Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 227, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 September 1912 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

Sit'S Poets should always apostrophlM the weather as feminine. Uvery dog has his day because nobody else wants dog days. • ■■ ■■ Walking is a delightful exercise—when it Is not compulsory. - 1 The dictagraph should be tried and convicted of perjury unless it tells the truth. " ~ T - - - . —, , f . *. n _ x T. • - 1 An eastern man offers to teach flying by mall, this at least being a safe way to study. |gSj£i- • \ Vacation and Christmas are the two great agencies for putting money Into active circulation. However, if SL Louis women do wear socks, where will they carry their chamois rags? A pessimist is a man who thinks he'll never get a chance to wear his fish net underwear. An old maid in New Rochelle Is reported to have found a burglar under her bed. Lucky old maid. A Brooklyn dentist has become an aviator, and will now have a chance to work on his own nerve. A San Francisco woman has a special car for her dogs. This no doubt Butts the regular passengers. Another royalist plot In Portugal has failed. The best thing a royalist plot Jn Portugal does Is to fall ' Next to a game of chess probably a balloon race is the most exciting contest that can be witnessed these daya A Denver preacher says that it is a sin to kill a fly or break an egg. It surely Is a sin to break some eggs. - ; A New Orleans girl went to heaven during a five days’ sleep. This is the first mysterious bourne round-trip record. “When is a man old?" asks an exchange. A man is old when he loses his hankering to do violence to the * Umpire. Pittsburg man at the age of eightythree marries a girl he had known two weeks. But such Is the impetuosity of youth. Glri in St. Louis claims to have killed 10,068,000 flies, and we are willing to take her word rather than count ’em. * Another reason for the unpopularity of aviation among women is that it is •'impracticable to fly while wearing a Paris hat Vital statistics tells us that New York had a murder fbr every day In July. New York is a great place for an undertaker. 1 The women’s clubs of Chicago havo declared war on the ‘‘masher.’’ The most effective club in his case would be the policeman's. A Brooklyn man, bitten by a fish he had caught. Is now afraid of hydrophoblt. It certainly Is enough to make any man mad to have a fish bite him. The Agricultural Department has Just issued a little pamphlet on the fattening of calves. However, It omits mention of the first and most Important step —taking away their cigarettes. Playing roque by electric light Is one of Chicago’s present activities, though nobody really need be ashamed to play It by daylight. As duchesses and princesses are now going up in airships, aviation may justly claim to have been admitted Into the higher circles. ! Farmer In California became weary of hoeing potatoes in the hot sun and turned highwayman. The glorious climate of California. The New Yorker who has invented a machine to tell when a man is in love has gone to unnecessary trouble When you feel foolish, that’s 1L “Listen to your wife," advises a medical expert. Being a medical expert. he well knows the damage that a rolling pin or flatiron can inflict The doctors have finally decided that there Is do such thing as a blood •purifier. Those who remember the sulpbur-and molaßses days of childhood wish that the discovery bad been made sooner -i' - . Rich old lady In Ohio hired an or-, ■cbestra to play while her dog was eating. No wonder dogs go mad. , ; * Japan’s emperor was a poet, bat as Jie was a good one this will not be counted against him when his record Is mad# up by the historian of the ft __ ' An Austrian woman created a sensation on an ocean liner by wearing a hoopsklrt. She may be welcomed At Shfe* embodied reaction against tee • ... ' . , 1 .