Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 267, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 November 1912 — Page 2

The Daily Republican Krwy Kwpt Bnnd»y HEALEY A CLARK, Publishers. RENSSELAER. INDIA NA-

EXCUSE ME!

Novelized from the Comedy of the Same Name ILLUSTRATED From Photographs of tho Ploy as Produced By Henry W. Sarade

By Rupert Hughes

Oopjlitfbt, UU, hj H.K. FI7 00. . 13 SYNOPSIS. I Lieut. Harry Mallory Is ordered to the Philippines. He and Marjorie Newton decide to elope, but wreck of taxicab prevents their seeing minister on the way to the train. Transcontinental train is taking on passengers. Porter has a lively time with an Englishman and Ira Lathrop, a Yankee business man. The elopers nave an exciting time getting to the train. “Little Jimmie" Wellington, bound for Reno to get a divorce, boards train In maudlin condition. Later Mrs. Jimmie appears. She is also bound for Reno with same object. Likewise Mrs. Sammy Whitcomb. Latter blames Mrs. Jimmie for Iter marital troubles. Classmates of Mallory decorate bridal berth. Rev. and Mrs. Temple start on a vacation. They decide to cut loose and Temple removes evidence of his calling. Marjorie decides to let Mallory proceed alone, but train starts while they are lost In farewell. Passengers join Mallory’s classmates in giving couple wedding hazing. Marjorie is distracted. Ira Lathrop, woman-hating bachelor, discovers an old sweetheart, Anne Gattle. a fellow passenger. Mallory vainly hunts for a preacher agiong the passengers. Mrs. Wellington hears Little Jimmie's voice. Later she meets Mrs. Whitcomb. Mallory reports to Marjorie his failure to find a preacher. They decide to pretend a quarrel and Mallory finds a vacant berth. Mrs. Jimmie discovers Wellington on the train. Mallory again makes an unsuccessful hunt for a preacher. Dr. Temple poses as a physician. Mrs. Temple is induced by Mrs. .Wellington to smoke a cigar. ’ " j j CHAPTER XlX—(Continued). ' And a lady who was evidently Mrs. Deacon spoke up: “We’ll miss you terrible. We all say you are the best pastor our church ever had.” —--- Mallory prepared to spring on his prey and drag him to his lair, but Marjorie held him back. “He’s taking our train. Lord bless his dear old sonl.” And Mallory could have hugged him. But he kept close watch. To the rapture of the wedding-hungry twain, the preacher shook hands with such of his flock as had followed him to the station, picked up his valise and walked up to the porter, extending his ticket. But the porter said —and Mallory coud have throttled him for saying it: “’Scuse me, posson, but that’s yo’ train ova yonda. You betta move right smaht, for it’s gettin’ ready to pull out.” With a little shriek of dismay, the parson clutched his valise and set off at a run. Mallory dashed after him and Marjorie after Mallory. They shouted as they ran, but the conductor of the east-bouud train sang but “All aboard!” and swung on. The parson made a sprint and caught the ultimate rail of the moving train. Mallory made a frantic leap at a flying coat-tail and missed. As he and Mafjorle stood gazing reproachfully at the train which was giving a beautiful illustration of the laws of retreating perspective, they heard wild bowls of “Hi! hi!” and “Hay! hay!" and turned to see their own train in 1 motion, and the porter dancing a Zulu step alongside.

