Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 307, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 December 1911 — Page 3

A HOPELESS UNDERSTANDING. The old soldier lores to tell about his wartime experiences and especially about his service as a band leader in the army. . “I remember when we were traveling the toll turnpike from York to< Columbia, Pa., back in '62," he said, "through the long covered' bridge that spanned the Susquehanna, Jake Baumgartner was our bass drummer, and Jake was surely a character."* “When we reached the entrance to the bridge Jake, who was beating time, suddenly stopped and yelled out ‘Schtop de march!* : “ ‘What’s up, Jake?’ I asked him. “Pointing to the far end of the long bridge which looked like a small, round patch of light Jake exclaimed in despair: “*I aind’t neffer going to be able t’ get dls beeg dram tru dot schmall bole!”’ \

Presumption Rebuked.

Samuel Rogers, the versatile wit banker and poet used to gather at his 'famous breakfasts the most brilliant minds in Great Britain or among visiting strangers. One of the most frequent guests was Douglas Jerrold. famous as dramatist satirist and one of the “fixed” stars of Punch. His impromptus and retorts were as brilliant and sudden as lightning. On. a certain occasion a recent poem of Victor Hugo’B was under discussion, and a fledgling poet, who was a scion of a noble house, drawled: “I have Just written a poem on the same subject. Hugo and I row in the same boat you know.” , A “Yes, yes,” adluerrold, with a witherlhg- sneer, “but not with the sgme sculls.* » v-. v .

Sayings of Famous Men.

Colley Clober: “Tell the man I’m busy; I’m \writing Shakespeare’s Plays.” \ ' Dickens: “I suppose I ought to kill Pecksniff in thv chapter, hut it wouldn’t be fair tot the alehouse keepers.” >' \ Daniel Zlifoe: "ifVthey'll read ’Robinson Crusoe’ they’ll\flnd out where the Beautiful Isle of Nowhere is/myHenry , James: "Doil’t bother me, please; It am writing thq hypothetical answer Ao the hypothetical question.” Schopenhauer: “The \only difference between Socrates ana me is that I have* to be my own Platox”^

THEN HE SAID GOODNIGHT.

/ Mr. Bore —Be sure to tell m s when > you want me to go. Miss Blunt—lt’s an hour too 1 ate for that

Cut Off In His Prime.

‘Tm almost there I’m going he me!’ ’Twas his expiring word But the umpire called the strike/ out— And the poor man died on third.

In His Mind.

The man who was getting off the elevated railway train at J Adams street napped on a foot teat was occupying too much space on (the floor In the middle of the aisle. I "i’or half a cent," howled /the owner of the foot, Td knock yffur block Off.you—” | “Here It Is,” said the mAn. taking a cent from his pocket and /tendering it to him. “You can Vkeep the change.” j /“You interrupted me, sir»” snapped the other. **l was going 4 o add that' for half a cent mare I’d (knock your block on again. Yon m:ky consider both operations perform>#d. and be hanged to you!” J “Step lively!” vociferated the guard, and the incident dosed, i

Absent-Minded Record.

,l)uluth is the home of/ a woman who, /a the line of absent-nJlndedness, has 'the whole world beat<Jn to a finish. She la absent-minded f trom the time she Wakes up untfTthle moment she goes to sleep. “Emily." a friend aJked her on one occasion, “how old your mother when she died?” I > “I don't know,” rer/Hed Emily sweet ly. “You know she «led long before 1 was born.”—Populaw Magazine.

A Better Basis.

“You have captsured one of oar generals,” said tMe South American /fcommanderA I “Yes,” said the (leader of the insurgents. “we bove-T "We will excbapge two colonels tor ■him.” ;.. IC,/-.; ■- ; “Mn.” [ “Then two col/mels and a captain.” “Nothing datoM- You can have him. however, for f «*• of condensed mDh,” 1 \) : . - .

SMILES

FOR SALE ONLY. Dr. Harvey W. Wiley, the government’s fond expert, was talking about a notor* as case of food adulteration. “Tbv morals of these people!" he said. “It is incredible. But I know a little boy who will grow up and Join them at soine day. “I was walking one morning in a meadow when I saw thlß little boy gathering mushrooms. “ ‘Have you had good luck?* 1 asked. “ ‘Fair,’ he answered, showing me his basket “But I gave a cry of alarm. "*Why, my. lad,* I said, ‘those are toadstools you’ve got They’re poison, deadly poison.’ £ “He tipped me a reassuring wink. “*Oh, they ain’t for eatin’, air,’ be said; ‘they’re for sale.*’’

Old Fogey—ln my young days yohttg men were more respectful to old age. Young Flipp—Maybe in those days the old guys were different from what they are now.

