Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 February 1912 — Page 2

WIT and HUMOR

NARRATIVE FROM HOLY UNO Contributor to London Wateh Dog Relates Amusing Btorioa of Turkish Rost Office Officials. I have received a rather delightful narrative from a correspondent in the Holy Laud, says a contributor to the London Watch Dog. He went into the post office and asked for ten post oards. “But, honored sir,” said the Turkish official, “why should you cany on your Correspondence with carife? You can write at greater length in a letter. Besides, every one can read what you say on post cards.” "I have very little to say, and they suit me better. Kindly give me ten.” "But, dear worthy sir, you are not of those poor people who have to use post cards. Rather write a fine long letter.” "Will you or will you not give me ten post cards?" "Honored sir, I would willingly give them to you, but I cannot" “Why on earth not?" "Because I have none. I have had none since the week before last. If you really Insist upon having some, you will have to go to Joppa for them, 70 miles away." This reminds my correspondent of a visit lie once paid to a post office in Damascus to ask for letters. "But, respected sir," said the postmaster, "you had- some letters only last week, and now you are asking foKmore.”

His Simple Excuse.

The Judge—The court Is Informed that you haven’t worked for years. The Culprit—lt ia true, judge. The Judge—You have neglected your family, at the same time instating that your wife and eons should support you. The Culprit—True again, judge. The Judge—Well'what’s your explanation? The Culprit—lt’s very simple, your honor, I agree with Dr. Woods Hutchinson that four hours* work a dly is enough for any man—and by not working now I’m trying to undo the mischief I did so many years by working overtime.

THEY FIX PIPES.

The Sergeant—Call In a doctor to that prisoner. The Lieutenant —Why? The Sergeant—He has pipe dreams. The Lieutenant—Then you’d better get a plumber.

Remember the Accent.

"Queen Mary,” said the teacher to the claaa iOothe history lesson, “loved France so much that she declared the word Calais would be found written on her heart after she was dead." Pausing a moment, the teacher looked at a boy steadily. “Jinuny Smith," she said, “you were Bet listening." “Oh, yes, I was," Jimmy replied. “Well, what did Queen Mary say weald he found written across her heart?*’ “Body/' was Jimmy's triumphant re*

A Philianthrople impuise.

*f*r peer bmb,“ arid (fee fetadfr oM fhfefuW??tlSeidAßMl W “Oh, sir!" cried‘the t***»r. “Tou ovarwheim met" jk “But, alas! I’m not a rich maa and HI be poorer yet by the time Seata Claus gets through With my pocketbook. Here's a nickel.

Such a Jelly Time.

The artist and his young wife had just returned from their honeymoon, When a friend dropped in mid found them laughing over something.

AMUSING STORY BY MIZNER

Pick. Up Whet He (eppoud Wcc Young Lady’s Glove, but It .Was I - Her Bathing 8ult« ”- Addlson Mlsner, in an address on menticulture, said in Chicago: "Ours is a frivolous land, but it Is nothing like so frivolous a land as Belgium. I’ll never forget my first visit to the bathing beach at Ostende “On every side I saw young girls in boys' bathing suits—tight, flimsy, onepiece suits, sleeveless and skirtless. These young girls wore no stockings. As they sauntered to and fro on the white and sunlit beach, they looked —I frankly admit it—charming; but what a frivolous view of life, what a neglect of menticulture, their dress indicated." Mr. Mizner smiled. “A young lady, beautifully clad in a Poiret gown," he said, dropped something as she passed me on the Ostend sands. I picked It up and hurried after her. “‘Pardon, mademoiselle,’ I said In my best French, 'but you have dropped your glove.’ “She took the tiny object, and, smiling and blushing, she replied: " 'Mercl, monsieur; but this is not. my glove, it is my bathing suit.’ "

MEAN.

The Ancient Maid—l want a husband who is easily pleased. The Younger Maid —I daresay that is the kind you will get.

The End of the Honeymoon.

It was along toward the waning of the honeymoon that this dialogue took placet “Are you sure that you love me as much as ever?’’ “Perfectly sure." “And you will never, never love anybody else?" “Never, never.” “Is there anything you wouldn’t do to make me happy ?” - . “Nothing within the bounds of reason." “Aha! I thought so! You have begun to reason. The honeymoon is over.”—Plain Dealer.

His Belated Confession.

