Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 199, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 August 1913 — Page 2

WIT and HUMMOR

STRATEGY OF GEORGIA YOUTH Resorted to Cute Artifice to Gain Possession of Hie Uncle’s Pet New- —'"' foundlsnd Dog. Representative Tom Bell of Georgia, one of the assistant “whips” of the lower house, has a favorite nephew, aged ten. Also he has a Newfoundland dog which he cherishes more than he does his job. The nephew also thinks a lot of the dog. In fact, he has suggested more than once to his uncle that Rags—that being the dog’s name—would be most acceptable as a gift. A few weeks ago, indeed, tired of beating about the bush, he came right out and asked for the dog. But he was refused. “You see,” said Bell, "I have to keep Rags to guard the house when I’m not here. H I give him to you I wouldn’t have anybody to keep bad men away.” The nephew pondered over this remark long and earnestly, and finally 'went home wrapped in thought The next day he was back again. "Uncle Tom,” said he innocently, *do you believe in prayer?” Representative Bell fervently dealared that he did. “Well —well —if if you pray hard enough for anything do you think God would give it to you?” "Yes,” said Ball, “I think he would.” "Even a dog T’ inquired the.nehew, •till innocently. Bell hesitated, but it-was no time to welch; and so, firmly, he replied, “Yes, even a dog.” “Then,” said the nephew, trlumphantlly, “then you just give me your dog and you pray for another one!” — ‘Washington Star.

Lesson From the Past.

The agent of the accident Insurance company had tackled Noah. "According to your own story, uncle,” he said, "you are going to be afloat in a short time in a ship built •oil dry land, without any motive power, and you don’t know a thing about sailing a vessel, anyhow. You .can’t tell what may happen to you. Don’t you think you’d better take out isome accident insurance?" "Young man,” said Noah, “I’ve lived tto be 600 years old and I’ll be still « alive when you and your insurance .company have perished from the face ,of the earth. Will you please step off ;the gangplank? You’re in the way of the animals that are trying to come aboard.” Noah, as we learn from the records, ■•was no victim of misplaced confluence, either. He lingered 350 years after this incident.

A STARTER.

The Youth —Don’t you think you could learn to love me? The Maid —Wait until I see the engagement ring.

Considerate Spouse.

Rich Old Husband —I admit that you come of a famous family, while I belong to the newly rich, but is that any reason why you should always be Indirectly reminding folks of that fact? Charming Young Wise —I? How? Rich Old Husband—You are forever talking about your ancestors. Charming Young Wife—Really, my dear, you do me injustice. My reason ifor keeping people reminded of my great-grandfather is to make you seem ryounger by contrast.

Keeping the Hopper Full.

“There’s only one trouble- with our legislature,” said Farmer Corntossel. "What is that?” "Too industrious. It kin think up i more laws than you could obey in a ,Jlfetime."

Old-Fashioned Cure.

“Sore throat. efr? Get your wife to (give you one of her old stockings to iwrap hround your neck ~ “Tried that and it did me no good She had nothing but these new-fangled NHaworka."

AS OTHERS HEAR US SNORE

Worse Than Slide Trombone In Full Cry, a Cat Concert or Siren Whistle With the PipPlacing the family phonograph on the library table, Mrs. Ravenyelp said to her husband. “I have record here, Henry and I want what it is.” When a weird succession of sounds began to come from the horn of the instrument. Ravenyelp knitted his brow and tried to idaptify them. “It’s a buzz saw plowing through a knot,” he ventured. “Guess again,” said Mrs. Ravenyelp. , “A slide trombone in full cry.” /“Hardly.” { “Cat concert?” ‘ _ “Nope.” “Hoot owl with its toes in a trap.” Smiling grimly, Mrs. Ravenyelp shook her head in «the negative. “Give it up,” finally said Ravenyelp; “but as one last guess I’ll say that it sounds very much like a siren whistle with the pip.” “I will agree that it is as bad as all you have named?” Mrs. Ravenyelp remarked, “and I hope it will save a lot of argument in the future.” ‘ “But what is it?” insisted Ravenylep. “It’s a record I made in your bedroom the other night,” replied Mrs. Ravenyelp, “to prove to you that you really do snore in your sleep and to let you know just how awful it sounds." —Charles A. Leedy in Judge.

ONE ON RAMBO.

Sambo —My bruddah Pete’s bulldog went mad de other day and swallowed his watch. It’s running yet. Rambo (in astonishment) —What, de watch? Sambo —No, de bulldog.

Good-By.

