Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 126, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 May 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

. » It is uji to the police to make safe blowing unsafe. If New York can’t find a new sensation it stirs up an old one. Eggs are 3 cents per dozen in China, and no. china eggs at that. Why; not expand the anti-noise crusade so as to include the checkerboard 6uit? At the same time, don’t wait for your neighbor to swat the flies. Get busy yourself. A New York woman lost $440 which she carried in her stocking. How, is not explained. ' No sooner are we through with the coal man than the ice man becomes our daily horror. A new street dress for women has side pockets in the skirt which can be found by a man. Milwaukee paper headline says a horse was bitten on the north side by a bulldog. Figure It out. A Welsh rarebit was employed to put out a fire, being impressed into service as a flail, perhaps. Experts tell us how to achieve a ripe old age, when what one wants is to retain one’s verdant youth. Not from an artist’s brush, but woman’s hat, do we get the full force of spring’s“ variegated beauty. In Paris a hotel is to be opened without servants. One excellent way in which to get rid of tipping.

It is said that Cleopatra danced the tango and the turkey trot Now let’s see, what became of Cleopatra? Chances for the small boy to become president some day are far better in Mexico than in Uncle Sam’s domain. Some women have taken to wearing watches on their ankles while others are merely retaining their common sense. A Boston man writes: "If I had a million dollars, I would go home and fri«n my wife.” Mis wife’s kisses must come high. The season approaches when many will leave comfortable homes and hie away to some mosquito infested watering place. / Still, It seems like taking an unfair advantage of a hard working microbe when a human being saturates himself with onions. You may think when you buy lamb chops you get the butcher's goat, but when his bill comes in you realize that he gets yours. The owner of a stubborn auto chopped it up and sold the junk. The same amount of energy might have moved the car. A Chicago barber gives a fresh egg with every shave. Now if that action is in lieu of conversation our approbation is manifest. That business man who was arrested and jailed for being too full, was dealt with in a natural-way; Hi* friend bailed him out. Western man who thought he saw snakes while on a spree and ran into a train and was seriously injured. Must have been rattled. The New York Sun says the only place where a person can live cheaply is Utopia. And it is not on the map. Eastern police who arrested cheese dealers for selling over' ripe product, claim to have strong evidence against those arrested. Strange! The price of artificial ice, it is announced, will go up next summer. It must be the artificial ponds were not on the Job during the winter. One statistician estimates that there are 10.000,000 tunes in existence, but the composers of modern musical comedies do not seem to know of more than two or three. Somebody remarks that the guitar may be a musical instrument hut it was never known to pay any dividends. Still, its notes of hand are usually accepted at full value. A soiled greenback is restored to Its original pristine glory by washing ahd Ironing at the cost of 1-10 cent. But the average man worries not at all whether his greenbacks be dirty. Fashion book says that women of America like tight gowns. Well, a tight gown does seem to be a little full when it encloses a fat woman. According to an insurance statistician, it costs $15,000 to kill a man. Oh. well, the poor have no show in this ■country. W» can't afford it! A Los Angeles Judge just granted a wife a divorce because her husband spanked her. Probably he should "have used a club and have been given a fine for assault and battery.