Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 202, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 August 1913 — Page 3

CAP and BELLS

COULDN'T STAND THE ORDEAL

Prisoner Pleads Guilty Rather Than Listen tc Many Hypothetical Questions of Experts. “Do you plead guilty or not guilty to this charge?” asked the court. The prisoner looked around him. Beside him was the doubtful lawyer he had retained to defend him. Arrayed against him were the best attorneys in the oountry. Above him sat the Lnplacaole judge, and across the room was the bone-headed Jury. “Judge,” saia the prisoner, "before 1 enter this plea can 1 ask some questions?” “You may.” "If I stand trial,. will 1 1 hafter set here an’ listen while these' here shysters ask hypothetical questions?" “You will.” ■ “Do I hafter hear all these here handwritin’ experts, fur an’ agin?” . “You do.” “Will I hafter set right here while the insanity doctors does all their talkin’?” “Certainly.” “I’m ready.” “Prisoner at the bar, do you plead guilty or not guilty?” “Guilty.”

One or the Other.

One kid story leads on to another. A Cleveland school teacher—-one who has at several periods in the sweet-scent, ed past favored us with anecdotes about her pupils—sends us an account of a quiz conducted in her geography class only a day or two ago, says the Cleveland Plain Dealer. “In what zone do we live?” asked this teacher. “The temp’rut zone!” chanted the well-drilled class. “Right And what do we mean by ’temperate?’ Willie, you may answer.!’ “ ‘Temp’rut is were it’s freezin’ cold half the time an’ roastin’ hot the other half the time.” . If Willie wasn't sent to the head for that it wasn’t because he didn't deserve the honor.

SURELY FICTION.

Mrs. Henpeck—Did you* read this book “He Fell In Love With His Wife?” lur. Henpeck—You don’t think I’d read such foolish fiction as that, do you?

Spoiled the Show.

There is a good story of an actor who was depicting on the board a powerful pathetic part He was made up marvelously to look starved to skin and bone, tottering on the verge of death from starvation, gasping for breath and weak amaciation. Still, he hid' on his fingers a flashing diamond i ring, and the sarcastic gallery reproved him for it one night. At the critical moment the hero faltered out in agony to the gallery: “Good heavens! If this falls, what shall I do?” r The answer floated down unexpectedly from the top seats: “Pawn yet ring!” The act was spoiled.—ldeas.

A Subscriber.

“Was that man of much assistance in our great political movement V “No. He is one of those people who •will subscribe to your opinions, but not to your campaign fund.”

No Wonder.

“Do you know, I never meet that man yonder but he gets on my nerves.” “Who is he?” "My dentist” .

Home Vaudeville.

“What’s the trouble now?" "Dispute between our parlormaid and our cook as to which is the head' liner of the household."

SHE WANTED SEATS FOR TWO

Old Lady Finally Makes Up Her Mind and Asks: “Are They sos Lady and Gentleman?" A troup of comedians waq playing at a local theater recently . There Appeared at the ticket-seller’s window a little old colored woman, fairly bristling with importance. She was quite flustered as she asked: “Is de 75-cent seats in the furst bal-co-ny?” The sjow southern drawl of the pleasant old voice was made more attractive by the fact that she pronounced the last word with accent on the second syllable. “Yes,” said the ticket seller. “Is dey good seats?*’ "Yeß," again. * * “Is de 50-cent seats in dp second bal-co-ny and is dey good tqo?” Another and more Impatient “Yes." The old woman pondered a few moments, then, with the light of a great resolve in her eyes, Bald: “Well, I'll tek two of dem 75-cent seats!” The imperturbable man in the box handed her the tickets as calmly as If such a large sale were a daily occur, rence. She took the tickets and asked: “A dollar an’ a half for de two?”, her tone indicating a hope of some possible reduction. “Yes,” once more, this time very gruffly. Then came the final question: *Ts dey for lady and gentleman?”—New •Yofk Post.

IN ANCIENT DAYS.

First Jester —The king has been do posed front his throne and he says he is going to make us make a living for him. Second Jester —Ah! he is going to live on his wits, eh?

Her Explanation.

There were some deficiencies in the early education of Mrs. Donahoe, but she never mentioned them or admit ted their existence. "Will you sign your name here?” said the young lawyer whom Mrs. Don* ahoe had asked to draw up a deed transferring a parcel of land to het daughter. “You sign It yourself an’ I’ll make me mark,” said the old woman quickly. “Since me eyes gave out I’m not able to write a wurrd, young man.” “How do you spell it?” he asked, pen poised above the proper space. “Spell it whatever way you plaze,” said Mrs. Donahoe, recklessly. “Since I lost me teeth there’s not a worrd in the wurrld I can spell.”—Youth’s Companion.

