Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 128, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 May 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

Bat baseball is such a strain on tbs voice l Thunder and lightning! Seems rather familiar. “Swat the fly." Yes, swat It way oat Into the outfield. About the only croaking one hears these days is done by the frogs. Many persons do not like the cabaret, preferring to know what they eat. St Louis boy swallowed a whole crawfish. Fortunately, it wasn't aa eel. Tombstone cutters are on strike — an added argument for the lower cost of decease. About this time, the preliminary step is taken in the formation of June brides. Only two per cent of musicians are bald, but it is too late for many men to Join a band. As soon as all women wear Renders on their hatpins the men can quit carrying nippers. The farmer ought to be a happy man about these times. Everybody wants to help him. Our” opinion Is that the world will survive despite incomprehensible pictures silt skirts. However, the kind of umbrella that you cannot lose is not much good for keeping out the rain. One trouble wtyh simplified spelling is that the authorities still foolishly insist upon regular rules. Experts tell us how to achieve a ripe old age, when what one wants is to retain one’s verdant youth. While adopting those dinky little hats the dear women cling obstinately to the old long range hatpins. There Is a peculiar fascination in the accoutrements of angling now displayed In certain shop windows. Some persons do not like the pleasant chorus of the frogs, but some persons have no music In their souls. A German banking house has tailed , and Its chiefs have fled. The examiner over there h&B a fierce mustache. A German banker named Puppe has fled, leaving debts of $7,500,000. Sort of going to the dogs, so to speak. For the cure of cancer $2,500 worth of radium was applied. At this rate few people will be able to afford to have one. Have you heard the wail of those who are humiliated because the luxury of paying an Income tax is denied them? Is the wearing of a green hat with a neat little bow in the rear an indication that the wearer possesses temperament? A Boston chiropodist has been arrested for bigamy. Possibly he has been throwing himself at the feet of too many women. Then there is that morbid form of self-conceit that leads a man to consider himself a hoodoo because the home team always loses when he atr tends a ball game. Climbing 200 steps after breakfast took superfluous weight from a woman. It probably would have the same effect upon a horse. The fact that some women can be Induced to resent bitterly the charge of being too well dressed shows that feminism is marching. And after it has taken us all these long years to learn to spell, why inflict misery through being, compelled to learn all over again? Baseball becomes more scientific every year. Expert tans now have telephone calls arranged in advance to summon them from their work. Only one child was born to every thirty families in Paris last year, which city would not be a desirable place for a baby carriage factory. That Seattle judge who made a prospective bride and bridegroom listen while he tried a divorce case certainly doesn’t cater to the marrying trade. Influences of the season are shown to be affecting our courts, one headline chronicling the fact that a "Juror was taken out of the box." A man’s throat was cut in a bar-ber-shop when a bomb exploded. He complained bitterly because he was not having his shoes shined. On the latest and greatest steamship just launched there are lifeboats for 5,260 persons. Still, the proper thing for a ship to do with lifeboats Js not to need them.