Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 301, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 December 1912 — Page 3

HER TWO SUITORS

[Both Propose Same Day, and Are Accepted on Certain Con* ditions. By HAMILTON POPE QALT. "Bill Summers and Maria Wilkes are going to get married this fall,” said the tall slim young man in a wistful ▼oice. “Well, it is of no use for anybody to ask me to marry him until he lias a nice house to put me in,” replied the queenly blonde. “If a man wants to >marry me let him build a nice house and then come and ask me.” The short, fat man on the opposite side of the piazza steps cleared his throat. “Supposing I was to build a swell new house and then came and asked you, would you marry me?” he asked. The tall, slim young gentleman stared. Proposing to a girl right in th*| presence of a rival was enough to startle any man! But the slim gentleman held his peace. He Just watched the golden curls that the evening breeze waved at him. The wind had a chance to do these coquettish little tricks out on the porch. It not only toyed with her hair, but it waved the shiny wheat in the field across the road, and it scattered the odors of flowers which had been duly watered, and it conspired with the new moon to make a man yeamy-like and romantic. The short, fat man cleared his throat and repeated his question. This time the girl answered him. “Yea, I think perhaps I would, Jim.” At this the slim young man cleared his throat and put the same question. „ “Well, I don’t know but what I would, Sam.” The three sat still on the porch, saying little after this, until Molly intimated that it was time for her two suitors to depart. The two men walked along the road back to the town together. The walk was a short one and they separated on the outskirts. % “Good-night, Sam,” said the stout young man. “Good-night, Jim,” said the slender one. - Sam boarded at the Palace hotel. Jim bearded at the St. Charles. Both were bachelors. Sam had a beautiful farm situated» on a sunny slope, but he had never built a house on it His brother had inherited the house with his portion. Jim also owned a beautiful farm which had no good house on it. As long as the farms were near the village and the owners were unmarried the arrangement was satisfactory. As far as anyone could tell Molly liked the two men equally. It really seemed as though it would make little difference to her which suitor she married. The day after she declared herself the two men met at the depot They were bent upon sending a telegram. They telegraphed for lumber in sufficient quantities to build a house. The agent told it around town. "She will marry the one who gets his house done first!” everyone said. Some thought it would be Sam because he was a better worker;, but others said it would be Jim because he was the smartest. Bosklns the tailor was as excited as anybody. Part of the time he fancied himself cutting out a long tail wedding suit, and part df the time he was cutting out a short fat one. Wilkins of the dry goods emporium did not know whether to order an extra dozen short fat shirts or an extra dozen long tall shirts. And in the midst of the excitement a carload of lumber arrived. Only one -carload. It was Jim’s lumber! Sam burned the wires to find out what had become of his car and learned that his order had been countermanded. y That night when the two suitors met on the lady’s porch Sam accused Jim of countermanding his order, and there was quite a scene. Jim bitterly denied kaving done such a trick, and threat ened that Sam would have to prove it if he made any more assertions like that Then Sam apologized and said he was only too glad to believe that Jim had not done such a measly trick, and the two shook hands. This part of the proceedings was talked of around town lor days. It was suggested that the countermanding was done by somebody who expected to profit more from Jim as a groom than from Sam. Suspicion pointed to the Jeweler, who had once fixed a watch for Sam in such a way that Sam would never patronize him again. Jim offered to wait for Sam’s car to arrive so they could start even. But Sam said no, all was fair in love, and he stood around and watched Jim unloading the car. He even jumped in and helped him. Then Sam’s lumber came, and Jim had to turn in and help Sam because a rain came up, and there was some danger of the lumber warping if exposed to the weather. By the time the storm was over the two men were able to set to work on even terms. It was nip and''tuck until poor Jim was taken with typhoid fever, which kept him unable to do anything for two By the time he was able to get around Sam’s house was complete except for the paint One of the first trips Jim took was to Sam’s house.- He admired It very much and was manly enough to compliment Sam and congratulate him. That night Sam’s new- house was burned to the ground. Once more

