Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 293, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 December 1912 — EXCUSE ME! [ARTICLE]

EXCUSE ME!

By Rupert Hughes

Novelized from the Comedy of the Same-Name ILLUSTRATED Frwm Photographs ol the Play as Produced By Henry W. Strata

Oowrigiit,uu,i*rb.4.ityOaX SYNOPSIS. Ueat. Harry Mallory Is ordered to the Phiippines. He and Marjorie Newton decide to elope, but wreck of taxicab prevents their seeing: minister on the way to the train. Transcontinental train is taking: on passengers. Porter has a lively time with o an Englishman and Ira Lathrop. a Yankee business man. The elopers have an exciting time getting to the train. "Little Jimmie” Wellington, bound for Reno to ge|t a divorce, boards train in maudlin con* dltion. Later Mrs. Jimmie appears. She is also bound tot Reno with same object. Likewise Mrs. Sammy Whitcomb. Latter blames Mrs. Jimmie for her marital troubles. Classmates of Mallory decorate bridal berth. Rev. and Mrs. .Temple start on a vacation. They decide to cat loose and Temple removes Cides to let Mallory proceed alone, but train starts while they are lost in farewell. Passengers join Malory's classmates in giving couple wedding hazing. Marjorie is distracted. Ira Lathrop, woman-hating bachelor, discovers an old sweetheart, Annie Oattle, a fellowpassenger. Mallory vainly hunts for a preacher among the passengers. Mrs. Wellington hears Little Jimmie's voice, later she meets Mrs. Whitcomb. Mallory reports to Marjorie his failure to And a preacher. They decide to pretend a quarrel and Mallory finds a vacant berth. Mrs. Jimmie discovers Wellington on the train. Mallory again makes an unsuccessful hunt for a preacher. jDr. Temple poses as a physician. Mrs. Temple is induced by Mrs. Wellington to smoke a cigar. Sight of preacher on Station platform raises Mallory’s hopes, but he takes another train.- Missing hand baggage compels the couple to borrow from passengers. Jimmie gets a cinder in his eye and Mrs. Jimmie/ gives first aid. Coolness is then resumed. Still no clergyman. More borrowing. Dr. Temple puzzled by behavior of different couples. Marjorie's Jealousy aroused by Mallory’s baseball Jargon. Marjorie suggests wrecking the train in hopes that accident will produce a preacher. Also tries to induce conductor to hold the train so she can •hop. Marjorie’s dog is missing. She Suits the cord, stopping the train. Conuctor restores dog and lovers quarrel. Lathrop wires for a preacher to marry him and Miss Gattle. Mallory tells Lathrop of his predicament and arranges to borrow the preacher. Kitty Lewellyn, former sweetheart of Mallorv's. Appears and arouses Marjorie’s jealousy. Preacher boards train. After carrying Lathrop and Miss Gattle the freacher escapes Mallory by leaping from moving train’. Mallory's dejection moves Marjorie to reconciliation. TEtf last day on the train brings Mallory the fear of missing his transport. Mallory gets a Nevada marriage license. Marjorie refuses to be married by a divorce drummer. Mr. and Mrs. Jimmie make up. Kitty Lewellyn refuses to return * Mallory's braclet. Robbers hold up the train. -

j CHAPTER XXXVll.—Continued. Marjorie was trying at the same time to compel Mallory to crawl under a seat and to find a place to bide Snoozleums, whom she was warning toot to say a word. Snoozleums, understanding only that his mistress 'was in some distress, refused to stay In his basket and kept offering his services and his attentions. . Suddenly Marjorie realized that Kathleen was trying to taint In Mallory’s arms, and forgot everything else in a determined effort to prevent her. • After the first blood-sweat or abject fright had begun to cool, the passengers came to realize that the invaders were not after lives, but loot. Then came a panic of miserly effort to conceal treasure. Kathleen, finding herself banished from Mallory’s protection, ran to Mrs. Whitcomb, who had given Ashton up as a hopeless task. "What shall we do, oh, what, oh what shall we do, dear Mrs. Wellington t” she cried. “Don’t youfdare call me Mrs. Wellington!” Mrs. Whitcomb screamed; then she began to flutter.- “But we’d better hide what we can. I hope the rah-rah-robbers are ge-gentlemen-men.” She pushed a diamond locket containing a small portrait of Sammy into her back hair, leaving part of the chain dangling. Then she tried to stuff a large handbag Into her stocking. Mrs. Fosdick found her husband at last, for he made a wild dash to her side, embraced her, called her bis wife and defied all the powers of Nevada to tear them apart. He had a brilliant idea. In order to save his fat wallet from capture, be tossed it through an open window. It fell at the feet of one of the robbers as he ran along the side of the car, shooting at such heads as were put out of Windows. He picked It up and dropped it into the feed-bag he had swung at fcis side. Then running on, he clambered over the brass rail of the observation platform and entered the rear of the train, as his confederate, driving the conductor ahead of him, forged his way aft from the front, while a third masquerader aligned the engineer, the fireman, the brakeman and the baggagemen. CHAPTER XXXVIIL. V A r . Hands Up! All thlsUlme Lieutenant Mallory had been thinking as bard as an ofgoer In ah ambuscade. His harrowing experiences sad incessant defeats < the pest days had unnerved him and Slllttsrpd Ms aaif-confidence. He was > v flct itfriH, but intensely

