Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 113, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 May 1913 — Page 3
GOOD JOKES
Unconvbhtlonalltles. “Never mind closing the door as you go out, Skidmore; the room will heed a little extra ventilation. "Sir, in returning this manuscript to you we take pleasure in pronouncing it by all odds the worst rot that ever was submitted to us.” Tm lending you this money, you worthless cuss, merely to get rid of you.’!: “I can’t understand how you got in; Mr. Grigshaw; I’ve told the girl I am not at home when you call.”
Bunkoed.
Farmer Hayseed (to policeman)— I’m waitin’ for a feller I loaned $lO to yesterday. He said he’d meet me an’ he ain’t showed up. Policeman —Do you know where he lives? Farmer Hayseed—Wall, I don’t know the number, but just after he got the money I heard him tell another feller he was livin’ on Easy street.
Conventional.
“How is the new telephone operator getting bn?” “Oh, she left as sqon as I explained the work to her.” "Refused to stay, eh?” “Yes.” “What was the trouble?” “She said she couldn’t think of calling people up and talking to them without a formal introduction.” X 27
Sized Her Up.
Salesman Carpets? 'l’his way, madam. Are your rooms of good else? Customer—We live in a flat. Salesman—Oh, carpet remnants, two aisles to the right
AND PROBABLY WAS.
Old Man —1 could almost swear your hand was In my pocket. The Pickpocket (coolly)—Strange! I could almost swear it was there, too.
Reasonable.
I would not Uwe forever, I am not that sort of man; But I would loVe to live to see A goat eat a tin can.
Still Incomplete.
“Well, we have had the Infant fitted with glasses, hls appendix removed and his stomach re-enforced. Have we overlooked anything?” “Just one item.” "What is that?” "We have forgotten to name the child.”
Only Way to Do It.
"Why are you tying that rope about your ankles?” “I am going out walking with my girl." “But I don’t st*—” “She wears a hobble, and I want to keep step with her, don’t I?”
Neglected Opportunity.
“The days are getting longer,” said the observant man.
“Yes,” replied the person who takes melancholy pride in being an ultimate consumer. “And nobody has found 'a way for putting in an extra charge on that account.”
Polite Age.
Crawford —Most of the old-style (dives have been closed. We must be getting better. Crabshaw —I don’t know about that (You see, we now call them cabaret shows. —Puck.
Horrible Suggestion.
"Your father,” said the lover to his •sweetheart, “is a great uplifting force iln this community.” "Oh, Harold,” gasped the fair girl. "I hope he hasn’t been trying it on you!"
An Example.
“How could a dish run away with • spoon? Dishes are inanimate. A dish can’t run or talk.” “Can’t, eh. How about the cup that cheers?”
A True Bohemian.
"Your next door neighbor is a true Bohemian; he claims to be able to paint pictures on an empty stomach. 4Do you believe It?” "Certainly!, He’s a tattoo artist.”— (Yale Record/
New Timo Table.
“When does this ferry run, uncle?” asked the would-be passenger. "Dis ferry, Marse,” said the old •man, “she runs at quarter artef, half alter, quarter to and at”—Lippin-
A REAL SURPRISE.
“I was talking to my colored man of all work the other day,” said Hon. James Yates ■ Mellen of Cleveland, “and I asked him if he went to church.” “ ‘Yassuh, I goes to church every Sunday,’ he said. “‘Are you'a member?* “ ‘Yessuh.’ “ ‘What church?* “‘Prespeteeryun.’ “ *Do you believe in the doctrine of election?’ “ ‘Yessuh.’ “‘Do you think I am elected to the saved?’ “ ‘Law, Mr. Mellen, I didn’t even know you all was a candidate!’”— Cleveland Plain Dealer.
HOW THE SPRING AFFECTS US.
De Scribe (boastfully)—Yes, there are several magazine editors who will take anything I send them npw. De Rhimmes —Yes, I suppose some of the editors do get careless this spring weather.
His Fatal Gift.
