Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 118, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 May 1912 — SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SMILES

ONE TRUTHFUL AMERICAN. The incumbent of an old church in Wales asked a party of Americans to visit his parochial school. After a recitation he invited them to question the pupils, and one of 'the party accepted the invitation. “Little boy,” he said to a roeyt&ced lad, “can you tell me who George Washington was?” “Iss, sir,” was the smiling reply. ” 'E was a 'Merican general.” “Quite right. And can you tell me what George Washington was remarkable for?” "Iss, sir. ’E was remarkable 'cos ’e was a ’Merican an’ told the truth.” — Youth’s Companion. Would He Advertise? Mr. Meekins was habitually all that the first syllable of his name might Imply, but a day came when the worm turned at last and spoke his mind freely to that other member of the domestic firm who had assumed leadership. Mrs. M. stood aghast and then remarked ominously: "Timothy, you’d regret those words if you should suddenly lose- year wife.” “Oh, I don’t want to lose her,” came the cheerful retort, “but there are times when I’d like very much to mislay her for a few hours.” —Harper’s Bazar.

Purely Speculative. “I have always been interested,” said little Blnks, “in the utilization of waste. Now where do you suppose all these' bursted tires go to in the end?” “I don’t know,” said the genial -philosopher, “but if they go where most people consign ’em there must be a terrible smell of rubber in the hereafter.” —Harper’s Weekly. The First One. "I hear that the Dutch palefaces have just bougnt Manhattan island for twenty-four dollars.” “Just think pt It Sixty years ago my father could have, nought it for three beads. If he had only done so, just think what I’d be worth now!” —• Puck.

IT COULD NOT HAPPEN. A newspaper having offered a prize for the most impossible item of local news, the competition was won by a wildly Imaginative genius, who sent hi the following brief story: "A cabman and' a bus driver came into collision in the street with their vehicles so that their wheels were locked. “ ‘My dear sir,’ said the cabman. Tm very sorry for this accident Willi you kindly excuse me?’ " ‘Pray do not mention ft, my dear sir,’ replied the bus driver. Th* fault was mine, rather than yours.’ “And after getting dear of each other they bowed politely and proceeded about their business with a pleasant ‘good day.’ Tit-Bits.