Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 March 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

England is in acute need of elastic window glass. However, as for hobble skirted women. how can she expect to “win In a walk?” A Peruvian aviator proposes to fly ®ver the Alps. In a Peruvian bark, probably. "Bashi-bazoukesses” may fit the crime, but it’s altogether too hard to pronounce. A Vienna astronomer says 218,000,000 tons of cosmic dnst falls on the " "airffinevery . day, / A Pennsylvania man has. contracted smallpox from a roll of bank notea But who’s afraid? A professor of music says that there are 10,000,000 melodies. But of ,these, how many are original? Man needs a few more soft spots In his heart, says a western preacher. And a few less in his head. A Chicago thief was kicked senseless by a woman the other day. She must have been a ballet dancer. A New Jersey man claims to have Invented a seamless coat as the result of a dream. It sounds like one. A St. Louis newspaperman bought twelve engagement rings in one year. Perhaps he believed in advertising. Hereafter, when dinner is late, don’t be too quick to blame wife or cook. Perhaps it was the postman. A French scientist says men get bald because they eat too much. Then why is it that a dyspeptic usually is bald? Paris husband who suspected his wife of infidelity, cut off her nose. To keep her from nosing around, no doubt • Pittsburg burglar fleeing with plunder was captured by a small boy with a toy pistol. It’s the little things that count - iA Texas undertaker has contracted 1 to bury the county paupers at % cent each. Doing the work at pauper’s prices. Inventing a “cure” for tuberculosis seems to be a heap easier than convincing other specialists you have done it A naturalist says that lobsters are becoming extinct But then, of course, naturalists do not hang out along Broadway.

Chicago violinist attacked a burglar, .rendered him unconscious, and turned him over to the police. Wonder what he played?

Moving picture theaters are proving Immensely popular in Mexico. Probably those western and Mexican films Tna.niifafit.iired on Long island are shown to the surprise of the natives.

The Chinese have adopted our calendar. It would not he at allsurprising In the oriental rush for occidental reforms to hear of the Celestials falling eager victims to the trading-stamp habit

Le Due de Mal-a-Merte, who is also Le Comte Carli di Mombercalll, was halted by federal examiners because of a swollen face. After he had disgorged ' his names he was allowed to enter the country.

▲ |5,000 prize offered in England for the best mine lamp has been divided between nine inventors. Sounds like a joke.

▲ Mississippi man has named all his daughters after flowers. Be all right if they don’t fade before they are married.

A Pittsburgh criminal got out of prison with no other aid than a button hook. A woman could have done it with a hairpin.

A San Francisco doctor replaced a dog's knee joint with a silver, diamond studded hinge. Now watch the dog catchers get busy.

"Mme. Bernhardt is an artist,’’ remarks one critic, "and can play any role except Falstaff.” It would be mighty interesting to see her doing little Eva, wouldn’t itT Automobiles killed 142 persons in New York during 1913, while wagons killed 172 people. Which only goes to show that New Yorkers are more expert dodging automobiles. Danish professor says that tears are antiseptic and destroy microbes. An answer to: "Tears, idle tears, I. know not what they mean." Kansas State college has a course to teach 1,000 girl students how to be good wives. Positions are not guaranteed graduates, however. | - Gentlemen and ladies who acquire chilblains through exclusive devotion to semi-transparent silk hose have themselves to thank for subsequent discomforts, . 7 ■ 4-‘.- A 4 ■