Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 123, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 May 1913 — Page 2

CAP and BELLS

ANOTHER WORRY FOR MARIA Farmer's Wife Objected to Cuckoo Clock Because She Had All the Birds She Could Feed. That there Is a limit to the cares and responsibilities of the housewife was demonstrated by a little story told in an after-dinner speech by Governor -Fletcher of Vermont. “A middle-aged couple from one of the back counties visited Montpelier one day,” said the governor, “and ■while rambling down the main street looking at the sights their attention was attracted by a cuckoo clock in the show window of a jewelry store. “The clock was striking at the time, and as the cuckoo came out and chirped the hour the rural couple looked on with mingjed admiration apd wonder. “ *Well, I declare!” exclaimed the fanner’s wife as the cuckoo concluded this announcement and retired within the clock, ‘never in all my life did I see anything like that!” “ 'Ner me, neether, Maria,’ responded Hezekiah, still retaining his look of astonishment, ‘an sence we need a' new clock at home, what do ye say If we buy thet one?’ “ ’We won’t do anything of the kind, Hezekiah !” was the emphatic declaration of Maria. ‘Don’t ye s’pose I’ve got enough chickens, an’ ducks, an’ geese, an’ turkeys, an’ other things to look after now without feedin ’a pesky bird?’” —Philadelphia Telegraph.

Voices of the Night.

“Go to sleep again, Maria. That wasn’t a gun—nothing but an auto •tire busted!” “John, did you remember to order that ton of coal today? I knew you’d forgotten It! And there isn’t more than a bucketful left in the—l won’t Ihush!” "If the next car that comes along doesn’t stop, by George, I’ll smash a Window.” “Duckie, how about going skating tomorrow even— Say, you, there, Buttinski, get oft the line!” “Gosh; It’s a motorcycle! I was dreaming there was an earthquake .and the house was falling down!” “It’s too bad, Henry, but you’ll have to walk a while with the baby again.” “Me-a-ow* Me-a-ow! Spft! Spft!”

A LOOK BEYOND.

He —So you'll be mine! I never dreamed there was such happiness in etore for me. She—Oh, there’s no happiness in ■store for you, I assure you!

Fine Distinctions.

"Why don’t the daughters of these millionaires speak to each other?” “Because they ate in different classes.” "What do you mean?" ‘One’s father made his money in refined sugar and the other only in crude oil.”

Drifted Apart.

"Yes; the engagement is off." “What came between your two loving hearts?" "I hardly know. I told her I was unworthy of her, and she agreed with me so heartily on that point that our courtship kind of languished after that.”

A Woman’s Question.

Paying Teller—l cannot cash this check, madam. She—Why not? . Paying Teller —There isn’t enough money here to meet it. She—Then can’t you meet it halfway?

Some Weight.

“Cholly complained of having something on his mlnd.*\ ’1 know what It is. I saw him •trike his head against a lot of cobwebs in tbs corner.*’ *

FOND WIFE WAS PRACTICAL

Husband Discovers Hl* Young Bride Ha* Arranged With Her Mother as to His Allowance. “My dear,” murmured the young man, after the usual half-hour of whispering and cuddling, “we must now talk about practical things. It seems a profanation, I know, but it will be well to get some of these things arranged.” “Yes, darling,” she answered fondly, “I am going to be a practical wife, and I have already thought of ways and means. I have even talked, them over with mamma. What do’ you want to discuss first?” “Well, there’s the subject of a certain alowance every week for spending money.” ‘l’ve thought of that.” “Oh —er —you have?” “Yes —now you .mustn’t think me mercenary. But I’ve talked it over with mamma, and she agrees that a certain allowance is right and proper. Now, your salary is $3,000 a year, isn’t it?” “Yes, and I want it to go as far as possible toward your happiness.” “I know it, precious boy. So Fve decided that about $5 a week will be about right.” “Why, little girl, that won’t be enough! You’ll have to have—” “Yes, mamma and I think it will be a plenty, you extravagant thing. You’ll have your breakfasts and dinners at home, and you don’t drink, and you’ve told me that you only eat light lunches. So $5 a week ought to pay your car fare and give you quite a lot to spend just as you like.”-—-Cleveland Plain Dealer.

