Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 56, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 March 1912 — Page 2

Universal Furnishers (Inc.)

MHffu . ;>-• ■ - • • _ ; . _ ' .» _ ■ _ We can find you the thing you’ve : been hunting tor! Bp No matter whether It’s an ant-eater or a piece of early Japanese potteryjust tell us what you want and we’ll L set it g? OUR PRICES ARB MERELY NOMINAL. El* What you want furnished when you want it Give us a trial. UNIVERSAL FURNISHERS (INC.) “That the ad. that’ll bring em!" Sam Culbertson, the aged president and practically sole owner of “Universal Furnishers (Inc.)," spread the morning paper before him on his handsome: new desk and leaned back In his richly upholstered new chair. | He ran his hands through his Bcant locks, screwed up his far from hand- - some face and winked at Sallie Jordan, his pretty stenographer. | “This’ll be the best little graft 1 ever worked.” %,Sallie looked far from pleased at ■this announcement. Sam laughed loudly at her expression. “My dear girl,” there was vast condescension in his voice. “I call (. everything I do a ‘graft.’ There’s Bothing wrong about the scheme. • You needn’t feel at all worried, even if you have got one share of stock and even if you are one of the incorporators. Neither does Bill, the office boy, need to feel worried, though he’s got a share and is also one of the Incorporators. No one need fee! worried, because this business is going to be fair and above board, and It’ll be about the only square thing il*ve been in for 20 years.” “But why do you call it a ‘graft’ fthen?” Sallie spoke timidly. She was ifresh from a business college and this was her first position. jH “I call everything graft, but that {word is good in this case, because it ~ jwiil be something of a graft in the {prices I charge the customers. You jsee. people who are to anxious to get {things that- they will employ a professional getter to get them, will pay : almost any price if the getter is sucicessful. That’s where the graft comes jin. Ah, Sallie, It will be wonderful rwhat prices we can charge our dear ■customers and still get away with it" ! “But you say 'our prices are nominal.’” Sallle’s voice indicated her lnjdlgnation. > t “My dear little church-worker, our {prices are nominal —camparatlvely {nominal. We will scale them nicely Ito what our customers think the {thing we get for them is worth. Nbw fits all fair and square—just forget {your Puritan conscience for a time, jl’d hate to have one of my fellow- . .'incorporators out of sympathy with {the plans of the business. Ah, here’s our first batch of mail.” j Bam took the three letters extended .to him by the postman and opened “ them rapidly. It took him but a moment to digest their contents. “Three orders already, Sallie. iThat’a fine. We’ll Just stop advertising until we get these orders out of the way. It would never do to iburden the company with too much ‘business at the start. Here's a man in room 314 —that’s on the third floor —of the Portland flats. He’s making a collection of hatr and Tie WanCs one worn by an American soldier in the Revolutionary war. Hum, that ought to be easy. Here’s another, from Rudolph Erickson, 917 Jefferson street Rudolph wants a key that will open a six-by-four trunk used by his grandmother. That’s explicit Isn’t it? Guess I better call him up and get fuller details—he gives his telephone number. And here’s the third one — some fellow by the name of Ernest Randolph. Ernest will not confide his desire to his letter; he wants to see a representative of the company. I tell you what Bailie, you go up and see Ernest I’ll be so bttsy with these two other cases that I won’t have time to work him for graft Be sure and get a good fee from him—that’s the Important part you know —a big fee.” Sallie was Inwardly rebellious at being connected with any concern which even savored of graft, but she was exceedingly anxious to make a little money by working In an office, so she bad no thoughts of resigning. After all, the business was really legitimate, and for her part she decided as she walked toward Ernest Randolph’s address she would charge nothing but a perfectly honest moderate fee. ~ When Bailie returned to the office she found Sam sprawled back in his chair and looking the picture of despondency. “This is the limit!" Sam fired the remark at her the moment she entered the room. “Here I’ve incorporated- for SI,OOO and really put S2OO lq the company, which I’ve put into furniture, and now it looks like I was up against a brick wall. This th*ng isn’t going to go so well as I thought it would. Now you’d .think It wouldn’t bo such a thundering hard Job to find a haF'worn by an Americas soldier in the Revolutionary war «wd the key to a six-by-four trunk which a man’s grandmother used and which be doesn't want to break, but « which also, yet once more, be wants to toi out what’s Inside of It But let me tail so u right now. young lady its one -deuce of a Jbb. H I*charge throe fellows what their jobs ars really worth Ml put both of Cm in the bankruptcy court I don't bet!*** I’ll ever be able to find what

