Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 124, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 May 1912 — Emmanuel Catty’s Radish [ARTICLE]

Emmanuel Catty’s Radish

By B. L’ESTRANGE

“Yes!" Emmanuel Catty sat up triumphantly. “With my patent manure I will grow the biggest radishes in the United States." -..-'f • Emmanuel Catty was a recent emigrant to America. On the voyage »thither he had become converted to vegetarianism, and henceforth intended to devote his life to the culture of vegetables, convinced that fame and fortune would crown his efforts. It had taken his fertile brain but a short period to evolve a manure, combined of more chemicals than could be named in a summer’s day. Of its universal efficacy he had no doubt; but desirous of proceeding with all prudence, he intended to try it first on the humble but tasty and succulent radish. He manured his plot of ground, and sowed his seed accordingly; but, as time went on, the leaves of only one radish appeared above the ground. “Never mind,” said Emmanuel, "It Pirtll be a monster.” The weather was exceedingly hot, but the radish grew and . prospered. Its leaves filled all Emmanuel’s little plot and broke down the fences. Emmanuel watered if daily from the well at the back of his house; but the heat continued, and by and by the well gave out Then, one by one, all the' wells in the neighborhood gave out; there was a drought. Presently the only green things in the neighborhood were the leaves of the huge vegetable, which, in spite of the heat, continued to grow and prosper. People came from miles round to see the radish, till Emmanuel piled a huge barricade of old meat tins in front of it, and demanded a oent apieoe for permission to loos Inside Then still more persons came, for they knew there must be something worth seeing, if they had to pay in order to see Emmanuel’s pride and his profits grew daily, till at last it was time to dig up the radish. But, behold! It would not come up. Emmanuel Catty, aware that it would he work of some difficulty, had requisitioned half-a-dozen neighbors with picks and shovels to assist him, and a large cart wherewith to carry the radish away. But the farther down he and his companions dag the farther the radish extended. Its bulk diminished, it is true, after they had dug down a hundred feet or so; it showed slight symptoms of narrouting, as if intending to taper, as do ordinary radishes. Hat its perfection had to be taken on trust, for let its owner and his companions dig as they would, the radish showed no signs of stopping. The tail seemed prepared to continue indefinitely. v By-this time scaffolding was erected, and the sides of the pit round the radish were strutted up; the whole state had gone wild with excitement, and three leading newspapers had opened subscription lists to enable Catty to continue the work of extracting the radish. So the digging continued, and as Catty superintended it, he realized suddenly the cause of the drought; that wretched radish had drawn to itself all the water in the neighborhood, and tapped the wells! If anything, this Incrcased-the interest of tbw public ;Tpeople felt that they had sacrificed something to the radish, and had a right in it; so the boring went on with undiminished energy. Emmanuel' Catty heading the workers and rejoicing ip the thought that he was famous at last After some weeks, however, the work came to a standstill; the heat in the mine was becoming Intense, and the radish still extended downward. Emmanuel nearly ’ wept with disappointment when the suggestion of giving up the task was first made. Come What would, be vowed he would see the end of that radish. “I believe," he cried, “that it goes right through the earth!” People looked at each other dubiously; it seemed possible that the idea was correct; but how to put It to the test? The heat in the mine was already stifling. Then Catty had another idea. “Let us excavate inside the radish itself!” he cried. “That will be cool enough.” This Tfras true; the water which ihe radish had sucked up into itself from so large an area kept it cool and fresh; besides. It was easy to work, and not difficult to strut up; so into the very, heart of the radish plunged Catty and hip devoted followers, burrowing steadily downward, and excavating the radish pulp day by day. Some of it they ate, thereby obviating the necessity for a large supply of provisions. The hole in the radish communicated with the mine, and the mitte In its turn with the upper atmosphere; so the air supply was sufficient, and they persevered. “It strikes me,” said one of Catty’s companions one morning, “that we must be really getting somewhere at last” He struck hia pick against the radish wall as be spoke, and it went through. The next moment a shout of horror burst from the workers. Wa*er was pouring in at the bole! Luckily, the hole was one of the radish texture strong. With already hewn fragments or radish, they contrived in desperate haste to stuff up the aperture. Then Catty stooped and tasted the water pooling . . . •, . “It’s salt!* be cried. “We are passffeei era f** their way Into the £?-' ~ •V*VK - - -r-?*

middle of the radish root; and only when the radish walls were thick around-them did they venture to continue their downward path. At last one day, when Catty was leading as usual, be again struck his pick through the radish wall. He uttered a cry of dismay, fearing a second inrush of the sea. But instead light and fresh air flowed in, grateful Indeed to those who had lived so long in a radish-steeped atmosphere. “We have arrived!” cried Catty, grasping his companions’ hands. "This is the end!” Eagerly they enlarged the aperture, and- crawled cautiously out. Behold, on every hand was the sea! The radish root had emerged somewhere to the south of India, and they were resting on a little island of radish in the midst of the Indian ocean. At first they were terrified, but Catty encouraged them. “We can remain here a little time,” he said. “No doubt a ship will com® to take us off.” His words were brave, but the suspense was great Thq radish tip afforded but a slippery resting place; they were In considerable fear of the sharks, which they could see sometimes through the clear waters; and the radish here gnd there, enfeebled by the borings, crumbled, and they saw, large bits of It swept off by the waves. One day the piece on which Emmanuel Catty was standing broke. His comrades only seized him Just in time to prevent his being washed away. _ “What shall we do?” they cried. “How can we support life here?” Emmanuel leant forward suddenly, nearly falling into the water again. “A sail!” he cried. “A sail! We are saved!” As a matter of fact. It was a trail of smoke; but it issued from the funnels of a British steamer, and the captain took them off. He was a Scotsman, and his name was Macallister, and he utterly declined to believe in Catty’s story. “A radish!" cried Macalister, pointing to the root contemptuously. "Impossible! It is an island, and I shall take possession of it in the name of the British empire.” And be hoisted the union Jack accordingly. Meantime, in America a close watch had been kept at the mouth of the mine. Five thousand seven hundred and eighty-two reporters were continually on the watch for news of the bold adventurer, Catty. When word came of the action of Captain Macallister the excitement was intense. The radish had been planted in American earth; it had drawn its nutriment from America; it bras America’s by all the sacred laws of ownership, The English said that might be as it would; but they claimed the radish tip by right of discovery. It had been found and seized upon by Captain Macallister, and was Irrevocably English. Passion on both sides ran high. The newspapers rang with denunciation of American greed and English treachery. The American was directed to withdraw from Lon' don, when the- news spread-that the radish tip had disappeared. A Britlsh trading vessel, cruising near the place marked on the chart, could find no trace of it The excitement grew tenfold. Special commissions sent out from England and America only confirmed the fact of the disappearance. For a moment both excited parties were . inclined t 6 turn to Germany, and declare that she must have been guilty of some diabolical plot for the destruction of the radish. But meantime Emmanuel Catty had directed the attention of various scientists to the matter, and a little Investigation showed that the disappearance was perfectly natural. The great heat through which the radish had passed; the tunneling through its heart, the action of the sea, had been altogether too much for it; it was fading and withering away. In a few months the only traces left of the phenomenon were the enormous mining works—the largest in the world—so complete was the decay of Emmanuel Catty’s radish. There was a considerable demand for Catty’s manure; but the cost of its manufacture Was so great that it could not be sold at a profit. .Perhaps it was Just as well.