Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 56, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 March 1912 — Universal Furnishers (Inc.) [ARTICLE]

Universal Furnishers (Inc.)

By FRANK H. WILLIAMS

(Coeorritiu. ton. tv Associated Literary PtenJ

MHffu . ;>-• ■ - • • _ ; . _ ' .» _ ■ _ We can find you the thing you’ve : been hunting tor! Bp No matter whether It’s an ant-eater or a piece of early Japanese potteryjust tell us what you want and we’ll L set it g? OUR PRICES ARB MERELY NOMINAL. El* What you want furnished when you want it Give us a trial. UNIVERSAL FURNISHERS (INC.) “That the ad. that’ll bring em!" Sam Culbertson, the aged president and practically sole owner of “Universal Furnishers (Inc.)," spread the morning paper before him on his handsome: new desk and leaned back In his richly upholstered new chair. | He ran his hands through his Bcant locks, screwed up his far from hand- - some face and winked at Sallie Jordan, his pretty stenographer. | “This’ll be the best little graft 1 ever worked.” %,Sallie looked far from pleased at ■this announcement. Sam laughed loudly at her expression. “My dear girl,” there was vast condescension in his voice. “I call (. everything I do a ‘graft.’ There’s Bothing wrong about the scheme. • You needn’t feel at all worried, even if you have got one share of stock and even if you are one of the incorporators. Neither does Bill, the office boy, need to feel worried, though he’s got a share and is also one of the Incorporators. No one need fee! worried, because this business is going to be fair and above board, and It’ll be about the only square thing il*ve been in for 20 years.” “But why do you call it a ‘graft’ fthen?” Sallie spoke timidly. She was ifresh from a business college and this was her first position. jH “I call everything graft, but that {word is good in this case, because it ~ jwiil be something of a graft in the {prices I charge the customers. You jsee. people who are to anxious to get {things that- they will employ a professional getter to get them, will pay : almost any price if the getter is sucicessful. That’s where the graft comes jin. Ah, Sallie, It will be wonderful rwhat prices we can charge our dear ■customers and still get away with it" ! “But you say 'our prices are nominal.’” Sallle’s voice indicated her lnjdlgnation. > t “My dear little church-worker, our {prices are nominal —camparatlvely {nominal. We will scale them nicely Ito what our customers think the {thing we get for them is worth. Nbw fits all fair and square—just forget {your Puritan conscience for a time, jl’d hate to have one of my fellow- . .'incorporators out of sympathy with {the plans of the business. Ah, here’s our first batch of mail.” j Bam took the three letters extended .to him by the postman and opened “ them rapidly. It took him but a moment to digest their contents. “Three orders already, Sallie. iThat’a fine. We’ll Just stop advertising until we get these orders out of the way. It would never do to iburden the company with too much ‘business at the start. Here's a man in room 314 —that’s on the third floor —of the Portland flats. He’s making a collection of hatr and Tie WanCs one worn by an American soldier in the Revolutionary war. Hum, that ought to be easy. Here’s another, from Rudolph Erickson, 917 Jefferson street Rudolph wants a key that will open a six-by-four trunk used by his grandmother. That’s explicit Isn’t it? Guess I better call him up and get fuller details—he gives his telephone number. And here’s the third one — some fellow by the name of Ernest Randolph. Ernest will not confide his desire to his letter; he wants to see a representative of the company. I tell you what Bailie, you go up and see Ernest I’ll be so bttsy with these two other cases that I won’t have time to work him for graft Be sure and get a good fee from him—that’s the Important part you know —a big fee.” Sallie was Inwardly rebellious at being connected with any concern which even savored of graft, but she was exceedingly anxious to make a little money by working In an office, so she bad no thoughts of resigning. After all, the business was really legitimate, and for her part she decided as she walked toward Ernest Randolph’s address she would charge nothing but a perfectly honest moderate fee. ~ When Bailie returned to the office she found Sam sprawled back in his chair and looking the picture of despondency. “This is the limit!" Sam fired the remark at her the moment she entered the room. “Here I’ve incorporated- for SI,OOO and really put S2OO lq the company, which I’ve put into furniture, and now it looks like I was up against a brick wall. This th*ng isn’t going to go so well as I thought it would. Now you’d .think It wouldn’t bo such a thundering hard Job to find a haF'worn by an Americas soldier in the Revolutionary war «wd the key to a six-by-four trunk which a man’s grandmother used and which be doesn't want to break, but « which also, yet once more, be wants to toi out what’s Inside of It But let me tail so u right now. young lady its one -deuce of a Jbb. H I*charge throe fellows what their jobs ars really worth Ml put both of Cm in the bankruptcy court I don't bet!*** I’ll ever be able to find what

they want The business Is on the blink. This concern will never be able to find any one what they want I—” Sallie’s blushing smile stopped him. “You don’t mean that your client had something easy?” Sam’s ejaculation was an incredulous hi" Joy. “Yes,” Sallie dimpled and blushed and smiled. “He only wtnts a —” “Don’t tell me!” Sam stopped her with an upraised hand. “If you told me, I’d queer it You go ahead and fill the order and I’ll give you half the Jee. You make me hope again. Perhaps I can get a hat and trunk key that will fill the bills, after aIL” ' For four more days Sallie saw but little of Sam. She was busy with her client Ernest Randolph, and she supposed her employer to be busy with his clients. At the end of a week she determined to see him, as she had information of considerable importance. At length Sam came in. No man could possibly have looked more down and out than he did. He seemed to be utterly exhausted. He seemed even to have lost weight Beneath his eyes were deep circles, and his face was crossed with lines more prominent than Sallie ever remembered seeing them before. “What’s the matter?” Sallie’s first thought was one of pity. Sam might be a grafter of the deepest dye, and he might be utterly unscrupulous, but he appeared sick and old, and Sallie’s kind heart bled for him. *it's the limit that’s what It is. You repnember this fellow on the third floor of the Portland flats wanted a hat worn by an American soldier In the Revolutionary war?” “Yes.” “And you remember the fellow at .917 Jefferson street who wanted ftkey to fit some impossible trunk used by his grandmother?” 'Yes.” “Well, 917 Jefferson street Is 'the Portland - flats. Both of ray clients lived in the Portland flats, only, one of ’em was on the third floor and the other was on the fourth. They never knew each other until the other night, when they collided on the stairway in the dark. Then they got to talking together and they found that each of them had what the other one wanted. The man on the fourth floor had the hat the man on the third floor wanted, and the man on the third floor happened to have a key like the one the man on the fourth floor wanted, because his own grandmother had a similar trunk. So L don’t get a fee from either of them!” Gloom settled deep upon Sam as he finished talking. Sallie gazed at him with mournful eyes. For a time there was silence In the office. Then Sam bestirred himself. “But how about your client? You said you thought you could get what he wanted. What did he want?” “A good cook!” Sallie’s voice brimmed with unshed tears. “A cook? That was easy to get, of course, and we’ll get a good fee from him.” “There won’t be any fee!” Intense grief shook Sallle’s voice. “Why not?” Sam’s ejaculation was the acme of dismay. ■■. “None of the cooks I selected suited him.” “But there are other cooks. There must be just the cook he wants somewhere about the city. Find her!” “Too late!” faille sohbed. “But why is it too late?” “Why,” Sallie wept unrestrainedly Into her handkerchief, “ he died this morning from chronic dyspepsia!”