“Where is all that money I gave you for household expenses last week?" asked the husband. "At the laundry,” replied the innocent young wife. “At the laundry? What dn earth do you mean?” ... “Why, you see, dear, it was dirty, and a man called here some time ago and said he ran a money laundry. He is to have the money thoroughly washed, disinfected and pressed smooth by electrically-driven machines adopted by the United States treasury department after three years of experimenting, and then he promised to return it!”

Warm Weather Tilt.

"Let me tell you, sir,” exclaimed Mr. Heftus, as the argument they were having drew near to a close, “you can’t get around me, sir!” “Oh, yes, I can,” replied Mr. Skimpers, pleasantly. “There is considerable space on either side of you, but were it not for the fact that this is an unusually wide street, I might have some difficulty in doing so.” Thereupon, Mr. Heftus, quite speechless with anger, waddled along to the next corner and waited for his car there.

Out of Place.

Mrs. Beacon Hill (lately moved from Boston to New York) —Oh, Wo) cott, we must move back to Boston! New York is no place to raise Emerson. I tried to enter him in the public schools of today and the teacher insulted him in a most horrible manner. Mr. Beacon Hill (angrily)—lnsulted him! How? Mrs. Beacon Hill (weeping)—She asked him if he wanted to go in ths kindergarten class! —Puck.

A Sure Loss.

Mrs. Johnson—Jes’ hide youah money in a Bible, Mis’ Jackson. Nobody evah looks in a Bible, you know.” Mrs. Jackson (with a gasp)—Oh lawd! I’d lose it shuah! Mah ol< man’s ve’y religious, an’ reads de Bible twice a day.—Puck.

Superfluous.

Casey (teaching Hogan to swim)— Now, kape yer mouth shut and breathe through yer nose! -» • Hogan—And phwat else cud a man breathe through wid his mouth sbuL ye fule?

Insult to Injury.

“Mrs. Wombat is highly indignant* “Her house was robbed, I hear.” "Yes; and the next night the bun glare brought back her silver-plated ware.”

How He Figured It.

First Boarder—The proprietor says this hotel accommodates 200 people Second Boarder —Yes; but his definition of accommodation doesn’t 1» elude comfort. —Puck.

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

NEWPORT BELLES WHO DO NOT AVOID CAMERA

Mrs. Herman Oelrichs the other day ordered her chauffeur to run down a newspaper photographer who tried to take her picture at Newport. But our illustration is evidence that not all the society folk at the fashionable resort are afraid of the camera. The ladies, from left to right, are Mrs. Herbert M. Harriman of New York; Mrs. Clarence W. Dolan, Miss Rose Dolan and Miss Alexandria B. Dolan, the three last being prominent in Philadelphia society. In the background is seen the exclusive Bailey’s Beach at Newport

WANT PINK PEARLS

Fashion Leaders Demand the Expensive Rare Variety. Custom House Figures for Recent Months Show Increased Imports of Rare Gems—Dealers Discount the Duties. New York.—The high cost of living has not decreased the demand of the American people for diamonds and other precious stones. The imports of gems to the United States in the fiscal year ending with- June will amount to more than $50,000,000, according to an estimate made by a Maiden lane authority, who bases his prediction on the total gem receipts at the port of New York in the first eleven months. The appraised value of the diamonds and other precious stones that have already passed through the New York custom house is $43,686,280, record-breaking figures for a similar period in any year. The figures for this year are estimated at $50,000,000. Fear on the part of the big New York gem Importers that they will have to pay a higher duty on gems under the new tariff bill has caused them to rush in large quantities of diamonds and other precious stones since the provisions of the bill became known. In May the receipts totaled $4,606,323, record-breaking figures for that month. In April $3,898,681 worth of gems passed through the appraisers’ stores. The figures for March reached $4,341,179. February receipts totaled $4,299,435, and in January $3,899,995 *yas the appraised value of the gems imported. Under the present tariff schedule the cut gems are dutiable at ten per cent., and there is no duty on the rough product. The Underwood bill provides for a duty of 20 per cent on cut and 10 per cent on uncut gems. The New York gem merchants, working through their association, are fighting for a retention of the present schedule.

