Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 120, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 May 1913 — ONCE PATRIOTS WERE FOOLED [ARTICLE]

ONCE PATRIOTS WERE FOOLED

Had Struck a Lazy Neighborhood and Nobody Would Order Him to Stop Hia Work. In the opinion of friends and enemies alike Patrick was the laziest white man that ever drew breath. It was one of the anomalies of Patrick’s existence that the only firm with whom he could hold a job was a coal company whose strenuous methods sometimes compelled him to be out delivering coal at seven o'clock in the morning. Certain of the company’s customers ,az*d their neighbors resented that inhuman activity almost as much as Patrick did. The first rattling of coal down the iron chute banished sleep, and irate aristocrats who could afford the luxury of a morning snooze popped their heads out of the window and ordered Patrick to postpone his labors until a more reasonable hour.

Patrick never disregarded that command. Backed up by a united neighborhood, he could afford to be lazy, so he curled up on the driver’s seat and slept until the street was astir. Fortified by previous experience, Patrick accepted a recent order for early service with comparative cheerfulness. He reported at the coal yard in good time, and at seven o’clock the first shovelful of coal awoke echoes in a quiet residential street. Having fired his first shot, Patrick closed the chute and awaited the usual command. It did not come. He let fly another volley. Still no tousled heads, no angry voices. Another shovelful, and still another, and another broke the stillness. Patrick looked despairingly at the lifeless windows. “For the love of Mike!” he groaned. “Ain’t any of youse people got spunk enough to order me to stop shoveling coal at seven o'clock in the morning?” i

Apparently nobody had. Patrick had at last struck a neighborhood which, while arousing resentment, commanded his deepest respect. The entire population was too lazy to get up and bid him stop working, and his labors proceeded without the customary respite.