Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 57, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 March 1912 — Page 3
Gathered Smiles
The Young Bride Again. A dear little thing of Baltimore but recently married insisted that tile marketing for their first dinner at 'home should be done by herself. "Nice quarter of lamb, ma’am,” politely suggested the butcher when she had announced her intention of seeing that Henry was to hare "Just the very host dinner ever.” "Nice quarter of lamb, ma’am.” The bride’s face wrinkled In thought "But,” said she, “there are only two of us! Don’t you think an eighth would suffice?”
Propriety.
Not long after the expulsion from Eden, Ere saw Adam digging In the ground with something, "What is that Implement?”. she Inquired. “That? Why, that’s a spade!” replied Adam, thinking no wrong. Whereupon Eve blushed violently. “O, mercy!” she cried, and averted her face. In other words, it was long enough after the expulsion for the sense of propriety not only to have come into being, but to have gained' considerable headway as welL —Puck. 0
To His Personal Knowledge.
Desk Sergeant—What did you got that fortune teller out of, business for? Police Inspector—She’s a humbug. I tried to find out from her what had become of the diamond pin I lost the other day, and she gave me the wrong steer.
Synonymous.
“The critic says a discriminating audience was present What does he mean by that?” “He means the audience was small and hitter.” • ■ " ■■ ■■ i mmmmmmm . • •- /
A Fact
He —Most women treat their lovers like dogs. She (Indignantly)—That’s not true. He —Why, aren’t they always petting and feeding them?
Spicy Dressing.
Mrs. A.—Your husband always dresses bo quietly. Mrs. B. —He does not You ought to hear him when he loses a collar button.
Foxy Scheme.
“Tommy, if you’ll saw some wood, I’ll tell you what I’ll do.” “What’s that dad?” ‘TU let you have the sawdust to play circus with.”
NO SPEEDING.
“Yez same to be takln’ yer tolme wid thlm hammer awn nails.” “Yls, Oi’h workin’ by th’ day. Ot’U not be like a chauffeur." . “Yes won’t” “No, Ol’U nlver be arrlsted for fast droivin’.”
„ The Badder the Better.
*Tls very hard to write a Joke ▲t which a wight may laugh. Twere easier. If truth were To write an epitaph.
Case Called.
"It your child In bed by eight every evening?" "Technically, yes. We begin arguing about that time."—Christian Advocate. . ;V, .
Feminine Finance.
Gramercy—What! You paid |€o a dozen for stockings? - Mrs. Gramercy—Don't be angry, dear; I wasn’t extravagant. I bought only half a dozen—Puck.
Military Tactics.
"How did you ever git to be a colonel, Zeb? I never heard of you being in the military.” : “I never was,) but I earned pie title honestly, I got it fay drilling oil wells."
The Cause of it.
dfctlie girt who seems to have so many sleighing invitations has a very tinkling kind of voice." “That’s because she’s such a sleigh bene." '•
Circular Motion.
Rivera—What is It that ails you when you have a bussing la your head? ' '*) Brooks —Wheela
Easily Explained.
Visitor—My good man, why are you here? Convict —Chiefly ’cause they hainfr lined the opemdoor movement here J , /■' “ '• -r *' ' ' £**
FACING A FAMINE.
An untimely biting frost effectually completed the mischief done earlier by the insect enemies of Mr. Barden’s potatoes. The tops of the plants, which had served as pasturage for the pests, were entirely destroyed, and with them Mr. Barden’s hopes of a crop. He was not selfish, however, and could think of others In the hour of adversity. Going to town in the afternoon, he was accosted at the postofflee by James Hayes, an Intimate acquaintance. “Hello, Giles! How’s everything up to the corners?" "Trouble enough. Jib, trouble enough!” was the gloomy response. “Ten million 'tater bugs and nothing for ’em to eat!" —Youth’s Companion.
Terrifying.
The little boy regarded the pictures of the harem skirt with startling eyeballs. v "Does It mean that I am 'to have twice as many trousers cut down for me?” he shrieked. Then he fell on his knees and prayed, as never before, that several sisters might be ‘vouchsafed him in the future. —PucJjj.
NO GOING BEHIND THAT.
Bridget (after taking up the caller’s card) —She ain’t at home, ma’am. Caller —Really? Are you sure?" Bridget—Falx, Ol am not but sbs seems to be.
Bet at Rest.
