Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 284, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 December 1911 — Latest in science Emotion Machines [ARTICLE]

Latest in science Emotion Machines

MoMfetts 1 Bette They Will Be Valuable In .’M - ‘ Engagements. ISEE by the papers. Belle, that some p’tessor’s discovered there ain’t a star in the heavens that’s not full o’ people makin’ guesses as to whether or not the earth is inhabited. I do»T know exac’ly how he' found it out, but science Is like Monday hash, you’vt got to swallow It on faith. t ; Don’t think for a minute, though Belle, that science ain’t all it's cracked up to be. It gave us wireless telegraphy, and it gave us the hookworm, and if on’y we live long enougi> itT prob'ly teach us the secret of perpetual youth. One German doctor with his name entirely surrounded bj Ph D.’s, A. B ’s, R. 8. V. P.'s and th< rest of the fanfly, took an afternooi off a few weeks ago to watch a ra die in a bottle, and then wrote to th< newspapers and told ’em he’d seen iti soul fllttin* up to wherever souls flit News like that is cheerin’, to say th< least. Belle, for if rats can get bj maybe the future ain’t quite as blacl for us as suma cf mfnljitors lfk» io paint it.

J The things that int’rest me most though, are the machines for testin tho emotions. All you’ve got to do ii just take hold o’ the handles and thinl cf a certain thing and a real good sci enlist can tell exac’ly how you fee about it. When they get it patentee and put it on sale in the drug stores Belle, -broken-off engagements ough’ to be thihgp o’ the past. - - Just tblnko’thehelp -it -would giw a girl that’s undecided whether to Im a sister to a man or let him sticl around for good. She could arrange the emotion machine right under hi? usual seat on the sofa, turn it or when he sat down and begin to fine out whether he really loves her or not The way the scientist figures it out what you say has nothin’ to do witi what the emotion machine registers; it’s what you feel that goes down or the little ticker.

"Don’t you think my mother is tht nicest woman in the world?” she’d say for that’s a very important question Belle —how a man feels about hit fiancee’s parents. It must be awful embarrassin’ to marry a man and then find out he don’t approve o? youi choice of a mother and father.

"Oh, yes!” he’ll teU her. “If I wasn't so much in love with you and your mother wasn’t already married, I don’t know but what—oh, yes, you’ve got the real thing in mothers!" But when he’d gone she’d take a peek under the sofa at the ejnotiou machine and find out that the spot on the ticker representin’ the mother talk was all the way dow’n to zero and strugglin' to eat through the {taper and - hide! If you see the first advertisements of emotion machines before I do, Belle, let me know, will you? I want t<> buy one.