CHAPTER XX. Foiled Again. Mallory tucked Marjorie under his arm and Marjorie tucked Snoozleums under hers, and they did a sort of three-legged race down the platform! The porter was pale blue with excitement, and it was with the last gasp of breath in all three bodies that they scrambled up the steps of the only open vestibule. The porter was mad enough to give them a piece of his mind, and they were meek enough to take it without a word of explanation or resentment. And the train sped on into the heart of Nebraska, along the unpoetic valley of the Platte. When lunchtime came, they ate it together, but In gloomy silence. They sat in Marjorie’s berth throughout the appallingly monotonous afternoon in a stupor of disappointment and helpless dejection, speaking little and saying nothing then. Whenever the train stopped, Mallory watched the on-getting passengers with his keenest eye. He had a theory that since most people who looked like preachers were decidedly lay, it might be well to take a gambler’s chance and accost the least ministerial person next So, In his frantic anxiety, he selected a horsey-looking individual who got on at North Platte. ,He looked so much like a rawhided ranchman that Mallory stole up on him and asked him to'excuse him, but did he happen to be a clergyman? The man replied, by asking Mallory if he happened to be a Pea-bitten maverick, and embellished his question with a copious flow of the words ministers use, but with L secular arrangement of them. In ;t he split one word in two to insert a double-barrelled curse. All that Mallory could do was to admit tb»* he was a flearbitten what-he-said, and back away. , Alter that, if a vicar in fall uniform had marched down the aisle heading a procession of choir boys,

Mallory would have suspected him. He vowed In his haste that Marjorie might die an old maid before he would approach anybody else on that subject. Nebraska would have been a nice long state for a honeymoon, but Its four hundred-odd miles were a dreary length for the couple so near and yet so far. The railroad clinging to tbise meandering Platte made the way far longer, and Mallory and Marjorie left like Pyramus and Thisbe wandering along an eternal wall, through which they could see, but not reach, one another. * They dined together as dolefully ar if they had been married for forty years. Then the slow twilight soaked them In its melancholy. The porter lighted up the car, and the angels lighed up the stars, but nothing lighted up their hopes. “We’ve got to quarrel again, my beloved,” Mallory groaned to Marjorie. Somehow they were too dreary even to nag one another with an outburst for the benefit of the eager-eyed passengers. * A little excitement bestirred them as they realized that they were confronted with another night-robeless night and a morrow without change of gear. “What a pity that we left our things in the taxicab,” Marjorie sighed. And thiß time she said, “we left them,”4nstead of “you left them.’’ It was very gracious of her, but Mallory did not acknowledge the courtesy. Instead he gave a start and a gasp: “Good Lord, Marjorie, we -never paid the second taxieab!” how shall we ever pay him? He’s been waiting there twenty-four hours. How much do you suppose we .owe him ?” “About a year of my pay, I guess.” “You must send him a telegram of apology and ask him to read his meter. He was such a nice man—the kindest eyes—for a chauffer.” • “But how can I telegraph him? I don’t know his name, or his number, or his company, or anything.” “It’s too bad. He’ll go through life hating us and thinking we cheated him.” “Well, he doesn’t know our names either.” And then they forgot him temporarily for the more immediate need of clothes. All the passengers knew that they had left behind what baggage they had not sent ahead, and much sympathy had been expressed. But most people would rather give you their sympathy than lend you their fclothes. Mallory did not mind the men, but Marjorie dreaded the women. She was afraid of all of them but Mrs. Temple. She threw herself on the little lady’s mercy and was asked to help herself. She borrowed a nightgown of extraordinary simplicity, a shirt waist of an ancient mode, and a number of other things. If there had been anyone there to see she would have made a most anachronistic bride. Mallory canvassed the men and obtained a shockingly purple shirt from Wedge wood, who meant to put him at his ease, but somehow failed when he said in answer to Mallory’s thanks: “God bless my soul, old top, don't you think of thanking me. I ought to thank you. You see, the idiot who makes my shirts, made that by mistake, and I’d be no end grateful if you’d jolly well take the loathsome thing oft my hands. I mean to say, I shoudn’t dream of being seen in it myself. You quite understand,' don’t you ?” Ashton contributed a maroon atrocity in hosiery, with equal tact: “If they fit you, keep ’em. I got stung on that batch of socks. That pair was originally lavender, but they Washed like that Keep ’em. I wouldn’t be found dead in ’em.” The mysterious Fosdick, 'who lived a lonely life in the Observation car and slept in the other sleeper, lent Mallory a pair of pyjamas evidently intended for a bridegroom of romantic disposition. Mallory blushed as he accepted them and when he found himself in them, he whisked out the light, he was so ashamed of himself. Once more the whole car gaped at the unheard of behavior of itsTjewly wedded pair. The poor porter okd been hungry for a bridal couple, ljpfe as he went about gathering up the castoff footwear of his large family and found Mallory’s shoes at number three and Marjorie’s tiny boots at number five, he shook his head and groaned. “Times has suttainly changed for the wuss. If this is a bridal couple, gimme divorcees.” CHAPTER XXI. Matrimony to and Fro. And the next morning they were in Wyoming—Well toward the center of that State. They had left behind the tame levels and the truly rural towns and they were among foothills and mountains, passing cities of wildly picturesque repute, like Cheyenne, and Laramie, Bowie, and Medicine Bow, and Bitter Creek, whose very names imply literature and war whoops, cowboy yelps, barking revolvers, another redskin ’ biting the dust, cattle stampedes, town-paintings, humorous lynchings and bronchos in epileptic frenzy. But the talk of this train was concerned with none of these wonders, which the novelists dnd the magazinist have perhaps a trifle overpubliahed. The talk of this train was concerned with the eighth wonder of the world, a semi-detached bridal couple. Mrs. Whitcomb was eager enough to voice the sentiment of the whole populace, when she looked up from her novel In the observation room and, nudging Mrs. Temple, drawled: “By the way, my dear, has that bridal

