Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 February 1913 — Page 3

WIT and HUMOR

QUICK RETURN OF PRODIGAL Father and Brother of Cash Martin Extremely Agitated by Sudden Reappearance of Latter. . - - • r "• Cash Martin was the most brilliant boy in hiß community. Whenever the neighbors got tired of discussing the weather or wondering why the hens had stopped laying, they turned themselves into a prophesying circle for the benefit of Cash. The future of Cash unrolled itself before their admiring gaze in limitless splendor and led to a towering pinnacle of greatness. One day excitement in the village became intense. Cash had decided to leave home and wrest from the cold and cruel world that fame and fortune which must surely be his. One old man opined that Cash would be gone 20 years and return with his pockets bulging with the wealth of J. P. Morgan. Another declared that at the end of 17 years he would come whirling through, his native town on the rear platform of a special car in his campaign for the presidency of the United States. Cash listened to all these predictions with a smiling ease that indicated his belief in everything his admirers said. Then he went away. One week later Cash returned, and. worn out by -excessive walking and terriflc tmderfeedlng, strolled into his home and asked his mother for a piece of bread. Cash’s younger brother went to break the news to Cash’s father, who ran a sawmill. There ensued this dialogue: “Pop. Cash is come back, by George!’’ “Has he, by George.” “Yes, by George!’ “By George!”—Popular Magazine.

The Kind Lawyer.

"Mow," mil ft the fatherly old lawyer, “what’s the trouble?” , “I want a divorce. My husband has no regular employment, and besides he is cruel. He throws knives at me.” “Throws knives at you, eh? That’s a queer fad. How long has this been going on?” “Several years.” “Then you must-have become fairly expert at dodging knives." “Oh, yes; I can dodge them all right.” “Now, my girl, look here. You don’t want a divorce. Make up with, your husband and take your knife throwing specialty intq vaudeville. There you are; all your troubles settled at one crack.”

Only One. Jolt Left.

A Chicago man who has a son at Cornell took occasion while on the /way home from New York recently to stop off for the purpose of seeing how the boy was getting along. It happened to be Just after the Cornell football team, which has undergone many humiliating experiences this season, had been beaten by Colgate. “How are things going with the Cornell football team?” the father asked, pretending to be seeking information. “The Cornell footbal team!” the young man exclaimed with all the disgust that he could put into his tones.; “It has been beaten by everything except the Colonial Dames!”

Hoax—How does Kutem rank as a sculptor? Joax—He doesn’t cut much of a flginre.

A Specimen.

“Our doctor says nothing pleases !him so much as the appropriate in all 'things." “Then I suppose he is charmed to ; attend a grass widow with the hay (fever.”

Appropriate Color.

“Jaggs came home last night much I the worse for wear and insisted he {had seen a lot of black snakes.” “Well you know Jaggs’ family is In (mourning."

POOR.

FOR HIS WIFE’S EARS ONLY

Business Man Couldn't Flndrßedeeming Feature in (Makeup of His ’V - .■ New Stenographer. “How do you like your' hew stenographer?' “I don’t like h®r at all.” “What’s the trouble?" “Oh, she isn’t any good. If it Wasn't such a bother to break a new one in I’d let her go tomorrow." \ ‘1 understood from what your chief clerk sahPtkat you considered her a gem,” “He must have been thinking of the one I had before. There was a woman who had some sense. She was old enough to pay attention to business instead of thinking of her clothes or her beau. I’m mighty sorry she inherited money so that it wasn’t necesaary for her to keep ou working." “I was in to see you yesterday. Sorry I missed you. I had a little talk with the new girl. She seemed to me to be rather interesting.” “You wouldn’t think so if you had to have her in your office.” “Isn’t she good at taking dictation?” “Fair—that’s all. As soon as business lets up a little I’m going to discharge hef*. I don’t want her around the place. Jurt now we are so badly rushed that I couldn’t get along with a green girl who didn’t know anything about our line. And the next time I’m going to try to get a woman who has got past the frivolous age.” ,l I thought the way she spoke that she was keenly interested in your business, and that you probably placed a good deal of confidence in her. Mighty pretty, too. A regular peach. I’m surprised that —” “Sh-Bh-sh! Confound it! Can’t you see that my wife’s listening?”

IN SAME CLASS.