sat absent-mindedly patting Marjorie on the back and repeating: - •’Don’t weary, honey; they’re apt going to hurt anybody. They don’t want anything but our money. Don’t worry, I won’t let ’em hurt you.” " But he could not shake off a sense of 'nausea. He felt himself a- representative of the military prowess of the country, and here he was as helpless as a man on parole. The fact that Mallory was a soldier occurred to a number of the passengers simultaneously. They had been trained by early studies In those beautiful works of Action, the school histories of the United States, and by -many Fourths of July, to believe that the American soldier Is an Invincible being, who has never been defeated and jiever known fear. They surged up to Mallory In a wave of hope. Dr. Temple, being nearest, spoke Arst. Having learned by experience that his own prayers were not always answered as be wished, had an impulse to try some weapon he had never used. “Young man,” he pleaded across the back of a seat, “will you kindly lend me a gun?” .

Mallory answered sullenly: “Mine is in my trunk on the train ahead, damn it. If I had it I’d have a lot of fun.” Mrs. Whitcomb had an inspiration. She ran to her berth, and came back with a tiny silver-plated revolver. “I’ll lend you this. Sammy gave It to me to protect myself In Nevada!” Mallory smiled at the .22-caliber toy, broke it open, and displayed an empty cylinderr=^= “Where are the pills that go with it?” he said. “Oh, Sammy wouldn’t let me have any bullets. He wss afraid I’d hurt myself.” Mallory returned It, with a bow. “It would make an excellent nut-cracker.” “Aren’t you gding to use it?” Mrs. Whitcomb gasped. “It’s empty,” Mallory explained. “But the robbers don’t know that! Couldn’t you just overawe them with it?” “Not with that,” said Mallory, "unless they died laughing.” Mrs. Wellington pushed forward: ‘Then what the devil are you going to do when they come?” Mallory answered meekly: “If they request it, I shall hold up my hands.” “And you won’t resist?” Kathleen gasped * —— “Not a resist.” “And he calls himself a soldier!” she sneered. Mallory writhed, but all he said* was: “A soldier doesn’t have to be a jackass. I know just enough about guns not to- monkey Vith the wrong end of 'em.” »

“Coward!” she flung at him. He turned white, but Marjorie red, and made a leap at her, crying: “He's the bravest man in the world. You say a word, and I’ll scratch your eyes out.” This reheartened Mallory a little, and he laughed nervously, as he restrained her. Kathleen retreated out of danger, with a parting shot: “Our engagement Is off.” "Thanks, ’’ Mallory said, and put out his hand: “Will you return the bracelet?” “I never return such things,’’ said Kathleen. The scene was so painful and such an anachronism that Dr. Temple tried to renew a more pressing subject: “It’s your opinion then that we’d best surrender?” “Of course —since w.e Can’t run.” Wedgewood broke In impatiently: “Well, I consider it a dastardly outrage. I’ll not submit to it. I’m a subject of His Majesty the —” “You're a subject of His Majesty the Man Behind the Gun,” said Mallory. ”1 shall protest, none the less,’’ Wedgewood Insisted. Mallory grinned a little. “Have you any last message to send home to your mother?” Wedgewood was a trifle chilled at this. “D-don’t talk of such things,” he said.