couple made up Its second sight's quarrel yet?” , “The Mallorys?” Mrs. Temple flushed as she answered, mercifully. “Oh, yes, they were very friendly again this morning.” ■j Mrs. Whitcomb’s countenance was cynical: “My dear, I’ve been married twice and I ought to know something about honeymoons, but this honeyless honeymoon—” she cast up her eyes and her hands In despair. The women were so concerned about Mr. and “Mrs.” Mallory, that they hardly noticed the uncomfortable plight of the Wellingtons, or the curious behavior of the lady from the stateroom who seemed to be afraid of something and never spoke to anybody. The strange behavior of Anne Gattle and Ira Lathrop even escaped much comment, though they were forever being stumbled on when anybody went out to the observation platform. When they were dislodged from there, they sat playing checkers and talking very little, but making eyes at one another and sighing like furnaces. They had evidently concocted some secret of their own, for Ira, looking at his watch, murmured sentimentally to Anne: “Only a few hours more, Annie,” And Anne turned geranium-color and dropped a handful of checkers. “I don’t know how I can face it.” “Aw, what do you care?” “But I was never married before, Ira,” Anne protested, “and on a train, too.” “Why, all the bridal couples take to the railroads.” “I should think It" would be the last place they’d go,” said Anne —a sensible woman, Anne! “Look at the Mallories —how miserable they are.” “I thought they were happy,” said Ira, whose great virtue it was to pay little heed to what was none of his business. “Oh, Ira,” cried Anne, “I hope we shan’t begin to quarrel as soon as we are married.” “As if anybody could quarrel with you, Anne,” he said. . "Do you think I’ll be so monotonous as that?” she retorted. Her spunk delighted him beyond words. He whispered: “Anne, you’se so gol-d&rned sweet if I don’t get a chance to kiss you, I’ll bust.” “Why, Ira —we’re on the train.” “Da —darn the train! Who ever heard of a fellow proposing and getto a girl and not even kissing her.” ; ’ “But our engagement is so short.” “Well, I’m not going to marry you until I get a kiss.” Perhaps innocent old Anne really believed this blood-curdling threat It brought her instantly to terms, though she blushed: “But everybody’s always looking.” “Come out on the observation platform.” “Oh, Ira, again?” “I dare you.” “I take you—but’’ seeing that Mrs. Whitcomb whs tfying to overhear, she whispered: “Let’s pretend It’s the scenery.” So Ira rose,’ pushed the checkers aside, and said in an unusually positive tone: “Ah, Miss Gattle, won’t you have a look at the landscape?” “Oh, thank you, Mr. Lathrop,” said Anne, “I just love scenery.” They wandered forth like the Sleeping Beauty and her princely awakener, and never dreamed what gigglings and nudgings and wise head-noddings went on back of them. Mrs. Wellington laughed loudest of all at the lovers whose heads - had grown gray while their hearts were still so green. It was shortly after this that the Wellingtons themselves came into prominence In the train life. As the train approached Green River, and its copper-basined stream, the engineer began to set the airbrakes for the stop. Jimmie Wellington, boozily half-awake in the smoking room, wanted to know what the name of the station was. Everybody is always eager to oblige a drunken man, so Ashton and Fosdick tried to get a window open to look out. (TO BE CONTINUED.)