“I hear that your wife takes boarders. Is there truth In the report? quoth she “No truth whatever, dear madam; 'Tie only a roomer.” said ha —Judea
Curious.
Mayme—Sure, I used to go with him. Did you tell him I was going to be married? Qrayce—l sure did. Mayme—Did he ask how soon? Grayce—No; he asked how long.
No Mistake.
“I found out that author was a scientist and very profound, yet you told me he was a flash wtiter.” “So he Is —his specialty is meteors.” i
Cruel Insinuation.
He—When I hurt my head so, I went to the hospital and they turned the X-ray on my , brain, but they couldn’t And anything there. She —Naturally.
Auricular Proof.
“Is your husband as sound sleeper?** :> “My dear doctor, don’t yon bear him? His sleep 1b nothing but sound.”
A Plain Solution.
“Do you believe a girl can marry any man she pleases?” “Certainly, if she pleases him and takes him when he asks her.”
MERCENARY.
The Author —Unless my novel succeeds at once, I'll starve to death. The Publisher —Great idea, my boy. Start in at once; It would advertise your book wonderfully.
Accounted For.
1 heard yon are a hard dxtekar." "So would you be. if yoo get only bard water." f **
A Natural Sensation.
The Girl:—How did you feel when you first stood on the stage and looked out on a sea of faces? / Tho Actor—lt made my head swim. o • . • • /> - - j *
Photographed by Underwood & Underwood. N. Y.
Current events continue to be well represented in the fashions. The fa* mous red hat of the new American cardinals has been copied for this summer, and it will prove a fine protection from the sun’s rays, besides reminding us of an important event
COMPARTMENTS IN THE BAG
One of the Newest and Most Welcome of the Many Recent Fads of Fashion. * If you once have owned a fourfold bag you will never again be without one. Into the separate compartments can go buttons, hooks and eyes, thread and sewing utensils and a small piece of work, and there is no wild hunting for the article needed as in a onepiece bag. These bags may be made in any size, but a convenient size is made from a yard end three-quarters of five-inch flowered ribbon with colored satin edgeß. Cut thAibbon into four strips of equal length, double each strip and overcast the edges together to form a small bag. Turn in the top to the depth of an inch for the heading and run with a double line of sewing for a casing. Use two yards of number one or baby satin ribbon for a drawstring, cutting ip separate yard pieces. Rip the stitches on the outside of the casing between the line of sewing, and run the drawstring through the outside of each of the four bags, tying the. ends in a fluffy bow. Start the other 'drawstrings at the opposite end with two bags to each side and run around the four, using the inner side of the casing. Tie ends in a bow. To keep the bags from sliding on the drawstring, tack the two on each side together, running a stitch or two in the frill Just above the casing. This makes them draw easily on one string.. ~
Beauty and Happiness.
Does beauty bring happiness? One of the most beautiful women in the world thinks, that by itself it cannot, but says that every woman has a. charm —for some man. “Every woman is charming in some way to somebody,” she says. “Beauty of itself cannot bring happiness; frequently it is a snare to the woman who possesses it. One cannot be beautiful forever, and love that centers only round a woman’s beauty turns to hafe when she grows old, ]'* “I have known ugly women who charmed men by their grace of manner, their high Intelligence, their kindliness of heart. You may say that is little consolation to the woman hungry for beauty, but I know bow little of a man’s heart the woman has who holds him by beauty alone.”
The Semidress.
The simple bodice, with the low shoulder finished by a wide hem and the full-length cloee-fitting sleeves attached to the lining of the bodice, is a feature of acme of the newest frocks, although the majority of gowns show the elbow-length peasant sleeve such as‘We have worn for some time past. This sleeve and the modified peasant sleeve will undoubtedly be worn during the summer. The skirts of all seml-dressy frocks escape the ground all around and are as narrow as ever. They are made either Quite simple and trimmed with a row of ball buttons down the entire length of the front, a smart new feature, or they have the knee-deep tunic.—-Harper’s Bazar.
Dainty Pillows.
Without sacrificing any of the daintiness of her household decorative effects the housewife; today rejoices to introduce the note of utility, and sometimes amid the color and glitter of her drawingroom, pie result is not a little bizarre as well as pleasing. Cushion* on the whole are much darker and mole serviceable than they were, and pretty things of a pale soft color and trimmed ipth lace’ an reserved for the bedroom or the boudoir. In sitting or smoke rooms, though, the colors are rich, and a thread of gold «r *flr«r often runs through them, r
Cardinal's Hat
“FRUIT” SACHET THE LATEST
Quaint Conceit of the Beason Haa Made Its Way Into Deserved Popularity.