He used to be a lady-killer, And now he Is wishin’ That name would not hang on so Since he is a physician.
Something to Think About.
A salesgirl in a local department store yawned drowsily as she remov ed her wraps and started to get in readiness for her day’s work Thur» day. “Out to a party last night?” inquired one of the other girls. “No, but I didn’t, get much sleep.” “Weren’t you feeling well?" “Yes, but after I put the light out and jumped into bed I found something round under the covers and 1 lay awake all night wondering whether it was a nickel or only just a metal button with the hook brsken off.”
Acknowledgment.
“When a woman makes a blunder some man is sure to say, ‘Now, that’s just like a woman!”’ “Yes, and he doesn’t realize at the time that he is paying her a compliment.” * “In what way?”
“If she had acted ‘just like a man,* the chances are she would have dons a great deal worse.”
Characteristic.
Pat—How much do yez weigh, Mikel Mike —Oi weigh 175 pounds. Pat —You must “a” got weighed with your coat on. Mike—An’ Oi did not. Oi held it is me arms all the time. —Judge.
No Wonder.
"Why did you order that well-dress-ed lady out of the store?" “She’s a well-known kleptomaniac.” “Did she take anything hire?” “She took offense.”
CHARMING FRANKNESS.
Percy—ls your mother opposed to my coming to see you, Evelyn? Evelyn—Not at all, Percy. Since I told her there was no—er—likelihood of your ever proposing to me she has withdrawn her objections. t
Sure Sign.
When baby's very, very bright. And very clever and all that. The mother know* on just which side The house it got its brightness at
Old-Fashioned.
He—ls this the new cook’s bread? I never ate better. She—Yes, but she’s woefully unscientific. Not up to date at all. I asked her if she knew what caused the bread to rise. And she said it was the yeast Said she’d never heard of fermentation! I’m not at all sure I want to keep her.
Outdoor Costumes of the Latest Make-up, and Approved Material
Walking Costume. —For this no material is better suited than face cloth; any color would look well. The skirt is quite plain and is cut a smart length. The coat has a deep basque; a patent leather belt hides the join where it is set to the upper part; the fronts of this are laid on with wrapped seams; embroidery trims the large collar, which is of material, and is cut in points at front; below these two buttons are sewn. i Hat of satin to match, trimmed with a feather mount. Materials required: 5 yards cloth 48 inches wide, 1 dozen yards braid, 6 yards silk or satin for lining coat. Smart Dress. —Navy serge of very fine qua’lty is selected here. f
FEET DEMAND PROPER CARE
Are Hardworked Members of the Body and Deserve Better Treatment Than They Receive.
Women who spend hours caring for their hands pay little attention to their feet. They are such hardworked members of the body that they deserve better treatment. Feet are best kept in condition by shoes that fit. Never economize in shoe leather, and do not yield to vanity and get footgear that is too small. Frequent bathing keeps the feet from being tired and swollen and it prevents roughness of the skin that leads to callous spots. Water in which a bit of washing soda has been dissolved is restful. Hot salt water is equally refreshing, while a vigorous rubbing with alcohol will quickly relieve a burning sensation. Pumice stone, used frequently, keeps the skin smooth. It is especially necessary on the heels and on the ball of the foot, where the weight of the body rests in walking. Never cut the nails too short, as they are more likely to become ingrown. And file them smooth with sandpaper, so they will not catch and pull the threads of your stockings. Occasionally visit a chiropodist He will detect any irregularity in the growth of nails and money and pain' are saved.
Rick-Rack Braid.
Twenty-five years and more ago every one who had a moment to spare was making lace from the so-called rlck-rack braid. There were collars of rick-rack, cuffs of rlck-rack, edgings of rlck-rack, and even entire overdresses for the small daughter made of this braid. Within a short time the tiny bundles of the braid have again appeared in the stores, and have made a strong bid for popularity, according to the Newark News. Already one sees some very attractive needlework made with this braid as a foundation. Bandings of it are being used for trimming wash gowns and some exceptionally pretty table doilies and runners are edged with rlck-rack trimming.