In the fiscal year which ended on June 30, 1912, the importation of gems to New York amounted to $39,445,285, of which amount the cut precious stones and pearls are reported by Jewelry Examiner William B. Treadwell at $29,261,794, and the uncut stones, principally diamonds, at $lO,183,491. In 1911 the total reached $38,374,891 and in 1910 the highest previous record was made when the receipts amounted to $44,885,057. The imports in 1907 were $41,112,371 and in 1906 $40,217,542, which are the only fiscal years which have reached the $40,000,000 mark. There has been a tendency on the part of the De Beers Consolidated Mines to increase the price of diamonds during the year now ending, and there is now present a large number of New York dealers in the European markets who report that they have difficulty In getting gems suitable for the American market There has been a marked increase In the demand for colored stones, and fine Ceylon sapphires of 10 and 12 carats have been sold at from S4OO to SSOO a carat, which is an enormous increase in price since the beginning of the year. These gems are the most fashionable at present and it is predicted that fine sapphires will' soon rank next to emeralds if they do not surpass them in price. One reason for this is that there are no fine sapphires coming to tne market and only the ..reserve stock is being offered at high prices. The demand for fine pearls has been unprecedented in the last year and there are at presnt few desirable gems of this kind offered to American dealers. The increase in the price of these gems has been phenomenal. Ludwig Nissen, a New York gem dealer, on sailing recently for Europe, said fine large pearls from five to fifteen grains in weight have advanced at least 25 per cent in the last fifteen years, and exceptionally fine pearls have shown a much greater increase. He said that the reason

for the increase in value is that the fine gems have become very scarce. He said that in the last five years there has not been an average yearly production of more than >10,000,000 worth of pearls from all the fisheries, while much more than that -amount is paid by the wealthy for fine pearls in New York each year.

LADY ABERDEEN IS HOSTESS

Interests United States Commission on Agriculture In New Dublin Project. Dublin—Lady Aberdeen, on the occasion of a brilliant reception here for the American commission on agriculture which is now in Ireland, interested the visitors in her latest project. She is establishing in Dublin in a fine old Georgian mansion the Welborne club, for the reception of Irish visitors from America. At this club travelers register and are given Information telling them how to make the most of their sojourn in Ireland. The club will be opened formally next month by the American ambassador, but Lady Aberdeen caused the American commissioners to visit the

Lady Aberdeen.

club and enroll themselves as original members of the organization. The night reception was a beautiful and impressive affair. It was held in St. Patrick’s hall in Dublin castle. Levee dress was worn and the gorgeous uniforms of the Irish officials and military made an effective contrast to the plain black of the Americans. Women presented at the Dublin court always curtsy to the lord lieutenant the same as to a king, but the American women bowed and shook hands in democratic fashion.

ACCUSES SON OF AN ASSAULT

Montclair Man Had Ax In Hand When Arrested —Mother Goes to to Hospital. Montclair, N. J.—Mrs. John McKee, sixty-five years old of 83 Orange road, appeared in the Montclair police court to make a charge of assault against her son John, twenty-seven years old. Mrs. McKee said her son attacked her in their home after they had quarreled about domestic affairs. Neighbors summoned the police, who found McKee with an axe in his band. Mrs. McKee had a fractured arm, a black eye and cuts and bruises on her face. McKee resisted arrest, but was taken to police headquarters after a struggle- \ The man was sent to jail to' await trial in default of one thousand dollars bail. Mrs. McKee was removed to Mountainside hospital. According to the records of the Montclair police department. McKee has been frequently charged with beating his mother, but she always pleaded for leniency for him.

Can Drink on One’s Own Doorstep.

Washington. —“It is no crime to drink beer or whisky on one’s own doorstep,” said Judge Pugh in court here, dismissing Robert Lee, charged with violating the new excise law. The policeman said the prisoner’s feet were on the sidewalk when the arrest was made. "Yes, but most of him was on bis own doorstep,” replied the court ,

POLO AN OLD GAME

Sport Popular in Persia Under Name of “Chaugan.” Women Played in Early Times, According to an Old Painting “Now In British Museum—Flourished “in 600 B. C. New York.—When polo was first played in England .in 1869 it was styled, “hockey on horseback.” Yet hockey itself was one of the numerous games with etick and ball . derived from the common ancestor, polo. They called it “chaugan” in the, days when the sport was popular with the Persians. As far back as the sixth century B. C. this sport of the Persian aristocracy was in a flourishing condition. The ancient Persian poets sang its praises even as do the sporting writers today. The game was played by Persian women, too. In the British museum there is an old painting of several Persian ladies playing a game of polo. The painting shows that the Persians bandaged the legs of their mounts exactly as the polo ponies are bandaged today. The Mohammedans, when they conquered Persia, learned the game of “chaugan,” and liked it so much that they took it up for one of their own sports. The game traveled from Persia to Tartary, and then to India via Afghanistan. Japan and China, too, had games bearing a close resemblance to it. In fact, throughout the entire east polo was the principal game. It derived its present name from the “pulu” of the Tibetan tongue, meaning a willow ball. Among the natives of India the game was “kunjai,” and was introduced' into England, after having been brought to Calcutta by English anfiy ’officers. The Ninth lancers played the first polo match in England in 1871. There was on great interest taken in the sport by the English public until many improvements were made in the rules. From eight men on a team the number of-players was gradually reduced to four. The style of play changed also. At first the ball was thrown into the center of the field end all the players spurred their horses to the center of the field after IL This was changed so that the teams lined up as they do now. The sport then became popular in England, and, in 1880, the Hurlingham club, now the representative polo club in England, was formed. Polo was Introduced into the United States in 1876. It was first played at Dickleris riding academy. Two polo clubs were organized, the Westchester Polo club and the Brighton Polo club. In 1879, in the first match in the United States, held at Prospect park, Brooklyn, the Westchester team defeated the Brighton team. The famous Meadow Brook club was started in 188 L

