Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 82, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 April 1912 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

* Keep poor overcoat handy. Time for the weather men to stop Jhle bed guessing. *• An Ohio man advertises for a home|ly wife. And in leap year, too. 1 If New York is to have hold-ups. It should restore the old stage coach. The small boy with bat and ball beat the robin to the green swards. Aviators are doing wonderful ...jetunts, but the toll of death does not ztop. The hatlese man and the slippered woman are two of a kind this weather. A heart throb specialist tells ns that lit is possible to marry cm $lO a week, - : hut why? •• - - - Dogs once ran under the wagon—now they ride on the seat of the nntomobile. A Chicago man wants a divorce because his wife refuses to cook. What a ridiculous * plea! I ■ '■ ■■■ . ' No, gentle reader, there Is no resemblance between the turkey trot end the chicken reel A bee travels 48,000 miles to get a pound of honey, but bees are not bothered by railroad rates. I ■' —— . , What*s In a name? An expert Informs ns that dam chowder Is being made out of Jack rabbits. Any man who tells yon that he habitually works 18 hours a day exaggerates at least six hours. »■ ■■ , ——— . The auto for many purposes has pushed the horse aside, hut it will never do for an equestrian statue. PfSr-4*" > 1 A prominent dentist says false teeth are more sanitary than real ones. This is a reflection on nature. i ■ ■ >- V '.-T No one likes to discuss the troubles In Chihuahua because no one can pronounce the name of the province. • b ' A scientist tells us how to find out the age of a fish. But what rule can he give us for finding the size of a fish? ( Egg-shaped bonnets will be worn for Easter. Another dastardly plot on the part of the milliners to raise the price. 1 A Texas preacher arises to remark that a man will not tell a lie if the truth is easier. The preacher Is net a fisherman. A New York sculptor killed himself because his work was Inartistic, so he must have hated the thought of making money. * - The New Yorket Kb* was sent to Jail for the theft of a loaf of bread is looked upon by his fellow New Yorkers as r. piker. One of our scientists tells us that poets are mad, hut Uiey'Are" nol'half as mad as the editor who is flooded with spring poems. Reckless Joy riders should be pnt to work on the streets and roads. Then their speed could be utilized with poetic justice. Why do sociologists declare that a man cannot live on $620 a year when lots of them are supporting families on no greater wages? Sparrows have been taught to sing like canaries, but we have lost all hope in the cultivation of the feline voice. Tom Edison says theretwiil be no poverty in 100 years, but in the meantime the ultimate conaumer Is not In danger of dying rich. A statistician informs us that there in 170,000,000 English speaking people, but he does not tell us how many, of them speak English. New York millionaires sometimes make good use of their money, even if the methods by which they acquired It cannot be commended. A gun made of cement is the latest thing in Implements of war. The inventor has not yet determined whether It is safer to stand at the muzzle or at the breech. It is said that the people of this country at* $200,000,000 worth of lee cream last year, i! seems that tin soda fountain clerk has developed Into an Important citizen. Five Ecuadorean generals have been hanged, but it is said that Ecuadorean generals can be found bulging around almost any street corner. gfo.. A Chicago man returned home toe otfior u&y ana zotma ivo wifw at tni station to greet him. Of the warmth of hie welcome there can be no doubt ... j Whenever a warship and an ocean the warship generally -tmM - - Zfe.TjCiX . . ....