Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 159, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 July 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

The father of the trolley car is dead. He left a large family. Let us hope the sign painters will not adopt the cubist art. Currency reform can never make money any mois popular. Philadelphia is trying to get up a Corner in baseball championships. Headline says: “Aged 83 and Want* a Wife; Owns a Buggy.” Also —is. j Sometimes a mere look at one’s Jrarse will reduce the vacation fever. ; Possibly men are going to raise Whiskers just to make the women jealous. “Without warning,” writes a reporter, “the boom began to creak and groan.” There will be a terrible run for Serums when they begin to cure wrinkles. * What will happen when a goat eats one of those ultramodern explosive golf balls? A fortune of a million or so awaits a man named Brown. He ought to be easy to find. By a beneficent law of nature and trade the watermelon is cheapest when it is best In these days when a box is more or less indefinite, why not sell strawberries by the pound? No doubt the generous baseball fans are willing to give their share of the rains to the farmers. ' Philadelphia has a school for milk- 1 men, but has to send its mayor elsewhere for an education. The Sunday automobile fatality is now as regular in its occurrence as, the Sunday drowning. * Baseball is a popular sport in the canal zone, but Culebra cut continues! to do most of the sliding. ; Men like to talk about their achievements, while women are content to talk about their neighbors. A Danish Inventor has contrived war machines to be covered by crops. This will make plowing exciting. The most fitting .punishment for a bigamist would be a sentence to live with both his wives at once. Women are Bald to be wearing socks, but doubtless what they blushingly ask ask for is half hose. The world must be getting better. The proprietor of a Chicago case advertises the fact that he has no cabaret. A Denver man with a broken neck is attending to his business —which is not the watching of balloon ascensions. The alarm clock trade ought to prosper if the police succeed in putting a silencer on the early morning iceman. Save your old umbrellas. Some genius has discovered that it is possible to rob a bank with a fractured umbrella rib. Now is the oppartunity for the scl-l entist who can develop a mosquito I that is as fastidious about biting as al brook trout In defending a suit for separate maintenance a man testified that his wife always won at poker. The double significance of this is striking. As to those counterfeit S2O bills In circulation, you never have the slightest trouble in remembering where you got your 20s, do you? It is to be hoped that the swatting of the fly having been raised to the dignity of a campaign, the usual language will not be used. New York church has hired a doctor and dentist to look after the health and teeth of worshipers. How about a tailor for the backsliders? Another of those useless noises is the language indulged in by the average baseball fan when the umpire makes a decision that doesn't please i him. A Maryland farmer caught a black | - snake in the act of swallowing a cast iron rabbit That explains the disappearance of the cast Iron dogs and dear. Knickerbockers, such as the Yale boys have adopted, will be a great relief if they provide escape from the thralldom of keeping them pressed. A Greek island, submerged before the Christian era, has recently come to the surface. Perhaps this will suggest diving real estate operations. ■ jin... Acting in an erratic manner is not necessarily an that a man to in love He may merely have been prevented from going to the ball game. . .