By FRANK H. WILLIAMS

(Coeorritiu. ton. tv Associated Literary PtenJ

they want The business Is on the blink. This concern will never be able to find any one what they want I—” Sallie’s blushing smile stopped him. “You don’t mean that your client had something easy?” Sam’s ejaculation was an incredulous hi" Joy. “Yes,” Sallie dimpled and blushed and smiled. “He only wtnts a —” “Don’t tell me!” Sam stopped her with an upraised hand. “If you told me, I’d queer it You go ahead and fill the order and I’ll give you half the Jee. You make me hope again. Perhaps I can get a hat and trunk key that will fill the bills, after aIL” ' For four more days Sallie saw but little of Sam. She was busy with her client Ernest Randolph, and she supposed her employer to be busy with his clients. At the end of a week she determined to see him, as she had information of considerable importance. At length Sam came in. No man could possibly have looked more down and out than he did. He seemed to be utterly exhausted. He seemed even to have lost weight Beneath his eyes were deep circles, and his face was crossed with lines more prominent than Sallie ever remembered seeing them before. “What’s the matter?” Sallie’s first thought was one of pity. Sam might be a grafter of the deepest dye, and he might be utterly unscrupulous, but he appeared sick and old, and Sallie’s kind heart bled for him. *it's the limit that’s what It is. You repnember this fellow on the third floor of the Portland flats wanted a hat worn by an American soldier In the Revolutionary war?” “Yes.” “And you remember the fellow at .917 Jefferson street who wanted ftkey to fit some impossible trunk used by his grandmother?” 'Yes.” “Well, 917 Jefferson street Is 'the Portland - flats. Both of ray clients lived in the Portland flats, only, one of ’em was on the third floor and the other was on the fourth. They never knew each other until the other night, when they collided on the stairway in the dark. Then they got to talking together and they found that each of them had what the other one wanted. The man on the fourth floor had the hat the man on the third floor wanted, and the man on the third floor happened to have a key like the one the man on the fourth floor wanted, because his own grandmother had a similar trunk. So L don’t get a fee from either of them!” Gloom settled deep upon Sam as he finished talking. Sallie gazed at him with mournful eyes. For a time there was silence In the office. Then Sam bestirred himself. “But how about your client? You said you thought you could get what he wanted. What did he want?” “A good cook!” Sallie’s voice brimmed with unshed tears. “A cook? That was easy to get, of course, and we’ll get a good fee from him.” “There won’t be any fee!” Intense grief shook Sallle’s voice. “Why not?” Sam’s ejaculation was the acme of dismay. ■■. “None of the cooks I selected suited him.” “But there are other cooks. There must be just the cook he wants somewhere about the city. Find her!” “Too late!” faille sohbed. “But why is it too late?” “Why,” Sallie wept unrestrainedly Into her handkerchief, “ he died this morning from chronic dyspepsia!”

The Scotch Negro.

A Scotchman landed in Canada not long ago. The very first morning he walked abroad he met a coal-black negro. It happened that the negro had been born in the Highland district of Scotland and had spent the greater part of his life there. Naturally, he had a burr on his tongue. “Hey, mannie,” said the pink Scotchman, “can ye no tall me wheer I’ll find tbs kirk?” The darkey took him by the arm and led him to the corner. “Go richl up to yon wee hoose and turn to ye’re richt, and gang up the hill,” said he. The fresh importation from Scot land looked at him in horror. “And are ye from Scotland, mon?” he asked. “R-rlcht ye arre,” said the darkey. “Aberdene’s ma hame.” “And hoo lane have ye been here-!' “Aboot twa year,” said the darkey. “Lord save us and keep us!” said the new arrival. “Whaur can I get the boat for Edlnbro?”—Cincinnati Times Star. *

Classes for Backward Children.

