Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 158, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 July 1913 — Page 3

WIT and HUMOR

DUTY OF LAWYER EXPLAINED Corporation Attorney Not Subject to as Much Abuse as Formerly, Bays Senator Root Elihu Root was talking about the corporation lawyer. “He isn’t so much abused as he once was,” said Senator Root. “A reaction in his favor has set in. In the past a corporation lawyer couldn’t attend a public dinner without having such story as that of Lawlace thrown at him. "Lawlace, Professor Lawlace, taught corporation law in a famous school. He had a reputation for wit. He was always making funny cracks at modern life and society. “A student, in answer* to one of ILawlace’s questions, said grandiloquently: “ ‘A lawyer’s first, his sole duty is to see that though the heavens fall, Justice is done.’ “ ‘That Justice is done,’ repeated [Lawlace thoughtfully. ‘H’m, yes, exactly.' And my experience has been that the lawyer who does justice often•est is the one who first achieves a 'white palace in Fifth avenue overlooking the park”

Finely Sarcastic.

The talk turned to sarcasm at a recent social function, and Gov. George W. Clarke, lowa, told of what he considered a rather fine sample. Some time ago, according to the governor, a lady went into the library of her home ’where a servant girl was dusting an ornamental bookcase. For a while «he watched the maid, and then crossed the room to examine the work. “I want to tell you, Jane,” said the mistress, “that we are going to have company. Mr. and Mrs. Smith are going to call and stay for dinner.” “Yes, ma’am,” quietly responded the servant girl, continuing her work. “And since Mr. Smith is a trifle over six feet tall, Jane,” resumed the mistress, “I think you had better dust the ornaments on the top shelf."...

Obeyed Orders.

Murphy was a new cavalry recruit and was given One of the worst horses In the troop. “Remember,” said the sergeant, “no one is allowed to dismount .without orders.” * Murphy was no sooner in the saddle than the horse kicked and Murphy went over his head. “Murphy,” yelled the sergeant, when he discovered him lying breathless on the ground, “you dismounted!" “I did.” “Did you have orders?” “I did.” “From headquarters?” ■“No, sor; from hindquarters.”—Ladles' Home Journal.

Altruistic.

Mrs. Flttterby—So you are on the visiting committee of your social workers’ society. I should think you’d find It dreadful Irksome making all those alum calls. Mrs. Hunter Fadde —I’m willing to make the sacrifice for a good cadse. Every visiting day I send my maid around with my cards.—Judge.

Highly Specialized.

“This is a song about a girl named Molly. We can’t publish that” “Why not?” asked the Cop poser, timidly. “We only publish Nellie songs. Take it to Caterwaul & Yelp. They specialize on Molly songs, I believe.

SITTING ON HIS OWN HAT.

Mrs. Wagg—lf a man were to sit on your hat, what would you say? Mr. Wagg—l’d call him a blamed fool. Mrs Wagg—Then don’t sit on it any longer—that’s a dear.

The Inference.

Adolphus—lt’s an awful shame. My little nephew got hold of that poem I wrote to you, and tore it to shreds. . Augusta—So the little fellow can road already!—London Opinion.

MARVEL. AT BASEBALL GAME

Chunky Individual Not Disturbed la Least While Pitcher Clcotte Struck Out Ty Cobb. It happened during one of the games between the Sox and the Tigers. High up among the grandstand seats back of third base sat a rather chunky young man wearing a good suit of clothes and a bored look. At the end of the first inning the game stood 1 to 0 in favor of the home team. ’ The visitors went to bat The young man, with a prodigious yawn, went to sleep. A few minutes later something happened and the crowd went wild. Everybody stood up and yelled. Everybody, that is, except the chunky young man. He sat motionless, with his chin on his broad breast still sleeping serenely. - Fifteen or twenty minutes later something happened again, and again the crowd went wild. Ten thousand voices rent the air. But they didn’t disturb that youth. Then the people around him began to notice him. They said to loud voices: "All out!” "Far as we go!” “Tickets!” “Change cars!" Take the car ahead!” Nothing doing. He still slept Then somebody roared in his ear: "Wake up, you lummux! You don’t know what you’re missing. Clcotte is striking out Ty Cobb —Ty Cobb, d’ye hear? —every time he comes to bat!” The chunky young man half opened one eye. “Call me at seven o’clock,” he mumbled —and dropped asleep again.—Chicago Tribune.

WOULD STAY TOO LONG.

Mrs. Jinks —I want to get a set of new parlor chairs. Furniture Dealer —Ah! yes. Something very easy and comfortable, I presume? Mrs. Jinks —Not too comfortable. I have three young unmarried daughters.