Cause for Worry.

A salesgirl in a department store yarned drowsily as she removed hei wraps and started to get in readiness for her day’s work. “Out to a party last night?” inquir ed one of the other girls. “No, but I didn’t get much Bleep.” “Weren’t you feeling well?” “Yes, but after I had put the llgh< out and jumped |mt6 bed I found some thing round under the covers and 1 lay awake nearly all night wondering whether It was a nickel or only Just a metal button with the hook broken oft.”

Method in It.

“Don’t you think, dear," began Comfy, “that our next-door neighbors, the Scrubbs, are putting on a great deal too much style, considering the fact that they never know from day to day where the next meal is coming from?” "Well,” replied Mrs. Comfy, “you see, the more style they put on the more likely they are to be invited out to dinner.”

Fact.

“And what have you learned in your travels?” asked the Bage. “What knowledge have you gained?” "Well,” replied the rolling stoi<v, “I have discovered that if you want anything well done you must order it rare.”

Over the Counter.

"Are these candles fresh, my pretty one?” adked the youth with the sunset socks. “They are fresh, but not in your class,” answered the saleslady with the Titian hair.

Happy Bride.

“Has your daughter’s second marriage turned out happily, Dobby?" queried Hawkins. “'tyhy —yes, in a way,’* said Dobbs. “Mabel sees how happyjshe was with her first husband.”—Jnqgo.

Christian Harmony.

- The Mistress—l shall take one of the children to church with me this morning, Mary." ‘ Y The General —Yes’m; which? The Mistress —Oh, whichever will go best with my new dress. , ✓ ’ < . v

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

The American battleship Louisiana, seen above in the illustration, has gone to Tuxp&m to protect the interests of Americans and other foreigners. The gunboat Wheeling, pictured below, went to Prontera, on the southern gulf coast of Mexico, on a similar mission.

DOWRY FOR BRIDE

British Postoffice Provides for Girls Who Wed. Upward of 14,000 Are Entitled to Participate in the Government’s Generosity—The Year’s Gratuities , Will Reach £28,500. London.—When Mr. Herbert Samuel, the postmaster general, presented his estimates to the house of commons recently he told how the postoffice had shared during the last year in the general prosperity of the country,- and how he hoped to make a profit In the coming /ear of £5,860,000. He also told about oversea cables, imperial wireless communication, the telephone amalgamation and underground telegraphs; but he did not make any* mention of the part that Cupid plays in the vast organization of which he is the head, and what the god of love costs the state every year. Every girl in the postoffice receives a dowry from the government when she gets married, the amouht varying, of course, according to her length of service. Last year the sum spent on such gratuities was no less than £25,000. On the establishment of the postoffice there are upward of 14,000 women; but a year or so ago there were at least 30,000 more filling what Is called “unestablished” situations (some of them employed only for a portion of the day). Since the National Telephone company’s system was transferred to the state, however, a great many more females have become - government servants, and as that evidently means more marriages the sum estimated for dowries for 1913-14 has been increased to £21,500. Hundreds of G. P. O. girls get married every year. And why shouldn’t they? In 1907, for instance, the postmaster general’s report says that the number of women who “retired on marriage’’ was 329, with an average service of nine years. In 1909 the marriage market was brisker, for no fewer than 413 women, with an average age of twen-ty-eight years, quitted ttye service of the postoffice to become wives and mothers. v ' The distribution of the marriage dowries is welcomed by nobody so much as by the postal staff themselves; for, although the women get the money, the members of the male staff so often marry postoffice women that the interest in the government “nest egg" becomes mutual. By a strange coincidence this is borne out by what has just happened in Dundee. There the postal authorities have discovered a novel method of coping with the seasonal pressure at various offices in the country districts. Most of the married women in the city who had served as telegraphists in their spinsterhood have been invited by the postmaster to rejoin the staff during the summer months, and asking what remuneration they would' expect for their services. Many of these ex-of-ficials are the wives of the present telegraphists at Dundee, and, although the master has been treated with more levity than seriousness, it has been asked in postal circles whether this unique proposal is to *be regarded as an “admission that the remuneration of the male telegraphists is not sufficient to meet the expenses entailed in supporting a household.” The postmaster general may have to answer the question to the house of commons.

