Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 January 1913 — Page 3

GOOD JOKES

Dutiful Daughter.

The daughter of Mrs. Siddons had Always forbidden her to marry an acitor’ and, of course, Bhe chose a [member of the old gentleman’s company, whom she Becretly wedded. When Roger Kemble heard of it, Ihe was furious. “Have I not,’’ he exiclaimed, “forbidden you to marry a jplayer?” The lady replied, with downcast Ayes, that she had not disobeyed. “What, madam! Have you not allied [yourself to about the worst performer (in my company?” '* “Exactly so,” murmured the timjld bride; “nobody can call him an Actor." —Life.

WAITING.

Visitor —That new acrobat is very lllght on his feet. • - ' Vaudeville Manager—Reckon he is. (He’s jumped three contracts so far this season.

A Flicker Star.

Bhe sent this news from old Broadway),* “I’m starring In a brand-new play." ™ But when her parents loked for her They found her where the "movies” were.

Would Never Do.

An actor, being unable to find work on the stage and needing his meals, finally obtained the promise of a conductor’s job on the street car lines. “When do I report?” “At 4 a. m. sharp,” said the manager. “Shades of Booth!” exclaimed the Thespian. "I couldn’t stand such tours. The fines would offset the salary. Why, I’d be late for rehearsal avery day.”

His Remedy.

The bank, in consequence of a farmer’s failure, had to finance a large farm, and last spring the man they had put in charge of it wired to the London manager of the bank: “Lambing begins next month. If drought continues will result in total loss.” “Postpone lambing till further orders,” wired back the resourceful London manager.—London Opinion.

Love to Splash.

Redd —I see a metal-backed ring of rubber, fastened out a few inches from the wheel of an automobile, is claimed by its inventor to prevent the splashing of mud on pedestrians and on ether vehicles. Greene —What in the world are they trying to do? Take away a large part of the enjoyment of automobilIng?

Putting It Gently.

“D’ye believe in coincidences, mister?” “Eh —coincidences \shy?’’ “Well, fer instance —take you an’ !me. Ye're trespassin’; ye’re ketchin’ traout aout o’ season, an’ I’m constable o’ this hyer taownship.”— Scribner's Magazine.

HIS SPECIALTY.

William Jackson —I hear you 'engaged a deaf and dumb man yesterday. Proprietor of Quick Lunch Room — Yes. "Going to make a waiter of him?" "No; he’s going to make signs."

Early Correction.

Many men who’ve won high honor Feel disposed the fates to thank ■That the hand that rbcked the cradle Was the hand that used to spank.

Nobody Loves Him.

Patience—And she mssHwT TEaf man? Patrice—Yes, she has. "Rut did she love him?" "Oh, I think not. I don't see how anybody could love him. I guess she married him cut of sympathy. He was a h Wre. you know.**

COULD READ FACES.

v “Yes, sir,” went on Professor X to a gentleman to whom he had recently been Introduced. “I have given some attention to the study of human nature, and I rarely fail to read a face correctly. Now, there is a lady,” he continued, pointing across the room, “the lines of wliose countenance are as clear to pe as type. The chin shows firmness of disposition amounting to obstinacy; the sharp-pointed nose, a vicious temperament; the large mouth, volubility; the eyes, a dryness of soul; Wonderful, professor—wonderful! ” “You know something of the lady, then?” said the professor, complacently. “Yes, a little. She’B my wife.”— Tit-Bits.

Musical Conductor.

“I want to make complaint of one of your conductors,” Said the fussy patron of a car line; “he is always whistling or singing while on duty." “Well, I can’t see that there is any harm in that,” replied the superintendent. “Perhaps not. But I didn’t know you employed him as a musical conductor.”

A Flareback.

“Had your diamonds stolen lately?" Inquired the cub reporter. “Engaged to. any dukes?” “Kindly omit banalities,” responded the stage favorite. “Actresses don’t talk that kind of stuff nowadays. If I am to be interviewed, I shall discuss ethical questions only."

Unfair Rule.

