Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 200, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 August 1913 — Page 2

Tales of GOTHAM and other CITIES

Policemen Assist Mother in Spanking a Bad Boy

NEW .YORK. —There’s- .a grateful sting in the palm of Mrs. Margaret O'Hanlon’s good right hand to remind her that she has at last achieved her ambition. She has spanked her four-teen-year-old son John —of shameful neighborhood note as “Mrs. O’HanTon’s bad boy"—and, though two brawny policemen assisted in the operation, she it was who struck every indignant blow. John, who is sometimes called “The Eel," because he has the ability of the greased redskin of yore to slip through avenging fingers, has made himself especially worthy of his reputation. Some times, so Mrs. O'Hanlon says, she Just had to stand awestruck and wonder how such a carload of badness could ever have been compressed into her bad boy’s four feet of height and seventy pounds ot bones. First of all, he issued a declaration of independence, in which he stated his intention of staying away from school. Also, he didn't think he would spend all his nights under the paternal roof, being “past 14.” Also, he didn’t think he would take care of his younger sisters, while his widowed

Basket of Lively Crabs Cause Great Commotion

FHIDADELPHIA.— A basket of crabs which were tied to the seat of a motorcycle caused a commotion the neighborhood of the Episcopal hospital the other day that will long be remembered. Incidentally, it wrecked the motorcycle and landed the rider in the hospital with a fractured skull. And the cause of it all was one crab’s dash for freedom and a healthy appetite, who wandered out of the basket, climbed the rider’s back and affectionately took hold of his neck. The unexpected attack from the rear caused the rider to lose control of his machine. Harold Wilson, twenty-three year, old, of 177 Westmoreland street, left for Wildwood, N. j., the other morning to go “crabbing.” After he had disported himself in the surf and later on captured a good supply of large ones, he decided to return home. He tied the basket on the back seat of the motorcycle. All went well until he reached Kensington and Lehigh avenues. There, one of the largest of the collection became restless and crawled up his back. When it reached his neck It' bit hard and held on. The pain on the back of his neck was so

All the Average Plain Little Woman Has to Do

SEATTLE, Wash.—She was just a plain, middle-aged little woman, unpretentious in dress and bearing—the kind that is met with by the hundred every day in the stores, on the sidewalks and in the street cars, usually carrying bundles. She was on the witness stand and the lawyer had asked her what she did after looking out of a window at ten o’clock in the evening and seeing a policeman arrest a man. * “I didn’t do anything to speak of,” she said. “I just set some bread to rise and mended a hole in one of my children’s stockings, and put some clothes I wanted to wash the next day to soak, and chopped up some po-

Man With Pink Neck-Ticklers Was Very Touchy

CHICAGO. —A luxuriant set of bushy pink whiskers loomed in the doorway of Municipal Judge Robinson’s courtroom the other day. Behind them was concealed a man who later developments indicated must have been a Republican. “If that Isn’t Senator J. Ham Lewis ft certainly looks like him," exclaimed Judge Robinson softly to his clerk. The clerk craned his neck to see the man sporting the rainbow hued alfalfa. Instead of the peaceful junior senator from Illinois he saw a man advancing with clenched fists toward the court Judge Robinson believes the man must have been a lip-reader, as the remark about the whiskers had been made in a whisper. He was so wrought up he attempted to attack the jurist and was expelled from the courtroom only after a lusty struggle with two bailiffs and a clerk. “Where do you get that at?” shouted the offended bush wearer. “Do you think 1 came in here to be insulted about my whiskers? Judge or no judge, there’s nobody can accuse me of looking like any pink whiskered j

