Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 178, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 July 1912 — Page 3

GOOD JOKES

THE JOURNEY. “If you were asked to get ready to •tart next Thursday on a long journey, do you think you could do so?** asked her rich employer, who was a widower. “Oh I —much would depend upon the kind of journey it was to be,’* she replied. r A _. ■•‘l mean a pleasant journey—a journey that would last for a month or more.” ■ - “And should I have company on the journey?” “Well, 1 hadn’t thought of that. No, I don’t believe you would. I should expect you to go alone.” “Then I don’t believe I could get ready,” she said, turning to her typewriter and making four mistakes in the first line of the letter she had begun. •

Nothing More.

“What’s the matter, old man?” “Had a dream last night. It sort of left me bewildered.” “Had a dream, you say?” "Well, I say it was a dream. It really was so vivid, that I might alpiost have been awake.” "What was it?” - - “I thought that ocean liners were carrying plenty of lifeboats instead of squash courts and swimming pools." "Oh, that was a dream!”

Maternalism.

Kind Gentleman—What are you going to do, Johnny, when you become a man?” ■ Johnny—Nawthln’. Kind Gentleman —What? Not going to do anything? Johnny—No. Just as soon as I started something ma would tell me to stop.—Judge.

The Delicate Pitcher.

“Mr, Southpaw,** inquired the shoe clerk boarder, “how is your wing?” “Pretty good,*' answered the baseball boarder. '•Wouldn’t injure it to exert it a trifle?” "I think not” "Then, will you please pass the but-

HIS IDEA.

Mrs. Justwed—Hers is a printed list es suitable presents for a wife to give her husband op -his birthday. Just mark the ones you would like most. Mr. Justwed (after reading it) —I think I would be satisfied with anything that was not mentioned here.

Severe Punishment.

A slap on the wrist . Is what he should get, Who dares to resist A suffragette.

Ready to Oblige.

At a reception in London a young lady, mistaking Marconi for Mascagni, said: "I do wish you’d play me your lovely ‘lntermezzo.’" “With pleasure, madam,” answered Marconi; “but I shall have to play it on a wireless piano.”

Conservative Opinion.

“This newspaper speaks of a ‘girl* whose age turns out to be thirty years. Do you think she Is still a girl at that age?" “Well, she may be a girl, but there Is no doubt that she is somewhat mature." ;•

Uncalled For.

Murphy—ol want to get a fust class autymobile for me woife. , Auto'Dealer —Long body? . Murphy—None of yure business! |Bhe’s built like a barrel, but 01 didn’t come here to discuss her shape wid lye.—Puck.

What Impressed Him.

“What impressed you most in our .great city?” asked the native. “Well," replied the man from the small town, “I’ve been here for a week and I noticed that nobody wears Sunday clothes on Sunday."

One Slight Request.

“There is nothing that women cannot do as well as men." “Of course,” assented Mr. Meekton •earnestly. “But, Henrietta, Ido hope that none of you will insist on pltch- < ifor the home team in a close game."

Cruelty to Animals.

Manager—We will try the new play 'in this town on the dog. Agent—You’re taking a risk. They’ve got an active humane society there. <‘,.-7 .

) The Motive. It was an evening party. A young man with a tali collar and pale hair was reciting a poem. He had ground out forty-seven stanzas—and the end was not yet. “What’s going on?” whispered the guest who had just come in. "Rhymer is letting out his latest poem,” answered the pessimistic person. - "What’s the subject—the motive?" queried the late comer. : : z "I have forgotten the subject,” replied the P. P., "but I suspect the motive must be revenge.”—ldeas.

THOSE LONG SERMONS.

Deacon Smith—Well, Brother Jones, th* parson’s had a good rest, hasn’t he? Deacon Jones —Yes, and so have we.

Alas!

Faith dreamed a dream— It ne’er came true; But that is the way Most day-dreams do. 1

A Feeling Compliment.

