Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 157, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 July 1913 — Abe Martin in Indianapolis News. [ARTICLE]

Abe Martin in Indianapolis News.

Miss Fawn Lippincut caused quite a flutter in th’ ranks o’ th’ Colonial Bridge Club yisterday by openly declari n’ in an Impromptu address that card clubs wuz nothin’ more ner less than clearin’ houses fer knockers, an’ the real source o’ nine-tenths o’ th’ sensationalism o’ th’ day. / xj Beginnin’ her remarks, she said: “Ther’s one 'great an’ growin industry in this country employin’ hundreds o’ thousands o’ people in ever’ city, nook an’ hamlet that’s not losin’ any sleep on account o’ th’ Underwood bill, er protestin’ agin’ th’ institution o’ regional banks under federal control, an’ that’s th’ busihess o’ KNOCKIN’. “Ther’s alius been a little knockin’ goin’ on here an’ there since th’ beginnin’ o’ time, but it has operated under the sobriquet o’ backbitin’ an’ wuz widely scattered. It is one ’ our established customs. It seems t’ be impossible t’ make th’ most commonplace remark without leadin’ up t’ a knock. As late as 1908 th’ more charitably inclined attributed th’ habit o’ knockin’ t’ a condition o’ th’ liver, while still others were inclined t’ think it wuz only a natural an’ transtory result o’ th’ seemin unequal distribution o’ wealth. “If knockers don’t know anythin’ mean about somebuddy they’ll change th’ subject. Ambitious wives with uneventful husbands make th’ worgt knockers, unless it’s a bookkeeper with twelve children. Even at a weddin’ knockers are ambushed behind banks o’ sweetsmellin’ blooms, er tall stately palms, waitin’ fer a burst o’ laughter er th’ low mumblin’ tones o’ th’ organ that they may put over a well-aimed knock without bein’ heard. At th’ banquet table, where good cheer an’ friendship are supposed t’ abide, the knocker sits with glass turned down an’ fumbles his roquefort cheese while he waits fer a chance t’ slip one over. When a new baby comes to brighten a home, an’ fond neighbors flock t’ shower congratulation er run t’ th’ drug store, th’ knocker is th’ first one t’ jolly th’ mother an’ chuck th’ tiny pink stronger under th’ chin—an’ th’ first one t’ go away an’ make fun o’ its nose. “My friends, even in th’ death chamber o’ th’ stricken home th’ knocker appears an’ snoops around with a solemn face an* stands with bared head under a pear tree in th' dooryard an' remarks t’ his nearest neighbor: ‘He might have looked that way while he wuz livin’ if he’d taken a bath.’"