Guest—Ten dollars a day! Cafi’t you make a reduction? I’m a robber. Hotel Proprietor—What’s that to do with It? Guest —I thought perhaps that you recognized the profession.

Apprehension.

“You are nervous, sir, are you not?” "Yes, sir. I shall be nervous until the drafting season is passed and gone.” “The drafting Beason?” “Yes —for cooks! I live in the suburbs, you know. We are divided into leagues out there —major and minor, and each league is further divided into classes. To the major league belong those families whose cars cost more than 2,500, to the minor league those whose cars cost less. My family is in Class B of the minor league, which means that our cook is subject to draft Class A of the minor league and all the classes of the major league. A number of scouts have dined with us, and —in short, I fear the worst.” —Puck.

Took the Tall End.

The Lancashire people are fond of dogs—in fact, they're very proud of them, and, therefore, when a prominent dog fancier came home one night and found his son had bought a nondescript mongrel he was- rather riled. “How much didst thee gie for that dog?” he inquired. “Five shillings,” replied the Bon. "Tell thee what AH do,” replied the parent “A’ll go shares wl’ thee. A’ll gie thee half a crown for ma share.” The half crown was duly paid; then the father remarked: “A’ll tak’ t’ tall end, and A’m goln’ to kick my half outen t’ door!" And he did. —London Tit-Bits.

Why He Remembered.

“Well, Tommy, what did you think of Venice?” “Oh, I’ll never forget Venice!” “No doubt you were profoundly impressed. What did you see there?’ “I saw the little girl who lived across the Btreet from me, back in Oklahoma City.”

A Difficult Feat

First Actress—l have the latest fashionable gowns to wear in the new play, and I have a fat part Second Ditto —Then how are you going to wear the fashionable gowns?

Exceptions

“The Immensity of nature strikes everyone with the same awed feeling.” “No, it doesn’t I took a girl to the circus once and she told me she thought the hippopotamus was cute.”

Sure of It

“Hamlet knew he couldn't get a square deal from his mother.” “How did he know it?" “Didn’t say herself she was going to be round with him?*

THE FARM GARDEN HOTBED INCREASES PROFIT

By C..E. Brehm, Department of Horticulture, Purdue University School of Agriculture. Purdue University Agricultural Extension.

Bow the Seed in Drills for All Transplanting Stock. Crops to Be Matured In the Bed Are Generally Reset at Least Once, and Are Spaced.

The hotbed is a necessary adjunct to any farm or suburban garden. It Is true that practically all vegetables that are forced in hotbeds can be grown outdoors, yet there are many advantages in the. use of the hotbed Vhich will more than repay the small extra expense and labor involved in their usage. By forwarding the crops In this way two or more crops can be grown on the Bame ground in the same Beason, with systematic successive cropping. At the same time the most important advantage is that the farmer has vegetables earlier in the season than his neighbor who trusts to sowing his seed outdoors. The hotbed should be located where it is convenient to farm buildings and where water is available. It should have a full exposure to the south in order that the sun’s ray a-may do the greatest amount of good. Protection from the north, either by a board fence or a building, vplll give more satisfactory results. In preparing the hotbed, the pit should be dug in the fall before freezing weather sets in and then mulched with a straw and manure to prevent freezing. It will then be ready for use early in the spring before the frost is out of the ground. The soil should also be prepared and mixed in the fall and placed near the beds and mulched over with manure. In fact, all operations should be performed in the fall before it is cold and materials so protected that the work may start off in the spring without any delay. The pit is dug 18 to 24 inches deep and 6 feet wide. It may be any length, dependent on the needs of the individual. However, three hotbeds will be sufficient for the ordinary farmer's garden, which would make the length of the pit nine feet. Sash come in sizes three feet wide and six feet long, the width of the pit being dug to accommodate the length of the sash. The interior of the pit is boarded up with one-inch pine lumber, the north side of the bed being six inches higher than the south side. This gives a slope of six inches to the south. The soil for the hotbeds in which the seeds are td be sown should not only be rich in plant food, but it should be loose and friable. It should be of such a nature that the water will permeate it uniformly throughout and yet the surface should dry out readily. Thfe soil should also retain sufficient moisture to Bupply the needs ,of the plant and at the same time should never pack or become cemented together when watered. Such a soil can prepared by skinning sods from some old pasture. These sods are piled in tiers four to six inches thick and alternated with layers of stable manure of the same depth. The compost pile should be allowed to stand for a year and during the latter part of this period when the sods and manure have become thoroughly rotted, the pile should be forked over two or three timeß in order to break up the sods and manure and further reduce the mass to as fine a texture as possible, Another method of preparing the soil is to take the manure from the stable and pile it in low, flat piles four feet deep. Turn it frequently to prevent heating. As soon as danger of heating is past, allow it to stand until it is thoroughly rotted. Then during the latter part of the year fork It over several times In order to re-