There’s fine sense and coarse sense. Each good in Its way; But the man who has horse sdnse Knows when/to say neigh.

The automobilist had stopped at the bumble cottage for a drink. On the .table lay a penciled sketch. The stranger looked at it with interest “Why, that’s quite good,” he said. "Our sou drew It.”- the woman told him. “Indeed! It eertalnly shows promise. The little fellow should be encouraged. -I’d like to talk with him. Where is he? At school?" “No, sir. He’s in New York.” . "In New York?” “Yes, sir. He’s been a magazine Ulustrator for ten years.”

“At the banquet last night Sniggsley talked for an hour and three-quarters.” “Heavens! How did he ever find enough' to say to keep him going that long?” “He didn’t say much, as a matter of fact, but his wife wasn’t there, so I suppose he thought he would be wasting an opportunity if he failed to talk until he was physically exhausted.”

"Papa, what do the papers mean when they talk about anybody being scooped?” “To be scooped, Willie, is to miss getting an Important item of news, or to hear of it after everybody else has known all about it" “I see; our Janitor is always scooped when the weather turns cold. Isn’t he, papa?”

. Gerald—Kissing is unhealthy. Geraldine—Don’t you think it’s nice to be comfortably sick?

He heart his daughter would elope . Although the plot eras deep. He didn’t mind, but lived In hope. That sort of wedding's cheap.

“Why did you’select Charles instead of Georgs?” asked Maude. “Well.” replied Maynrie. “George said I had eyes like violets, cheeks like wild roses. sbell-Ilke ears'and lips like cherries.” “Very pretty.” “Yes. But Charles said I bad eyes like diamonds, teeth like pearls sad Bps like rabies. It seems to ms that hla Ideas were much more practical.”

THEN AND NOW.

Good Sense.

The Unexpected.

Making Most of a Good Chance.

Always a Victim.

HE TOOK THE HINT.

Saving Money.

Intrinsic Values.

There is no end to the variety in shapes and styles designed for children this season. Taking their cue from the liking for bonnets Bhown by grown-ups, designers have copied nearly all the Shapes, modifying them more or less so little folks. This branch of millinery—millinery for children —has shown a wonderful development in th 4 past three years. This is the result of specializing, on the part'of designers and tridimers, who showed a marked talent for making children’s bats. The bonnet shown, made of alternating folds of beaver cloth and plaid velvet,' is modeled on the Dutch cap, with the crown extended. It is distinctly childish. The ribbon' ties and bow at the side are of plaid, corre-

DEFECT OF MODERN SOCIETY

3o Great the Expenditure for Clothes That Little Is Left to Be Em* ■ ' ployed Elsewhere. The cost of dress, the absurd lengths to which expenditure goes on luxurious and sumptuous clothing, is now pushed, to such an extreme' that a woman’s fortune, like that of a savage beauty, may often be seen on her person, and there is no margin left for entertaining, for all that makes social intercourse delightful. Three years ago it was said by a senator’s -wife that only the very rich could now give dinner parties.at ail, and that for modest fortunes entertaining in any form, except the mild dissipation of afternoon tea and cakes, was out of the question. What, it may be asked, is the use of all this amazing expenditure on finery, if the furs and trinkets, the hats and robes are not to he exhibited on festive occasions to friends and admirers? A woman may be dressed to perfection from head to foot, hut if no one is to see it,'and sociability goes by the board in the effort to be beautiful, to what end has she made all this effort? The matter is grotesque, and why her men folk do not put a stop to it is food for wonder. You might as well, if you were a child, hive a doll which Is attired in such costly and sumptuous fashion that you can never take it out of its cupboard, nor afford to ask your little friends to tea to look at it. ’There is no doubt that in France, where the love of dress originates, and where our woman first fall a victim to this fever for clothes, they worship to the point of absurdity the well-dressed woman.

Tidy Blouses.

Blouses made of thin fabrics often look untidy and unfinished at the back, owing to the difficulty in concealing the sewing on of the hooks or buttons. A neat way to do this is to stitch on a small box plait after the hooks have been sewed on, or the sewing which shows through can be covered over with lace, a band of embroidery or any suitable trimming. When It'ls the placket hole that is hanging loosely, and, in the case of a fragile fabric, it seems.likely to tear, sew a hook and eye as far down each side as. possible and press the hook together to keep it from coming unfastened. This will hold the ends of the placket hole together .and prevent any chance of their dragging and tear-

Dye Hat Roses Artistically.