DOG JOINS WOLVES; IS SLAIN

Pack Under Hie Leadership Commits Depredations Until Finally Rounded Up. Butte. Mont.—Bisley, a large Airedale dog owhed by W. H. Reber of Butte, was killed while leading a pack of wolves near Red Lodge. Three wolved were shot at the same time. The following story can be veriSed in eVery detail and proves that London's “Call of the Wild” is not altogether Action. * Bisley was the special property of Edward. W. H. Reber’s s6h, and was kept on the Reber ranch. “l|e was the

TO PROTECT AMERICANS IN MEXICO

best hunter I have ever seen,” said the young man. “I have been out with him many times in a boat on Rosebud lake. The ducks would no sooner drop in the water than Bisley was out of the boat and after them. Late last winter he disappeared. A few weeks prior to that he would go off in the woods, sometimes staying away whole days. Then he vanished altogether, i thought he had attacked a cougar and got the worst of it” John Dunn had been troubled with prowling wolves the last few months. He saw the pack several times and told of a strange looking light 'brown wolf that led the bunch. He believed that if he could get the leader the wolves would \cease their daring attacks upon bis stock. At last Mr. Dunn and several eowbdys started after the bunch. They hunted most of the day, setting snares. The pack was rounded up and four of the animals fell. The leader was the first one shot, as Mr. Dunn was particularly anxious to get him. When Mr. Dunn reached the carcass he -pick-, ed up, instead of a wolf, an unusually large Airedale dog. It was Bisley, all right. A collar was still around his neck and the name of the owner on the brass tag.

PRINCE HENRY ON FLYING

Brother of German Kaiser Gives Opinion t as to Best Age for Aviators. Henry of Prussia, who learned to fly when forty-nine years old, gives his opinion as to the best age for dying, apropos of the death of the British army airman killed when flying at the age of fortyfour. The prince has wired the Daily Mall thus: “Exceptions being granted, the average airman should not be over thirty. In my opinion young men in their twenties, who are neither married nor engaged, are likely to be the most skillful airmen.”

Station of Summer Capital

Railroad Depot Building at Which Many Important Persona Will Come in Visiting Wilson. Cornish, N. H.—President Wilson’s announcement that hiß summer vacation is to be epent among the hills of

old New Hampshire at Cornish, has been the means of arousing interest in the little hamlet on the Connecticut river, wherein Is situated the charming estate of "Hariakh&den” which will,, summer months, be the "White House” of the United United States. The picture shows the railroad station at Windsor, VL. about five miles from the summer "White House." This station is destined to be the scene of the arrival of many prominent political personages as the

Station of Summer Capital.

NATIVE GIRL KISSES PRINCE

Member of British Royal Family Makes Great Big Hit With Marais. Christ Church, New Zealand. —Remarkable incidents occurred during the visit of the New Zealand battle cruiser New Zealand to Russell, North Island, where the Nagapuhi, a famous tribe of Maroia, gave Captain Halsey and the other officers an effusively demonstrative welcome. Sub Lieut. Prince George of Battenberg was singled out, for attention. Several girlß of the tribe slapped him on the back, and, amid the greatest enthusiasm, a young and pretty Maori girl threw her arms around the prince’s neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

HATPIN SLASHES HIS CHEEK

New York Young Woman Very Indignant at Victim for "Being » in the Way." New York.—A hatpin protruding five Inches from the crown of a young woman’s hat almost cost William Tourney an eye on a Brighton beach elevated train. Tourney was on the platform when the young woman sought to pass, and the pin drew a long gash across his face, missing thp right eye by less than one-eighth of an inch. Tourney made no comment, but the woman indignantly declared she should not be blamed, as he bad no right to be in the way.

Strangled to Death by Collar.

Pittsburgh, Pa. —Harry D. Wingert, a graduate of Western Reserve college, was overcome by the beat while waiting in an office for a friend, and was strangled to death by a high coF lar he wore.

Bogus Wedding to Evade Dance Law.

Jersey City, N. J.—To evade the law in regard to music and dancing after hours, bogus weddings were held nightly in local dance halls, under pep mits from the police-

summer “Capitol” is to be located in the little town of Windsor, during President Wilson’s residence at Harlakenden bouse.

PULLED FROM ’GATORS’ JAWS

Head Keeper Falls Into Fool, But Escapes With Most of His Trousers. New York. —A dozen alligators and three big snapping turtles were swink ming about the pool in the Central park menagerie when Head Keeper Billy Snyder went into the enclosure to clean up before going on his annual vacation to his old home in Dutchess county. The pool Is surrounded with a cement border and a slippery seem bad formed on this which caused Snyder to lose his footing as he stood at the edge with an iron rake to pull out the leaves. He splashed into the water and attracted the attention of the saurtans. They gathered around him and one of the biggest set his '•teeth in the slack of Snyder’s trousers and palled. Snyder was getting upon his feet again, but the ’gator gave a tug and the keeper went sprawling once more. Several of the smaller alligators took a nip here and there at the man’s clothing, hut did not reach the flesh. Bob Hurton, Snyder’s assistant, and Policeman Lohmeyer chased the reptiles away with Btlcks and gave the bead keeper a chance to scramble out before anything serious happened.