Baco'n —A theater manager of Temesvar, Hungary, sells his tickets according to the stature of the purchaser. Tlius, short and medium-sized persons are seated in front of the taller members of the audience. Egbert—This seems to be another blow at the bald-headed gentlemen.

A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE.

Dusty Rhodes —Say, when I came to your yard your dorg bit me! Mrs. Rurale —Really! Well, I suppose I shall have to have his mouth cauterized.

Flattery.

A very smooth photographer. Who does a lot of biz, Makes nearly every girl he "takes” More- lovely than she Is.

Demonstration.

“Now, Mr. Freßche,” said the professor, “can you demonstrate that X equals 0?” “Sure,” said Mr. Fresche. “I write home asking the governor for an X and get nothing—Q. E. D.” “Excellent,” returned the professor. “FH give you the same for your mark.” —Harper’s Weekly.

Change of Tune.

“You go to hear that prima donna sing every night?” “Yes,” replied the impresario. “You don’t know what a pleasure it is to me to sit there and listen to her shout, and realize that she isn’t yelling for more salary.”

The Perverse Sex.

"I thought you had such a good maid coming?” "I did. But when Bhe called up on the phone my husband answered her." "Well?” “Well, he was so much charmed by her voice that I didn’t engage her.”

Out of Sight.

Redd—l don’t think there Is anything pretty about that submarine boat. m Greene —No! And yet at times it appears to be "out of sight.”

Doubtful Kindness.

Doris—Well, Dicky, have you done your kind action today? Dicky (a zealous boy scout) —Rather! I gave my white mice to the cat. — Sketch.

Easy.

"If I were dealing with those English suffragettes who go on hunger strikes I'd soon break up the scheme.” "How would you do it?” "Whenever tbey-Started «wrthtnn>T IhaV-kWIT T'tl'sllp a plate of pickles inside the cell door."

Sufficient Evidence.

Bambo —Whar you get dat chicken? Mark Anthony—Nebber you mind ’bout dat chicken. Taln’t yours. "How you know 'tain’t?" " 'Cause 1 found hit In youah coop.*

Palm Beach Bathing Suit

(Photo, by

Florida winter resorts will have the first of the new taffeta water repellent beach suits. After a dip in the surf the suit will remain crisp and fresh. A cap of the same material tied with a taffeta ribbon completes this stunning bathing costume.

INDOOR PLANTS NEED CARE

Many Will Do Well In Gas-Lighted Rooms If They Are Judiciously Selected and Tended.

One of the great secrets in the successful cultivation of plants in rooms is judgment in selecting the right kinds, as an experiment will soon show, will do well in gas-lighted or drafty rooms, others will not; so it is most essential that care should be exercised in choosing kinds adapted to both purposes. Those who have the good fortune to have their rooms lighted by electricity need not worry, because all kinds of plants will succeed under the latter conditions. The best of all plants to grow in gas-lighted rooms are the parlor palms. There are two distinct kinds of theße, one which produces very tall leaves and another of the dwarf growth. If carefully watered and their leaves sponged at least once a week, they will thrive for years. Another excellent plant to grow under similar conditions is the fig-leaf palm, or so-called “castor-oil plant.” This has giant ivy-like green leaves, which radiate from a central stem and form a handsome plant. As it increases in age it is, however, apt to lose its lower leaves, and hence some of its beauty. The “india-rubber” plant, a brother of the fig tree, is another plant which is admirably adapted for gas-lighted rooms. - The plant usually grows with a single main stem, and if well cared for will in a few years attain a height of five feet or six feet. When it becomes too tall the upper part can be clipped.

Combining Two Lace Gowns.

A remarkable costume consists of two superposed, one in white lace, the other a black, the latter the uppermost, but so flimsy and delicate of mesh that the pattern even of the white lace beneath can easily be seen. The only relief to this gown is an immense rose with silk petals in a deep orange shade, with a large spray of block foliage.. Brown seems'gradually coming into fashion again, and a dress of liberty satin in a bright tone of this useful color seen recently was almost entirely veiled with a black lace draped coat. On that portion of the bodice seen in front there was an embroidery in full phle blue and greens, fonding wheels, and here and there was a slight touch of black and white.

