Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 February 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

California may have to take In Its orchards over night . i The latest dancing cure is called *•601711x107.” Sounds like a cure for catarrh. - Even though the orange crop be destroyed, there is still the unfailing banana. New York man had a finger grafted on his nose. An extra cost now In keeping it manicured. In spite of the annual New Year’s resolutions man hasn't improved in Wallace. A New York hen laid seventy-two eggs in an icehouse. Everything seems to be coming the way of the coldstorage men. The Inventor who perfected a suicide box and tried it on himself didn’t live long enough to realize that hd had succeeded. The great national game now con-, sists in guessing whether the star pitcher of the home team will get 19,000 or SII,OOO. A Philadelphia wife has found a husband who has been missing for twenty-five years. Some men -are mighty unlucky. , “Life Is Just one coal bill after another,” remarks an exchange; which Is the same exactly as the proverb in the profane form. The month of September once consisted of sixteen days. It must have been a cinch for the man who was paid by the month. While reading the sporting page the philosopher requires all his philosophy to console him for not being a high priced baseball player. There are women on the police force of some western cities. But none of them, so far, has been induced to go on the plain clothes squad. A tuning fork is to be applied to a boy’s afflicted throat bo that he may eat It Is well, for future effect that tuning is not done with knives. Therp was once a chauffeur vho was compelled to ride horseback. The horse trotted. “Ah,” said the chauffeur, “his shock absorber is working badly" . A Buffalo clergyman couldn’t draw a congregation until he started a series of fifteen-minute sermons. Now he has all the other ministers buffaloed. London women now feed their dogs at the tables. On the basis, probably, that if they are doubtful of any dish presented to them, they can try i{ on the dog. A New York woman wants a divorce because her husband always took the larger portion of steak What of It? No reason why she should beef about it From Washington comes the information that a prune war may be expected. Which brings to mind the well established adage: *Tis not al—way bullets that kill. A Chicago packer has for his correspondent Soumen Osuuskauppojen Keskusosunskunta in Helsingfors, Finland, says an exchange. Probably meaning that he has time only for the writing of that one name. - 1 "j. 11 A French process has been invented to lengthen the time eggs may be stored. What the public demands is > some way to hasten the time in which fresh eggs may be secured. Adrianople, the besieged, is reported to have cheese enough to last its people for several years, but who would undergo the horrors of war for the sake of living on cheese? Query: Is the man in the smoking car who. having a box of matches in his pocket, reaches across two fat men and a newsboy to borrow a light, guilty of economy or parsimony? A canning plant is being Installed in one of the eastern universities. All of the universities do a deal of canning, but most of them are enabled to get along without a plant for the purpose. An eminent scientist has Increased his eminence by discovering that the best way to reduce weight Is to refrain from eating. Btrlngent professional ethics prevent him from patenting the idea. Another exponent of the simple life rears his head. He writes in (fie Pasadena Star: “I would rather be a lawnmower sharpener In beautiful Pasadena than be a banker any place on earth.” By the use of cables to divert the Labrador current, an Inventor proposes to abolish icebergs in the north Atlantic, and so to ameliorate the climate of Iceland that oranges would grow there. No slump In the prtoe oi oranges Jr yet reported as a result of