Idaho Wants Game Preserve.

Boise, Idaho. —Idaho is negotiating with, the federal officials for a national game reserve of 50,000 acres of land included within the Pocatello national forest. The negotiations have been opened with the Idaho delegation at Washington, Senators Borah and Brady, and Representatives French and Smith. The aim is to stock the reserve with elk from Jackson hole, and to have a law protecting them. Sportsmen say that Idaho must take immediate steps to set aside large reserves like that proposed for the Pocatello forest in order that rare game in this state can be kept from becoming extinct.

100 Collegians Dishwashers.

San Francisco. —Of the 700 members of the San Francisco Dishwashers’ union, 100 are college gradpates. This, It is' said, is a greater proportion of college men than can be found in any other labors organization in the country. The men are paid >lO a week. The statistics were compiled by a former instructor in mathematics is an eastern college.

The ONLOOKER by HENRY HOWLAND

AT A MW WION

l lightly stepped down from the car And lugged my satchel at my side; Up where the gates were pushed ajar A maiden waited, eager-eyed. I saw her glad glance rest on me. Her cheeks assumed a rosy hue; Oh, she was fair. Indeed, to see, Arid past the gateman hurried through. Her lips were parted In a smile. My heart leaped gladly, as she came Arrayed In pleasing, tasteful style, And, lo! she sweetly spoke my name. In fancy I can see her still, - And hear her voice, as then I heard; I’d never known before that “Will" Was such a soft, delicious word. I, wondering, set my satchel down, Forgetting all save her alone; Her eyes were big and deep and And there was music in her tone. With all my senses In a whirl I tried to think—to understand— As, nearing me, the lovely girl Held out a slender little hand.

"And you are Cousin Will!” she said; But ere I had a chance to speak A man with whiskers, just ahead. Turned back and kissed her on the cheek. She cast at me one look of pain; 1 saw her long, dark lashes fall. Then took my satchel up again, And—that was all.

Love.

"I love you so much,” he fervently* declared, “that I would even try to swim the sea for you, if I could not win you otherwise." “And I love you so much,” she replied, “that I would he willing to go to lunch with you at a cafeteria, if I had. to do so in order to make you wish,' to claim me for your own.*

Reckless Daring.

"Colonel,” asked the beautiful girl," “what was the most daring deed you ever did?” “It was to get up at a banquet, after the other speakers had spouted until nearly 12 o’clock and try to make the few people who remained take an interest in what I had to •ay.”

Logical Conclusion.

"Th® bravest are the tenderest, you know,” said the landlady. "Oh, what a coward this old rooster must have been!” sighed the boarder at the foot of the table as he tried to bite a chunk out of the wing with which he had been favored.

Toilet.

•I stepped on her feet When the car hit the curve. She was youthful and sweet; I stepped on her feet. But I shall not repeat What she said—l lack nerve. I stepped on her feet When the car hit the curve.

Another Point Settled.

“I see that an actress has quit the stage so that she van be with her husband.” "That settles it." "Settles what?” "There’s absolutely nothing that a woman won’t do for love."

His Promise.

"Doctor,” sobbed the widow, "you promised that you would have my husband out of bed in a week.” "Well, I’ve done my part. It’s up to the undertaker to get him out”

Left Her Wondering.

"Cheer up,” he said. "You will lean to love some other girl.” “Oh, yes," he replied, "it’s easy for you to say that, but what if she were poor in addition to being plain?”

Have You Ever?

Most men admit that they don’t understand women, but have you ever met a woman who did not claim to be able to read any man as she would an open book?

Noticeably Affected.

"Did the jurors seem to be affected by Brieily's plea?” "Yes. Me kept them io a contima ous yawn."