mother was out earning the family’s living, nor would he carry any more kindling wood in for domestic consumption. Seizing his ear—the only portion of his anatomy upon which any one can get a handhold, Mrs. O’Hanlon carried him upstairs. Once there, John began to vent his indignation. He took the kitchen lamp and tossed it out the window. He took dishes out of the cupboard and smashed them on the floor: He tried to wrench the door off the icebox. He slapped his small sisters. He called his mother names. Policeman Herdenreich heard the racket and came upstairs. When he was told Mrs. O’Hanlon’s bad boy was at it again, he entered into the pursuit with a zest. There was a procession to the police station. Lieutenant Hickey on the desk at the “house’’ was astounded when the villianies of John O’Hanlon had been recited. A grin stole over his face. “Take him out in that room," he said. “ “Follow, m'adam," said the lieutenant, bowing toward Mrs. O’Hanlon.. She did, with a great, great joy welling up in her heart. Woman** intuition, perhaps, told her what was going to happen. With Herdenreich holding his feet and another policeman his head, Mrs. O’Hanlon’s bad boy was disposed across his . parent’s knee. And then —and then —but go ask Mrs. O’Hanlon, who can tell you better than any one else in the world.

sudden and unexpected that Wilson lost all control of the machine and was thrown head foremost to the curb. A crowd of a hundred persons quickly gathered and Wilson was carried to the hospital, which was but a short distance from the scene of the accident. Augmented by numerous Sunday strollers, the crowd had assumed proportions that threatened to block traffic, however, in the excitement, overlooking the basket of crabs which had escaped and were scrambling through the throng. Their presence became known when one of them fastened onto the ankle of a pretty girl. Her screams started a stampede that cleared the thoroughfare in record time.

tatoes and meat to make hash for breakfast and put a button on my husband’s trousers, and set the table for breakfast, so as to save time in the morning, and laid the fire so I wouldn’t have anything to do but light It In the morning. “Then I sort 6t tidied up my kitchen and seeded some raisins for a cake I wanted to bake the next morning and emptied 'the water under the ice chest, and w«mt down the cellar to see that the furnace was all right for the night. I brought some apples up from the cellar and peeled them so as to have them ready for something I wanted to make the next morning. Then I wound up the clock and read the morning paper for a few minutes and did three or four little things a woman is apt to do before she goes to bed when she has a family to look after. But nothing to speak of, after all." Probably, if she had lived in the country she would also have got' a lantern and sawed and split enough cord-wood for the next day’s fuel.

senator. I won’t stand for it.” A bailiff grappled with the infuriab ed man as he strode toward the bench. “Let go of me. Take your hand out of my beard,” he shouted as the bailiff twined his fingers in the patch of hair. The bailiff struggled manfully, but realizing be was no match for the gentleman with the Sampsonian adornment he gasped for help. It came in the person of another bailiff and a clerk. The combined efforts of Judge Robinson's clerk and his bailiff and the bailiff who patrols the hall of the ninth floor of the city hall wtre necessary to subdue the man. Finally hs was thrust out, cursing loudly.

TUB EVENING BEPCBLICAN, BENSSELAEB, IND.

MILLION DOLLAR GIFT TO UNIVERSITY OPPOSED

Bishops W. A. Candler (left) and E. E. Hoss (right) of the Methodist church are leading the opposition to Andrew Carnegie’s gift of >1,000,000 to the medical department of Vanderbilt university, Nashville, Tenn., on the ground that it is part of a movement to remove the department from the control of the university and the Methodist church. In the center is the administration building of the university.

$2,000 RUG IS BIG LUXURY

Secretary of Navy Balks at Fine Floor Covering Offered for His —.. _ Office. , Washington. Secretary of the Navy Josephus Danielsffias lofty ideas of artistically beautiful things, and is specially fond of oriental and Persian rugs, but he is also loyal to democratic simplicity. When the secretary went to his office a few days ago he found the place crowded with rugs of every description. Officers and clerks on duty had been joking among themselves as to the auction was going to begin." The secretary was informed that there was a balance left of an appropriation for furnishing his apartment, and that the rugs were there for him to make a selection for his office. Mr. Daniels finally selected One large rug as being to his liking. A clerk had told him that the purchase, must be made before he left the of-

Secretary Josephus Daniels.

flee, as the allowance would lapse If not used. “I thought those rugs might be bought for something like the figures we poor folks down in North Carolina pay,” said the secretary. “1 picked out my rug, all right But they told me the price was $2,000, and wanted me to sign a warrant for it It was a beauty—pearly blue, with aIV the iridescent misty amethystine shades of a mountain sky. But $2,000! My ideas of democratic simplicity could not get up to that figure, and I told the boys to take the whole blamed outfit away and that I didn’t want any rugs at all. These here are good enough for me.”

