Evening Republican, Volume 16, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 January 1912 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 5 [ADVERTISEMENT]

£ ROUGH ON TH« ARTIST Chutes* are t: e '*Rlay Still Be Walt Ing on the Farmer. *WeIT” said Farmer Briggs to th« artist, “how much will ’ee paint my bam With me standing at the dooi for?” “Oh, five guineas,” said the artist "Done,” said the farmer. “Come tomorrow.” rT*££Ti hi due course the painting was fin istfed. But, alas! the careless artisl ■quite forgot to paint in the worthy tanner on the picture of his farm. "Ye-;; I like it,” said> the farmer; “but where's me, lad—where’s me?’ The error he had made flashed across the artist, but he tried to pass is off with a joice.'v;---‘"Oh,” he said “you’ve gone inside to get my five guineas.” “Oh, have I?” said the nfettled old fellow; "p'r’aps I’ll be cornin’ out soon, and if I d£\v I’ll pay you: in the meantime we’ll hang it up and wait.” —The Bystander. A Disclaimer. Rat-a-tat-tat! _ The old soldier stood on the doorstep and listened. “Washing-day,” he muttered; “no ! luck here, that’s pretty sure.” V ‘l expect it’s only another bothering beggar—drat ’em!” muttered the sharp-faced woman within, as she hastily snatched her hands from the steaming wasljtub and marched grimly forward to meet the base disturber of washing-day’s ancient rite 3 and ceremonies. “If ye please, mum,’ muttered • the ancient hero, “I’ve lost my leg——' “Well, I ain’t .got it!” snapped the woman fiercely. And the door closed with an awful bang.—Answers. *. TO HIM. #§ iiiifiwwwinif uni : 'liijl || ' ; B |'| He —What can W© worse than taking a kiss without asking for it? She (absently)—Asking for a kiss without taking it.

Knew the Answer. A class was reciting in school the other day. “Who can give me,” said the teacher, “a sentence in which the words ‘bitter end’ are used?” Up jumped a little girl excitedly. “I can, teacher. ‘The cat ran under the bureau, and the dog ran after her and bit her end.’ ” —Tit-Bits. But She Didn’t Know. “Really—er”—stammered the gossip who had been caught red handed, “I'm afraid you overheard what I said about you. Perhaps—er—l was a bit too severe-— —” “Oh, uo,” replied the other woman, “you weren’t so severe a. 3 you would have betn if you knew what T think it yoti!”~Jugend. Not What He Thought. .. A gentleman riding with an Irishman oame within sight of an old gallows, and. to -display his wit, said: “Pat, do you see that?” “To he sure Oi do," replied Pat. “And where would you be today if the gallows bad its due?” “Di d be riding alone, ’’ repiied^Pgt: The Difference. The famous Dr. Johnson was discovered one day by "Mrs*. Johnson, kissing one of her serving maids. “Why, .Dr. Johnson,” said the wife, “I am surprised.” “No,” said the recreant husband, “that is not exactly right, dear. I am surprised; you are astonished!” A Reasonable Query. “Papa!” little Johnny began. "Now- what do ypu want?” asked his suffering father, With the emphasis lt nAHr » ■ ' “\VIU, my hair fall off when it’s ripe like yours?”—Tit-Bits. ■ c ■ . ■ ■■■ ■ i i'i - i Limited Opportunities, First Tramp—pne-third of a man’s life is spent in sleep. :■ Second Tramp—And another third in jail, and what time does that leave a feller for the practice of hi 6 profession ’—Exchange "T - ’

n Genevieve Guessed It. • 7 Algernon—You must not think, dearest, that because you are rich and I am poor I am trying to marry you on account of your money. Genevieve —Whose are you afterpa's? ' The New Organ: “How many stops has that organ you bought your daughter?”. “Five—breakfast, dinner, tea, slipper and bed!”—Jndy. Used to Trouble. Proud Parent —If you - call in the evening yon will probably hear my daughter Binging. —• Friend- Oh, I shan’t mind that. Ym ought to hear the fellow down, our way practicing on the cornet It la ■imply awful.”—Answers.