Decollete Shoe.

An interesting freak of fashion is the decollete shoe. Many Parisian elegantes are wearing what would seem a perfectly ridiculous shoe for this time of the year, a court shape with a mere two or three Inches of vamp, which, of course, reveals any amount of stocking, matching either the frock, the furs or some other accessory of the scheme.

Hook Hint.

Try putting hooks on the lower side of a dress-opening, and the eyes on the upper sldto. When the dress is ironed no "bookmarks” will show, as often happens when hooks and eyes are put on in the old-fashioned way. This works splendidly, writes a contributor to Needlecraft

SHOWING CONTRAST IN FURS

Ermine and Skunk Combined In One of the Most Fetching of the Winter's Btyles.

The graceful stole cleverly combines and contrasts snowy tailless ermine and dark skunk worked in strands in the way which gives such special soft-

ness and beauty to this most durable of furs. The mutt is, on the other hand, entirely carried out In the ermine, but also gains variety of effect by tho introduction of the little tails and heads into the bordering band, while the great bow of velvet ribbon, with its central paste ornament, is a further addition,'which is strikingly smart, as well as novel.

pendants of All Kinds.

Pendants are the ornaments of the moment and come in every imaginable grade of stone, from the most garish artificial bits set in poor gilt to the semi-precious stones, combined with diamonds. About the most excellent' are the semi-precious stones set either in gold or silver. Their cost varies wtth the worth of the stone, and its setting is secondary. Abilone shell “blister" are very pretty and in good taste, ter their price has been kept ap-

STORIES from the BIG CITIES

Finds “Burglar” Raps Were Made by Newlyweds

CLEVELAND, Ohio.—C. E. Reeves, - East Seventy-first and Hough avenue, expected to find two desperate yeggmen trying to gain entrance in his house Bhortly before one o’clock the other morning, when he heard two persons tip-toeing about his front porch and making curious rappings on window and doors. Instead he found a pair of very new, very much frightened and very cold and miserable newlyweds. They were Mr. and Mrs. Harry L. Bowers, Mrs. Bowers having been only a few short hours before Miss Hope Joy, 680 Lucerne avenue. Reeves, who had Just come in from an out-of-town trip, was writing in his dining room when he first heard the mysterious sounds. He crept to the door and peeked out, saw the shadows of the two, but was afraid to let them in. He hesitated, but finally got up

Midget Weds Show Girl; Giantess Maid of Honor

ST. LOUIS, Mo.—A romance of the circus sideshow reached its climax here when Jack W. C. Barnett of Roxboro, N. C., twenty-one years old, thirty-eight inches high and weighing thirty-rour pounds, got a license to marry Miss Dorothy David Warfield of St Louis, nineteen yeare old, about five feet eight inches in height and weighing 130 pounds. Mrs. H. L. Morris, seven feet four inches tall, was matron of honor, and her husband, a man or ordinary size, was best man. Barnett had to be lifted upon a high stool when he was called on to sign the application for a license at the city hall. With the stool beneath him, he stood with bis head about on a level with that of his bride-to-be. Since Barnett was sixteen years old he has traveled with the sideshows of Various circuses. In the sideshow of the same circus, Miss Warfield, until last April a high school girl of Balltmore, does a "mystery act.” She is placed in a cabinet but when the curtains are pulled back she is not there. Then flowers begin growing from a vase which stands on a high table in the cabinet, and finally

Boy’s Pet Wildcat Puts Big Bulldog to Flight

KANSAS City, Mo.—A wildcat Is the pet of William Miles, sixteen years old, of 3516 Baltimore avenue. The cat is three months old. It was caught by a brother o.f Miles who shot its mother in Mexico and captured the kitten and sent it to Kansas City. Miles has a collar on the cat’s neck and when the weather is fine the cat is brought frbm the cellar Ur the back yard and hitched to a rope that leads up to;a wire across the yard. A ring on the end of the rope travels along the wire and gives the cat the range of the width of the yard. Not long ago a bulldog that bad