Jim was under suspicion, but an investigation settled the fact that the house had been struck by lightning. Sam’s house was of course not insured, so that it was a total loss. There was a great squeeze in lumber Just at that time, owing to the formation ot a lumber trust or forest fires or both, so that Sam had to stand around for a while and watch Jim. Jim went ahead with his house. He put a fancy little cupola on it that every one said was “just too sweet.” Even the lady, the beloved of Sam and Jim, went into ecstacies over it, and clapped her pretty hands wistfully. From this, and other little things in her manner, Sam saw that Jim’s house was a triumph, and that it had thrown the balance in his rival's favor forever. That night he did not want to sit upon the porch with Jim and Molly. He knew that he was not wanted. That was the night of the dreadful storm! It vgis the heaviest rain storm that the valley had ever known. Business was suspended the next day. Everyone went over the country to see the damage wrought—the landslides, the dreadful gullies, and the property washed away. Sam hurried out to take a look over his farm, and overtook Jim and Molly on their way to look at their future home. They joined Sam for a look at his farm. Behold! They were paralyzed and dumb! On Sam’s farm stood a beautiful, snug, gabled-windowed, and semi-goth-ical farm house of the most approved design. It was all complete, and although it stood upon Sam’s farm right on the site where Sam’s house had stood, it had a strangely familiar look. Jim looked at Molly, and Molly looked at Jim. Molly made a wry little face. It was evident that she would have to marry Sam. The three picked their way along and came up close to the house for a more thorough inspection. It was certainly complete. It was even furnished. They walked through the front door, into the hall. The hall led into a cozily furnished parlor, and the parlor into a dining room. From the dining room they _ strolled info the kitchen. The kitchen was furnished with all that was necessary in the way of domestic happiness, for besides everything in the way of utensils, there was a dainty, domestic blue-aproned housewife. Whose, wife? She blushed painfully when the three entered. “Why, Annie Boggins!” cried Sam, lunging forward and grasping her hand. “Where did you come from?” “I slipped down hill last night,” explained the little lady. "And I don’t see how I am ever going to get my house up again on my own land.” Jim and Molly stepped outside and gazed in wonderment at the slippery path down which the Widow Boggins’ house had come the previous night ■ “I thought I had seen the house some place,” said Jim. “I thought witches had done it!” declared Molly. Meanwhile, Sam was busy talking to Mrs. Boggins, telling her he had loved her even before she had married Phil Boggins, and arguing that the fates had brought her to him, and he was not going to let her go. Annie Boggins’ answers to Sam’s arguments were blushes and stammerings, and they did not convince Sam that hiß arguments were poor ones. By way of further argument he kissed her on the cheek. While they were discussing the matter of her remaining, Jim and Molly returned from looking at the landslide, and the situation was explained to them. “Well,” laughed Jim, “It isn’t every man that wakes up in the morning in possession of a house furnished-even with a wife!”

NOT A PREMEDITATED ACT

Duke of Wellington Was Satisfied Burning of Moscow Was the Result of AccldenL It seems that we have always something new to learn about the great men of the past The celebration of the centennial of the battle of Borodino in Russia tempts a writer in the London Times to reproduce a pdxate letter describing a conversation with the duke of Wellington. The duke said he was quite convinced thatthe burning of Moscow wsb the result of accident and not of design and he offered to show how it was done. He took a dolly 1n his hand and twisted it hard into a sharp point, and while he was doing it he said: “Every soldier carries an oil-rag much of this size and shape for wiping his pan after he has fired, and, I am sorry to say, when a town is taken, they toe commonly proceed to plunder. They light these rags for flambeau, and go down to the cellars and. vaults to search for hidden plate and other treasures. When they find candles or better torches they throw away their oil-rags, without taking time to extinguish them, and a more likely act to set fire to s city mostly built of houses of wood can scarcely be imagined. It was so when I was at St Sebastian, and I am quite satisfied that Moscow was burnt in this manner.

Real Financier.