MONEY WASTED.

Harold (yawning)—Y-a-a-s, weally, it cost me ten thousand a year just to live, doncher know. Evelyn—How foolish of you to pay it! It isn’t worth it!

Those Gift Cigars.

Hemmenhaw handed his best friend a cigar. ‘Have a smoke,” he said. "Sure,” said the friend. "There, I’m glad that’s off my mind!” “Off your mind ?” -. "Yes; that cigar is the last of a box my wife gave me. for Christmas, and I will tell you in confidence I have been handing them out all day. You got the last. Ha, ha!” “Well, the laugh la on you.” “On me?” “Yes; I went with your wife to pick out those cigars, and they were the very best I. could find in town.”

Rapid Descent

At the exhibition of post-impres-sionist paintings in New York, two Boston men were standing in front of the much-talked-of canvas alleged to represent a figure descending the stairs. “This is the worst yet.” cried one. “Look at it.! It is simply a tangled mass of streaks and splotches." “I think," said the other after gazing at It a moment, “that the fault lies In the title, Mfhlch is not sufficiently explanatory. It should tell us that it is a figure descending the stairs after the careless scrub woman had left a cake of soap on the top step.”

Proving It.

“Foreigners are always misplacing prepositions In their speech.” "Sure. The one who married my daughter told a friend they were coming back from their travels to live WITH the old man, when he meant ON thq old man.”

His Character.

Lady—So your husband is In Jail again? Poor Woman —Yes’m. • Lady—He does not seem to be a man of stable character. Poor Woman—Well, I don’t know as to that. mum. He’s a hostler.

What Aldrich Missed.

"Do you think that we should have a more elastic currency?” asked the Old Fogy. "It is elastic enough,” replied the Grouch. “Why don’t they make It more adhesive?”

Compensations.

"Isn’t it horrible, this Bclentifio proposition to kill idiots In their infancy?" "All wrong, of course, but then there would be none left to rock boats.”

Element of Uncertainty.

“What is your idea of the tariff?” “Well,” replied Senator Sorghum, “the tariff is a good thing /to get votes with before one election. But it’s mighty liable to make you lose ’em before the next”

Designed for the Street, Made Up in Blue Charmeuse

A gown of blue charmeuse with green collar and lapel*. Special features: the sash, very short jacket and draped skirt. ,

HARMONY ALWAYS A POINT

Sharp Contrasts in Living Room Something to Be Avoided by the Up-to-Date Homemaker. A room is really a picture, or at least it should be composed with due regard to its esthetic possibilities. The walls are the background of which doors and windows are a part The furniture is in the middle distance and the family furnishes the foreground. It is evident that if the wall paper is figured conventional deSigns are always best and the designs should be worked out in varying tones of the dominant color. This dominant color may be any that lends itself charmingly to interior decoration. It should be soft, rich and beautiful in its varying shades. It is not enough that it should blend with carpets and curtains or contrast harmoniously with them. It should be favorable as a background to the persons who make the main part of the picture, it* should bring out the flesh tones, or at least not spoil them, and it should not clash with the colors of the garments worn by those who pass their time within the four walls of the room. Moreover, it should simplify the lighting problems, whether the position of windows or the effect of electric lamps is taken into consideration.

SETTING FOR TOILET TABLE

Various Dainty Accessories Are Offered for the Fancy of the Woman Who Likes Pretty Things. Very lovely are the cut-glass salt bottles with square stopper of enameled, on silver gilt in the daintiest and most artistic designs, while the large cut-glass perfume bottles have enamel stoppers and tops, the enamel generally toning with the prevailing color of the room. A silver ruler with inch and centimeter measurement, which holds rubber, pencil and pen when the end is taken off, also finds a place in the boudoir. And a new paperweight' in the form of a ruler with a handle in the center, the inch ‘and centimeter measurements being marked thereon, is amongst the latest of useful feminine trifles.