Aluminum Shower for Bride.
While the bride to whom such a function would be helpful is still showered and wisely with linen, kitchen belongings or provisions, even these time-honored affairs are apt nowadays to be given with some new twist without losing their practical character.
For Instance, many brides this year will be showered with aluminum Instead of the . ordinary kitchen tins and enamels. This is, of course, more expensive than the tin shower, but it Is more worth while, and by selecting the smaller necessaries or by combining funds for the larger articles everyone’s purse can be suited.
The skirt has a shaped edge to right front, which is laid on the left in a wrapped seam; buttons and loops trim the upper pari, and a material panel is let in at foot. The bodice has a large collar and small re vers of purple t satin, these turn back from a vest of finely tucked net; buttons and a lace frill trim the fronts ' The lower part of sleeve has the fulness set under the upper in flat pleats; the-cuffs are deep and shaped in a point at upper edge. Hat of purple Tagel, trimped with a rope of small flowers. Materials required: 5 yards serge, 46 inches wide, % yard satin 20 Inches wide, % yard tucked net 18 inches wide, 7 buttons, % yard lace for front
GORGEOUS EVENING GOWN.
An evening gown of yellow satin with lace tunic and drapery of beads. Trimming of yellow and orange flowers.
Newest Handkerchiefs.
Embroidered handkerchiefs are used more generally than ever before, and the woman who heed not spend hours embroidering shirt waists and linen dresses will surely find time for initialing v at least her own handkerchiefs. Hand hemstitched handkerchiefs of sheer linen can be bought for 75 cents in a quality worth embroidering. Wreaths, single initials or three In a row, or IrregulSr banding of embroidery all around thf handkerehlwf r-tin he nr da,
STORIES from the BIG CITES
Society People See Expose of Crooked Gambling!
Philadelphia, pa.— society here has been startled by a unique and sensational expose of crooked gambling in their midst, and after losing amounts aggregating to a fortune at roulette, each received the exact amount of their losses in a sealed en l velope at a dinner given by Arthur Wheeler, one of the city’s prominent club men, who staged the startling af* fair.
The host, who has frequently produced new and unheard of events in the whirl of social doings here, had the cotillion room of his Spruce street residence converted into a miniature Monte Carlo, or Palm Beach Casino. Every device from bacaret, rouge et noir, to the humble but lucrative American game of craps and Klondyke, was in evidence, with faro and roulette as the chief game for the society plungers. The play was heavy and fast, with the percentage all for the house. Society matrons who had begun their dabbling wagers ih a spirit -of fun, soon became tense and white with the strain of trying to recoup losses, and men whose faces are prominent on the stock exchange, scrib-
Prince, Big Barbary Lion, Mourns Mate’s Death
CHICAGO. —Prince, the great Barbary lion at the Lincoln park zoo, Is mourning the death of Nellie, who long was his mate. Dismally he paces his cage with a faraway look. The gentle strokes of the keeper on his nose pass unnoticed as are the juicy steaks lying on the floor of his cage. “He mourns as I knew he would,” said Cy De Vry in a shaky voice. “But Nellie is buried in a high and dry place Where no one can disturb her. She shall have a monument —a small one —but still a* monument.” Nellie for years was the best known animal in the Lincoln park zoo. She was the mother of 126 cubs. For several years she had been blind and gradually getting feebler with old age. She was twenty-four years old. Cy De Vry, who has had charge of the animals for twenty-five years, raised Nellie from a cub. Prince was purchased from a circus in Wisconsin on April 6, 1903, for |l,« 400, and placed in the same cage with Nellie. They lived in harmony and happiness, the best of "pals” for ten long years. Visitors used to smile as they gazed into cage 4 at Nellie and Prince stretched out on the floor side by side, , both curiously watching the
Takes Refuge in River; Is Driven Out by the Cold
INDIANAPOLIS, IND.—Samuel Lutz, 145 Bright street, stood neck deep in the chilly waters of White river near the West Washington street bridge the other morning, and shivering, but bold, defied Patrolman Romaine. “Come In and get me if you want me,” he taunted. Patrolman Romaine sat down calmly on the bank and as calmly surveyed his prospective prisoner. "When you come out I’ll take you,” he said. "I am in no hurry. Just take your time."