Always Prepared for That

The stranger stepped up to the hotel register and signed his name: “Frank N. Stein, Geneva.” The clerk glanced at the signature. Then he took a good look at the newcomer. “Well!” he exclaimed, eyeing him with interest, “you spell it a little different, but I think I’ve heard of you. Got your—” “Yes, sir,” Interrupted the other, producing from his coat pocket a stuffed specimen of the Gila monster. “Always carry him with me. Do I have to pay anything extra for having him along?”

Righting a Wrong.

Dpbber (art artist) —I have called, Mr. Gotrox, to make a confession to which I am driven by the pangs of a gnawing conscience. I grossly deceived you in regard to that pastoral picture you purchased from me two months ago. Old Gotrox—Did, eh? How, may 1 ask? Dobber—Those blotches in the fore ground of the painting—you spoke of theip ar barberry bushes —Mr. Gotrox, I—l cannot conceal the truth any lohger—they are cows. —Puck. \

A Little In Advance.

A Washington man and his wife whose domestic complications are frequent but not serious, had one evening, called upon a married couple. On their way home the lady said: "Now, in the case of the Parkers, I should say it was an ideal marriage. Really, I believe they both think absolutely alike.” “Charming people, charming people!” said hubby. “But about the thinking, Gladys, if you will notice, she generally thinks first.” —Lippincott’s.

flirting With Force.

“Why do you insist on nibbling around that hook?” said the wise fish. “You know the danger.” "Tes,” replied the little fellow, “but we all have a certain appetite for glory. lam willing to take a chance for the sake of being described to that man’s friends as the big fish that got away.”

Not a Linguist

Mrs. Worldly—ls, as you say, your master kissed you against your will, why did you not cry "Help!”? French Maid —Ah, madame! Zat ees just ze vord of vich I could not sink at ze moment —Puck.

Modernist Viewpoint

Futurist Painter —What do you think of Jonea as an Cubist Ditto —A poser and a bluffer. He makes A point of drawing well just to attract the attention of the vulgar crowd! —Puck. ... __

This is the crew of Wellesley college, photographed just after a long pull on the Charles river, when they lowered the time of previous years by seven minutes. From left to right they are: Garret* Busey, Marie MaoMaster, Dorothy Richardson, Carrie Travers, Caroline Taylor, Sibyl Sweet Carolyn Blackstone, Dorothy Huggins and “Coxswain" Elma Joffrion.

TALENT DEMOCRATIC

Find Tenors in Blacksmith’s | Shops—Sopranos in Street. Half a Dozen British Guardians of the Peace the Producers of Meritorious Paintings—London Postman Becomes an Artist London. —Genius is no respecter of persons. Indeed, it knocks more often at the door of the poor man’s cottage than at the entrance of the rich man’s mansion. Our own generation is just as .fruitful as any that are gone in examples of genius in humble life. Of our greatest living poets, William Watson first saw the light in a Warfedale farmhouse; and John Masefield, the latest star in the poetical firmament, found his first inspiration while working in the fields. J. M. Barrie was born to~ a Kirriemur cottage, at least as humble as the roof under which Thomas Carlyle, stonemason’s son, entered the world; and H. G. Wells, son of a professional cricketer, served behind a draper’s counter before he discovered the gold in his pen. It would be an easy matter to name at least a score of living authors of repute for whom life has opened at least as humbly, without taking into account such poets of undoubted, if obscure, genius as A. O. Williams, hammerman; Joseph Skipsey, the “pit-man-poet,” and others, equally gifted, who have earned their daily bread by navvy work and farm labor. It is, however, among musicians that we find the most remarkable examples of talent in unexpected places. Allesandro Bonci, the world famous singer, was working as a bootmaker’s apprentice less than thirty years ago, and when he abandoned the awl to seek a fortune in his glorious voice, he Was supported by friends, poor like himself, who subscribed a few francs each per month; and was so poor that he was compelled to tramp eighteen miles a day, to Pesaro, and back, for his lessons.

Caruso, at the same time, was wielding a blacksmith’s hammer; and was serving as a private soldier when a passing officer discovered the wonder of his voice. Miss Stella Carol, when she was similarly discovered, was singing on a Hampstead pavement in the chilly dusk of a winter evening; M. Giorgini, the famous Italian singer, when he was hawking fish in the streets of Naples, and Herr Root man when, as a huckster, he was taking around vegetables on a wheelborrow. M. Rousseliere, the king of French operatic singers, was, not so many years ago working as a blacksmith, “passing rich” on three francs a day; Mlle. Cavalierl was first known to local fame as the prettiest flower seller in Rome, and her wonderful voice was first heard in Paris cases, where her reward was a few coppers a night —just as, long years earler, the great Christine Nilsson, “Queen of Song,” witched coppers from the frequenters of Swedish fairs by her nightingale notes; and Miss Evla Gwyn’s voice was "discovered” when she was “pouring out her soul in blithesome song” in a baker’s shop at Pwllheli.

