Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 106, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 May 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

If science can evolve a stingless tea, why not a voiceless cat? - - . . A Take your choice, hubby, when the parlor rag comes out Beat It or beat it : '• ■ ■ ' • 7 “Skirts will be worn tighter than ever,” says a fashion expert How can they?" "Woman Goes Over Niagara Falls pa Trip,*’ says a headline. How enjoyable! Do you think that the man who la always telling how to manage a woman, ever tried it? f If Friedmann’s vaccine shall be established, the turtle will take its place alongside the cow. What an awful calamity it would be If the leading baseball players Hhould contract writer’s cramp! Long silence by a (tpan at a telephone may not indicate wire trouble. Maybe hie wife’s at the other end. Twenty-three hundred love letters were found among the effects of an Australian bachelor. Evidently M either had to die or marry to stop them. Some men would like to have a Job'picking the blossoms off a century plant at SIO,OOO a year, if they couldn’t get the job of boiler inspector. In payment of an election bet a man is to lead a donkey from Portland, Me., to Portland, Ore. His companion in the “hike” is singularly well chosen. Announcement that pythons have Increased in price five dollars a foot need cause no uneasiness, as a very small helping would be enough for anybody. Utah evidently wants to increase its population with its reward to mothers of ten dollars for the first child, and seven dollars for each additional consumer. With a buffalo on the new nickel, don’t feel called upon to Bhirk hustling for the coin. The “hump” is on your side of the fence Jußt as much as it ever was. The pursuit of ferocious African animals is urged as a distraction for brain fag. Looking a large lion in the eye it well calculated to dislodge all other thoughts. A New Tork patriot has Issued a pamphlet that we should speak American, a greater name for the greatest language. What’s the matter with talking United States? A hobo is reported to demand of Los Angeles jailors that he be permitted to take four baths a day. Possibly he is working for a permanent berth in an Insane asylum. The new nickel has evoked much unfriendly criticism, yet the coin might have been a great deal worse. Suppose some cubist had been allowed to furnish the design for it

One pleasant thing about a cold Is the large variety of delightful cures it brings to one’B attention, and the patient can generally try them all before the cold gets tired and quits. The common notion that talk Is cheap will have to give way before the figures of the Bell telephone system, which announce gross receipts of $199,200,000 for a single year. An eastern divine remarks that the world is growing better day by day. How about the nights? It is quite indicative that when a girl speaks of her corsetier that her father makes at least $5,000 per annum, and also when she speaks of her Parisienne corsetiere, daddy has got another raise. The complaint of the New York lady that on an Income of SIB,OOO a year she had to help in the housework 1b expected to arouse sympathy and commiseration only among the “Little Brothers of the Rich." * The cartoonists these days are wielding the pencil to portray spring buds. About the best spring buds in the minds of women, however, are those seen in the millinery departments marked $49.98. Here and there you will see a resourceful young man wearing one qf those green hats and trying to escape, avoid, or minimize the deep darnation thereof by having the bow shifted from the back to the side. In the case of the Arkansas man whose skull was trepanned with a hammered out dollar, it is a case oi a plugged dollar being a good one. Consideration for nerves of others should be felt by the Prince of Wales when he begins those lessons on the bagpipe to strengthen his lungs. The countess D’Lasteyrlc has bag* ged fourteen' goats shooting with hei left band. Not so remarkable when It is considered that some people gel goats bauds down.