Truly a “Nervy” Youth.

A New York barber says he has discovered the nerviest man alive. He Is young yet, but when he is fully developed with a mature growth of nerve he will be a startling prodigy. “This fellow came into my shop the other day,” said the barber, “and asked me to shave his neck. I speedily accomplished the gentle task, and called out, ‘Next.’ While I was adjusting a towel around the neck of the next customer I saw the other youth going out the door. “ ‘Haven’t you forgotten something?’ I asked him. “lie felt in bis pockets and said he had all that belonged to him. “ ‘I mean you forgot to pay me for that shave.’ “ ‘Pay for that! Just shaving my neck!’ he said, astonishment. T never heard of paying for so little a thing as that I could have done it myself with my safety razor, only I couldn’t reach back there.’ ’’

“Big Seller” of 1758.

In more hardy days than these snuff wae used as an eye, liniment "The Compleat Housewife, or Accomplished Gentlewoman’s Companion,” which had run into 16 editions by. 1758, extolr its virtues. Accomplished gentlewom en who find their sight failing with ad vancing years are advised to rub “the right sort of Portugal snuff Into \ the eyeß night and morning, and take it also through the nose.” This treatment, it is asserted, “cured Sir Edward Seymour, Sir John Houblon and Judge Ayres, so that they could read without spectacles after they had used them for many years." Some people would prefer spectacles.

WHEN Dr. Leon Meunler, a noted Paris food specialist, gave out a statement that crawling on all fours after meals was an aid to digestion, fashionable French dressmakers immediately got up a costume to be worn for this form of exercise. A club was formed called the “On All Fours Club,” and the ladies wore these gowns. The costume adopted is in black and white satin.