And similar romantic stories are told of man/ a musician whose name today is f'.-mous—from Herr Fleldler, the PolUn violinist, who was discovered b/ a wealthy Welsh lady in a Tyro'zse cafe-chantant, to Miss Mario HaU, who but a few yean ago, was reaping a scanty harvest of pence by playing in the streets. Art, like music, calls her clever children from the most unlikely places. There are half a dosen living policemen wljp have proved that they can ply a skillful brush, from Mr. Jones of Leeds, whose work has been honored by the Royal academy, to P. C. Rushen of the elty of London force, oho of whose clever canvases may be seen in the museum of the Guildhall. Walter Marshall, whose normal work is the repairing of electric tramcan, has a picture accepted by the academy. Nor must we forget Samuel Hancock, the London ’ postman, who some time ago gave an exhibition of his pictures at the Dore gallery; or Mr. Bloxall, a Somerset bouse porter, whose clever painting has won much admiration.

WELLESLEY’S RECORD-BREAKING CREW

ORLANDO DAMMITT IS PEAVED

North Carolina Man Wants Name Changed—Has Caused Him Much Worry.

Elmsford, N. C. —Orlando Dammitt of this village wishes to change his name and has started proceedings to that end. Dammitt says that his name has caused him a great deal of worry. For instance, it is a common thing to hear some friend shout: “Dammitt! Come here a second, will you?” Then again, Dammitt says that it is rather awkward for him when his name is being called at lodge meetings. .The secretary goes down the list of names and when he comes to his, says: “O. Dammitt!" Half the time, Dammitt anam, he doesn’t know whether his being called or whether the secretary has made a blot on the books and is merely giving vent to his feelings. . “I’m getting sick of it," says Dammitt "Good heavens, it was bad enough when I went to school. I play-' ed on the football team and whaasam* I made a good play the fellows used to give me a long cheer. It went something like this: ‘Rah, rah, rah, hoo-ray. Dammitt! Dammitt! O Dammitt!’ ”

PINEAPPLE WOUND IS FATAL

Woman’s Thumb Scratched as She Cleans Fruit and Her Death Soon Follows. Syracuse, N. Y.—Mrs. Catherine Tourtellot died from blood poisoning resulting from her thumb being scratched by a piece of pineapple which she was peeling. Twelve hours after the'incident the hand began to swell, and the swelling extended gradually through the arm. Mrs. Tourtellot was taken to a hospital, but the • poison had spread through her system and the physicians could not save her life.

PUBLIC MEN ARE HONEST

Speaker Clark Tells Women’s Democratic League Everything in Politics Is Not Corrupt. Washington—“lf you are going to have anything to do with politics don’t let the pessimists lead you to believe that everybody and everything connected with American politics is corrupt. There is not a single particle of truth in it.” This was the advice given by Speaker Champ Clark to the

Woman's 'National Democratic league here at a meeting held to celebrate the league’s first anniversary. *1 know the 434 other representatives in congress like a book.** declared the speaker. “I don't believe that there is a single ynan in the house whose vote can be -changed or influenced by the use of money—not one." He added that American politics had improved very much in the last- JO yearn, and attributed it to the fact that the people are taking more Interact than ever before The speaker

Speaker Champ Clark.

LADY BOXED WILHELM’S EARS

Titled British Woman Telle Story In Her “Reminiscences of Diplomatic Life.”

London.—Lady Mac Donnell, fn her book, “Reminiscences of Diplomatic Life,” tells how she once boxed the Kaiser’s ears. The incident occurred when Lady Mac Donnell was living in Berlin. Wilhelm was then crown prince and he was a frequent attond-

Emperor of Germany.

ant at her teas and usually afterwards played checkers with his hostess. She writes: “On one occasion he accused me of cheating. He was apparently so serious that I became infuriated and, unmindful of his high estate and my duty as hostess, I impulsively leaned across the table and boxed his ears. His sense of humor and satisfaction at having so successfully worked upon my feelings, saved the situation. Ever afterwards, when he met, he used to cry: ‘I know a lady who cheats at checkers.’ ”

predicedthat if the Democratic party carried out its promises made at the Baltimore convention it would have another lease of power. • Mrs. William Cullop, wife of the representative from Indiana, presided at the meeting. AH of the speakers, who included Senator Vardaman of Mississippi, congratulated the league on the work it had accomplished. Many prominent figures in official circles were present

CARUSO REBUKED AS OGLER

American Threatens Tenor for Attention Directed at Woman in London Hotel.