Bill—l see a recently invented safe that will float in case of shipwreck is a steel cylinder divided into two compartments, one air tight, the other to hold valuables." Jill—Yes. I notice they’re doing a whole lot of thing? to make ocean travel safer excepting to invent something that will help a fellow hold on to his meals.

Rustic Scorn.

"What we want,” said the eloquent lady, "is higher and more refined ideals.”

“Of course,” replied Farmer Corntossel wearily. “It’s a shame the way us rough men get out and hustle for corn and potatoes when we might be slippin’ geraniums and trainin’ crimson ramblers.”

Wrong Port.

Mrs. Neuritch —So you heard from your sister. How did she enjoy the trip across? Miss Young—Well, she wrote that she was very glad when they reached terra Anna. Mrs. Neuritch —Terra firma? Why, I thought she was to land at Liverpool.

Probably Not.

“There are about 173,000 more females than males in Paris.” “Yes, and I’ll bet that when a fellow’s lonesome and homesick in that town and wishes he could get some nice little female to sit beside him and tell him encouraging things about himself there isn’t one to be found.”

Skipping Preliminaries.

"Circumsantial evidence points strongly toward you as the perpetrator of the mysterious crime,” said the detective. “Do you desire us to send fdr a lawyer or a spiritual adviser?” "Great Scott, no!” replied the excited suspect. “Send for an alienist**

' Weeks—Automooillng is not likely to endure as a sport. Sweet —No; people are already so shy that it’s more a matter of luck than skill when anybody is run down.

Found Out.

He swore his heart was in his work. His wife did wonder why. She came and saw his lady clerk. Then raised a dreadful cry.

Slightly Twisted.

“Have you been out to Bingle’s bungalow Y‘ • “Yes, I was out there recently and one .of Bingle'.s guests took so 'many highballs he • Insisted on calling the' place Bungle's bingalow." \ 1

TIE Olympic games are now in progress at Stockholm and will continue until July 22. Our Illustration shows, in the center, the Swedish eight on the water; at the left, Colonel Black, president of the Olympic games, and J. Farrell, the English coach of the Swedish oarsmen; at the right, the diving contests.

TO RECLAIM LAND

Madero Government Will Redeem •Promises to People. Some of the Intended Reforms In Mexico Delayed Because of DIE Acuities Encountered in a Technical Way. Mexico City,—One of the, plans evolved by the government through. Its department of public welfare, colonization and industry, to provide arable lands for division among the people—one of the chief planks of Madero’s revolutionary platform—is under way. It contemplates the drainage and filling In of the great bed ot Lake Texcoco, some two and a half miles east of the capital. The work will require five years, It Is estimated, and an expenditure of 4,000,000 pesos (12,000,000 gold). Thousands of acres of waste land, now partly covered with water to the depth of two feet, and the remainder either useless swamps or dry, sandy stretches, the latter giving rise to the .frequent dust-storms which sweep the capital in the dry season; are to be reclaimed. This land, Recording to plans which are being worked out, is to be placed on sale to individual Mexicans at the lowest possible figure and on long-term payments. Lake Texcoco is the last remnant of the .once mighty body of water which covered the plateau and completely surrounded the ancient city of Nenochitlan, now the capital of the republic. Legend has it that somewhere in its depths the treasure of Montezuma was sunk to prevent its falling into the hands of Hernando Cortes. It has been searched for in vain during the hundreds of years since the conquest, and it is regarded as possible, though hardly probable, that it will come to light in the conversion of this lake bed. •* Three bills, intended to put into effect some of the reforms which were promised to the people by President Madero, were not presented to the national assembly because a great deal of difficulty was met in the legal techhicalities of the measures. Two of the bills dealt with the land question and the third was an employers’ liability act. The drafting of the bills also have been in the hands of Carlos Trejoy Lerdo de Tejada, attorney general of the federal district. President Madero’s cabinet has decided to cancel a fishing concession on the east and west coasts of Lower California and the western part of the mainland granted to the Mexican Exploration company by the Diaz govern-