NAILS UP WIFE TO STOP TALK

Husband Closed Windows, Says Woman In Her Action for Divorce Against Him. New York. nailed up all the windows in the bouse to prevent me from gossiping with the neighbors." This is one of the allegations of cruelty mentioned in the petition for divorce submitted by Mary L. Carem Dennis Carem is the husband accused. The couple at one time lived in West Hamilton place, Jersey City. The busband recently sued for divorce, alleging desertion, but failed to get a decree. The Carems were married * quarter of a century ago and have two children, a son twenty years old and a daughter eighteen.

MOONSHINERSALERT

Strangers Shadowed in Certain West Virginia Districts. They Often Can Be Very Generous— Information Concerning Illicit Distillers It Is Well for Visitors to Possess. Pocahontas, W. Va. The merry moonshiner is a picturesque character on his native heath, possessed of all the cunning of a hunted deer —shrewd and suspicious and as dangerous as edged tools in the hands of a novice to those suspected of having evil designs upon his peace and welfare, but generous to a fault toward those who he is satisfied are his friends. He will shoot at the drop of a hat or divide his last meal, as the case may be. No stranger comes around into these mountains without being shadowed from the time he comes in until he departs and is well out of the country, writes a Pocahontas (W. Va.) correspondent. Every stranger is regarded as a government spy until he is proved to be otherwise beyond the shadow of a doubt A perfect system of espionage is in vogue and no man can expect to come in and go out unheralded. Me may not know it, but the watchful mountaineers in the neighborhood keep the strictest tab on his movements. At the first demonstration revealing his mission he is met unexpectedly to himself, and shot or commanded to move out of the country at once. No stranger can buy whisky face to face with the seller. Not even in case of snake bite will he sell it that way. If one wants a jug or bottle of this young and peppery mountain product there is a way to get it, however. Just casually remark in the hearing of a« native that it would require a gallon jug of real, genuine moonshine to make you happy and he will find a way out of the dilemma for you. He will solemnly declare to you that he hasn’t the most remote idea where there is an illicit distillery and he does not know any one that deals in the stuff, but he is of the opinion that if you leave the jug and the price of a gallon of the fluid at a given point you may get some relief. It is remarkable what a night will bring forth in a case of this sort. In the morning the money is gone and the whisky is in the jug. And such whisky! It is almost colorless and looks harmless, but woe to the man who drinks it out of a tin cup. He takes the contract of a sort of progressive and retrospective jag. The first day he is delightfully drunk, the second day he becomes mean, the third day he Is a maudlin, crying drunk, and then it takes two or three days to ascend the scale to a state of sobriety. ' One deep, gurgling draft will do all this. It takes a native to the "manner born” to know how to imbibe this producirtJf the “worm" and live to look unflinchingly In the eyes of his friends. He. touches it lightly. The moonshiner has a plausible defense for his unlicensed night work. He says he has to do it to live. This country, being high and backward in the spring, produces unlimited quantities of peaches. Being miles and miles from railroads or Other means of transportation, they cannot be marketed. The eame is true of apples, corn, wheat and rye. The next best thing is to convert these commodities into a product which can be transported to market and which is valuable In condensed form, and the most convenient and profitable thing Is to convert them into whisky and shirk the government duty The ■ moonshiner argues, if one can get an expression

from him in the case, that the government permits its subjects to market the raw products on their lands without a license, and he cannot see the justice of a law that will punish him for .changing the same products into a m?sre valuable form and selling it without a license. It is not a matter of conscience with the moonshiner. The only point he considers is that of detection and capture. The government is regarded as a persecutor and the moonshiner the injured person.

WHERE IS OUR QUEEN MARY?