Faded artificial flowers are well worth wearing If made to look like new by the following plan: Buy a packet of one of the many cheap dyes In the desired shade. Prepare it and teat It with white muslin to be sure it Is' tbe right shade, and then, after brushing and shaking the flowers free from duat. dip the beads Into the dye. lift out and rinse In cold water. Then, if they are flowers with centers of a deeper shade, such as rosea, mis a small quantity of the dye in a thicker consistency, so that It la a few shades darker, and paint the middle petals only very lightly with a paint brash dipped In this, after the first .coating has dried. 4 The stalks and leavss should be painted all over with gum.

Pretty Bonnets

sponding to the velvet, and the dm sign is bright and attractive. This little bonnet is comfortable, protecting the head from cold and has the additional virtue of being inexpensive. A little Napoleon shape made of plain velvet is faced with shirred chiffon at the front and trimmed with a rosette of this soft material placed at each side of the crown. The brim droops at the back over the hair. This is a beautiful and comfortable model upon which It would be hard to improve in any way. It is more’ dressy than the bonnet of plaid and cloth and may be worn with or without ties of chiffon. An elastic band fastens it to the head in either case.

JULIA BOTTOMLEY.

BOOTS TO MATCH THE GOWN

Costume and Footgear Must Be of the Bame Material—Shoes for Dancing. “How much do I require for a pair of hoots?” is the question which the smart woman may have to ask next time she ih buying material for a new frock. _> ’ / A representative was informed at a leading house the other day that the latest fashion from Paris decrees that costume and footgear must be made of the same material. Tl}UB a striped tweed will necessitate a pair of boots of the same tweed,' and a blue serge will be worn with blue serge boots. The representative was told that it was usual to have the entire boot made of the dress material, but it was permissibly to have the fashion carried out only in the uppers. “The boots are very comfortable to wear,” it was stated, “and they make the feet look much smaller, as no prominence is given them when they are clothed in the same material as the skirt. “In the matter of house and even-’ lng shoes the rule is not stringent. Patent shoes are being worn a good deal, and so are satin laced-trimmed shoes. “Gilt and silver kid shoes will he very popular for dancing.”—Chicago Inter Ocean.

CHARMING PARTY FROCK

Of orchid mauve ebarmeuse. The corsage is of gold meshed laoe, caught in by a swathing of pansy velvet

Gunmetal for Mourning.

G unmetal chain bags are being featured for mourning use, and they solve nicely the problem of What to select as a Christmas gift for one wbe la dressing in black.

TALES of GOTHAM AND OTHER CITIES

Broadway b Routed by a ‘Monster*

NEW York.—No sign remained in the Broadway theater district the next morning following the scenes that were enacted there one night when r a maddened beast charged up and down, spreading terror and consternation, causing handsomely gowned women to faint and strong; men to leave, their cocktails untouched and flee for safety. That lion with the burning tail that broke loose during the Coney Island Are last spring was a tame affair in comparison with the Broadway monster. The beast is described in the police blotter as a small fox terrier, but It is evident that the police were anxious to minimise the seriousness of the panic. Hnndreds of the witnesses will testify that the animal was at least eight feet tall. Its foaming mouth and wicked fangs were too terrible for description. v The beast was seen first at Broadway and Forty-second street. With a blood-curdling “Bow, wow!” it rushed up to a beautiful woman and planted Its paws on her skirt. Her companion rushed to her assistance and fearlessly planted a kick in the mon-

Brother and Sister Meet After Years

BALTIMORE. —Separated for more than a half century, but united through the efforts of a brother and sister, who live across the ocean, William Wilson of Island Point, VL, and his sister, Mrs. Catherine Wallace of this city, are spending a few days together at Mrs. Wallace’s home In northeast Baltimore. , It was In 1860 that Mr. Wilson, Just then arrived at the age of manhood, left his home In County Tyrone, Ireland, to tempt his luck in America. His little sister Catherine bade him good-by. Mr. Wilson went to Massachusetts and afterward took np farming in Vermont His sister followed him across the Atlantic seven years afterward and made her home In Philadelphia. In the meantime she had been corresponding with her brother. Mr. Wilson moved* and though Mrs. Wallace was given his new address she lost it. That was 36 years ago, and in all the intervening years no word passed between the two. In the meantime Mr. Wilson was prospering and was becoming a man of influence in his community. By thrift and industry he managed to make his way in the wforld and become the possessor of a

Electric Street Makes ’em All Dance

CHICAGO.— -A man ir a raglan overcoat and carrying a grip came along Clark street the other evening. His bat was pulled down over his brow to shield his face from the drizzling rain, and be seemed in a great hurry. Suddenly he stopped ifi front of No. 224 with a scared look on his face. Then he began to dance. The proprietor of the place at 224 rushed out, protesting. v . < “Here,” he said, "you can’t do that. You’ll ruin my business.” He seized the dancer by the shoulders. "You’ll have to —” he began, but the words died on bis lips and gave way to the same scared look of the first man. He started dancing, too. A crowd gathered. Some of them began to Jeer. A street urchin poshed