Veils Now Often Discarded.

Veils are very much less worn than they used to be in past seasons. They are less easy to wear with very small hats, for the simple reason that they may easily touch the eyes or at least the eyelashes; but, since the extremely small hat is specially reserved for the very young woman, she may well permit herself to meet the full glare of daylight *in the street without any softening veil. Besides this, some hygienic people pretend that the veil is harmful both to the complexion and the sight, and, while it is also true that the contrary opinion is held, the devotee of fashion will follow her own personal opinion without bothering her bead about any other.—Paris Edtjlon «t New York Herald.

MAKES PRETTY HOME DRESS

In Cherry Red Cloth This Costume Would Be Fit for the Adornment of Any Woman. For this house dress might he se l lected red cloth of fine texture. The skirt is made with a panel down back and a wrapped seam down front, which is rounded off at the foot to show a small panel of braided satin in a delicate shade of gray. The bodice has a yoke and deep cuffs of this; the sides and upper part of sleeves are cut Magyar and

laid on with wrapped seams; material fills in the space below yoke; a black satin ribbon is taken round the waist and arranged to hang in a bow and end in front Materials required: 8% yards cloth 48 inches wide, % yard satin 40 inches wide, 3 dozen yards braid, 1 yards satin ribbon.

Cotton In Netting.

One bride is making her comforters in an unusual way, says Good Housekeeping. She Incloses the cotton batting in mosquito netting, tacking it here and there. Then she slips this into its outside corer. When the cover is soiled it is very easy to rip open one end and remove the cotton and also as simple to put the .whole together again.

STORE from the BIG CITIES

College Men See Reptiles at the University Club

NEW YORK.—Two hundred members of the University club, Lafayette avenue and South Oxford street, were present at the reception tendered the alumni of Lafayette college, Wisconsin university. University of Maine, and Hobart college. President Edward Ward McMahon, in a brief address, extended a cordial welcome to the visiting alumni. The entertainment provided was an Interesting lecture, Illustrated by living specimens, delivered by Raymond Lee Ditmars, curator of reptiles and assistant curator of the New York zoological park. Mr. Ditmars approached his subject, which happened to be "Snakes and Lizards,” with all the ease and abandon of a man signing an prdlnary check. The careless way In which he handled such deadly snakes as the rattler and the

Crusade Against Dogs Balked When Owners Cry

INDIANAPOLIS. IND.—Mayor Shank, who made known the other day thatUie had signed a contract for a vaudeville tour, proved his jbility to “tour some” when he took a twentyminute ride with city dog catchers and superintended the capture of five dogs. He boarded one of the city dog catchers’ wagons and went into the dog-catching game with Gusto. , But it did not last His objection to the dog-catching was not due to any particular dislike for . the excitement What got on his nerves was the spectacle of the child owners of the dogs, who threw their arms around their pets and begged that the unlicensed outlaws be spared. Mayor Shank took no active hand in the proceedings further than to superintend the job and hold the horse from his high seat on the wagon. The job was undertaken by the mayor personally, because he had boasted that each wagon and its crew should catch 25 dogs a day. The mayor’s record out-classed his prediction wonderfullfr. “Those fellows are down there drawing a salary of $25 a week,” declared the mayor. "I’ll bet they don’t catch that many dogs in a year. I

“Ho Hum;” Laziest Man Runs Away From Work

CHICAGO;— Work is James Friler’s pet aversion. It always has been. Even a court order that he patch up his quarrel with honest labor failed to stir his latent muscles to action. He was sentenced the other day to sweep one block of North. Campbell avenue, between North and Wabansia avenues, in front of his home, every afternoon until be found employment. The sentence was passed by Judge Joseph Sabath of the West Chicago avenue police court, after Frller had been arrested on complaint of his wife. Mrs. Frller said he had sat around the house at 1524 North Campbell avenue for two years, his only occupa-

