?” said Mrs. Tipton Bud t’ Mrs. Tilford Moots this mornin’. Th’ two women had stopped f exchange reports-on Art Simmons an’ his new wife, an’ discuss th’ possibility o’ an early divorce.

Now th’ truth is Hattie Moon is takin’ stenography by mail with th’ intention her widowed mother, biit as she is purty an’ stylish th’ chances are she’ll have t’ git out o’ town. Gittin’ talked about is one o’ th’ penalties fer bein’ purty, while bein’ above suspicion is about th’ only compensation fer bein’ homely. Ever-buddy that hears a little dash o’ gossip remounts it an’ burnishes it up an’ sends it on its way. If you try t’ head' it off you only stir it up. Nearly evefbuddy is more er less Inclined t* gossip, but not alius maliciously. T*h’ fact that Ike Brown is a model husband an’ pays his debts don’t interest no one. Th’ fact that his wife is a splendid woman has no news value. But if you intimate that Ike Brown is on his last legs er that his wife has been visitin’ her mother unusually long, you’ll have a crowd around you in a minute. Jist whisper that a certain woman looks unhappy an’ th’ card clubs’ll have her separated from her husband in a week.

An’ gossipln halnt confined t’ women an’ little towns. Wherever tiler's people tiler's gossip. Clubs are clearin’ houses fer gossip. Some clubs are organized fer historical research: some are organized to better social conditions, while others are organized fer sdcial pleasure. Yet I doubt if anybuddy ever attended any kind of a club meetin’ without annexin a little information o’ a sensational nature. Nobuddy’s affairs ever demanded so much o’ ther time that they couldn’t give a little attention t’ th’ affairs o’ others. It’s wonderful how much capacity some folks have—how easily they kin watch ever* detail o’ ther own business an’ yours too. A long nosed model housekeeper kin take her sewin’ an’ pull her rock chair up t’ a side window an’ see more through a pair o’ ninetyeight cent lace curtains than a Scotland Yard detective could find out In a year.