Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 283, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 December 1911 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 3 [ADVERTISEMENT]

At the Dinner Table. - “Our splendid cook left today and I had to take her place,” said Mrs. Staggers. “I hope I shall be successful in imitating her.” ; . “I certainly hope you will be successful in following in her footsteps.” suggestively remarked old man Staggers as he chewed on a crisp-boiled potato. - ’ Really Kind. Mother Xtelling the history’ oi our first parents)-—And Eve ate of the fruit, and sh’e gave some tc Adam. .. C-,. - Dolly—Ob, mamma! How kind of her! - - ' A Hard One. Wife Yon promised that if I would marry you my every wish would be gratified. Husband—Well, isn’t it? Wise —No; I wish I hadn’t .married you. . . ■’./7

V*» NO WORK THEftK. /The Doctor-four huabandlooks m though he were overworked. Mrs. Wise-Im possible. He holds * nautical office. s . ' It was IB school • The children v ere studying the stationer's table: Twenty-four sheets, one quire. Twenty quires, one ream. The teacher asked, “Who can tell what a stationer is?" Two little boy raised thedr hands. “John?*’ Said tM teacher. “A stationer Is a man who keeps a station." said John, conOdently. “Frank, tell me what you think.’’ ‘ “I think a stationer is a hotelkeep- > er," he declared confidently. “Why do you think so, Frank? asked die teacher curiously. “Because I don’t know .anyone elee who would have twenty-four sheets.** < * t-.. »r.a» a'r» Llmpy Bill—l hsfl'to spHt, up twice as much wood as usual afore th’ old lady would grmnje a hand-out. Biin*y Bob—What’s th cause of It, * SUrU.hr,: 1 spose. - Hhtftebokftr C to ift'uslcians) J —“No; I sha’nt give you anything. ' You play all out of tune." Cornet .confidentially} “Well, I’ll tell you ’ow It is. sir. There’s some of ess as a grudge against others, sad does it o’ purpose-" - , N ■ . n . ... . I \ < -Butler—“Lady Gray and the new « cook are waiting below ktgirs, ma- ■ Mrs. Froet—“Show tjtf cook UP’ first, Jorkfns. Lady Gray can wait, ■ but the cook wpn’t.’HUfe IgAghfU bgrber sentenced to death) —If you 'have a laht* request, the court will be glad to grant IL Barber I should like to shavo | “Therms a man at the back ■‘Hoprors! rfhe after my diamonds? “No, maAsam Heonly wants to hohaata pan of gtaelenr," J 3