Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 161, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 July 1913 — GRACE AND HENRY [ARTICLE]

GRACE AND HENRY

The Whole Village Knew They Were in Love When They Married.

By MAUDE J. PERKINS.

That Henry Walters and Grace Brown were in love with each other when they married there could be no sort of doubt. The whole village of Davisburg would have sworn to it. “Why, I saw ’em hold hands over an hour, and they did not let go once to scratch their noses, though I know they itched," said little Mrs. Watkins. “And right with me looking on,” added Mrs. Flint, “he told her that if she caught the mumps and died he’d commit suicide!" No, there could be no question of their loving, and it seemed a safe thing to predict a happy future for them. Henry was a carpenter, earning good wages, and though Grace knew little about housework, she was ambitious to learn. What brought the clouds after a few ’few months? Isn’t it odd that lovers have no philosophy about them? They do not look for any change as time passes. There will be no cross words or falling off in demonstrations of affection. Behold them! Henry smashes his thumb with the hammer one day, and he goes home thinking what a fool he was to hit his thumb instead of the nail. He found his wife in bed with a headache. She was vexed about it. Why hadn’t the ailment come to some one else! Why wasn’t Henry at home to put a wet cloth on her forehead and utter words of sympathy? "You are an awfully careless man," Bhe said as he entered the house holding his bruised and bleeding thumb. “If you hadn’t got your feet wet or something you wouldn't have a headache,” was the reply. These were the first cross words and queerly enough each one was rather glad of it It was a change from the honeysuckle program. Grace had never thought that Henry could Btrlke his thumb with a hammer, and if any one had told Henry that Grace would ever have a headache, he would have opened bis eyes very wide. There was a whole month in which he could do no work. The wife whined over tno loss of income Just as she wanted it for summer clothes, and even hinted that her husband was content to loaf. There had been nothing, however, that a few kisses and kind words could not have dispelled had the outsiders kept outside, but they Their gossip and criticisms and advice kept the pot boiling until each of the principals got the idea that he was a martyr and the other was wholly to blame. *

Grace told the whole village that Henry boxed her ears. Henry told the whole village that her cooking made him ill, and that her temper had become so Satanic that he was really afraid to sleep in the house. Grace warned the neighbors that if she was found chopped up with the ax some morning to see that Henry was promptly and properly hung as high as Mr. Haman’or Captain Kidd. It was more exciting than a dog fight for a time, and there was talk that a boom In real estate would follow. Then the affair began to weary folks, and there was talk that the law ought to be invoked. Such a dog-and-cat couple ought to be made to get a divorce. Such a bickering must lead to murder after awhile. It was Deacon Frazer who suggested a remedy. He was a good man, though the remedy he brought forward was rather heroic far a -churchman. An anonymous letter was received by the quarreling couple. It was to the effect that if they did n6t at cease cease their bickering or apply for a divorce, something very unpleasant would happen to them. “You can see what you have done!” said the husband after reading his letter. “And you can see what you have done,” was retorted. “Nothing can happen to me. Everybody knows where the blame reßts.” “Surely they do, and you can’t find a person who does not pity me. I tell you, Henry Walters, you have reached the limit, and that letter means tar and feathers for you!” “It means a ducking In the river for you, and don’t you forget It!” There was, less quarreling for a week, and then it broke out again. Then came a second anonymous letter.

“The committee of good order will Boon wait on yon,” was the threat. “This is the Becond and last warning. It will come prepared to deal with your conduct as It deserves!” “Tar and feathers for you,,’ whispered the wife.“A ducking for you,” whispered the husband. “And don’t expect any sympathy from me!” “And you needn’t expect any sympathy from me!” As a matter of fact, neither was alarmed. It was a village where law and order reigned.. The minister and two or three others might call In thq evening, and read husband and wife a lecture on the sin Of quarreling and endeavor to patch up a peace, but there would be nothing beyond that “And their talk wll 1 do no good with me," said the husband. 1 “Nor with me either, unless you are to be taken to an Insane asylum,” answered the wife. An hour after midnight one night nine men wrapped in sheets and having pillow cases drawn ever their

heads walked abroad in the village streets. f One walked in advance, and the others followed two by two. The village slept and there was no one to observe them, "but they did not speak to each other and they walked softly. Moses Granger’s bulldog could lick anything on four legs in the country, and had geen known to tackle a thunderbolt He was roaming around when he caught sight of the ghosts, and the way he ran home was a caution. The nine paused in front of a cottage. Its inmates were snoring in peace. .1 ■ V - . -\i. The nine passed through the gate and drew up in before the door. Then one of their numbbr knocked and fell back. After a minute a halfdressed man opened the door to ask: “Who are you, and what do you want?” “This is the committee of order. We sent you two warnings and you did not heed them.” “What is it, Henry?” asked the wife as she was aroused. “They have come for us!” “Is it tar and feathers for you and a ducking for me?" “It looks like it!” “Come out and get your punishment,” said a voice outside? “Hen-Henry, I am sorry I have been mean to you,” sobbed the wife. "I have been the meanest of the two,” was the reply. "I was loving you all the time I was quarreling with you." “Same here.” "We will give you one minute more,” came a throaty voice from outside. “Oh, Henry, it will most kill me to have ’em tar and feather you!" moaned the wife. “And think of their'.ducking you!” “My darling.” “My own!" "Time’s up! Come to your doom,” said fbe nine ghosts in chorus. Henry seized a hard wood chair and smashed it on the uncarpeted floor, and handing one leg of it to his wife he seized another and bounded out of the door. Crack! Smash! Crack! The nine ghosts had not anticipated nor prepared themselves for resistance, and the attack came with great suddenness. Three or four went down like cowsheds in a cyclone, and the others made their retreat in tremendous haste. None escaped without at least one. good whack. The wife used her chair leg with the vigor the husband did his. It should also be said that Moses Granger’s bulldog, discovering that he had men Instead of ghosts to deal with, pursued the fleeing legs and left his marks on three of them. “What do you think!” shouted Mrs. Hastings next morning as she burst in upon her neighbor, Mrs. Drew. "Somebody’s cow dead?” "No, Bir. The Walters have made up!" “It can’t be!” “But they have. I was in there ten minutes ago, and she was sitting on his knee, and they were So busy calling each other darling and dear that the ham for breakfast was all burning up, and the coffee pot Was boiling over." The statement not only'turned out to be true, but It was proven that it was the last quarrel to be made up. And yet the gosslpß were not happy. They said: “Isn’t it simply disgraceful the way Henry Walters and his wife love each other? Really, there ought' to be something done about It!” (Copyright, IMS, by' the McClure Newspaper Syndicate.)