Man Aged 75 Returns to Pioneer Life

ELDORADO, KAN.—Not many men! are pioneers at the age ot seventy- j five. This Kansas town presents one ; who is Just as active and as anxious i to penetrate desert aad jyngie ad were any men who located In the west fifty years ago. He is William 1. Joseph. . ■(< . . . *#»> ,• ‘ This interesting Kansan was bora in Morgantown, W. Va., came to Kansas forty years ago and located a homestead out near PotwlU; ln Butler county. He and his , wife passed through all the hardships of the frontier, rearing a family of two sops and one daughter. Aa Mr. Joseph pros; pered. he bought land until he was owner of thousands of acre#.. Fifteen years ago Mrs. Joseph died and then the old pioneer spirit began to assert Itself In this successful stockman and farmer. * ■ *■' Ignoring his age, he sold some of his Interests and, with his only daughter. Alice, started for Africa, having heard ot xhe possibilities of the land /there Arriving Jo Salisbury, Rho-

star’s ribs. “KL»*yU” screamed the wild thing, as- ft tore off down Broadway. At Fortieth street, two boys, with the foolbardiifess of youth, tried to seize the anjmal by its stubby tall. The beast turned them and bayed horribly. Scores of witnesses say that both boys were bitten, but the unimaginative police deny this. On to Thirty-ninth street, scattering pedestrians right find left, raced the great dog, if dog inded it was. At the corner It rubbed its horrid bead against a freshly creased pair of trousers and emitted,a whin* that was even more terrifying than its hark. The owner of the troupers sprinted through Thirty-ninth street, uttering cries of fear, and the beast raced madly after him. At Thirty-nlpth street and Sixth! avenue stands the Hotel Mumm. The* trousers disappeared through the portal of the case and the panning animal bounded after them. The case immediately was thrown into the wildest confusion. The cigar case and many chain and tables were overturned, and the patrons of the place rushed for the ■‘exits.: -Mad dog!” they cried as they dashed into the street. Even the police, were forced to admit then that the situation called for. desperate measures. Patrolmen Her Namara and Dobbins drew their revolvers. Dobbins shot straight and true,! and the monster keeled over in th* gutter. , r .

300-acre farm, one of the finest in hlaf section of the state. { Mr. Wilson traveled'extensively in this country f ahd in many placesi sought of hie relatives the whereabouts of his sister, hut all in vain. A: short time ago he celebrated his 1 seventy-second birthday, and then., feeling that age was at last coming! on apace, he determined to make ai final effort to see' the sister from; whom he had been separated for &Xi years. Mr. Wilson wrote to bis Mother in England, Isaac Wilson, seventy-six years old, who in turn wrote to his, sister, Mrs. Martha Busby, who was; still living on the old homestead ini the north of Ireland. Through her iti was learned that- Mrs. Wallace waa living in this city, and this inform a-; tion was sent to liar, Wilson. A few; weeks ago he came to Baltimore.

a companion toward the dancers. He slid across the wet sidewalk and; clutched the dancers’ legs. Then h» also began to dance. ■ “That’s enough o’ that,” shouted a policeman, arriving, as usual, a Utile late. "Move on tkeife” he went on,, pushing roughly toward the dancers.' And then he, too, began to dance. _ There were four dancing now, and finally one of the four was crowded! into the gutter. It was.tiie small boy. "Say,” he yelled, “thpy’s. electricityin that sidewalk. Then!-fellers is getting a shock.” H| By this time the first dancer had: been crowded off the Curb. “That’s the trouble,” he said; “pull those other two men out •of * there, wiU you?” The other dancers were palled! off the walk. An investigation was started. Ai short circuited are lamp and a wet sidewalk had united to electrify a strip of pavement about six fleet square. Every person who touched It got a Jolt of the power intended ror the arc. It held its victims like sticky fly paper. And then the? danced.

desia, which is 300 mties fnland and a; Portuguese possession, Mr. Josephs looked around and soon; bad bought! 25,004 acres of land at 50 cents am acre. Tbe? lived undetr r' the same, conditions which provoiMl In early Kansas days. After spending a few*months there! Mr. Joseph and his daughfir returned; to their home in Butler,#flhty. But the wanderlust still was nq| satisfied,! so a year ago he gathered up all hla family and they ihade the second trip, the old pioneer loading the way to! the promised land. H»la thno the party stayed during the summer, and when they came home brought a Kats fir boy with them. .