Mock Indian Duel Fatal to Boy With Toy Pistol

PITTSBURG, Pa.—During a mock Indian jfluel with a toy pistol and a flobert rifle as the weapons, Frank Larkins, aged nine, a son of James Larkins of 2544 Spring alley, shot in the head and instantly killed bis cousin, Francis Barr Boyle, aged seven, a son of Edward Boyle of 31)04 Penn avenue, the other afternoon. The accident occurred at the home of the children’s grandmother, Mrs. Bridget Egan, at 2313 Penn avenue, rear. Young ran crying to his home and told his father that he had shot his cousin. The boy was taken to the Penn avenue police station. but was later released at the request of Coroner Sanruei C. Jamison. ’Younk Larkins In relating the incident to Police Inspecor Bailey, said: "Francis and I were playing in grandma’s bedroom when Francis found an old gun. We didn’t know It was loaded. Francis said we would play Indian and have a duel, so he gave me the gun and be took a pistol wtth caps in 1L 1 stood up on the bed

nerve enough to go to the door and demand in a brave, manly voice, “Who’s there?” He held a large pillow with which to protect himself. The reply came meekly and plaintively from the bride and hoarsely from the bridegroom: * A . “It’s üb.” Reeves let them in. They had been married at the homa of the bride’s mother, and all new. shiny affd resplendent iq their wedding clothes and happiness, entered a taxicab and started on a honeymoon trip to Cincinnati. Bowers, however, had made the mistake of trying to keep his wedding quiet The suitcase, the bridegroom’s hat, eyeglasses and other particles of wearing apparel were snatched, and the pair felt themselves lucky when the taxi got under way and left the crowd. Their pursuers, however, followed in another automobile. The machines went whizzing about the city for more than two hours. Finally the wedding taxi got away and took the exhausted and bedraggled newlyweds to Reeves' home. Reeves and his wife entertained the two until three a. m., when the couple got up enough courage to go back to the home of the bride's mother. The next day they made peace with their tormentors and left on the Cincinnati honeymoon excursion.

Miss Barnett’s head and shoulders appear, as if growing out of the bouquet Barnett gets $75 a week and Miss Warfield gets S3O, they said. Mre. Morris is the “giantess” of the sideshow and her husband is a ticket taker. As the couple told of their romance, Barnett received a telegram of congratulation from his brother, Herbert, of Roxboro, who is sixteen years old and twenty-eight Inches in height. “Miss Warfield joined the show at Baltimore last April,” said Barnett, “and two days later she was introduced to me by Mrs. Morris. It wag love at first sight on my part” Miss Warfield said she liked Barnett from the time she saw him, but did not let him know.

whipped every other dog in the neighborhood discovered the wildcat in the back yard of the Miles home. “I was watching from the window when that old bulldog put his front paws up on the back fence and looked over at my wildcat,” said Miles. “The bulldog looked at him for '"a while, Beemlng to be thinking to himself: ‘Well, there Is a strange looking kind of a cat but I’ll bet a million dollars I can whip him.’ And then he leaped over the fence and made straight for the cat, growling and showing fight My wildcat has long front legs and an enormous paw for his size and his claws are long and sharp. He looked at the approaching dog and crouched for him and when he got close enough he just took one swipe at him and that bulldog disappeared like a streak over the fence.’*The wildcat is tame, except when he is fed and then he becomes so Wild that the boy cannot go near him. He growls and shows fight while eating.

and Francis shot at me with his pistol. Then he told mo to shoot again. I pulled the trigger and”—the child here broke down, crying bitterly. Resuming again he said: “I saw Francis fall on the floor and the blood come and then I ran home and told papa." The rifle was owned by Mrs. Egan's late husband and had been under the bed since his death, about nise years ago. Mrs. Egan said that she had forgotten that It was there. Shortly after he had been taken to hla home by his father, young Larkins disappeared. He was found sitting g» the curbstone at Twenty-seveotlk street and Penn avenue weeping.