Regulate Women’s Dress.

Rochester, Pa. —Following meeting of the council here a resolution was reported which defines the mode of dress women wear. "Expose gowns” slashed and tight skirts are barred. Hose must not be transparent and a liberal exposure of the bosom aad arms will not be tolerated.

What Is A Man?

By REV. L H. RALSTON / Moady BAia ImMbMm. Clicip

TEXT-What is man. that thou asSl mindful of him? and the son of man. that thou vlsitest him?—Psalm 1:4.

us drop out of life and not a ripple of interest is created on the surface on society. On the other hand as wej look at man as he is seen in his real] being, as he is represented to us ini the scriptures, how great does he ap- 1 pear! Only a little lower than the* angels, crowned with honor and glory, and given dominion over the creatures. An old poet has very well expressed ocur thought ,ln this way: “An heir Of glory! frail child of dust! Helpless, immortal! Insect infinite! A worm! a god! I tremble at myaelt. And in myself am lost.” We must keep la mind that the question is, What is man that thou art mindful of him? It is God that Is in mind here, his estimate of man. In the first place man Is mortal, that is, he is like all beings composed of fiesh, bones and blood; he Is born, he lives, he dies. Now if that were all could we say that God has put his mind upon him? What has God done for man as an animal? If man would obey God’s laws would he not be stronger, more comely in person, would he not be better housed, have more beautiful and pleasant surroundIngs? -J But man la a moral being, and here we arq approaching Che image'of God. Here we may include in the likeness of God the Intellect also. As a moral being man is accountable to God. Here is also the realm of the capacity of distinguishing between right and wrong. And here we may find that the thoughtfulness of God receives emphasis. Every provision Is made for man’s moral perfection. If a conflict arises between the merely physical and the moral, the moral Is preferred, and rightly so, because It is in this that the relationship between God and man is more clearly shown. Every man has a conscience unless indeed he may have put It to death by his own neglect or abuse of It. And God does not'leave man with the capacity of distinguishing between right and wrong without' a Criterion of right, and we have the Bible. We haVe, too, the advantages that come from association with men and women of high moral character, and ws have the immaculate life of Jesus Christ, which a late writer has spoken of In the term, “the moral glory of Jesus Christ" There Is no use denying that man thinks very highly of himself, and It is the spontaneous disposition of man, when asked as to his moral or spiritual state, to say that he is perfectly right The redemptive work of Jesus Christ throws the searchlight on mao, and be sees himself as God sees him, and gets the correct answer to the question, What is man that God shonld think upon him and visit him? In the first place he is not right He is not Just slightly wrong. Taking the teaching of the only book that has ever fairly depicted man, we must concede that the picture is gruesome and *&d. At the very beginning of the race when man had not gotten far from the state of perfect innocence, it via* said that every imagination of thoughts of his "heart was only evil continually. Job said that If he attempted to justify himself his mouth would condemn him. David said that all men are gone astray, that they had altogether become filthy, that there was not one that did good, no, not one. Isaiah saw that all of man professed righteousness was as filthy rags, and that his iniquities like the wind had taken him away. Jesus Christ spoke of some men ss a generation of vipers, and questioned whether out of them, being evil, any good thing could come. The picture that Paul gives In his letters to the Romans and Galatians is one that makes us shudder. Thus is man as God thicks on him, and there Is nothing less that God could do for nim but to redeem him out of his wretchedness and misery and death. As God thus saw him he saw in him the most glowing possibilities of future greatness and glory. The glory of the Christian religion Is that It makes provision for man’s regeneration, not simply bis spiritual Inward regeneration, but the regeneration of man In his whole being. Twice-born men can bo numbered this minute by the tens of thousands, men whose present is as different from the. past as day Is from night. God sees in every pan, however low, an angsl that 1b pore beautiful than the angel that thl» sculptor sees in the block of marble. ••• ■

As man is Seen: in the mass, how Insignificant be* is! What Is on* among the four! hundred million Chinese? What 1» one man of thdi billion and a half of the human race? From those! standpoints mani has no,, more significance than the 1 ' insects that can' hardly be seen! with the naked! eye. The most of j