Thoroughly Compost All Manure Used In the Garden Hotbed So as to Se cure a Maximum and Uniform Heat

duce it to as fine a texture as pow sible. This manure should always be piled on sods so that the sods absorb the liquid ingredients and none leach away. This rotted manure is then mixed in equal parts with ordinary garden loam. Such a soil will give excellent results. Never use fresh manure mixed with the soil, in which you expect to sow seeds, for the results are uncertain. About the first of March is the time to start the hotbed, if the earliest vegetables are desired. Preparations should commence about two weeks before the seeds are to be sown. Manure from the livery stable is most satisfactory for hotbed use. This should be firmly tramped in piles. In a few days it will heat up and the pile should then be forked over again and the outside turned in. In three or four days the manure will begin to heat up. As soon as the manure starts to ferment after being forked over throw it in the bed. Care should be taken in filling the bed that the manure is tramped in firmly. Particular attention Bhould be paid to the sides and corners. The aim should be to have the surface smooth and even. After the manure is in the pit, screen the soil so that there are no large lumps in It and cover the surface with soil to a depth of six inches. In a to 116 to 120 degrees. However, it will drop in about a week to 95 degrees and when the temperature gets that low the time has arrived for the sowing of the seed. For this reason a soil thermometer should be kept in the bed so that the temperature may fie known at all times. Some glass covering will be necessary for the beds. There are two kinds of sash —the single glass sash and the double glass sash, the latter being commonly known as the double daylight sash. The single glass sash are easier to handle since they are not so heavy and are not so expensive-. However, at night they must be covered with a mat in order to prevent the escape of heat from the interior. The double daylight sash have two thicknesses of glass With a dead air space between. They retain more heat in the bed, but are heavier to handle and the breakage when such occurs is twice as heavy and therefore more expensive. They will keep the beds from eight to ten degrees warmer than the single glass sash. Every farm garden should have Its hotbeds. They are inexpensive and add materially to the garden yields and profits. Extend your garden season by means of the hotbed so that you may have Christmas lettuce next season.

Dairy Shorthorns.

The Dairy Shorthorns are very popular in England. At recent sales it Is said that Shorthorns with records for heavy milk production have brought as high as $1,250, while many sales of milking cows on a commercial basis have been made at from $l5O to S3OO. The Dairy Shorthorn has a good many friends In America, but in comparison with the highly-special-ized dairy breeds her interests hare been sadly neglected.

Propagating Berries.

Dewberries and black raspberries are propagated In the same manner as blackberries.

The HOME DEPARTMENT

INDIAN STYLE COPIED MODERN YOUNG WOMAN RESEMBLES POCAHONTAS. Feathers and Beads Worked Into a Bandeau In True Indian Fashton "*■ Is Now Rage for DarkHaired Girls. The modern young woman might almost be mistaken for a reincarnated Pocahontas in her new coiffure a ITndienne, which Is made of feathers and beads in bonaflde Indian style. But they are rarifled feathers and glorified beads, and the Pocahontas bandeau is really a most dainty and pretty ornament —provided one has the youth, the winsomeness and the dash to carry it off. The bandeau is made of velvet ribbon, bound at the edges with silver braid, and over the velvet between the braid is set a strip of filet lace sewn thickly with flashing rhinestones and white pearl beadF This bandeau passes around the head and fastens over the left ear under an ornament of velvet and rhinestone, one long end of the bandeau continuing down to touch the shoulder. Two white ostrich quills, trimmed with squares of velvet ornamented with rhinestones, are thrust through the bandeau, and also slant backward and downward, giving the savage Indian effect. It is the exceptional hair dressing that is ungraced by some scintillating ornaments. If one possesses a string of pearls or diamonds, these ‘ are wound in the hair and allowed to fall in graceful loops. Imitation pearls may be used in the same way, but strings of rhinestones are not considered good form for wear as ornaments, fashionable as they are as dress trimmings. All manner of dashing quills aiid aigrettes, mounted on shell pins, are favored for evening wear in the coiffure, and the more rakish the slant of the aigrette the of mature years now effects a modest, upright aigrette in her hair, and younger women wear their coiffure ornaments in much more dashing style. It is unusual to see an aigrette standing out directly at right angles to the head, over one ear, and, though this is exceeding chic as far as appearances go, it can not be .very comfortable for. one’s escort, who sits beside one at the theater, for the‘long aigrette would most certainly tickle his ear or brush into his eyes as he turned his head suddenly.