George Grist, who has made seven trips to Europe in eighteen years, has probably set a record for foreign travel on a very limited income. He is a street sweeper in the employ of the city of Baltimore and earns sl2 a~ week. Recently when he left for aiy other,overseas Journey he took sl4# with him. f, fc

A Visit to the Seri Indians

SERI INDIAN WOMEN

MANY are the tales told of the cruelty of the Seri Indians, a primitive people inhabiting Tiburon island, in the Gulf of California. That they are not as bad as they have been painted is asserted by Thomas H. Streets, medical director, U. S. N., retired, who visited the island with a government surveying expedition and whose story follows: On March 20, 1874, we reached an anchorage at Tiburon island, the Indians of which were then —as they are yet—ln evil repute. At one time, we had been told, some Mexicans came to the island in a small vessel to hunt for pearl-oysters and were killed by the Indians. The Mexican government, in retaliation, sent a force against them which killed many, but they were not subdued. Somehow they acquired a bad name, and, like their hand has been against every man—so we were told —and every man’s hahd has been against them; this, at least, is true. They were feared so that not even the greed of the pearl hunters could induce the native to go near the island to hunt, the oyster which was said to abound in its waters. At Guaymas we were strongly advised not to go there. But George Dewey, who had command of the surveying vesßel, was not the man to be deterred by a few bad Indians from doing the work he was sent to do. Then, there was a probability that the conditions were not as bad as they were represented to be, there being a tendency in human nature to exaggerate. When we got there the only restrictions imposed upon us by the commanding officer were that we should not go on shore alone and unarmed. There were a number of Indians on the beach, but they made no hostile movements, when we landed- They came forward readily enough and shook hands all around, and we accompanied them to one of their temporary encampments on the beach, a short distance from where we had landed, for they made us understand that they had come her,te to fish from some other part of the island. Lived In the Bushes. Three families inhabited the beach at this point, and the bushes were their only shelter; for clothing they wore a few rags. We gave them clothing and hard-tack and canned corned beef, which they accepted eagerly; but their first and persistent want was for something, strong to drink. To satisfy this craving, or at least to stop their Importunities, they were given some alcohol, in' a bottle, well diluted. We became convinced that they would sell the island for aguadiente. They brought off to the ship and presented to us two large fish which they had just caught, which showed, we thought, appreciation of favors received. Shortly after our arrival the women began to paint their faces and their children’s with a blue pigment. Broad lines were drawn with the finger under the eyes and down each side of the nose. The men returned our call on board the ship dressed in the old clothing which had recently been given them. One wore a uniform coa>t much too small for his broad shoulders. It humped him in the back so that he looked deformed. Another had on a coat the tails of which had been slashed with a knife to make it clawhammered. A third wore a blue shirt of a sailor with the rusty shoulderstraps of a lieutenant A party of us visited in a boat a large encampment about five miles away on the coast The men were all away hunting turtle, but women and children were in plenty. They represented ten families. These had for shelter semi-circular heaps of brush about four feet high, which were nothing better than wind-brakes. Though we saw one or two old percussion guns, their principal weapon was the bow and arrow. They subsisted largely on fish and turtles and berries and roots. Their household effects were few. Of those that we saw all might be carried away on the shoulders of one person. The women made a kind es platter of grass and reeds, and they had earthenware vessels tor holding water and for cooking purposes. On the second day Of our stay we were so well impressed with their friendly intention toward us that two

of us went out with them on a hunt for deer, gotten up for our benefit. Th4y stationed us .at certain vantage points, and the Indians then took stations themselves, sending the boys armed with bow,and arrow to beat the copse to set the game afoot. Display Ingenuity. A large doe came directly our way and passed within ten or twelve paces of my and when she had passed his well-aimed bullet bored its way through the entire length of her body. They displayed considerable ingenuity in building the canoes in which they fish and hunt the turtle. They were constructed of bundles of reeds—three in number —from 12 to 15 feet long and spindle-shaped—that is, round and thickest in the middle and tapering Bmall to the ends. The bundles are so placed that one forms the bottom and the others the sides of the float. They arte bound together in that position. The width was greatest in the middle, and there kneeled the boatman, whose knees were submerged, and plied a double-bladed paddle. The reeds soon became water-soaked and needed to be taken from the water and dried to improve their flotation. Our relations with these people continued friendly. They visited the ship and we visited the shore as long aB they remained. And it was their departure that was a mystery to us. One fine morning we awoke to find them gone; the smoke of fires was no more seen and the shore was deserted. From that time to the end of our stay we saw them no more. There hsd been no leave-taking; for they had folded their tents in the night, like the Arabs, and had silently stolen away.

