Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 January 1912 — Page 3 Advertisements Column 3 [ADVERTISEMENT]

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■ A STRONG DRAM. , An o!d we/" v who w 8 - in tire habit j jf eafllEg e ch‘evet’.’ng r„i the village Inn for a “drap o’ the beet” found the landlord one nip t-putting a shine on th e taps. After a tew remarks about the weather be receive*! his nightly dram ■ - y> After he had gone the landlprd discovered to bis horror t cl he bad supplied Dcr.e d with a half gill cut of the bottle of sulphuric acid wiiiqa he Lad been using for cleaning. the taps, fcivery moment re expected to hear of old Dona’tTs dea h, and his relief waa. groat when the old worthy arrived next evening. "Donald, what did you think o’ that wfcnsky ye got last night?” warming dram, but it had wan fault. , Every time I c augled it set fire ro my whir* kc s. THE GIRL’B HANDICAP. In be. pretty nev frock g’ster Mabel felt quite proud as s' e sn: on the front stop and watched some boys p’aying oq the sidewalk. After a time one little boy came to talk t 0 her and to admire, in his rough little way, her brigh-t, shiny shoes and pinl: sash. “See my nice square-cut waist,” exclaimed t'.e girlie, ‘and my nice cork-! beads! • Don’t you wish you wu« a girl?” “No, sir-ee,” replied the boy: “1 wouldn't want to be any girl at ail, be. cause lookie how much more neck you has to waih.” DRIVING IT HOME. Mrs. Gorkins—l couldn’t see that the -story Mr, .Throggins told you at the party waafeo awfully funny. Yet vou spoke- of it-%« a “regular rib tickler.” Mr. Dorkins—So it w?s vrrria. so it was. Didtrt you no ice that when he came to what evented to be the point he nudged me in the ribs? SUDDEN CHANGE. Little Edgar (aged five)— Uncle John, did yon to be a little boy like me? /'■' tingle Jofcn—Yes Edgar. Litle Edgar —Didn’t you feel awfully queer for a few days after you got to be a map?” IN A HOLE. Burrow—Can you help oe out, old chap? lam in a bole again. Baxter—-Say! What -ts. e dickens are you, anyway, a man or a woodchuck? The Right Case. Teacher—Sammy in the sentence “I have a book,” what is the case of the pronoun I? Sammy (promptly) Nominative case. Teacher—Next boy, tell me in what case to put tbe noun “book.” Next Boy (thoughtfully)—Bookcase. -Tit-Bits. Peaceful. “Are you troubled much around here by the race problem?” asked the man who was seeing Kentucky. “Well, no, suh, Ah can’t say that ww ah,” replied Colonel Peppereoa. “Why, sub, as a mattuh of fact we’ve only *»M three lynehin’ heab the last foh months.”—Chicago Reoord-Heraid. Bad Influence. Mrs. Nexdore—Why won’t you let your Willie play baseball with the other boys? > Mrs. Greene —A part of the game, I unders.and, is stealing... basee. and I’m afrajd it might have a bad influence.— Boston Transcript- - — Buying or Selling. Rube—Where’s yer boy naow? Josh—He's in New York, N Rube—Which side's be on by this time? ' ' . ...r Josh— What d’yer mean? Rube—is he sellin’ gold bricks a’ready or buyin’ ’em yet?—Toledo Blade. What She Was. “Kitty,” her mother rebukingly, “you must sit still when jrbn are at the table.” —*• “1 can’t, mamma,” protested the little girl. ,i’m a fldgetarian.”—Chicago Tribune. Lecture Coarse Date«." f: Jan, 24.—John Eberly Co., concert Feb. 26.—-Langdon, Impersonator. March 22.—Beulah Buck Co., ladies’ quartette. Feb. 6.—H. V. Adams, lecture. Itching piles provoke profanity, but profanity won’t cure them. Doan’s Ointment cures itching, bleeding or piles after years of suffering. At any drug store.