Evening Republican, Volume 17, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 January 1913 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

The greatest happiness of all it that which comes from making othert happy. If youhappen to be from Wisconsin this is one of the finest football years on record. A Seattle boy of twelve has a crop of whiskers. A precocious little shaver, as it were. Rabbits experimented upon with coffee died. Now try oysters and hap and eggs. Science has yet to devise a way to close the railroad switch that ought not to be lets open. The ancient Egyptians used parasols. But that had nothing to do with their complexions. ri We suspected a long time ago that those Turkish cigarettes would get the Turks, sooner or later. Emperor William of Germany has a clock that speaks the time. Time is money, and money talks. Another aviator knifed shows that the lure of the air is as potent as before Its tragedies began. “Be a Bulgarian," said a housewife, as she sent her husband out in the yard to beat a Turkish rug. . .... ~... A New York physician says there are several varieties of death. Most people are satisfied with one. Physicians are aiding an antl-nolse crusade in Baltimore. And 'Baltimore Is the home of the oyster. With irreproachable eggs selling at six cents each iL New York It might be cheaper to buy the whole hen. A New York man, whose salary Is $5 a week, has been sued for SIOO,OOO by an actress. He must be her husband. Beef, evidently, is soaring in England. An aviator has been y fined there for running into a cow and killing It Angels may fly but they cannot fly unless their wings are 15 feet long. We have the word of a great aviator for this.

Aeronauts are known in China as the “sons of Heaven.” In the sense, probably, that they may be angels before long. A Brooklyn man of elghty-two married again a week after being left a widower. Evidently figured he had no time to lose. ■Germany reports that the stork la fast disappearing. Perhaps that accounts for the reason why Berlin leads In race suicide. A Chicago judge has decided that $1 a day la not enough for a man to give to his wife. Probably 99 cents would look better to her. A Mississippi editor, when he put on his winter suit found a roll of bills amounting to SSO. Wonder if any of them had been paid. In Tldahom, Sweden, 3,300 people are employed in making matches. A matrimonial agency would stand no show at all in Tldahom. A Louisiana farmer killed a cow last week and found a darning needle In its stomach. Evidently, the cow found the needle In the hay stack. Unmarried men are more prone to Insanity than married men, according to a government report And they haven’t half the worry, at that Chafing dishes have been found In the ruins of Pompeii. Now we know why the people of that city failed to be alarmed by volcanic upheavals. "The finest fur coat in the world, worth $35,000, is owned by the wife of . a tobacco magnate." And parr haps this isn’t a pipe dream, either. An East Orange divine got the brides mixed when performing a double wedding and caused no end of a row. A case of being double crossed. “A St Paul man became intoxicated on $2.” The odor and appearance of some $2 bills are enough to indicate that they can do worse than that

Speaking of military aviation there can be no doubt that the unexpected success of the allies put the whole concert of Europe up In the air for a time. . That elector who proposes to establish a precedent by voting for a woman as the Republican candidate for vice-president may be paying her a dubious compliment. DoeaJie know that to be eligible she must confess she is thirty-five years of age? A man arrested In New York for theft claimed to be a grandson of Commodore Perry. Men who plead for clemency on the ground of belonging to families of heroes should be punished all the more for disgracing ilustrious names.