Ten-Year-Old Wanderer Found When Hit by Car

CT.FVWIT.AND, O. —Ten-yearold Ethel Tate, 2335 East One Hundred and Fourteenth street, or "the disappearing kid," as she is known by the police, was hit by a Cedar avenue car at East One Hundred and Fifth street the other .morning when she was on one of her” regular runaways. Ethel Invariably runs away once a month. She doesn't go anywhere in particular, but just keeps on walking until she gets tired and then she lies down and sleeps, no matter where she is. She told her mother she had slept in Ambler park the night before, and consequently had contracted a hard cold. Last September she was found sound asleep in the salon of the steamer City of Erie. Scarcely two weeks later she was found In a picture show in Akron after everybody else had left the place. In January, after a three days* disappearance, she was discovered in a livery stable. ¥ . "I would tie a ball and chain on her If I thought it would do any good, but I know it would be useless,” said Mrs.

water moccasin was enough to make* the cold chills run up and down one’*! back. He spoke of the reptiles as one would speak of a friend, in terms ofl warmest affection, and said that snakes were greatly maligned and! that some of the attributes accorded the reptile were based upon po'pulaf) superstition and were not warranted by the actual facts. "As a matter of fact,” said th«i speaker, "the snake is not sold and slimy.” After telling of the various species, of lizards, which number over 3,00(h and snakes that, number over 4,000, Curator Ditmars affectionately exhibited a Gila monster, which was not sot dangerous, he said, as its marking! would paint it. Mr. Ditmars then produced an in-, fant boa constrictor. "There is a certain art in handling snakes,” said thei speaker as the reptile turned about! his wrist. “The snake has an erratic! temper and should be allowed to have) its own Way. Very often it is affected by the nervous condition of the* person who handles it, and it gets real mad if the handler is not in the right, frame of mind toward it”

know that I can catch that many dog* in one- day and I am going to show them how to do ’er.” The dog pound attaches, Lester E. Jones and Robert A Walters, do not agree with the mayor. Five dogs in 20 minutes is no record, according to them. ' They have worked faster than that on a dark day, they say. The rceord for the day is 42 dogs. "Gosh, that’s a rotten game,” declared the mayor after his return from the ride. “I would rather, -catch a ‘speeder* any old day in the week than hunt poor little dogs. Then, when the little children ran out and hung on to the dirty little curs, why I just wanted to let them alone. The grief of those poor little kids just made me want to quit. I told the driver to hustle me to the police station.”

tion being to draw corks from numerous bottles of whisky. Even this wearied him after an hour or so, and he demanded that his wife perform the task for him, but she refused. She resolved to break his two years,, rest, so caused his arrest. Judge Sabath after hearing the story ordered Frller to sweep the street In front of his home every afternoon. Frller remembered somewhere in his past studies that he had read something about “cruel and unusual punishment” Going to his home from the court foom he dug up an old history, which contained the constitution of the United States. "Nothing doing,” he muttered. "The constitution says no judge shall inflict a cruel and unusual punishment* and if that sentence don't come under) that head, then I don’t know any-* thing.” He put on his hat and coat and dls-< appeared. Shortly afterward his wlfe4 returning from the court room, found' there were no piles of street dirt in: front of the house, and that her anin mated spouse was gone.

Elizabeth Tate, the girl’s mother. “This year we sent her to the Ursuline convent, hoping we could break her of running away, but she got away from there. • ' - “I am unable to account for Ethel's mania to run away. Otherwise she is a very good girl, and at school is considered exceptionally bright 1 think, however, that the girl is so full of life she caxft bear to be shut up at school and at home for any length of time. Her father and I have both traveled around nearly all our lives, and maybe the girl’s running away is merely the inborn las stlnct to roam expressing itself.**