Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 183, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 August 1913 — Lysander John and the Old Cove [ARTICLE]

Lysander John and the Old Cove

LYSANDER JOHN APPLETON <*• brated the departure of hie wife and daughter from the house by taking off his shoes, leaning back in Ms chair and putting Ms feet on the parlot table. Then, his depravity, knowing no limit, he looked at the fat, overly stuffed pillow cushions on the which he called his Pillow Cushion Ladies, and winked. "The joy of my associations with you,” he said, “is that I can flirt with you and It will never be known that ] am an old cove. You are ideal com* panions for an old man. You do not rob me of my money; you do not tempt me into giving midnight suppers that make the gravedigger get out his spade; you cause no scandal and you are the meet loyal women 1 know. Lz ' "Now, my wife is a good woman, but if she expressed her opinion or me in cardboard mottoes, as she would like, she would hang on the wall a motto like this, ‘Be Patient With Pa,’ and every time she spoke of me to the children it would be to apologise to them tor bringing me into the family. "And as for Daysey Mayma,” he sighed; then, remembering his neeolution to be merry with the ladles pres* ent, winked at them again, scratched a match on the parlor wall, lighted his pipe, and tried to look flirtatious. "If you ladles have influence with magazine editors,” he said, "why not demand a new reform? There is a good deal said In the magazines on how to keep a husband’s love, but on the real tragic effort that every man makes to keep Ms daughter's affections, these advice-giving magazines are criminally silent "I saw my daughter pick a thread off a young man’s coat the other even* ing, and desiring to win. a similar attention, I put the contents of a whole spool of cotton on my coat front, and she never even saw it! "Another evening I saw her gtvg such a look of apprehension because a young man scratched Ms finger, that I got the razor and cut a gash across my cheek and then took a chair in front of her, hoping to receive solid* tude and she never saw it! "I observed how pleased she was when a young man caller brought het a flfty-cent box of chocolates and ths next evening. I took her a flfty-dolla* ostrich plume, and she thanked me in an absent-minded way, with her eyes on the box of chocolates!” Lyaander John wiped the suspicion of a tear away; then, remembering that he was trying to be merry, winked violently with both eyes at hta pillow cushion ladlea "I have a notion that when the day comes when I fall ill/and die, Daysey Mayme wllf forget the young man. But only foe a short time, for when he comes tq express his condolence she will target her grief. , "We who are fathers are never appreciated by a young lady daughter until sbe has married a man beats her.’’ Feeling better because of his outburst he got out a deck of cards and engaged in a game of solitaire, ths national game of Lonesome Land. He had confided Ms troubles'to the right sort of a confidante tar any old married man to have and could go to bed after his game with a clear conscience and with no apprehension that the world would some day discover he Is an old cove. “A pillow cushion lady doesn't carry a pocketbook, and has no neck on which an old cove could string diamonds if he wanted to,” said Lysandeg John, cheating himself in the exultation inspired by the thoughts of. his good sense.