Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 287, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 December 1911 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

Death snaps the whip tor th* circus ■ it Isroally too tad that the 'paper* don’t print any baseball news th see Beware of cold storage Thanksgiving turkey. Pick the feathers off The Kansas lodge who wants to abolish lore at first sight should ad- . ’ verttoe • Football accidents are few this year P much to the chagrin of our professional reformers. Will the chauffeurs please have the aeroplanes within, easy caJUot the Chinese Imperial family? *-•• - Joliet has seen a hoopsklrt But wait until a rush hour crowd In an elevated train encounters one. We presume that the heiress who married an acrobat will now proceed to twist him around her fingers. The man who routed a highwayman with a box of bonbons probably will not be asked to give a testimonial. A.New..Xork..ma»..Llad-hia..wtf»..to.,a. telephone pole the other day and she didn’t like it because it isn’t the style. Tennyson Dickens, who says that Boston girls’ ankles are too beefy, strikes as as being an observing old ’feller. Devotees of bridge whist indignantly deny that it Is a gambling game. What is it. then? A sure thing? "A man is middle aged at ninety,” avers Lord Strathcona. Think of aU the Infants that Dr. Osler wanted to —. A southern surgeon says that railroad wrecks make drug victims ot the Injured. Even that is a shade better than being killed.

New York, according to a trade paper. la oversupplied with safety deposit vaults. Not If the burglary reporta are considered. Happy Is the man who laid his over- * coat away where he could put his hands on It and where the moths were unable to find It The hilarious gentleman In Texas who ate a mirror evidently labored under the impression that tt was casting reflections on him. The Massachusetts youth who tried to get married on a hunting license made a grievous mistake. He should have had a fighting license. The Improvement of aviation will undoubtedly be a boon to deer hunters. Think of the fun to be had in shooting a guide on the wing! The theory that American women burn up money is strengthened by the news that a New York damosel Is being sued for a cigarette bill. Dr. Eliot says a classical education helps a man to solve every problem of life. For Instance will It help him to button a No. 15 collar op a No. 16 shirt? , „ „ Hobble skirts are worse than beer, ways an Atlantic City preacher. Still, it might be well to have affidavits from those who saw him make the tests. A woman has a right to scold her husband, according to a Missouri judge if she didn't have the right she would benevolently assimilate IL The New York man who lost » breach of promise suit against a di vorcee would have stood a bettei chance had the Jury been composed ol women. Spreading abroad the news of a |sb fine for a reckless chauffeur should help to develop the bump of caution on the cranium of' the ‘automobile owner. A New Jersey lawyer advertises for a stenographer "who will promise never to marry.” It is always best to obtain wifely assistance in the preparation of advertisements for stenographers. It is up to the authorities of Reno to establish a censorship of the mails. It has lost a lady member of Its divorce colony because she received a letter Informing her that her husband had fallen heir to a million dollars. ——— — Young as he is. the Chinese emperor may soon have to begin looking for another lob • * 7x**- ■ ■ A New York sneak thief stole a bridegroom's best pair of trousers, and as we go to press nobody has produced « meaner man than that same War reports from China tell us that the bodies of the slain were plied In great heaps A war correspondent can do terrible execution with bis