On the Training of Girls

English School Teachers Do Not Agree on the Subject of Educating Young Women. London. —“No man, however good he may be, understands girls, neither does he understand women.” This pearl of wisdom fell from the Ups of Miss Cox of Birmingham at the conference of Head Teachers of Stoke. She moved a resolution asserting that mixed schools and combined departments under the charge of a headmaster are not conducive to the best training of girls. “The decreasing proportion of women teachers who can become mistresses of girls’ schools is,” she said, “very discouraging to the large body ofwoihen, who, by sex, ability, training and qualifications, are best fitted to take charge of girls. Something should be done whereby women teachers should have justice. I think the time has come when the women should stand up for their rights in this matter of the training of girls. I firmly believe that men should have the training of boys and women the training ofgirls.” Miss Cooper ot Birmingham said they all knew that boys and girls developed their mental capacities at different ages, and it was impossible for them to be taught together in a group. , "It has been asserted," she said, "that where boys and girls are taught together discipline is better. I deny that. It is infinitely worse. Discipline cannot be administered to both sexes at the same time tn the classroom. I do not wish to see the effeminate boys

OLYMPIC GAMES AT STOCKHOLM

ment. The company is British, and will receive 8150,000 indemnity. It is stated that the canceling of the concession has nothing to do with the late Japanese talk, but is aimed simply to return to the people on the coast the fishing rights of which they had been deprived and which in many instances constituted their only means of livelihood. The inherent politeness of a Mexican referee nearly annulled the effect of a clean knockout during a recent boxing match in the capital. Incidentally the row which followed the umpire's decision in favor of the Mexican pugilist, who was pitted against Jim Smith, a negro, has resulted In an official ban on the sport within the federal district Cuauhtemoc Aguilar, the Mexican, went through the ropes in the fourth round. The umpire, carried away by the calamity which had befallen the idol, rushed to his aid and was about to try to put him on hls feet "The count! The count!" yelled half a hundred Americans in the audience. Several seconds later the umpire remembered his office and to all appearances Aguilar was down and out. The umpire then declared the blow a foul because it had been struck after the gong sounded. It was pointed out that the gong was broken and could not be heard, but the decision stood. The meeting broke up in a fuss that threatened to result in further fisticuffs.

PLANS PREACHER AUTO JURY

Philadelphia Coroner to Try a Novel Scheme as to Fatalities —Will -Warn People From Pulpit \ - ■ «> Philadelphia.—The coroner of Philadelphia has announced that he will have a special jury of six prominent clergymen, representing all denominations, to hear and act upon cases of automobile fatalities. His object in this novel move, he says, is to familiarize the clergymen with the danger to the public on the streets from automobiles. Later the official expects them to repeat from their pulpits of vteming and advice to motor vehicle drivers and to pedestrians.

Voice Returns After Fifteen Years.

Pana, 11l. —Fifteen years ago Miss Alice Hedges lost her voice, and since that time could not speak above a whisper. Recently her voice suddenly returned to her.

we see in some of the mixed schools. You will also see much more forwardness in girls in the mixed school than where the sexes are separated. Boys should be manly, bold, and strong, and the girls tactful and kind.” Mr. Harwood of Halifax declared that when boys and girls were taught together the boys learnt a great deal from the girts, and the girls learnt much from the boys that was good. "And something that is bad," retorted a lady delegate. “Comradeship of the boy and girl in school,” continued Mr. Harwood, ignoring the Interruption, “is an excellent thing. There is nothing which fits a girl to a better understanding of a boy than sitting beside one another at a desk. For my part, I always find the girls love the men teachers, and I find the boys get on better with the women teachers.”