Under the direction of three New York city school teachers a unique ex{pertinent Is being made at the University of Pennsylvania. The teachers are conducting a class of fifteen backward children under the auspices of the department of psychology. These children! by proper training, they hope to bring back to the normal within two months. The experiment is being made as an object lesson to the public schools of the country. Nothlag is being done for the children that could not be carried on under any public school system. Not in This ' Wicked World. Virtue Is Its own reward. It «et dom gets an encore.

THE next two years will be devoted by Andrew Carnegie’s architect, Alfred Kelsey of Philadelphia, to the preparation of plans for the magnificent memorial Indian building to be erected in Washington by the steel magnate and other philanthropists. Mr. Kelsey announced that he would visit Indian settlements, from the Isthmus of Panama to Alaska, in Bearch of Ideas. The ancient art, traditions and habits of the aborigines will be’ minutely studied and as far as possible Will be symbolized In architectural designs. A broacf flight of steps leading to a wide platform will form a spacious approach, in the center of which will be an equestrian statno of an Indian with uplifted hand, In token of peace and friendship. On each side towers will stand in which a collection of old, soft-toned mission bells will hang, gathered from several states.

HAD PAPER IN 1604

Was Published Earlier Than Boston News Letter. i . Periodical, In Manuscript Form, Called "Master William,” Issued 300 Years Ago by French St. Croix Island, Me. New York. —An Industrious digger into the depths of the past has brought to light the interesting fact that America’s first newspaper was published a full century earlier than the date commonly ascribed. If it was not a newspaper In the later acceptance of the term it was at least a periodical, prepared and published with more or less regularity for the eager perusal of the little community which It served. In short it was on St Croix Island, a few miles below the present city of Calais; that the Master William was published during the winter of 160405 by the members of the French expedition under DeMonts and Champlain, who were seeking to establish there the capital of the vast and vague empire claimed by France in America. They were the first Europeans to pass a winter on these northern shores of the new world Bince the days of the legendary Northmen centuries before; and at that time they were the only Europeans In America north of the Spaniards In Florida. Samuel Champlain himself, later the founder of Quebec and the father of New France, was the chronicler of the expedition, and In his vivid story of that winter on St. Croix Island he makes express mention of the Maater -WUliam. the significance, .of which appears to have been overlooked by historians generally. He relates that the paper was prepared from time to time “by the bright spirits of the party" to while away the tedium of the long and severe winter. It was passed around In written, not printed, form; but among a few score men, all deadhead subscribers, that was a wholly satisfactory method of publication.

French Socialist Bill Doomed

Trades People and Politicians of Republic Fight Measure That Would Lower Living Cost. { Paris. —The government’s proposal to reduce the present high cost of living by the establishment of municipal bakers’ and butchers' shops throughout the country is meeting with determined opposition from various quarters. V It was of course foreseen that the trades people, whose business would be subject to competition, would raise an outcry, but it has come as a great surprise that many politicians* who might have been expected to back it heartily, afe either maintaining a neutral position or supporting the opposition. In nearly all cases the radical socialists have criticised the project severely as unworkable and inefficacious and the very few —that is the, collectivists —who have felt bound for. the sake of consistency to favor the bill, are doing so with very itttfe enthusiasm. An excellent indication of the EtrOPS feeling against the bill has Just been given by the debate and vote of the Paris municipal council on H resolution presented by Councilor Robiglia, protesting against the creation of co-operative shops. At the meeting of the council, which was exceptionally Sreß attended, forty members voted for the resolution and thirteen against it All, the latter were avowed collectivists, but a number of extreme “lefts,” or radical

MEMORIAL BUILDING TO AMERICAN INDIAN

Christmas day, 1604, was celebrated by tho colony with special zest —it was the first Christmas observance, by the way, in what is now New England—and after the religious exercises of the morning and before the feasting and drinking and general merrymaking became too boisterous a special Christmas issue of the Master William was read to the company by the editors. So early did the Idea of the “extra” and the "holiday number” take root In American Journalism? It is a great pity that tbe chronicler did not Include a copy of the Master William In his record, or something more about It than the bare mention of Its occasional appearance. It was not until 1704, a full century later, that the Boston News Letter was established, commonly spoken of as the first newspaper in America, and continuing for fifteen years to be the