TRIP ON THE OSAGE

Voyage on River Never Has Been Duplicated. Steamer Carrying a Load of Balt la Nearly Btranded in Falling Stream, but Cargo Was Sold for sll a Barrel. Clinton, Mo. —How a steamer once navigated the waters of the Osage river, delivered a cargo of salt at Suns Point, Kan., and made a good profit on the deal is told here by Richard Fuqua, a carpenter, who was the boat’s carpenter on the trip and for several years after. Now the once navigable Osage river is a prize sought by water power men and promoters, and Kansas, instead of importing salt, is exporting it. The steamer that accomplished what no other boat has evd,V done, the navigation of the Osage fiver, was Itself named the Osage. The hull was laid and launched at Linn creek in the winter of 1856-57 by the owners, who were residents of Linn creek. The hull was towed to St. Louis, where the boat was finished. It was 130 feet long, 22 feet wide and when loaded to Its capacity of 200 tons drew nearly three feet of water. It was pronounced the finest little boat afloat in its day, with a cabin capacity of seventy-five passengers, double engines, double boilers and side wheels. It was sold to Capt Lambert of New York, an old sailor and experienced boatman, who later traded It to Maj. R. H. Melton of Warsaw, Mo., for Benton county land, the consideration being $22,000. Maj. Melton placed Elijah Melton, his brother, in charge as clerk and the Osage made regular trips for eight months in the year from St. Louis up the Osage river, often as far as Papinsville In Bates county, M issouri, but more frequently going to Osceola, St. Clair county. Those were boating days on the beautiful Osage river, and as many as eleven boats have been tied up at Warsaw, Mo., at one time. Before the war the ffeight and passenger service made a profit to the owner of the boat and $1,500 was not an unusual amount for the round trip. The crowring feat In navigation was in taking a cargo of 200 tons Of salt to Suns Point, In Bourbon county, Kan. The civil war had destroyed the boating service on the Osage river and salt was so scarce that a pound would sell at times for sl. Maj. Melton found plenty of salt at St. Louis In 1867, which had come from Michigan down the Mississippi. He knew if he could get it to the western counties of Missouri the people would pay a handsome profit for it. With George Crawford, an Osage river pilot, the boat was loaded to its capacity with salt In barrels and sacks and the voyage begun. y ' At Osceola the news came that heavy rains for a week at the head waters of the Osage in Kansas would keep the river at high water mark; and Crawford, the daring Osage river pilot, said he would try for Suns Point, or, failing, he could try for Bell View, a few miles below. Suns Point was reached at 4 o’clock on the afternoon of the following day, and the river was bank full, but very narrow. It was so full that the presence of the boat forced the water out of its banks on to the low land. In an hour the water began to fall, and all hands rolled off the salt. Everybody who would work w r as hired to help. The unloading continued all night without Interruption until 4 o’clock in the morning. It was then observed that the narrow stream was not wide enough by ten feet, to turn the boat around. Every available tool was put into use by deck hands and the bank of the river was dug down low enough to allow the stern of the boat to back into it; and by the aid of ropes and capstan the turn was made. The unloading was completed and at 5 o’clock the race for'deep water began. The wood supply was running low when a wood yard was seen in the distance on the bank, some thirty miles below Suns Point No time was lost in tying up and appropriating all the wood In the yard, and the little steamer was on

COSTUME DESIGNED FOR “CRAWLERS”

her way to escape the shallow water. The mouth of the Osage below Jefferson City was reached before noon the following day. Major Melton left his brother In charge of the salt at Suns Point At first the people were afraid to buy it at sll a barrel, giving as a reason that it probably was gotten dishonestly, and the rightful owners of the entire cargo might call later and get the goods or charge a higher price. But in a week Elijah Melton had sold the last of his boatload of salt and was returning with $2,700, representing the profit of the trip. There were many more cargoes of salt taken up the Osage to the western counties of Missouri, but none to Kansas.

CHASED TO DEATH BY BEES

Old Man’s Heart Falls as He Runs From Angry Swarm on Pennsylvania Farm. York, Pa. —George Frey, aged sixtyeight, was hiving a swarm of bees on the farm of his brother, in lower Windsor township, when tty& Insects attacked him. Frey ran at full speed to escape their stings, but about 200 feet away he fell dead from overexertion. There were no witnesses to the accident, but when the body was found the few angry bees still about it and the overturned hive told the story.

Get Vacation With Pay.

Williamstown, Mass. —Williams college profesors will herafter get a year’s vacation in every seven years with full pay. Funds for carrying out this arrangement are provided from the income of a gift by Francis Lynde Stetson of New York. In his annual report President Garfield says: “Teaching is often regarded aB an easy profession. “But the steady pressure under which the teacher laborß for nine months of the years is more wearing than intermittent and various demands.”

