Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 118, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 May 1912 — HIGHLY EDUCATED. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HIGHLY EDUCATED.

. . . ; : Lady—l would like to have that parrot, but I’m afraid it might swear. Dealer—Well, If she dobs, it will be in Flinch.

» . Rude Language. "Some women’s hats.” Said Julius Whortle, “Dadblame my slats! ’ w Just make me chortle." Ever Philanthropic. "It is oar duty to impress lessons of thrift and foresight on our fellow-men,” said Mr. Dustin Stax. "When I started in life 1 owed fifty dollars.” "Of course you have repaid the man: who lent it, with interest?" “No. That old friend needs a les-f son. I’m going to keep his fifty a few years longer to teach him not to be so careless with bia money.” 'fTt. ■■ ■ 1 The Call. ‘ '/ ? Wife—You know that Mrs. New-i comb moved In down the street Monday, so I called today. Hub—Well, well! How like poker this “social game” Is. Wife—How do you mean? Hub—Why, in poker you also call when you want to see what the other person has. Going Slow. “Some new potatoes today V inquired the grocer with a sugary smile.. ‘1 don’t know,” responded the young housewife. "The old kind have been quite satisfactory .How do these newpotatoes differ from the old brands?' If they are really an Improvement, I 1 might try some.” *- * • All Swelled Up. : "What is the matter with Jones?! He used to be a modest sort of fellow* but lately he seems almost bursting, with self-importance.” "Haven’t you beard? Mrs. Jones Ist suing another woman for alienftlng! his affections, and puts the damages at fifty thousand dollars.”—Judge. Thought Hubby Was Meant. Society Dame—Oh, doctor, I’m W9i sorely troubled-with ennui! Doctor—H’m? Why don’t you in-! terest yourself In finding out how the] other half lives? Society Dame —Gracious! Why, Ij am not looking for a divorce! —Judge.