NOT A MATTER OF FIGURES

Success In Warfare by No Means Always on the Side of the Biggest Battalions.

The outcome of the fighting,in the Balkans is a terrible shock to the experts who are addicted to winning and losing battles on a strict mathematical basis. The naval man balances weight of broadside, and speed against speed, and assigns victory on the basis of a superiority of 2,500 pounds in weight of broadside and one-sixteenth of a knot in speed. And when real war comes a torpedo-boat stands up to a.battleship and puts it out of commission. The land warrior balances gun against gun, battalion against battalion, regulars against regulars, and reserves against reserves. And when war comes, a division of reserves with inferior artillery drives two divisions of regulars before it. The expert speaks in a perfunctory way of morals, but his heart Is in his figures. When the Greeks, who fifteen years ago fled like sheep before the Turks, drive the Turks, like sheep before them; when the Servians, who are set down as a non-fighting race, gq to their death like Japanese samurai, the expert grows aware that there are certain non-mathematical factors jwhich enter into the game of war; such as the inspiration of a just cause and the impetus of national self-preservation. But in a little while the expert forgets and is once more busy with his arithmetical books.

Qualified.

Casually, by chance, unsought they met in the railway carriage. He was a young man, beardless; his companion a hoary oldster. “So you are a teacher?’’ remarked the talkative veteran. “I’ll wager you had to pass a pretty stiff exam.” '> "Yes, indeed!” replied the instructor of the young. “And what were the subjects?” inquired the inquisitive passenger. "Well, we were examined in psychology, integral calculus, mathematical astronomy, polemic divinity, metaphysical analysis, and Greek, Latin, French and German versification.” "Indeed! And for what position were you striving?” "Teacher of the infants, sir.”

Where the Money Is.

‘ls there any money in poultry?" “You can get pretty good prices foi chickens killed by passing autos, but you have keep a sharp lookout." '4

DEFINITIONS OF “A FRIEND”

One truer to me than I am to myself. diamond in the ring of acquaintA volume of sympathy bound in cloth. X, mmm - A star of hope in the cloud of adversity. A stimulant to the nobler side of our nature. t „ * sf The jewel that shines brightest in the darkness. One who considers my need before my deservings. A harbor of refuge from the 'stormy waves of adversity. The link in life’s long chain that bears the greatest strain. A balancing pole to him who walks across the tight-rope of life. A watch which beats true for all time, and never “pons down.” One wJnJ"to himself is true, and .. must be so to you. The first person who comes in when the whole world has gone out. A permanent fortification when one’s affairs are in a state of siege. One who loves the truth and you, and will tell the truth in spite of you. The triple alliance of the three great powers—love, sympathy and help. One who multiplies Joys, divides griefs, and whose honesty is inviolable. A Jewel whose luster the strong acids of poverty and misfortune cannot dim. One who combines for you alike the pleasures and benefits of society and solitude. A bank of credit on which we can draw supplies of confidence, counsel, sympathy, help and love.

WORDS FITLY SPOKEN

If your friend is sort of blue, say something cheerful that will .chase his blues away. v V If your friend has been maligned, speak some word of confidence that will show you still have faith in him. If your friend has gained a triumph, speak some word of congratulation that will show you rejoice in his success. If your friend has had a sorrow, say something comforting that will strengthen him in the hour of his trial. If your friend is down and out, say something of encouragement that will give him heart to begin the fight anew. r If your friend is sick and 111, say something hopeful that will turn his i, mind from thoughts of suffering and disease. Speak Remember that “a word fitly spoked is like apples of gold In pictures of silver.”— Farm and Fireside.