Quite one of the quaintest conceits of the season is the “fruit’ sachet Instead of the little flat satin perfumed sachets to which one is accustomed one now uses small clusters of grapes in natural colors, purple and green, ranged quite flat with a circle of small leaves around, white cherrleß, delicately flushed with pink, tiny apples, some quite green, others rosy, and greenish yellow limes, all are requisitioned. The “fruit” is composed of silk dt velvet, hand-tinted, and is filled with sweet-smelling ground spices and perfumed powder, so that it diffuses a fragrant odor and delicately scents the lingerie or garments among which it is placed. -
PRETTY LITTLE COAT
A child’s coat in blue or green of rough cheviot, with the collar and cuffs of white peau de chamois finished with narrow braid.
She Made Her Furs.
Some very pretty afternoon and evening scarfs and muffs have been made by girls, using fur and marabout trimmings left over from former years. One girl had yards of swansdown that had trimmed her first party cloak. She cut the bands in half lengthwise, making a <band a little over an inch wide. This she sewed on tite edges of a scarf of fawn*oolor chiffon cloth, with two hands at even intervals between the edges. She made also a big, soft muff to match with the swansdpwn hands. The h*t she wears with these is of white beaver, with a white marabout band and standing feather at the left—Harper's Bazar. .< -
Smocking and Braiding.
Smocking and braiding are trimming notions that have lately had a revival hot only for children’s dresses, but also for blouses sad matinees.
Just a Plume.
Large hat shapes of velvet fat all colors require no trbomfiag but the single plume, and with tbs French curt at the end. - '
HAPPENINGS IN THE CITIES
Thought He Had Captured a Groundhog; - *(,-'l'
TRENTON, N. J.—James Williams, a farm hand of White Horse, who is a firm believer in the ground hog weather theory, was put under the care of a physician as the consequence of his endeavor to capture the animal and keep him out of his hole, so that the six more weeks of winter would be eliminated. Williams’ experience was such that he says he will never bother the ground-hog again. For several weeks Williams had boasted to friends that he had found the ground hog’s hole and announced that when the proper time arrived he Intended to insure the community good weather by forcing the to remain in the open, even if he did see his shadow. Several volunteered to aid him in the captnre, bnt Williams desired all the honor, and said he could perform the feat single handed. Before dawn b* went to the supposed hole of the
Put “Laziest Boy in Chicago” on Diet
CHICAGO. —Three full hours before he had finished his daily thirteen hour snooze—or rather, daily-nightly snooze—Hermann Davis, 17 years old, “the laziest boy in Chicago,” was rudely awakened from his snoring slumber shortly after 2 o’clock the other morning by a policeman at the home of the boy’s grandmother. Hermann had not been disturbed before he had finished Ms sleep as far back as he could re> member. He looked at the bluecoat, decided he could not be annoyed, and, rolling over, started once more to snore. Another roogh shake by the policeman brought the boy out of bed onto the floor, where he yawningly protested against such treatment and went back to sleep. Exasperated, the officer finally- managed to keep the boy awake long enough to get him dressed and then took him to the Chicago avenue station, where his mother, Mrs, Ida McGraw, was pacing the office in a rage. “There he is now!” she shouted angrily. “Look at him. He’s the laziest boy In the world. I want him locked up and made to work.” Hermann looked, wearied of it all and answered the accusations of his
Mississippi Dog a Good Lion Hunter
NEW YORK.—To hear Paul J. Rainey tell about it, running down a fullgrown lion with a pack of plain Mississippi dogs isn’t half as dangerous as chasing a scared little red fox with a pack of fnllblooded foxhounds—particularly if said fox takes it into his head to ran over the property of an irate Long island farmer, armed with a shotgun full of rock salt. “When yon run a lion down with dogs you carry a gun along, and all you’ve got to do is to use it after the dogs drive the lion into range,” he says. “But when your are chasing Reynard the only one 'Who has a gun Is the irate farmer. So, me for the lions!” The young American sportsman who stands sponsor for these sentiments has just returned from a year’s hunting expedition in Africa. When be (est here early in 1911 with his friend and companion on his famous Arctic
“Bumming” at 20 Below Not a Picnic