“Father,” asked the boy, “do you believe there is a cipher in Shakespeare’s plays?" “I didn’t think so when I was a young man,” said the old tragedian, pensively, "but I began to suspect It years ago, and now I knojv it Yes, there’s a cipher In Shakespeare, my boy—and I’m the cipher!”

All His Life.

“You’re a pretty old man to be begging?” skid the lady at the back door. “Yes, ma’am,” said the wanderer. “How long have you been begging?” “I dunno, ma’am.” “You don’t know how long you've been begging?” __ "No, ma’am i; you see, I don’t Just know how old I really am, ma’am!”

The Test.

‘ Silly—Huh! I betyou didn’t have a good time at your birthday party yesterday. Willie—But I did. Billy—Then why ain’t you sick today?

Helping Along.

' Church —It Is said a tea made of the ltaves of the “laughing plant" of Arabia puts the partaker into a hilarious humor for an hour or So. Gotham—l only wish we could get some for our club dinner tomorrow night “Why?" "You’re going to make one of your ftinny speeches, aren’t you?"

The Extreme.

“Old Moneybags was the quintessence of meanness.” - "How woV “He lived for years after he marrietf bis pretty young wife, and to cap the died just as she had supplied herself with a complete imported wardrobe of the newest Parisian *ytai/*„_ .

Explained.

“How do yea explain the peculiar actions of (feat Nfngittef* “There’s e mas fa (fee case" “Bet she’s married." “Two sue."—Judge.

By Way of Contrast

Patron in Restaurant (who has wetted IS minutes for his soup)—Waiter, have you ever been to the tool "f Waiter—No, sir. Patron—Well, you ought to go. You’d enjoy watching the tmtotse wfals past.—Lippincott’s.

The Difficulty.

“Mrs. Bragg thinks that son of hers is the salt of the earth." “I don’t; he’s too fresh."

EARNING CAPACITY OF LAND

Live Stock arid Grain Bring About „ Twice a« Much Now as They Did Ten Years Ago.

(By.S._C MILLER)

Farmers a* well as their financial friends in town are vitally interested in the earhing capacity, of land. ’l’here is more money to be made In farming today than there has been in the past because of permanent high prices for produce and an improvement in transportation facilities. Live stock and grain bring just about twice as much now as they did ten years ago. The certainty that prices will remain high comes from the rapid’ growth of towns and pities. The non-producing, oonsumlng element is Increasing much faster than the class tilling the soil. But what is the earning capacity of . land? A farm of 100 acres can be managed so as to maintain 100 hogs, a dairy of 20 cows, half a dozen brood mares, a large poultry yard, a garden, an orchard and an apiary. An Income of $3,000 on a total expense for wages and family maintenance of $1,600 would be a fair estimate. Allowing SSOO more as interest on the investment, there remains a net profit of SI,OOO. Out of the $1,500 expense fund the farmer who is operating on business principles will allow himself and family SSOO as wages. He must consider that he owes himself as much as he would any other man for a like amount of work, and his wife is entitldfi to her share in cash. This would mean intensive, systematic, business-like fanning, but the figures are conservative, and any intelligent person can attain these results if such a plan is adopted. By going in larger on hogs and poultry the net earnings might he increased considerably and the expenses lessened. A dairy requires a comparatively large area of land. It would pay to still further divert sify by the productions of beans, onions and like crops, for which there always is a good caßh market. It is the single crop which makes the oldfashioned fanner so near a failure. Theoretically a hundred acres of corn or wheat will yield a lot of money, but as a matter of fact this kind of farming will bring a man pretty close to the poorhouse.

What is Silage Worth?

A correspondent of the Ohio Parmer at Dubois, Pa., wants to know what a ton of good corn silage Is worth in the silo. That is a question which frequently arises in farm settlements and on which a great variety of views may .prevail. Some have given silage a very low value, counting merely the cost of growing the crop and putting It up. With a big vdMety of corn and a high tonnage silage can be figured down to quite a low value, but Buch figuring Is manifestly unfair. Silage contains corn in varying amounts, usually around five bushels per ton in good silage, and the price of com should be considered in estimates as to the price of silage. Using this as a basis our friend can rate the value of his Bllage by basing it on the com It contains. In recent years most estimates have been at $2.50 to $3 per ton, but it may be worth more if rich in grain. ~. ‘

Nitro-Fxing Bacteria.