AT 80 MAN BUILDS SHIPS

Captain Johnson Goes Dally From Hie Baltimore Home to the Plant at Sparrow’s Point. e Wilmington, Del. —Capt. Thomas Johnson, , now in -his qljjhty-fourth year, is superintending the construction of two steel steamers for the Baltimore, Chesapeake ft Atlantic Railway company at Sparrow’s Point. Md. On June 17 he and his wife will celebrate the sixty-fifth anniversary of tl£tr marriage. The anniversary will be observed here for the reason that they were married in this city.* Mrs. Johnson is in her eightieth year.

ODD WEAPONS USED IN DUEL

Men Misinterpret Judge's Advice to Settle Family Dispute Out of Court. New York.—'You look like two sensible men. Suppose you take this family dispute outside. Go to your homes and settle it between yourselves. I’m sure you can arrange things between you privately better than with me. Try to settle it, anyway, and then come back and tell me how you feel.” This benevolent advice was given by Magistrate Fitch tn Long Island city court to Louis Citryn of 172 Nott avenue and his brother-in-law, Louis Rosenberg of 168 Nott avenue, Long Island City. They had come to court after -a dispute between their wives. The court’s suggestion seemed to meet with Instant approval, and they left the room. An hour later they returned, and if it hadn’t been for their clothes the magistrate wouldn’t have recognized them. They were battered and blood stained. Their lips were so cut and swollen they could hardly speak and an ambulance surgeon had to be called to patch them up before they could tell their story. As they stood before the magistrate wrapped in bandages he looked at them sorrowfully. "You —ah, have settled this matter?” asked the magistrate, hesitatingly. There was an affirmative nod from one of them and a glance of doubt from the other. *

Then both men began to talk at once to a chorus of lamentations from their wives and children. At least the magistrate was able to learn, much to his regret, that his advice to settle the dispute outside court had been misinterpreted. It came out that in settling the dispute one man used a brass candlestick and the other an iron coffee mill. The men made counter charges of assault and were held In 8500 bail each for examination. As they were led away the magistrate said something about the folly of trying to be a peacemaker and advisor sometimes.

Rifle Your Husband’s Pockets.

Cambridge, Mass.—Mrs. A. M. Palmer, New York society leader, is responsible for the statement that women are justified in pilfering money from their husbands’ pockets. “Women go through their husbands’ pockets to take care of their money for them. Men never have much in their pjockets, which proves that they can’t take care of their money. Women do hot the money THiey take from their husbands. Often it goes to the bank and stays there.”

The captain goes to and from Sparrow’s Point daily from his home in Baltimore. He is the railroad’s superintendent of construction. Everybody in Delaware knows “Captain Tom.” Born in “Brandywine Village,” now within the limits of this city, he was 45 years superintendent of the shipyard of the old Harlan ft Hollingsworth company, now controlled by Charles M. Schwab. He entered the employ of the concern in 184* as a laborer at |4.50 a week. Twenty years ago be retired as superintendent because of ill-health and bought two farms in Northampton county, Virginia. His health having been regained “without taking a drop of medicine,” he last winter re-entered the shipbuilding industry.

BUYS BABY AND RETURNS IT

Purchaser's Scheme to Rouse Public Interest In Poverty Stricken Family Successful.

Pottsville, Pa.—Pathetic was the advertisement recently of Mrs. Henry Walker, a widow of Tamaqua, who offered her Infant baby for sale, ascribing as her reason that she was too poor to provide for it Many offered to purchase the babe and it was finally turned over to a woman who paid the mother flO for it The purchaser never intended to keep the child, [but succeeded in arousing action on the part of several friends charitably inclined. After keeping the child tor a few hours, it was returned to the overjoyed mother, with the excuse that it cried too much for the new owner to keep it Provision was made for a good home for both mother and baby.