WHAT OTHERS SAY

A man never knows when he is well off till afterwards. —Ashley Sterne. It is often because a man gets straitened that he goes crooked. —Norman Hapgood. A financier is one who takes advantage of the parting of a fool and his money.—Sam Stimson. A woman’s heart is like the moon. It changes continually, but it always has a man In It. —Chinese Proverb. The fellow who asks for a girl’s hand is very often surprised to find himself under her thumb.—Tristan Bernard. A man never fully realizes how many faults he has till he gets a wife to point them out to him. —Bessie Leonard. The fact that a man is always interested in what he doesn’t under stand constitutes one charm of the opposite sex.—F. Morton Howard.

FACT AND FANCY

Every German regiment has ft chiropodist. - ,yi The Australian aborigines eat baked butterflies. The nutmeg flower’s odor intoxicates small birds. - We live and learn—but we live more thaw we learn. Wives and lumber aren’t much account till seasoned. The only way to stop making mistakes is to stop working. Ambition eggs the actor on, and ft «mai nudience often ekxs him off.

FROM THE PENCIL’S POINT

Love and reason are seldom chums* Positions ot trust and aching teeth | are hard to fill. Mutual deception is a popular gams, during courtship. A man may work for all he is wortbj and not earn over $4 a week. v, ..... f&mM It’s a grave situation where there is no business for the undertaker. Laugh and a woman laughs with ypu; weep and her nose gets red. It takes a truly great man to convince other people that he Is great. -Vi Occasionally a young man is so fastj that it is impossible for him to get toi the front. A widow wfyo is young, rich and! pretty is monarch of every bachelor*, she surveys. There will always be plenty of hard work to do —and plenty of people who are easy to work. It doesn’t console a woman with wrinkles to tell her they aye the dimples of second childhood. That man doesn’t live who has not’ at one time thought he had all the elements of greatness in him. Prescriptions are often worth more than their weight in gbld—to the physician, to the druggist and sometime* to the undertaker.

BY THE PHILOSOPHERS

Arbitration is always satisfactory—* to the arbitrator. * ifi - The “palmy” days of childhood recall many a spanking. The bore would always get a good send-off, if he would only go. The fellow who is always on the fence does the most crowing. Don’t insinuate that the girl who wears a blazer got it at a fire sale. No young man should sit in a ham- ; mock with a girl unless he knows the ropes. It is folly to suppose that all things 5 come to those who wait for something ; to turn up. Next to getting the man she wants, a girl enjoys getting the man some other girl wants. That the course of love doesn’t run smooth is demonstrated by the fact that it’s a rocky road to Reno. Strangely enough it’s when a-fellow can see his finish that he tuge the most difficulty in keeping his end up. ; It is small consolation to the ball player to realize that the members of the militia are also called out on strikes. • - m The race is not always to the swift, but it is just as well to bear in mind that the tortoise never repeated that 5 1 •little performance with the hare.

POINTED PARAGRAPHS

A simple minded man isn't always | foolish. The chap with a theater pass is s easily taken in. v. i is Money talks, but most of ns never | even get a chance to listen. It’s the easiest thing in the world to bear the ills we haven't. A woman can be as proud of her figure as if she really had a good one. Trace back your family tree far | enough and you’ll find a wood chopper. Only a woman can generate her sweetest smile when she feels like 3$ crying. A miserly man seldom makes any . trouble for his wife because of other women. ■J : | It is human nature to call the bad ; part of the world “they” and the good part “we.” _ Even when a man knows he is un- ■> worthy of the woman he wants to mar- 1 ry, he is willing to take chances. ~ *' ■ 'S-t Some women never realise the J worth of their husbands, and some J others never realize the worthlessness thereof —Chicago News.

NUTS TO CRACK

Lots of people are contented be» Jj cause they don’t know any better. Intuition is merely a remarkablefaculty possessed by a good guesaeßijj It is just as well to insure your'] bridges before you burn them behind ? It is better to start a good dinner;! with an appetite than with an appe-1 The carpenter, at least, la one mftUva who hasn’t time to have his nafol manicured. "'.Z&SIM