ST. LOUIS.—John Vail, a postofflce robber who escaped Jail at Macon me night early in January in an effort to escape a 8-year term in the penitentiary, was arrested at St Charles. Vail, who is some 59 years old and tairly well educated, chose a bitter sold night to leave the'jail and came near freezing to death while riding mi the fender of a fast Kansas CityghtMgft train. He told shoot his trip die other day. "The night I escaped the temperature wes about 20 degrees below zero,” kg said. "I west to the depot and when the passenger train from Kansas 31ty to Chicago came in I climbed up m Pie tender. I didn’t know how far tt would run tin it stopped, but supposed maybe ten or twelve miles. "When we began to shoot down the grade east of town 1 realized I was ap against it The wind tore at mfa from four directions, it seemed, and my overcoat was thin and my gloves bad holes in I didn’t know whether I was going to he shaken off the tank and scattered along the right rs way or frozen into a chunk of ice, "Every time we bit> curve or Jostled over a switch I would ding like
ground hog, about one and a half miles from White Horse, and waited.- y f It seemed a long time to dawn ands the farm hand felt drowsy. He aroused himself and walked about the hole several times to keep awake, hot wak finally overcome, and before be knew It was sound asleep in the snow. Williams arose with a start. The sun was brightly sbining, and the snow swlftly'melting about him. He gave one hurried glance Into the hole and then quickly arose. Not ten feet from him he saw an animal walking leisurely- in the direction of White Horse. He believed his ground hog was escaping, and immediately started in pursuit. He took the animal unawares, and the capture was easy. Holding his prey under one arm be started for the village. When he was espied coming down the road with bis captive there was a mighty cheer from a crowd which had gathered. It was the prondeat moment dl Williams’ life. As he walked into the crowd he held the ground' hog np so all could see it and was amazed to see the crowd suddenly disperse and flee in, panic. “Drop that skunk,” the town const*, ble shouted, as he dlved into a cellar. The villagers scattered In all directions.
parent with stretches, yawns and! sleepy blinkings. “Look id this. This Is what he doe* all day and night,” and the woman: thrust a piece of paper into the hands* of the desk sergeant. It read: “Rises at noon. Eats a hearty combination breakfast-lunch. Spends the afternoon at nickel theaters. Returns, home to supper at six. Takes a nap* until 7:80. Visits more nickel theaters. Retires to bed promptly ati 10:30.” “We’ll have to turn him over to Ju-t venile court officers,” said the ser-i geant “They'll pat him on the ‘nal work, no eat’ diet He should he ex-: amined for the hook worm or the ‘sleeping sickness.’ lH take charge of him.” He looked around for Hermann. The boy was fast asleep in a chair in the corner. The mother fled.
trip, Dr. M. E. Johnson of Lexington, Ky., taking only a few guns and a pack of ordinary Mississippi hounds to go lion hunting his friends laughed at him. - s ’~ Now that Mr. Rainey has the pelts of seventy-four full grown lions to wave in their faces they are eating so much humble pie that an epidemic of mental Indigestion is threatened. “The only difficulty was to train thej dogs to take up. the lion’s scent,” ho| said to a little group of apologetic ones who called at his offices at 527! Fifth avenue to apologize for their lib timed mirth of a year ago. “I really don’t blame you for having laughed at me last year. But I knew: that the pups would back me up. X had been bear hunting with them hoi this country, and I felt pretty confident that dogs that would go to the mat with a savage bear wouldn’t tuck their tails and run from a Hon. “They didn’t take kindly to the scent at first I didn’t blame them much, for a lion doesn’t feed on clover or vanilla beans. But they got«4ed to Iti after a while—and .at the end of six weeks all you bad to do was to show! them the spoor of a 11 pn and they would locate for you in half-an hour.” (>
death to my from bed, and X knew ts my fingera got stiff on me I was gone.' Town after towaivrwept by aßd I knew I could never stand it to the Missis-, sippi river. Iked to keep my hgadi down so the cold wind, wouldn’t caß my face off- I’d read about mens tramping tnoragn Arctic mam how they suffered, but where I wa* roosting that night would hQgtatd* Cook or Perry 4h«r hack. JjCjr eyebrows and mqzfach* yc«tjs6sted sei you might have knocked $Sf off with; a stick "At last I saw>r down^fraA ZTl 1 in P aste T r°drift;ug down.” | ■ - ■ ■ 'jin