Mr. O. C. Given discussed the nitro-gen-fixing organisms that are not associated with the legumes. We have heard much about the ones that work in connection with clover, peas, etc., giving us cheap nitrogen, but there are groups of bacteria engaged in the same work that are hot associated with legumes, and they are effective agents in supplying the land with nitrogen when the soli is kept rich in humus and does not lack any lime. Moisture and soil aeration are important to these bacteria. In the aggregate, big stores of nitrogen are supplied to the soil by these bacteria, of which relatively little has been said. It is the soil in fine tilth that profits most by these little friends of the farmer.

A Good Peavine.

The whippoorwill peas will need no cultivation, except twice before they come up and the yield of both peas and forage will greatly exceed in protein, a crop of bunch soja beans, the stems of which are woody, like that of the white bean and not much richer in feeding values, while the stalks of tlfe whippoorwill peas are both larger, taller and richer in protein than those of the bunch soja beans and are as digestible as those of medium red clover and much more digestible ahjl much richer In. protein than forage from mammoth clover. As a rejuvenator of wornout soils, nothing equals the whippoorwill cow pea.

Salsify Plant

A most delicious vegetable which is seldom grown In American gardens Is salsify. This plant requires the same culture as the parsnip. The seed should be sown as soon as possible id the spring in deep, rich soil and if desired the roots may be allowed to remain in the ground during the following winter. The roots are just as hardy as parsnips. When cooked and dressed with cream and. butter it ta one of our most delicious vegetables.

Way to Apply Lime.

A vary satisfactory way to apply lime to son ta to distribute the material in pitas two rods apart each way, and then later each pile can he spread with a shovel over an area extending about one rod in all dlrtctions from tba pile- sash pile is spread so as to cover four square rods of area.

BY-PRODUCTS OF THE DAIRY

Manure is Something That Dairyman , Cannot Do Without and ConX tlnue Business Profitably. Any dairyman who does not nse the manure from his stable to keep up the fertility of the soil which produces feed for his > cows will, in no great while, surely come upon disaster. It has been mathematically demonstrated by Prof. H. A. Morgan of the animal industry bureau of the University of Tennessee that manure from dairy cattle is not only one of the great byproducts of the dairy, but the one which the dairyman cannot* do without and continue in business with profit. Why is this so? Simply because crops each year draw from the soil elements of fertility. This is certainly true, for it has been scientifically as well as practically proven thousands and hundreds of thousands of times. If .soil is chemically analyzed It will be shown to contain certain elements known as plant foods. Analyses of the things grown show that they also contain the same constituents. If, therefore, this land is cultivated, year after year, without restoring those fertilizingeelements which these crops contain and have drawn from the soil, and if these constituents are plant , foods, does It not follow that the supply of plant food in the soil is lessened each year and that the consequent ability of the land to produce is also by that much lessened? Is not this the experience of every one and is it not too plain for argument? Now, why is manure put upon land? A plain question plainly to be answered. Simply because it contains certain per cents, of -plant foods which, by its use, are restored to the depleted soil. When and how should it be put upon the land? As soon as possible, because if it is thrown into the barnyard and exposed to the weather, a good part of these plant foods leach out, and this much of manure value is lost, by the land which It is intended to fertilize. It should be spread in fine particles, not in clods.

Lime Requirements.

Dr. William Frear, who probably has made a more thorough study of the limestones of Pennsylvania than any other man, discussed the numerous* effects of lime upon the soil. He stated that the chief use of lime today lb to neutralize sour or acid soils, and this soli acidity Is produced by the consumption of lime by plants, the formation of acid substances in plants, the removal of lime by drainage, and a variety of chemical changes in the soil. He stated that at the Pennsylvania station land under 24 different systems of fertilization had shown the tendency toward soil acidity, and this applied to land which was manured every other year as. well as to land which received commercial fertilisers. He urged that ground limestone should be very fine to ljp immediately effective, and that the more costly hydrated limes should not contain a considerable percentage of air-slaked lime, which is less effective, pound for pound.

Clover.

Even in an alfalfa country it is sometimes desirable to grow some clover both as a change of feed and to lengthen out the hay-cutting season. If clover-is to endure, however, it must not be allowed to go to seed, as its nature is to fall thereafter. The second crop Is often better pastured than to cut the bay as green as must be the case If none of it is to go to seed. A good top cover Is a good thing to protect clover from sudden thaws In winter and early spring, which will leave it out. A good mulch of manure is also a great help and there is no better place to apply manure than on clover. A goodyworking with renovator farrow or disc should do clover as much good as alfalfa.

Stock Cattle and Silage.

