Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 298, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 December 1911 — Good Jokes [ARTICLE]

Good Jokes

Hl3 BIT OF EMPIRE. It Is a well known fact that some Englishmen are more inclined to talk about the Empire’s fringe, of which they are ignorant, rather than about its heart, which they possibly know something of. A housewife whose husband was addicted this way turned his thoughts into more homely channels by her ready wit. One Saturday evening he came home late smelling strongly of tobacco, and very red in the face. “Ob.” he said. “I’ve had a fine time. I’ve been to an .Empire meeting. It was grand?* " Then he frowned and said, impatiently:—’ “What’s the matter With supper? Ain’t it ready yet?” His wife, who was peeling potatoes and bolding a squalling boy, rose and extended the baby to him. rf"Here,"she said; “take hold of your bit of the Empire while I fry these chips.”

How It Is Done. “Rollo,” said the eminent statesman. speaking / rather severely to his private secretary. “Rollo, it has been rather more than a week now since 1 have said something really brilliant Are you aware of that?” “Y-y-yessir." stammered the hireling. “I'll give you three days more.” continued the statesman, assuming bis well-known attitude in which the right hand is thrust into the front of the shirt, as though to bring forth an important document or to scratch a hidden chigger bite —” and if 1 haven’t uttered something exceedingly intellectual or startihgly new by that time, I shall have to employ a new press agent.”

Not Consoling. One of the boys had brqken one of the school rules'and no one would own up. . •. •' The-teacher announced that he would thrash the whole class If some one did not tell him who had committed the offense. All were silent, and he began with the first boy. and thrashed every one in the class until finally he reached the last one. Then he said: “Now, if yon will tell me who did this 1 won’t thrash yon.” "Ail right, sir. I did It,” was the reply.—ldeas.