LEFT WORK UNFINISHED

AUTHORS CALLED FROM THEIR MANUSCRIPTS BY DEATH. Some of the Greatest Have Literally Died "In the Harness”—Nathaniel Hawthorne's Pathetic Forebodings of the End. Robert Louis Stevenson's story, "Weir of Hermiston," was left a mere fragment. Another romance, “St Ives,” by the same pen, was running in a monthly magazine at the time of Stevenson’s death. Here, however, readers were not deprived of a satisfactory ending, for the story was brought to a conclusion by QuillerCouch. "I hardly know what to say to the public about this abortive romance, though. I pretty Well know what the case will be. I shall never finish IL" wrote Nathaniel Hawthorne, with reference to “The Dolliver Romance,” which he had undertaken to write for a magazine. This foreboding was soon verified, for Hawthorne had scarcely time to do more than lay down the groundwork of the story and write the initial chapters before he died. At his funeral in Concord the manuscript lay on his coffin. Soon afterward Vo first chapter appeared in the Atlantic, and subsequently the second chapter, which he had been unable to revise, was published in the same Several years elapsed and then a third fragment, revised and copied by the novelist’s wife, was placed in the publisher’s hands. The original manuscript is now preserved in the Con* cord public library. Another serial that was being written when Its author laid down hi* pen forever was “Denis DuvaL” Thackeray, indeed, was already in his grave when its publication commenced. Throe parts, and a portion of a fourth! were all that appeared, and "th* story," wrote the editor, "breaks off) as his life ended—full of vigor and blooming with new promise like th* apple trees in this month of May."’ With the fourth part was given a set) of notes, taken from Thackeray's own) papers, elucidatory of the subsequent: development of the plot Thackeray’s great contemporary* Charles Dickens, also died in FUr a long time his health had been indifferent but he stuck unflinchingly tot the work he had in hand. On June) 8, 1870, he died. The morning and) part of the afternoon of that day were devoted to completing the sixth number of "The Mystery of Edwin Drood," but scarcely had he finished work and! sat down to dinner than he was seis-) ed with convulsions. After lingering; some hours without regaining corn sclousness he died at six the samel day. "I shall, publish late in this year,** 1 wrote Laurence Sterne, “and the next I shall begin a new work in four volumes, which, when finished, I shall) continue “Tristram* with fresh. 1 spirit” This new work here referred to is “The Sentimental Journey," one volume alone of which waaf ever given to the world, nor, by reason of the author’s death, was "Tristram Shandy” dver continued.

The Cure for Degeneration.

Attention Is Just now rather too mudh concentrated —with th» most; humanitarian motives, to be sure—-out that kind of social perfection which; consists In bringing everybody up to* an average. It is time to emphasize* also the Importance of producing andi making the most of the few really! great men through whom the world mainly progresses, the pioneer* and* the prophet* of civilization end the* arts. Of degeneration we have a morbid and needless fear; the best cure* for it Is not medical science, but social Justice. Break up th* take the hoys out of gang* and find them clean sport and congenial workj Pull down the rookeries, let in the| sun and air, keep human life from fee-* terlng in rotten places and nature will! do the rest Breeds and race* mayj die out, but there are always new* ones being created, and nature is herself the greatest of regenerating forces, destroying the decadent evenj a she checks the superman before b*i becomes as the gods.—Springfield (Mass.) Republican.

The “Workin' Stiff."

"He is one of the army of nnskfUedl laborers easily mobilized on any of * variety of industrial frontiers," write! Charles Phelps Cushing and Arthur Killick in the issue at Harper’s Weekly—"an army estimated now at halt a million, content to do the hardest sorts of toll at wages so low that not more than one man in a thousand) saves anything.” When he gets into trouble the “stiff’s” hands are his beat credentials. “Look at his hands, sergeant," the magistrate says. "Tho police court bailiff feels their palms and nukes one of two permissible answers, ’Soft as a baby's, yer Honor!' or *Hard as nails, sir.’"

Must Keep Hens Off Streets.

Bangor now has a "hen law." Tho city government has enacted a new ordinance which prohibits hens from running at large within a mile and three-quarters of the postoffice. This was apparently a joke when it was introduced, but it developed that the • city government was alive With sufferers from foraging hens, and the measure went through amid much applause. People who do not look after their hens are now subject to prosecution and fine, upon complaint. KM< nebec Journal.