Btraln of Husband’s Fight With Class!* Too Great for Passaic (N. J.) Woman. Passaic, *N. J. —Illness brought, on by worry over the troubles her husband had with the members of the North Side Christian Reformed chnrch and the Classis of Hudson, to which it belongs, hastened the death of Mrs. Arle J. Vandenheuvel, according to a statement made by her physician. Six months ago Mr. Vandenheuvel was dragged Into the divorce suit of one of his churcfimen as a witness. His testimony largefactor In causing Vice-Chancellor Stevenson to annul the marriage, but caused a row in his congregation, which resulted is his being suspended by the classis. Mrs. Vandenheuvel, who helped her husband in the fight, was taken ill, but even in her Illness she kept In touch with every movement made by her husband's enemies. Recently the members of the church, a majority of whom favored Mr. Van-

members abstained from voting altogether. In accordance with, the large majority of votes a protest, strongly worded, has been forwarded to the prime minister. Thus this extremely important experiment in municipal trading, supported by the, government, has been rejected by the greatest municipal body in France. The feeling among the public is correspondingly strong. It is pointed out that co-operative shops not being obliged to make a profit and being backed by tbe funds of the municipality will be able to retail goods at low prices and thus badly

Womln Enlarging Her Bank Account In Novel Manner —Owns 400 Acres of Marsh Lands. Newark, Del.—Running a muskrat farm may be ft queer business, but that it is profitable Mrs. John Fox can vouch. Mrs. Fox owns four hundred acres of marsh land between Silver Run and Appoqulnimink river, in. the lower part of New Castle county, on which nothing whatever can be raised., except muskrats, yet she wilt clear in the four months from November IB to March IB more money than any wheat or corn grower in the state will in a year on a farm of the same site. . The muskrat crop this year is unusually good and as a consequence Mrs. Fbx is fattening her bank ae-

Worry Kills Pastor’s Wife

Profit In Muskrat Farm

only one. An attempt tyas made to publish a newspaper in Boston in 1690, but only one issue was put forth. It was called Public Occurrences, and the watchful authorities promptly snuffed It but “for uttering reflection of a very high order.” How successfully have most newspapers of later years steered clear of any such danger! But we are wandering far from the enterprising young adventurers of SL Croix Island and their newspaper of 1604. Their effort was a small one and tbe results - were transient; but there Is a certain sentiment which attaches to first things, and in historical matters A certain Importance also. The Master William deserves its rescue from oblivion, and should not again be neglected when the story of the feeble beginning of new world journalism Is told. But what an opportunity was missed by the publishers of the Calais Times or the Eastport Sentinel when they failed to take the name of the pioneer sheet and to put forth the claim of being its direct successor.

denheuvel, withdrew from tbe classis, declaring themselves free and independ and restored Mr. Vandenheuvel to the pastorate. Mrs. Vandenheuvel, seriously 111 In bed, was overjoyed with the victory, and the excitement It brought on, together with the strain caused by the long fight, caused her death.

DEFY DEATH IN GOLD RUSH

Race to New Fields, 130 Miles From Dawson, Being Made With Tern* r —-:-^er^fonf r aFW-ReloW“YeTOr"'— = Dawson, Y. T. —Two hundred men with dog teams and prospecting outfits are making a six days’ race to the new gold field at the head of Sixty Mile river, 130 miles from Dawson. , The temperature was zero when the rush began, but has sines dropped to 40 degrees below.

damage, if not ruin, the business of private trades people. At tbe same time the probable raising of taxes. and the various notorious instances of mismanage ment by the state when It has trle-1 to compete In trade or commerce are pointed to as proof of the unsoundness of the measure. Tbe bill has caused the greatest consternation among the small shop keepers of the country, who see themselves threatened with ruin. Their unions are prepared to defend themselves to the utmost against the favored competitor. In view of the almost universal disapproval of the government’s proprosed plunge into socialism It seems probable that the bill will quietly ba dropped. , 'T~”~

count. In the past 15 days men employed by her have trapped 1,700 muskrath. The pelts are worth 45 .cents apiece and the bodies five cents, making tbe market price 60 cents tot each anlmaL During the entire season it if expected that ten thousand muskrats will be trapped oh Her marsh land, which will bring in $5,000, and of that amount at least three thousand dotlars will be profit.

Starves to Death on Diet.