For the Little Girl.

A sensible garment for a little girl for all the year round to a rain cape. This is so made that it reaches to the hem of the dress, and the little, hood Is attached, and is Ivorn “Red Riding Hood" fashion. Small “Teddy bears” decorate the little brass buttons, and the plaid silk lining makes it quite gay. Of course, there are no sleeves, but it is open at the side seams to allow the hands freedom. These capes are to be had in two cnlnra. rari or blue. Tiny sweater suits are still very popular for little children. They may be had in either gray or brown Angora and white in the knitted Buits. The set consists of little sweater, trousers, cap and mittens, all matching the Angora. <

PROTECTS THE SHIRT FRONT

Useful Article May Also Be Used as a Chest Protector When Weather Warrants IL A shirt front protector is no new idea, but it is an extremely useful one, for it not only protects the Bhlrt front from being soiled, but also forms a nice warm additional covering for the chest, and, in fact, it !s a little extra wrap that can be worn at any

time under a coat, for it very easily put on. For evening dress, it should be made of black quilted satin and lined on the inner side with soft white silk. As a chest protector it can be made from almost any remnant of warm material, and the darker the color, perhaps the better, as it will soil less quickly. It can be lifled with flannel and bound at the edges with narrow ribbon. One hook and eye sewn on in front at

BEAUTY SPOTS ALL IN BACK

Novel Trimming Effects Been in This; Season’s Costumes Among the Ultra-Fashionable. Trimming effects are all in the> back this season, if one may judge from the clothe* one sometimes sees, and here is a girl who proves it. The curling purple feathers of the chic derby crown hat follow g trail around the brim and decided to stay

tilted ’way over to the back, where they dally with the satin rosette and streamers of the dainty maline neck frill. Thep there Is a sash set Just at the proper angle of the left sideback, and a row of big bead trimmed buttons, weighting down the bottom of the floor-length charmeuse skirt

Fashion's Fancies

Moleskin is the great favorite for draped evening coats of fur. Separate collars of lace and tulle are being trimmed with very narrow bands of fur. Children’s dresses are all peculiarly simple, both in white and colored wash fabrics. Some of the new chiffon blouses have lace stocks which turn over, Robtspltnt atylt Bows of satin lined with velvet are being used, looped at eccentric angles on the new small toques. * . Flounces of delicate, eobwebby laces, often headed with a single line are being Introduced on evening gowns.

the neck will be sufficient to keep it In place, or a tiny button and loop of cord can be used instead If preferred.

NEW IN SPORTING CRAVATS

Flannel Btock Is the Latest Thing and Looks Very Smart and . Business-Like. Among the new sporting eravata is shown a flannel stock, which seems to meet many requirements, and looks very smart, and business-like at the same time. The model I saw was of pale lemon colored flannel, but of the finest and thickest kind, looking. Indeed, almost like a face cloth; the edges were simply stitched, and it was tied once across and fastened, to keep it in place, with two little buckles and straprf underneath. The upper length of flannel was then held down by a plain gold safetypin, and the distinctive note was that both the long and short end in front were cut up in a kind of fringe, almost like the tonne of a sporting shoe. The soft black silk or satin stock for sporting wear is being brought very much, to the fore. Whatever happens to us tinder other conditions, it seems that as sportswomen (In the winter, at all events )we must cover eur throats, and, the stiff linen collars being, somewhat restricting to go back to, after all our late freedom, the stook. whether It be silk, satin or flannel, is a kind of half-way house in th»« ter. Tea gowns made of thin, self-fig-ured crepes are lovely when bordered with marabou or swansdowa.