Good silage, with alfalfa and clover hay, has been found during ten years’ experienced by Ohio feeder to carry an 800-pound steel through the winter on 40 pounds of Allage and 5 pounds of clover hay, costing 6 cents and 1 cent respectively, with silage at 12.50 and hay at 25 per ton. This is a cost of sl-80 per month and an average Cffpt for winter gain of 4 cents a pound, when gaining 35 to 50 pounds a month. Cattle are In good shape at rise of grass to go on pasture and can he finished for midsummer mfeykets when they are not crowded.

Poultry Raising in Mexico.

Under the direction of the department of Fomento the first practioe school for poultry raising has been .established on the property of Guillermo G. Prteta in Colonla Tscandon, Tacubaya, District Federal. While the school it a private one, a certain number of persons of either sex wtn he admitted ‘ if they have attained the age nt 15 years, are of good moral character, and have finished the primary instruction of the public school. Ten compartments bfere been reserved for persons who are not able to pay anything for instruction.

Good Cabbage.

Bnkhisen Glory cabbage hat-made a remarkable fine showing in the variety test plants'at the Pennsylvania State college, ft has proven a much bettor header than Danish Ball Head, Flat Dutch or Drumhead, and is superior in some relicts to the Volga. The heads are large and solid and the midribß are not so prominent as In Volga. It la worth the trial of aU growers of late cabbage. f

GIVES UP HOME AND HUSBAND FOR ART’S SAKE

Rochelle, N. Y., really marked the parting of the ways. This was admitted by both of the principals. "Artistic temperament,” says Doctor Colburn, is the sole cause of their ences. Mrs. Colburn, who is well known in Chicago’s art colony, has been a regular exhibitor at the Art Institute for years. That her work is really valued by critics was indicated when the Municipal Art-league purchased one of her works. Mrs. Colburn left her home In Chicago nearly two weeks ago. At that time Doctor Colburn was asked whether this meant a separation, and he said that it did not His wife simply was visiting with relatives in New Rochelle, he said. When he was informed that his wife had admitted that she had left him in order that she might devote all her time to her art, however, the physician said that it was true. "It’s purely a case of temperament," said Doctor Colburn. “Mrs. Colburn desired to devote all her time to her art and believed that this was the only means of carrying out her purpose.” In a statement made in New Rochelle Mrs. Colburn not only admitted that she had left her husband, but said that she had consulted a lawyer before leaving for the eaat. Her daughter, Ruth, eighteen years old, who has appeared as the subject of many of her paintings, is with her.'

FORMER CONSUL GENERAL FAVORS TURKS IN WAR

for its grand vizier, or secretary of state, Kiaml Pasha, one of the most consummate and ablest diplomats I have ever known," Doctor Sweeney said. “This man was a Hebrew Who wsb converted to the Mohammedan faith, and he is a wonder. Constantinople Is the university of all diplomacy. Russia, Germany and England have 200 diplomats apiece in that city and thousands of spies. Italy, Franoe and Austria each are represented in the Cresoent city by 160 diplomats. Klami Pasha is head and shoulders above them all in craft He knows America as well as I do and be knows the traits and history of all other nations as well. This man will not be beaten. "Turkey has not begun to fight yet. It will resort to every diplomatic subterfuge first. But when it does begin to fight watch the dust fly, for the Turks are the most desperate fighters in the world. The Turk will resort to anything to win. Turkey is full of Italians, there being 100,000 of this race in Constantinople. The screws will be put on these families. And, even should the Turks put no large army into Tripoli, it would take the Italians years to subdue the/ Arabs who live there.”

Spendthrift Wives.

A Chicago woman brought suit against her husband for failure to support her. It was testified that his income was $291 a month, but even with that he declared she spent money so lavishly that he could not pay her bills. And it seemed that waa the situation, so the judge discharged the husband. There Is not mijch sympathy for a spendthrift wife. It is a great burden to a man .who has one. It is simply beyond all excuse for a woman to spend $3,000 on a $2,000 salary. There is nothing that so takes the starch out of a man as to hava that kind of a wife. It makes a social sneak out of him. mid be goes about with his head down and hit tape in a half acowl. He can not help it The wife can, though, if she cheerfully regulates her wants by the aise of his wages. That la' a sensible and honorable way, and really _ the only way to be happy.—Ohio State Journal. \

Too Much Smith.