Omaha.—-Mrs. Soutse Zschau, who began dieting six months ago in an effort to recover her health, starved to dbatb the other day. -

GOT THERE AT LAST

STORY OF THE SHIPWRECK AS TOLD BY A WOMAN. There Was a Joke In It but It Took Her a Long Time to Reach the , Point, According to Tale Related by 8. E. Kiser. A story that S. E. Kiser told at the recent banquet given by the Chicago Association of Commerce for the sons of members follows: % 'M:~- --- -- “I told you about the difficulty of getting a woman to see the point of a joke. Now, there Is another kind of woman. She is the woman t?ho starts to tell you a joke and has difficulty in reaching the point of it. , “One of the loveliest little women, that I ever knew had this trouble. She had once been unfortunate enough to be in a shipwreck. The vessel on which she was a passenger had been driven upon some rocks and was rapidly pounding to pieces when the lifesavers succeeded in shooting a line, over the upper works of the boat, thereby rescuing the passengers one at a time by means of the breeches buoy. There was a little incident connected with the woman’s trip from the ship to the shore which she told, in about this way: “‘O, Jt was the most awful experience I ever had in all my life. Ido hope nothing of the kind will ever happen to me again, but do you know when I was about half way between the ship and the shore swinging on that iittle bit of line and expecting every minute was going to be my last, the funniest thought suddenly popped Into my mind just when I was there half way between the ship and tho shore, and O! how those waves dashed and roared beneath me as I 1 swung there Just as if they were going to tear me into pieces in a minute. My, it waß awful! But as I say, I was there half way between the ship and the shore when this funny thing came to my mind of all the places in the world. I can’t Imagine why It came to me there. You know my husband always treats me like a mere child, he doesn’t let me handle the money and wouldn’t even allow me to go around and buy a piece of steak, but just as I was there about half way, as I say, this funny thought struck me—-and my, it was dark, awful dark! I “ *Well, as I was there, I say, swinging on this little bit of rope about half way between the ship and the shore, and suddenly this funny thought came to my mind. Now, the captain, I thought, Was a coward minute we got on the rocks, because he gave up, but the mate was one of the bravest men I ever saw in my life. But there I was half way between the ship and the shore and with nothing but that little bit of rope between me and death, expecting every minute to he the last minute of my life, and suddenly this funny thought sprang Jnto my head and I was thinking also that my children would have a stepmother inside of a year If I was drowned, and, O, how It thundered and lightened, and my, how wet I was, I never was so wet In my life. I sometimes think it runs In our family, because I had a cousin drowned at sea. Well, as I say, there I was, about half way between the ship and the shore, swinging there, and suddenly the thought popped right Into my mind just as suddenly as if some one bad spoken it to me right'ont loud —suddenly the thought popped Into my head there, •Well, I had the breeches on for once anyhow.' ”

Entertaining the Duke.

That irrepressible artist, tbe late Phil May, “saved the situation” at the Savage club one night in a very happy manner. It was an occasion when the lhte duke of Teck was present, and on account of this royal visit the entertainment committee thought it incumbent upon them to substitute for the usual free-and-easy show a strictly conventional entertainment, which, for all the dqke’s good nature, plainly bored him to death. „ The proceedings went on in ft funereal gloom very alien to the roundings, till, in despair, one of the committee begged Phil May to cheer things up a bit, as only PhS May could, “Phil” asked for some black chalks and a drawing board. The duke bad just become a grandfather by the birth of the present prince of Wales, but few saw Phil May’s drift as he drew, in his own inimitable style, an infant in long clothes grabbing at ft feeding bottle, till be surmounted tbe whole with the prince of Wales* plumes. The duke was convulsed with laughter and the evening was saved.

More Police for New York.

The police department of New York asks the board of estimates to appoint one thousand more policemen for next year in that city, and to grant an ap~ ; propriation of $2,500,000 additional fdr the department. Tbe appeal Is urged on the ground that London, with only one-third more population then New York, has almost doable the number of policemen.

Intending Immigrants Turned Back.

About two hundred and fifty thousand immigrants are turned hack every year by the immigration ofllrials of this country. To gtiard the ports and boundaries against those to whom the law forbids entry, the government employ# nearly two trained men."