Model Will Pose No More

Pittsburg Reformers Say She Is No Model (of Propriety) and Seclude Her. Pittsburg, Pa. —Carnegie Technical school has turned up its first scandal. Rose Drew, Venus of the art class, has been sent to the Home of the Good Shepherd In tears, and the latest fashions in clothes and mjlllnery. The students In art and Illustrating, for whom the Incomparable Rose has posed In the nude for two years, must find another model. The faculty will take a hand In the choosing. The cozy little flat that Rose Drew occupied, not far from the school, has been closed. “What will Andy say?” the faculty members are whispering. Since Rosie came from Connellsville two years ago, with little more than her figure and pretty face, she has had a class of faithful, future Millets worshiping at her shrine. Only recently this became known to the morals efficiency commission, the body that has been cleaning up the town. Some of Rosie’s envious neighbors objected to the “parties” she gave ib the flat. The Welsh rarebit, with Just a dash of lager, and some of the other chafing-dish products Bmelletj good, but the fun kept up too late. Rosie always displayed a fondness for rare perfumes, which she used lavishly. '

WEDS HIS CHINA HEROINE

American, Saved. From Boxers, Re- > v veals Romance of tha John Bmlth Order. New York. —A romance as extraordinary as that of Captain John Smith of colonial times and his Indian princess came to light here with the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. William Dromberger of Philadelphia en a trans-At-lantic liner from Havre. They are on the last lap of their wedding journey,'

DEER INVADES BUSY CITY

Knocks Down Boy and Horse and Escapes Handcuffs of a Vancouver Policeman. Vancouver, B. C. —A big buck deer started 600 persons homeward bound from church, upset a boy and horse, and escaped after being handcuffed. The deer was first seen standing in a vacant lot. Boyd Lauder, a 16-yearm-old boy, went to look at it and was thrown to the ground. The buck then attacked and overthrow a horse tied to he ground. The bilck then attacked and overthew a horse tied in the lot and returned to trample the Lauder hoy, when Policeman Samuel Gray caught it by the antlers and threw it, after twenty minutes’ struggle, by twisting its neck. ' From force of habit Grady snapped handcuffs about the deer’s legs. The deer sprang to its feet aiM the handcuffs slipped to the ground. The “prisoner” escaped by swimming a creek.

BEES TRAIL HONEY THIEVES

Colorado Apiarist Follows SWarm for Mile and Recovers Stolen Sweets. Sterling, Colo. —When J. M. Cornelius, a honey producer, near here, awoke one morning he found that during the night fifteen bee hives had been looted of fifty pounds of honey. He followed the dispossessed bees to the home of two brothers named Bennett, living a mile away. There he found the bees swarming about the house, while the Bennetts, besieged, had shut the door and windows and were afraid to go out. Cornelius swore out warrants for the arrest of the Bennetts. They admitted the theft.

Miss Taft Is a Good Shot.

Beverly, Mass. —Miss Helen Taft, the president’s only daughter, has added to her prowess as a follower of the outdoor life by qualifying as a marksman. Miss Taft made 49 hits out of a possible 50 over the 200-yard range at Gloucester.

which has taken them around the world! Mrs. Dromberger Is a fullblooded Chinese. During the Boxer uprising Mr. Dromberger was in China, was captured by the Boxers and sentenced to be beheaded. On the day of his execution his present wife rescued him. Later she was sent to his home in Philadelphia and educated as an American girl. She then married the man she saved.

CURIOSITY MAY COST ARM.

Horse Snaps Jaws Together as Philadelphia Youth Tries to Learn Age. Philadelphia. Pa. —Joseph Moore, seventeen years old, of 506 South Fifth street, may lose his right arm as the result of his curiosity to know the age of a horse. Moore was standing at the corner of Fifth and Bainbrldge streets, when he and his companions became interested In knowing the age of a horse at the corner. As Moore attempted to open the animals mouth, so that he could see its ~teeth, it closed its jaws on his hand with a snap. Moore was taken to Mount Biani hospital The doctors fear blood poisoning may develop.

HARVARD HIRES RAT CATCHER

New University Officer to Be Aided by Terrier, Ferrets and Many Traps. Cambridge, Mass.—To prevent the destruction'of many interesting books, papers, pictures and valuables of various kinds in the college buildings. Harvard university has added to its "staff of employes an official rat catcher, the first appointee of the kind in the history of the university. Sanraejl Johnson of Somerville is the new officer. He has the help of a clever fox terrier, two ferrets and many traps.