London.—Enrico Caruso was one of the actors in a “scene” in the Savoy hotel here. It appears that he annoyed an American resident of London by ogling, and by calling the attention of hto own secretary to a woman the American waa escorting. The American took umbrage, and told the tenor in a voice heard all over the foyer that he should be ashamed of himself so to direct attention to any gentlewoman. "I am Caruso,** replied the tenor. **l do what I like.” The American advanced on Caruso threateningly, but the tenor took refuge in aa elevator.

Governor’s Pay Held Up

Providence, IL L—Because the state treasury to empty. Governor Pothier and other high salaried state officials were forced to wait tor their pay. The treasurer had just sufficient funds to pay clerks and laborers.

Declare Hell a Myth.

Hot Springs, Ark.—Hell and Hell fire are myths in the opinion of members of the International Bible Students* association who are holding a convention here. They ask ministers to discard the "offending words."

Confusing Voices

Br REV. J. H. RALSTON

Seacuuycf Conanoaifaaca DepattMrt

TEXT—"There are, it may he, so many' kind* of voices in the world, and none of I them is Without significance." I Cor. 14:10. |

particular significance. Transferring the scene to the present day there are many voices concerning almost all subjects—social, political, commercial and religious, but we confine our thought to the last. Of the many voices on religion that might be considered, there is not one but has some signification. There is not a religious error of the day but contains * some truth. There is some valuable signification in it, and' from it the religious and orthodox can oftentimes learn useful lessons. Probably never in the history of the world have the voices touching religion been so confusing as now, and largely because the most dangerous of them carry some badge of adherence to the word of God and traditional reli-

gion of the best kind. There is nothing that should so concern a mao as religion—his relationship to God involving his own weal or woe for eternity—and he wants to know just what the truth is. With a goodly number the voice of reason is esteemed as safe, and as the Christian religion is a religion of rationality that voice has strong support. That the power of reasoning is highly important is conceded, or God would not ask man to reason together with Him. But reason is given a place beyond its right, and the result is most unsatisfactory, and with many there is a fanaticism and unreason, of which Paris worshipping a harlot is a suggestive result Men trusting reason will either become thorough anarchists, or adopt some religion which to the very antithesis of rationality. With some the voice of the inner spirit to supreme, and by Introspection they are seeking to know what God to saying. This voice is so variable that no reHance can be placed on it, every man becoming a law unto himself. The most grotesque experiences are at this point engendered, and the way is open for the incoming of all kind* of religious fallacies such as Christian. Science, spiritualism, occultism, and a’ brood of other evils. With many the voice of the church,' as such, is supreme, and when the church, considered in the light of its history, to fairly 1 treated its voice is worthy of the highest respect. It to never wise to neglect the great historic nor the church as speaking "through representative ministers, but if the chnrch as such is depended on exclusively It becomes ultimately the voice of a single person, and we have the hundreds of millions of the human race dominated by one person. It has been found that the church, whether speaking through its popes or councils has certainly often been wrong, and it cannot therefore Implicitly be depended upon. But with some the church speaking at the last moment to to be heeded. It is contended that the church today' does not believe as it once did, and that because it is more intelligent its voice is to be heeded rather than the church of two or three centuries ago, or even the church in the first centuries of the Christian era. This is evidenced by the tendency to the revision of church creeds, and the argument for such revision is that the church does not believe as it formerly believed and should change its creed. The teachings of the great divines of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, when theological thought was at Its zenith, are thought to be outgrown, and that the teachings of the men of today, regardless of their loyalty to the Bible, are to be heeded. It is claimed that the Christian teachers of the earlier centuries did not know the truth. The German distinguished apologete Lepsius makes the modern theologian say, "Christianity has for nearly two thousand years forgotten what the Master originally taught, and perhaps neither Paul, nor John, nor Augustine, nor Luther, nor Calvin ever understood who Jesus was and what He wanted. The entire church from the beginning of the apostolic age to the present generation has been one great misunderstanding and blunder.” f There is another voice and that to God speaking through the Bible. $ By the special providence of God that book has been preserved through many centuries substantially as It waa given to the holy men of old, and the reader of today can go to hto English Bible with just as much confidence in its safe guidance as those who he*died the original manuscript*

The apostle Pasll was greatly annoyed by the gen- • oral confusion i that characterized! the Corinthian, church, but this* text seems to have in mind a< religious meeting in which some are, praying, some exhorting and some teaching. He says there are so many kinds of voices, and none of them is without some