Because there are 111 Smiths in Middletown, without ooanting the children, and eight of the number having George as - their Christian name, George B. Smith, a life insurance man, has applied to the courts for permission to change his name to George B. Stanwood. Mr. Smith has come to dislike the name because he thinks that' half of the HI other .Smiths have been receiving his mail, and as he is a business man, he likes to get bis mall as quickly as possible What the other ill Smitha, who are, presumed to be proud of their ancestral name, think about the .matter can only be aurmlsed.—N#w York Bun.

Mrt. BlT*nor Ruth Colburn, known throughout the country for her work as an artist, has chosen her art and “Independence" in preference to her husband, Dr. Joseph B. Colburn, and domestic life. Mrs. Colburn’s recent visit to relatives in New

Italy is in for a long, hard war with small chance of ultimate success in its attempt {o take Tripoli from Turkey, according to Dr. Z. T. Sweeney, formerly consul general to Turkey for the United States. "My reason for this belief is tfibt* Turkey has

BRAVE NURSE WHO HOLDS TWO ARMY COMMISSIONS

armies. She borq a weight of responsibility that has been equaled by few men and acquitted herself with great credit to the service. This woman was Dr. Anita Newcomb McGee, surgeon in the army and head of the Red Cross nurses. Doctor McGee is a daughter of Prof. Simon Newcomb, the late eminent scientist, was thoroughly educated in medicine and had gained renown in her profession before the war broke out When hostilities had developed into a reality and fever and disease were ravaging the rank in Cuba and Florida, the war resolved itself into more of a fight for health than against the Spaniard. There was great need of nurses and of medical attention. It was the enlistment of an army of nurses, its whipping into shape, its right disposition, its commanding, that fell to the lot of Dr. Anita Newcomb McGee, first lieutenant United States army medical corps. Doctor McGee enlisted and commanded chiefly from f Washington, though some time was spent in Cuba. From all over the nation she gathered in women of high rank, of wealth and without it, but always efficient in the care of the sick. Doctor McGee placed her army in the field and fought disease. The battle went on long after peabe bad been’ declared. It followed the army to the Philippines and fought oftener than did the Moro or Negrito. It was with the army before the gates of Peking, still with the same oommanderf All the time the work was well doner There has never been any criticism of this work, which is more than can be said of certain man-commanded phases of these campaigns. The woman who moved them as pawns about the map of the world showed generalship of the highest order, comparable with that of any of the men in the service. She has many medals testifying to the regard in which she la held. The honors which Doctor McGee won at home were no less than those she won in the far east, where she went with her corps of trained nurses during the Russo-Japanese war.

DOMINGO MERRY DEL VAL, WHO SELLS WARSHIPS

ropean builders of battleships - and guns and recently he disposed of two submarless to the Chilean government, which is building up a modern navy. Merry Del Val recently sailed for Italy where he attended the golden wedding of his parents, after which he returned to Santiago, where he carries on a mercantile .business.

Keep the Machine in Repair.

Think for a moment A man who would no more run his motor oar on deflated tires or with sand in the gear box than he would use sulphuric acid for motive power, will keep going right on in his business when the tread of his own physical mechanism Is flattening out, and the gearbox of bis mind is filling with the wrong kind of grit. The impatient optimism that shakes off a vague oppression with the assurance, “I’ll be all right tomorrow,” has w as much to do with lengthening out the list of bankrupts as any other one thing I can mention. You can’t correct a bad condition by persisting in the things that cause it. You will only make It worse. You can easily enough, if you ; are obstinate enough, make it so much worse that It will “be the death of you,” or anyway, put ydh out of business.-—No-tional Food Magazine.

Liyas on Honey and Water.

Eighty ounces of honey and plenty of clear water have formed the diet on which A. Thommen, a farmer near Auburn, CaL, has lived for forty days, and he says he will stick to this diet for some-time to oome, as he is gaining weight He has suffered no Inconvenience from iris fast since the first few days, but ha says he feels better than in many years. A few days ago he was in the city and carried a sapk weighing 140 pounds to his wagon. Thommen, during his fast, hai only partakes es water and two ounces of honey- a day. He undertook his fast because of stomach trouble.

Persistent Jack.

... *Tve. had a dozen propoaata already this season.” “Gracious! jGood onear^^

There is an American woman who was commiasioned in the United States array during the Spanish - American war and later in the army during tbs war witn Russia. She is the only woman who ever had a commission in either of these

’ Domingo Merry Del Val, brother of Cardinal Merry Del Val, the papal secretary of state, deals in as heavy a line of goods perhaps, as any commercial man in the world. He sells warships and cannon. For the past ten years he has been in Chile in the interests principally of Eu-