Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 173, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 July 1913 — ‘Cheerfully Refunded’ [ARTICLE]

‘Cheerfully Refunded’

"You say in your advertisements," said the man who had laid a package on the counter, “that you 'guarantee satisfaction or money cheerfully refunded.* " “What's the matter?" asked the head of the department, as a frown overspread his face. “Come, now, you're not looking a bit cheerful I bought a shirt here day. before yesterday and I find that it is not satisfactory. I was told —** "You will have, to see the clerk who sold you the shirt.” "Will he refund the money?" "If he wishes to do so he can." "Ah, over there he is. Here, my friend, do you remember selling this shirt day before yesterday? You told me it was—’’ “I don’t mink I sold you the shirt. I never saw you before.*’ "Yes you did. You sold me this shirt and guaranteed that it-—" “No, you are mistaken, I never guarantee anything.” "You don’t, oh? Well, you advertise that you guarantee satisfaction or. money cheerfully refunded. Here. Look at this paper. This is your ‘ad,* isn’t it?” "This is today’s paper. It hasn’t anything to do with day before yesterday." “Where’s the proprietor of thia store?" "You’ll find him back In the office." After ho had waited around for nearly an hour the man with the shirt succeeded in intercepting the proprietor as he was trying to slip out to luncheon. "You advertise that - the money is cheerfully returned when the goods you sell are not satisfactory.” "I must ask you to talk to the clerk you bought the goods from. 1 don’t know anything about this matter." "I have talked to the clerk, and he says you are the only one who cheerfully returns money. This shirt —” "You will have to excuse me. I’m in a hurry. Go to the dork.” “I’m in a hurry, too. I’ve wasted a lot of valuable time here now, and I want to get this matter straightened out The clerk-Miays he doesn’t do the guaranteeing and can’t therefore, cheerfully refund. The head of the department looked unhappy when I asked him if he would cheerfully refund, and now I find that you are not inclined to be cheerful when I ask you to return my money." “You are insulting, sir. I don’t wish to have any further argument with you. Mr. Walker, will you please step this way? Did you sell this man a shirt?” "I don’t remember him at all.” "Here," said the man who wanted his money cheerfully refunded, as he tore the wrapper from the shirt, "you can see that this came from your stock, can’t you?” "Well, what’s the matter with it, anyway?” asked the proprietor. “It isn’t satisfactory, that’s all. You advertise that you cheerfully refund money when goods are not satisfactory. I want my money back. Now, will you cheerfully return it?” “Take this order to the cashier,** said the proprietor-as he permitted a look of disgust that was not unmlxef with anger to overspread his countenance, "and your dollar and a hall will be returned to you." "But are you cheerful? I don't want the money unless you can bs cheerful when you return it I could wear the shirt if necessary, you know, Still, I thought that if it would make you* cheerful to return the money because the goods you sold me did not give satisfaction I ought to— ** "Say, are you crazy?” "No, I am an altruist I believe is spreading cheer wherever I may, When I*read your advertisement 1 came here and purposely bought a shirt that was two sizes too large foi me, so that I might bring it back and give you a chance to cheerfully re turn my money. I think every man owes it to his fellow men to makt them cheerful whenever and however he may. 'I see that you are not in dined to be cheerful, and I am son ry. I will, therefore, keep the shirt and bid you good day." "That man ought to be looked after by the police,” said- the head of the shirt department "He’s as mad as a March hare," ■aid Mr. Walker, the clerk. “I believe,” mused the proprietor, “I’ll take the word ‘cheerfully* out of my advertisement There’s no knowing what that crank’s next idea may be.’’—B. E. Kiser, In Chicago Record-HeraM.