London Graphic Asks What Woman In U. S. Approaches Her in Influence. London. —An amusing question Is asked by the Weekly Grapic In the course of comment on a statement by an American editor that in English novels “the women invariably get the worst of it,” which Is not to the 11k-

Queen Mary.

ing of American women readers of fiction. The Graphic quotes Price’s Collier’s saying, "England is a man’s country,” and continues: "But if the American man places his woman on a pedestal, he does not let her affect the serious side of the national life. Is there a single woman in America to-day who possesses a thousandth part of the influence of Queen Mary and Queen Alexandra?"

BEES SWARMED IN HIS BEARD

An Aged Pennsylvanian Stung to Death by the Insects Before Help Could Come. Pittsburgh, Pa —Jpremlah Kramer, seventy-two years old and half blind, ran into a big swarm of bees which were about to swarm on a projecting beam in his wagon shed on Wind Gap road. Instead of taking to the beam the bees enveloped Kramer and plied upon his face and long whiskers. > Kramer yelled for help and fought the bees as best he could, but he was soon helpless from their stings. The onslaught of the bees rendered him unconscious apd he was found by bis son three hours later lying on the wagon shed floor with the myriads of bees on his head, arms and neck, which were swollen twice their nafliral size. Although medical aid was hurriedly summoned Kramar died.

The ONLOOKER by HENRY HOWLAND

if IttUKU

If Shakespeare were alive today and writJ - ing for a living Can you .suppose the style of play th* great bard would be giving? No "Merry Wives" no crazy "Lear," no stupid “As You Like It;’’ But do not have the slightest fear that he would fall to strike it. We may be sure that he Would pleas* the public, willy nllly, For he, no doubt, could quickly seize on some plan to be silly. If William still were here to write tho big hit of the season, He’d give us something very light—some piece devoid of reason— His jokes would all be very stale, hi* "lyrics” the worst ever. The plot an oft-repeated tale, that fool* would say was clever, And there would have to be, of course, a sailor and his lassie, Uncle Sam to threaten force in cas« the world got sassy. If Shakespeare had his work to do' for this wise generation "He would not give us wisdom to evoke our admiration; His lines would lose their stateliness,, he’d make them short and choppy, Well knowing he must fail unless he fur-, nlshed sloppy copy. If William were alive today and writing! for a living We know full well the style of play th*f great bard would be giving.

Objection Sustained.

“I insist,” said the lawyer, “on hav-| ing the witness answer my question.** “Must I do It?” the man on the! stand asked, turning with an appeal-1 ing look to the judge. “Will you Incriminate yourself lf| you answer?” “No, your honor, I’ll not Incriminate, myself, but I’ll get licked by my wife."’ “Counsel will pursue some other! line of questioning,” said the jurist,) who was married himself.

GIVING AND GETTING.

Fireless.

"Have you ever tried a tireless cook-* er?” “Yes. We’ve had one for six months.* My wife has tried to fire her and I’ve! told her to go, but she simply ignores l our requests and says she’ll scratch, the eyes out of any other girt we* 1 dare to bring into the kitchen."

Barred.

“What is your idea about a college* education? Do you think one would 1 have helped you any?” “Sure thing. Several of my friends have told me they’d have boomed me for president of our university club if I’d been a graduate of anything.”

Going at Him Right.

“That man has good sound Judg- ' ment” “I never saw any evidence of it" “Maybe you’ve never gone at him right. I talked to him for half an hour this morning, and he agreed with everything I said.”

Information.

“Pa, what’s a diapason?” “Oh, it’s some kind of a useless thing that the doctors cut out of people whenever they can get them coaved into a hospital. Don’t bother m» now, I’m busy tryin’ to figure when to buy Union Pacific."

The Obstruction.

"I don’t believe in climbing over an obstruction until one comes to it." “And, judging from your appearance, I should say that you never see' an obstruction until ydh bump againsti It."

Beyond the Dreams of Avarice.

"Is he rich?” \ “Rich? I should think he was. Why,. I’ve known him to take a taxicabl when he had nobody but his wife with, hl®-"

“Do you believe* it is more blessed* to give than to! receive?” “Well, it de-, pends on whether 1 you are giving! the cook a raise! or receiving one yourself.”