And by this time the train-robbers had hastily worked their way through the other passengers, and reached the frantic inhabitants of the sleeper, "Snowdrop.” “Hands up! Higher!! Hands up!” With a true sense, of the dramatic, the robbers sent ahead of them the most hair-raising yells. They arrived simultaneously at each end of the aisle, and with a few short sharp commands, straightened the disorderly rabble Into a beautiful line, with all palms aloft and all eyes wide. and wild. One robber drOvb ahead of him the conductor and the other drove in Mr. Manning, whom he had -found trying to crawl between the shelves of the linen-closeL The marauders were apparently cattlemen, from their general get-up. Their hats were pulled low, and Just beneath their eyes they had drawn big black silk handkerchiefs, tied behind the ears and hanging to the breast. Over their shoulders they had slung the feed-bags of their horses, to serve as receptacles for their Bwag. Their shirts were chalky with alkali dust. Their legs were encased In heavy chaparejos, and they carried each a pair of well-used Colt’s revolvers that looked as big as artillery. When the passengers had shoved and jostled Into line, one of'the men jabbed the conductor In the back with the muzzle of his gun, and snarled: “Now speak your little piece, like 1 learned It to you.” The conductor, like an awkward schoolboy,' grinned sheepishly, and ■poke, his hands In the air the while: "Ladies and gents, these here parties In the black tidies says they want everybody to hold his or her hands as high as possible till you git permission to lower 'em; they advise you

not to resist, because they hate the meat.” -• The impatient robbers, themselves the prey of feartul Khlrtetles. brolw in, barking like a pair of coyotes In a jumble of commands: “Now, line-up with your backs that way, and no back talk. These guns shoot awful easy. And remember, as each party is Anlshed with, they are to turn round and keep ’their hands up, on penalty of glttin’ ’em shot off. Line up! Hands up! Give over there!” Mrs. Jimmie Wellington took her time about moving into position, and her deliberation brought a howl of wrath from the robber: “Get into that line, you!” €s" « Mrs. Wellington whirled on him: "How dare you, you brute7-’--And she turned up her nose at the gun* The anxious conductor Intervened: "Better obey, madame; he’s an ugly lad.” “I don’t mind being robbed,” said Mrs. Jimmie, “but I won’t endure rudeness.” The robber shook his head in despair, and he tried to wither her with sarcasm: “Pardong, mamselly, would you be so kind and condescendin’ as to step Into that there car before 1 blow your husband’s gol-blame head off.” This brought her to terms. She hastened to her place, but put out a restraining hand on Jimmie, who needed no restraint. “Certainly, to save my dear husband. Don’t strike him, Jimmie!” Then each man stuck one revolver into its convenient holster, and, covering the passengers with the other, proceeded to frisk away valuables with a speed and agility that would have looked prettier if those impa-tient-looking muzzles had not pointed there and everywhere with such venomous threats.

And so they worked from each end of the car toward the middle. Their hands ran swiftly over bodies with a loathsome familiarity that could only be resented, not revenged. Their hands dived into pockets, and up sleeves, and into women’s hair, everywhere that a jewel or a bill might be secreted. And always a rough growl or a swing of the revolver silenced any protest. Their heinous fingers had hardly begun to ply, when the solemn stillness was broken by a chuckle and low hoot of laughter, a darkey’s unctuous laughter. At such a place it was more shocking than, at a funeral. “What alls you?” was the nearest robber’s demand. The porter tried to wipe his streaming eyes without lowering his hands, as he chuckled on: “I—I —just thought of sumpum funny.” “Funny!” was the universal groan. “I was just thinking,” the porter snickered, “what mighty poor pickings you-all are goln’ to gif'but of me. Whilst if you had ’a’ waited till I got to .’Wlsco, I’d jest nachelly been oozin’ money.” The robber relieved him of a few dimes and quarters and ordered him to turn round, but the black face whirled back as he heard from the other end of the car Wedgewood’s indignant complaint: "I say, this is an outrage!” “Ah, close your trap and turn round, or I’ll —’’ The porter’s smile died away. “Good Lawd.” he sighed, “they’re goln' to skin that British lion! And I Just wore myself out on him.” The far-reaching effect of the whole procedure was just beginning to dawn on the porter. This little run on the bank meant a - period of financial stringency for him. He watched the hurrying hands a moment or two, then his wrath rose to terrible proportions: “Look here, man,” he- shouted at the robber, “ain’t you-all goln’ to leave these passengers nothin’ a tall?” * “Not on purpose, nigger.” “No small change, or nothin’?” "Nary a red.” “Then, passengers,” the porter proclaimed, while the robber watched him in amazement;.“then, passengers, I want to give you-all fair warnin’ heah and now: No tips, no whiskbroom ! ” Perhaps because their hearts were already overflowing with distress, the passengers endured this appalling threat without comment, and when there was a at the other end of the line, all eyes rolled that way. (TO BE CONTINUED.)