He Couldn’t Bear to Disturb a Trusting Feline
KANSAS CITY, MO.—“—and she sat in my lap'all the rest of the show,** he was saying as he emerged from a motion picture theater the other afternoon. It did sound a bit scandalous. But after hearing the first part of the story It wasn’t scandalous at all. “It was a dark reel," the narrator began, “and I must have been a little drowsy. Suddenly something soft and pretty heavy came down in my lap with a sort of ‘plop.’ I jumped and wondered what was over me. But it was just a big Maltese cat She was purring like a little sawmill and sticking her claws into me comfortably, the way cats do when they are contented. “Well, It was the last reel on the program, but when it was over that eat was so peaceful and happy in my lap I couldn't bear to upset her. So 1
bled I. O. U.’s, with which to purchase* >SOO stacks of chips. Suddenly for-’ tune seemed to smile on the players' gathered about the large ornate roulette wheel. All players won heavily 1 and other games were deserted, while the entire gathering placed their beta on the whirling ball. Just as suddenly as they had wont, the wheel began to play against them, and in a dozen turns the players were broke. More written promises and checks were accepted by the host, and the crowd again feverishly attacked the wheel. Again the little ivory sphere settled in all points favorable to the bank. Suddenly the play was ordered stopped .by the ringing of a gong, and further play was refused. The party were ushered to the banquet hall, and went, unwillingly and without appetite. At the plate of each was a squarewhite envelope, and within it the exact amount that they had lost, to* gether with their L O. U.’s and checks. After the dinner the guests were' again led to the cotillion room, wherethe host directed some mechanics totake apart the roulette wheel. Ho showed them the electric wires which run up the leg of the table upon which it rested, and how the slight pressure of the croupier’s foot controlled the ball with its metal filling. Marked cards, loaded dice and crooked faro boxes, were all demonstrated to the astounded guests, who, after the strain of their losses, found it hard to believe that they had not lost their money.
crowds, as they slowly passed along. * Once Cy De Vry almost met his death at the jaws and paws of Nellie when he entered her cage and looked at her four new cubs. This was in 1901. “Nellie is a good mother,” said Cy De Vry after the rescue, “but cross to men when she has cubs. There is nothing like a good scrap to put yon on right terms with a lion, that la, unless the lion wins. “Prince has eaten nothing since Nellie’s death,” he said, turning away sadly. Ope of the caretakers threw a large, juicy steak into the cage. Prince looked at it, pawed it and then resumed his mournful pacing of his cell. The other lions ate the food ravenously.
And so the officer and his quarry waited. And a crowd collected and laughed. Lutz stuck it out until great black circles grew about his eyes, his lips turned a sickly blue, and his teeth chattered. He was too cold to try to swim across the river. Any how, he knew the officer could arrive on, the opposite bank as quickly as ha The arrival of Bicyclemen Long and Bastin put an end to the comedy. Lutz capitulated and waded ashore. He was locked up, charged with drunkenness and malicious trespass. Lutz tied up business in a reetauarnt kept by Mrs. Levady Chastine, 623 West Washington street, when bo became Involved In an argument over his check and started a fight with the cook. Patrolman Romine interrupted, and, when Lutz ran, followed the victim to the river. Before his departure Lutz is alleged to have demolished the front window of the restaurant.
sat through the whole program again. Kitty humming away to herself and smiling up at me every now and thee, confidingly. - "When, I did got up, finally, she stuck her claws Into my legs and embraced me desperately. I never saw such a friendly cat Speaks well tor the general public, I think, that a eat M In a theater should be so sure of a welcome and entertainment among strangers.”