Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 143, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 June 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

Just what does th* “slash’' skin • prove? ' Baseball is a good game, provided your team wins occasionally. •A Also our notion of a useless occupation is that of raising artichokes. In the barbers’ strike riots in New York revolvers were employed. Next! If all jokes were judged by points, a big bunch of them would score minus aero. Another much needed invention is a golf ball that will whistle whenever It is lost The silk hat has survived a century. But the green one—a few months should suffice. When the Balkan states feel like borrowing 11,000,000,000, what does Turkey feel like? The dollars are flowing in for turtle serum, but where are the absolute proofs of worth? It is our notion, however, that the world needs simplified talking more than simplified spelling. Los Angeles has two lady "coppers" and it is said to be quite a sensation to be pinched by one of them.

After all, why correct the proof even if the compositor does set it up vulgar instead of Bulgar styles. What a comfort it would be if mosquitoes were as fastidious as are rainbow trout in the matter of biting. Twas a mean man who insinuated that at a suffragette meeting he not only heard plain things but saw ’em. Pickpockets may conclude to plead that in this day of empty purses and dollar watches they earn what they get They say that the taste for Manila cigars can be cultivated. Anybody who likes artichokes ought to believe it When unnecessary noise is abolished the picture of a messenger boy looking at an automobile horn will be pathetic. What has become of the man who used to eat strawberry shortcake all the time and then wonder what ailed his system? Irrespective of currency reform, there should be dough for everybody soon. The winter wheat crop has the best of prospects.

An advance of $5 a foot Is announced in the price of show snakes. But an advance in the price of the bar room kind would be better. This country has imported $16,000,000 worth of gems since the first of the present year. Somebody must be trying to square himself with his wife. The strength with which a man wields a piece of bamboo depends upon whether said bamboo is a component part of a carpet beater or a fishing rod. The statement made that a woman mtw a soul passing from a dying relative’s lips is received by scientists with skepticism. Even were such a thing allowed to be possible there are so many souls so small as to be invisible under any circumstances. "How long since you have seen a woman darning a pair of socks?” asks the Cincinnati Enquirer, thus offering an admirable topic for the historical , societies.

The new British ambassador is reported to be a baseball fan, which may prove even more influential than proficiency on the tennis court or the golfing green. That all potato cars must be heated in winter is the mandate of the interstate commerce commission. There must be a society for the prevention of cruelty to the potato. The blasting at Panama is killing the sea serpent This will not do. At least one of the sacred traditions of ages must be preserved from the commercial iconoclasts of the age. You remember, don’t you, that Gau* temaia borrowed >2,500,000 from Great Britain in 1869? Well, Great Britain is unreasonable enough to think it is time for Guatemala to whack up, and is beginning to be unpleasant about it One sporting writer says that it is now anybody's pennant But from the claims put forward by the various baseball managers we are led to be Have that it is everybody's pennant The public health bureau says that fear of the germs they may contain need deter no one from amassing greenbacks as swiftly as possible, since the ink kills the germs. Was anyone ever discovered who allowed such a fear to keep him poor, and if such a craven-spirited soul exists, is it worth while to reaspure him?